by Emma Nichols
“Not there.” I flattened my palm against my ribs. “Here.”
He swallowed deep, his throat bobbing. “Do you have a picture?”
Always the gentleman, James Irving. Not ten minutes ago, I’d inadvertently revealed I wouldn’t mind seeing him without clothes on, but when given a chance to share the sentiment, he’d backed off.
A part of me was disappointed. I hadn’t had many sexual partners, but I wasn’t a nun either. I enjoyed sex when I had an emotional connection with a man, and I’d never had one stronger than I did with James. Even now I could feel it pulsing between us. Even separated for a decade, I was drawn to him in a way that defied explanation. Even if it was only for tonight, I wanted to fall asleep in his arms again. I wanted the memory of him moving over me and within me to cling to for the next ten years.
I shook my head. “Sorry, I don’t.”
He nodded and turned his head to look out over the dance floor for a few long seconds. Eventually, he brought his head back around and said, “So, Hope. What have you been up to these last nine years?”
How did I even begin to answer that question? Suddenly, I realized just how big a divide existed between us. How silly it had been to think we’d lock eyes and everything would go back to the way it’d been when we were seventeen years old. As much as I’d wished we could fall back into our old roles, I had to accept that wasn’t going to happen. We were virtual strangers, and if I wanted this man back in my life in any capacity, we had to start from scratch. It might turn out that we’d go our separate ways again, but if that happened, I wanted James to know what—who—he was walking away from.
“Well, I graduated from Ohio State.”
“Three and half years, right?” He arranged his big body to get more comfortable as we caught up on each other’s lives.
I smiled. “Yeah. I thought that first summer would kill me, but I got all my requirements out of the way which meant I could graduate early.”
“Did you stay in Ohio, or go somewhere else?”
“Stayed in Ohio. I live outside Cleveland now.”
He scrubbed his hand over his jaw. “Cleveland, hu? I was there once.”
“Oh yeah?”
He nodded and looked away. “Yeah, for work.”
“You’re out of the Navy then?”
He nodded. “A couple of years now.”
“I wondered if you’d stay in for the long haul.” We’d never talked about it directly, but early on I’d gotten the impression James had found something in the Navy he’d been missing in his life. It was how I’d known we’d eventually grow apart. Stability hadn’t been his dad’s strong suit, and I’d felt the stringent rules and regulations had somehow anchored him in a way nothing ever had before—including our friendship.
“Me too,” he said, his eyes turning thoughtful. “But my friend Warsaw went to work for this company called McClintock Security, and he made it sound like the best damn job in the world—all the fun things I loved about being a SEAL, minus the bureaucracy—so I followed him over there.”
“Wait, you’re a SEAL?” How had I not known that?
“Yeah. After boot camp, I went to BUD/S. That’s kind of why I went MIA. Well, one reason, anyway.”
“What were the others?” I blurted. I’d always wondered if I’d said something to scare him away. I’d loved being at Ohio State, and I hadn’t ever hidden that from him. I hadn’t thought I needed to, but once we’d lost touch with one another, I’d wondered if he’d been upset with me for some reason.
“Honestly?” he asked, almost like he hoped I’d say no.
“Yes, please. You ghosted me, James. One day you were my best friend and the next you were just gone.” I didn’t care that I sounded needy because I was needy. I needed to know why he’d forgotten all about me. “Sometimes I’d pull out your letters just to make sure I hadn’t imagined it all.”
His shoulders slumped. “That right there. I didn’t want you pulling out my letters. I knew I couldn’t be what you needed. I wanted one of us to be happy at least, and since it wasn’t going to be me, I needed you to move on. Hopefully meet someone and fall in love with him. Have the family you always wanted.” His eyes dropped to my left hand and my ring finger. My bare finger.
I laughed, but there wasn’t any joy in it. “Yeah, that didn’t happen.” The truth was, I’d gotten close. Sort of. I’d been dating a nice guy I’d met at the coffee shop down the street from my apartment for over a year when he asked me to move in with him. I’d said yes because I felt like I needed to take that next step if I ever wanted to get over James, but the day before the moving van showed up, I had a panic attack that landed me in the ER. We broke up a few weeks later. I never let it get that far again. I didn’t want to risk it.
“No one?” he asked, swallowing deep again.
I shook my head. “No one that ever made me feel like you.” My eyes darted to his hand, and I let out a small sigh of relief when I saw he wasn’t wearing a ring. “You’re not married, either.”
He shook his head. “No. I could say it was my job, but that’d be a lie. There are plenty of good women who marry SEALs, but I never met anyone either. No one like you.”
A weighty silence descended, and I could practically hear my heart thumping out of my chest. I raised my eyes to his and took a deep breath. I didn’t know if I’d ever see this man again, and I didn’t want to waste any more time on what-ifs. I wasn’t that shy, timid girl I’d been before. Now, no matter how badly it scared me, I reached out and took hold of what I wanted—and I wanted James Irving. If I couldn’t have him forever, I’d take tonight.
“James?”
“Yeah, Hope?”
“Do you have a room here at the hotel?”
He threw back the rest of his drink and nodded, hooded eyes locked on mine.
“I don’t suppose you want to see my tattoo?”
“More than anything.”
6
Hope
The door closed behind me, and I turned to see James leaning against it, his palms pressed flat against the flat paneled wood as if he was anchoring himself there.
“What are you doing all the way over there?”
“I don’t trust myself to come any closer.”
“Why is that?” I asked, my head tilted to the side to study him. He looked like a man on the edge, the corded tendons in his neck stretched taut.
“Because the second I lay my hands on you, I won’t want to stop.”
“And that’s a problem because?”
“Because I haven’t seen you naked in almost ten years, and I’m a different man than I was back then.”
That sounded ominous. And if I were being honest, a little bit thrilling too.
We’d both been virgins the first time we were together, and there had been a lot of fumbling around under the covers until we’d figured things out. By the time James had left for boot camp, we’d gotten better at it, but we still lacked finesse. He’d been so worried about hurting me, and I’d been preoccupied with making sure my body didn’t disgust him. He’d assured me—over and over—that I was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, but when you grew up hearing how women were evil, and our bodies were the downfall of men, that shit stuck with you. It was amazing I’d let him see me naked at all. It wasn’t the sex itself that had made the moment so special; it had been the act of giving myself to a boy I’d loved—and vice versa.
Now, a thrill ran down my spine. I couldn’t wait to find out what James had learned about pleasure in the intervening years. I couldn’t wait for him to show me how he liked it.
“What kind of man are you, James?”
“The kind who doesn’t take things slow. The kind who likes it hard and fast.” His voice rasped. “I’m not gentle and sweet, Hope.”
“No? You don’t like sweet anymore?” I teased. He’d always told me how sweet and good I was, how I was the sweetest damn girl he’d ever clapped eyes on.
“I’m serious. I’m n
ot the kid you remember. I haven’t made love to a woman since … since you.” His voice broke, and he looked away.
His words flayed me. Opened me up and stripped me bare. It had been the same for me. In ten long years, I’d never found what we had shared for three short days. Because none of the men I’d been with were James. And now, I wanted this James. I wanted the boy and the man.
“What if I told you I didn’t want it slow? What if I said I wanted you to take me as hard and as fast as you need?” My pulse sped up, and my breathing with it. Just saying the words out loud turned me on. “What if I admitted that I’ve never loved anyone else either? What would you say then?”
He pushed off the door, and in a few quick strides, was in front of me. Fast as a cobra striking, he had one arm banded around my waist and the other locked around my upper back. His big hands spanned the width of my neck, and his fingers lovingly cradled my skull. His thumb passed back and forth over the tattoo of an anatomically correct heart located at my nape, the one he didn’t know was dedicated to him.
He leaned down and nipped at my lips. “When did you become such a temptress?” He kissed a trail to my jaw, down my neck, and to my shoulder, bare to him but for the thin strap holding my dress up. “When did you become so bold?”
I craned my neck to give him better access, hoping he remembered where I like to be kissed, where I wanted his lips and teeth and tongue. I shivered when he licked path over my pulse. Oh yeah, he remembered. “Only with you. Always for you.”
“Fucking right,” he growled, as he backed us up toward the bed. The back of my knees hit the mattress, and he eased me down onto the comforter. “You’re all mine,” he said, sliding his hand up my calf toward my thigh, dragging the fabric of my dress with it. “Nobody’s but mine.”
Just hearing him claim me like that did things to me. Dark, luscious things. It was like everything in the world clicked into place, and the knowledge that I truly was his went straight to my core. I felt drunk on it. How had I gone nearly a decade without feeling his hands on me? This, right here, the feeling of completeness washing over me, was what I’d been searching for my whole adult life. His body pressing mine down into the mattress was what I needed more than I’d ever needed anything else before. “Yes, I’m yours. All yours.”
James pushed up on his forearms and stared down at me, heat and concern mixing in his lustful gaze. “If we do this, Hope, there’s no going back to how things were before. I won’t walk away from you again; I won’t let you walk away from me.”
My eyes flicked between his, reading the sincerity of his words. Everything he’d just said was what I’d dreamed of—longed for—but how did we turn this dream into our reality? I eased out from under him and rested back on my elbows. “What does that mean?”
He rolled away from me to sit on the edge of the bed, his arms resting on his knees and his forehead supported in his palms. His back rose and fell with a few deep, labored breaths, and then he dropped his hands to his knees. He turned and speared me with a deliberate gaze. “If we do this, if you let me make love to it, that’s it. You’re mine. End of story.”
I knew it was crazy. You didn’t fall back in love with someone only a couple of hours after becoming reacquainted with them. Unless, of course, you’d never fallen out of love with them in the first place. And I knew now, I’d never stopped loving this man. And against all odds, it appeared he’d never stopped loving me either.
“I’ve always been yours, James.”
He shook his head and twisted to face me, his left leg bent at the knee while his right foot was braced against the rug. “Before you say that, you should know what you’re signing up for.”
I opened my mouth to speak—to tell him that nothing mattered but being with him—when he held up a hand to stay my comment. “No, hear me out.”
I nodded my acquiesce.
“My job is dangerous, and it often puts me in precarious positions. I get paid a shit ton of money to do what I do, but if we take this step together, you have to understand that there may come a time when I might not come home.”
All at once I understood what James was saying. What he hadn’t said ten years ago. He hadn’t let things go further because he couldn’t be sure what his future held, and he hadn’t wanted to risk me having to bury him should he have died in war. And a part of me had agreed with him, even if I’d never acknowledged the sentiment. But now, there was nothing anyone could say, nothing anyone could do, to get me to walk away from this man. I’d spent a decade without him, and I didn’t want to spend another second that way. We’d simply have to take it one day at a time—one new job at a time—until we were old and gray, and he wasn’t in harm’s way anymore.
“Then I’ll just have to love you harder during the time we have together. But you should know something too, James. I’m not the timid little girl you left behind. I’m strong now, stronger than you could ever know, and I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything else in my life. I’ve always wanted you.”
He nodded once, brisk and efficient. “How tied to Cleveland are you?”
“What, why?”
He crawled toward me like a panther stalking its prey until he hovered just above me, his lips a hair’s breadth apart from mine. “If we do this, there’s no going back. If I claim you now, I’m claiming you forever.”
My heart galloped in my chest, and my breath came in quick, shallow gasps. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
He eased me down until I lay flat on my back. Gently, he eased the strap of my dress down over my shoulder until it caught on my elbow, before doing the same with the other side. When my breasts were bared to him, he stared at them for several long seconds, his pupils dilating and bleeding to black. Our breaths syncopated, our chests rising and falling in unison. Eventually, he dragged his eyes up to mine. And what I saw in them held me arrested.
It was like the sun was shining on my face after a cold, long winter. Like for the first time in over ten years, someone looked at me and knew me, deep down into my soul.
But then, it had always been that way between us. James had always been the only person who knew me, almost better than I knew myself.
“If I make love to you, Hope, that’s it. I’m marrying you.”
I sucked in a breath. I’d never expected to hear those words drip from his lips, but I couldn’t deny I didn’t love them. Still, I couldn’t let the moment pass without a little sass.
“Is that your idea or proposal, James Irving?”
He looked down at me and then traced the line of my cheek with the pad of his finger. “How about this? Will you marry me Hope Ann Johnson, and stand by my side for the rest of our lives? Will you do what we should’ve done back ten years ago when I left?”
This is ludicrous, the prudent and careful part of my brain that had been protecting me for so many years cautioned. Who marries a man they haven’t spoken to in nine years, much less seen in ten?
Who indeed.
Apparently, I did.
After all, it was a question I’d wished he’d asked when we were both eighteen. I couldn’t say what the intervening years would have held—whether or not our love back then would have been strong enough to survive his time in the military—but I was sad that we’d never get a chance to find out. But I was also thrilled to know that our story wasn’t over. Not by a long shot. We had the rest of our lives to make up for all the time we’d lost. And it started with a simple yes.
I nodded my head as tears filled my eyes. When they spilled over down the side of my face, I took a deep breath and said the word. “Yes, I’ll marry you James Matthew Irving.”
His lips crashed down on mine, and he kissed me like a man who’d been holding this kiss back his whole life. He wrapped me in his arms like he never wanted to let me go.
And I did the same.
And as he stripped the clothes from my body, he told me all the ways he’d missed me. And when he entered me in one long, fluid stroke,
my back arching up off the bed with a moan, he promised to love me forever.
When I came calling his name, I promised to do the same.
Want to meet the sexy alphas who work alongside James at McClintock Security? Pick up your copy of ASHES TO ASHES today.
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He was the mistake she never forgot. Now her life depends on him.
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Country music darling Rae Griffin is back. She's conquered her addictions, and she's ready for her comeback tour. But when a series of death threats begins to unravel her plans, Rae's team calls in the big guns for her protection. There's just one catch: her brand-new bodyguard turns out to be the one-night stand she never forgot—no matter how hard she tried.
Rae can fight it all she wants, but she's drawn to Ash Devereaux even more than she was at her darkest. But Ash has demons of his own, and she's tumbling into love with a man who can never love her back. Rae knows she should walk away before it's too late, but she's hooked—and Ash is the sweetest addiction she's ever known.
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About the Author
USA TODAY bestselling author Rebecca Norinne writes steamy contemporary romance featuring strong, determined heroines and sexy, dominant heroes with guaranteed happily-ever-afters.
When not writing, Rebecca can be found watching rugby, drinking craft beer, or traveling the globe in search of inspiration for her next story. Originally from California, she currently resides in Dublin, Ireland, with her husband.
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Links:
Web: http://www.rebeccanorinne.com