by Emma Nichols
Thoughts my wife wouldn’t approve of.
Then again, maybe she would.
After all, she’d given me permission to chase old fantasies. Ones I’d thought were out of my grasp and lost forever. It was something I hadn’t expected when I’d approached her with my plan, but I wasn’t going to second guess her agreement and give her a chance to change her mind. Whatever happened next might change everything.
My proposal had been simple enough really. One weekend. Forty-eight hours where I could put all responsibilities and obligations aside. Where ancient history was all that mattered. And where she couldn’t complain about anything I did. I could put my life on hold, and be free to attempt to seduce the one person I’d wanted since high school.
It had left me with one last chance to reconnect with Maddison and I was going to take it with both hands.
Maddison. The woman who’d finished at the registration desk and was headed in my direction.
My stomach twisted at the thought of approaching her. It was junior year all over again. Only this time, I didn’t have my friends egging me on to ask her out.
“Why if it isn’t Zachary Whitlam. Fancy meeting you here.” Despite her words, her tone held no surprise. She’d known I was going to be there, just as I’d known she was. I’d ensured it while trying to put my crazy plan into action. A plan that had included emailing her with a few key details.
“Maddy.” I stepped forward and kissed her cheek. She stiffened in my hold and dropped her gaze as my lips brushed against her skin. Sensing how uncomfortable I was making her, I dropped my arms and stepped away. “Lovely to see you again.”
“You too, Zach.” She glanced over her shoulder towards the registration desk before turning back to me. She closed her eyes rather than meeting my gaze again though. “See you on the deck?”
“See you there.” My breath was ragged and shallow as I anticipated the things I might say to Maddison to win her over.
I walked up to Mrs. Williams and registered for the weekend. Even as I spoke to her, I was anxious to be finished to reignite the spark between my girl and me. I’d felt it burning my lips in the brief moments we’d connected, and I wanted to see how bright it might grow with a little more attention.
After I’d signed in, I remembered my wedding band was still on my finger. It was something that Maddison wouldn’t want to see, particularly because of the agreements we had come to. I slid it off, ignoring the clamminess of my palms as I did.
It wasn’t long before I was checked in and able to head to the deck as well. My mouth was parched, and my heart pounded in my chest, so my first action was to grab a drink. After a large gulp to steady my growing nerves, I slid next to Maddison to admire the view from the deck of the Leaning Pine. My hand felt decidedly naked without my wedding ring on it. It was the first time I’d taken it off in five years.
“Can you believe it’s been ten years since graduation already?” I asked as I moved close enough to her that our shoulders grazed each other. The tiny contact was enough to make my breath stutter again. More than enough to make me want to twist her into my arms and hold her close to me.
“It’s crazy to think, isn’t it?” She took a sip of her drink—a piña colada if I had to guess.
Her drink selection would’ve made me laugh if I hadn’t had all the humor zapped out of me by my nerves. “So much has changed since then,” I said.
“Yeah,” she said without volume as she stared out over the mountain view. With another sigh, she twisted toward me ever so slightly. Her gaze trailed over my chest, and I stood a little straighter under her assessment. “And some things have stayed the same.” She brushed her hand over my shoulder. “You’re still as attractive as you ever were.”
I preened with the attention. Maybe the whole seduction was going to be easier than I’d hoped.
“And just as arrogant,” she added.
Shaking myself to my senses, I realized I should say something in reply. Or do anything besides stand there with a dumbass expression on my face after she’d said something so nice—before her added insult at least. I twisted to face her and captured a loose strand of her hair between my fingers. “And you’re at least as beautiful.”
Her cheeks flushed as she dropped her gaze. “You did always have a way with words. That’s how you got me to fall in love with you back in school.”
I laughed. “That was so long ago. God, I was so cheesy back then. Can you remember all those songs I used to write for you?”
“I don’t think you were cheesy at all. I liked it. You could say you sang your way into my heart.”
I took another sip of liquid courage. This was the weekend to lay it all on the line. Win or lose, at least I’d know for sure there was nothing left between us. “I hate to admit it, but your heart wasn’t exactly what I was aiming for back then.”
“Oh yeah?” She raised a brow at me. “Then what was your aim?”
“I was always aiming a little lower.” I moved closer, so I could whisper against the shell of her ear. “Like your pussy.”
She blushed again. “Well, it worked there too.” After a moment, she sighed. “That was so long ago, wasn’t it?”
My expression fell. “Yeah, so much has changed since then.”
“Zach! Maddy! Fancy seeing you two here!” Jamie, one of my former bandmates, sidled up between us and slapped me on the back. “It’s been too long. I haven’t seen either of you since the band broke up.”
“Yeah. It’s been a few years,” I said.
“Good old Lyn’s Wood.” He chuckled before taking a swig of his beer. “Man, those were the days. We had some fun, didn’t we?”
“I guess so. You seem happy in Farewell Coalition though.” I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice. It wasn’t Jamie’s fault that the band he joined after ours broke up had seen moderate levels of success or that he had managed to secure the life I’d always dreamed of.
“Yeah. It’s good. It’s not the same though, man. You’ve gotta know that.”
I sighed. “Yeah. Sorry, we didn’t keep in touch more. You know how it is with college and everything.”
“Yeah.”
I wanted to tell him to go away so I could give Maddison all of my attention, but I owed him more than that. He’d been there for me through everything once upon a time.
“Anyway!” He shook himself out of the thoughtful trance that had overtaken him. “Why don’t you tell me everything? I heard you got married?”
I sighed and glanced away from Maddison. This was the part of the evening I’d assumed would be inevitable but that I’d been dreading. The time when people would ask about family and my life. I hadn’t wanted to talk about it all, especially not in front of Maddison. What could I say? I was a loser who’d left his band to follow a career, only to end up in a job that barely paid the mortgage. A father who never got to see his children and was nothing but a disappointment to their mother.
Everyone at the reunion wanted to be the one whom everyone else looked at with envious eyes. I had wanted that too.
Instead, I was going to be the cautionary tale.
The one they would all be glad to be doing better than. No one knew the worst of it either. To assess her reaction as I spoke, my gaze locked with Maddison’s when I said, “Yeah. About five years ago now.”
“Me too.” Maddison joined in the conversation. Her expression turned pensive as she said the words.
Perhaps my little game would be over before it even started. If that happened, my weekend pass would go to waste.
“So, you’re off the market?” I asked around the lump in my throat.
“I guess so. At least for now.”
“That’s a damn shame,” I said as one part of her statement kept playing over in my head, “For now.” Could it mean what I thought it did? My stomach twisted at the thought. Would yet another man be able to touch her, to hold her in his arms, to lave kisses over her creamy skin? As soon as I’d had the thought, imag
es of my fingertips trailing over her body, my lips pressing against her skin, and my heart beating in time with hers replaced them. I was tempted to ignore everything and live in that fantasy.
“He’s right,” Jamie said, drawing my attention with his jocular tone as he grinned at her. “That is a damn shame. Every single one of us used to be so jealous that Whitty was the one who got to take you to the woods.”
I smacked his chest to shut him up. I didn’t need a reminder of his fantasies about her while my own were flashing through my mind.
Maddison blushed again and took a long draw on her drink. The image of her cheeks hollowing as she sucked hard made my cock stand at attention. Memories of the times we’d spent together in the woods burned in my head.
“We all wanted a turn,” Jamie continued before I cut him off with a growl.
“I was such a lucky bastard,” I said, turning my full attention onto Maddison. “I’m sure your husband would think so too.”
She shook her head. “I’m not so sure. Things have been a little . . . rough over the last year or so. Ever since the twins were born.” She turned away from Jamie and me, staring out over the view. Her chin dropped to her chest. “Even before that, if I’m being totally honest with myself.”
I wanted to push her and ask her for more details. To discover all the things I didn’t know and learn everything in her head—the good and the bad. Every little detail that had led her to this place—to our agreement.
My stomach flipped at the thought she’d been so unhappy. Could life have been different for her if we’d stayed on another path? Could I have done something differently and avoided her pain? And my own?
“Oh shit! There’s Macca.” Jamie slapped me on the back again. “I’m going to go say hi and see what he’s been up to. Chat soon.”
“Sure thing,” I said, more interested in Maddison than Macca anyway. “We’ll catch up later.”
Once Jamie had moved on, I slid closer to her again.
“I hope I didn’t upset you talking about my husband in front of Jamie,” she said.
I shook my head. “Of course not. He was interested in knowing what you’ve been doing since school. After all, life moves on, doesn’t it? And we have to move with it.”
Maddison’s expression dropped.
“Things change.” I lifted my hand and brushed my finger over her cheek, wiping away a tear that had fallen. When she didn’t react other than to sigh again, I added, “People change.”
“The question is do they change enough?” she asked, without turning back to me.
A silence fell between us, and I dropped my hand back to my side. I needed to turn things around. Somehow. I leaned against the barrier, staring out at the woods the same way Maddison did. “I have to admit I am a little surprised at how much nostalgia I’m feeling. More than I expected.”
She shivered despite the warmth in the air. “Regrets?”
I shook my head. “Not really. I can’t say I regret what happened after we graduated despite where things are now. Of course, I wonder how different things might have been if certain things had gone a different way.” My gaze trailed over her features as I spoke. “If life had been easier.” If I hadn’t been a failure.
“Like if the band had actually made it?”
I chuckled. It wasn’t quite where my head had gone, but it was a reasonable guess. “Exactly. Would I have gone on the road rather than to college?”
“Would I have gone with you, chasing you around like a love-sick groupie?”
“I could see that.” I grinned at her. “You were always more interested in my guitar than me.”
“That’s not true,” she said, nudging my shoulder. “I liked your voice too.”
“Charming. Now, why don’t you tell me about this husband of yours? Things are tough, I get that, but do you still love him?”
She chewed the inside of her cheek and focused everywhere but on me. “That’s . . . hard to answer.”
“Okay, let’s ask an easier one. Does he have a fantastic singing voice?”
She scoffed. “He does. Only, I don’t hear it enough. I haven’t heard him sing once since the birth of our first child.” Her shoulders slumped as she spoke to her drink rather than me. “I’ve barely even heard him laugh. I haven’t felt much amusement either.”
“That’s a damn shame.” I trailed my fingers over the back of her hand. “A woman like you deserves to be serenaded all the time.”
Her gaze focused on the soft touch before lifting to meet mine. “Is that right?”
“Absolutely.”
“So, does that mean you serenade your wife?”
I took a deep breath to stop the butterflies that raced around inside my stomach. “Not often enough.”
“Why not?”
“Life. Kids. Work. It all gets a bit busy at times.” Plus, I’m a loser who doesn’t deserve a woman like her.
She nodded. “Yeah. I know exactly what you mean. Add in a post-natal depression diagnosis, and it makes things hard.”
I frowned at her confession. I’d never imagined her as the sort to be depressed. She’d always seemed so carefree even through the worst times we’d shared. “This might be a bit forward, and I hope you don’t mind, but I just want to put this out there and let the cards fall where they may.”
She stared at me, waiting for me to finish my thought even though I was sure she knew where I was going.
“It’s the reason I emailed you and suggested we meet this weekend.”
One of her brows quirked upward, and she gripped the railing of the balcony with one hand. “And what is that?”
“You meant so much to me back when we were in school and . . . well . . . “ Despite all of my planning, I couldn’t find the words I needed to say. “My wife she knows that too.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. At least, I’m pretty sure I made it clear to her. I told her a number of times over the years at least, so I hope she understands.” I moved closer to Maddison, brushing my fingers over the back of her hand in a tender caress. “So she’s given me permission for this weekend.”
She shifted her hand out from under mine, cutting off my gentle touch. “Permission for what, exactly?”
“Permission for anything that happens.” I shifted the hand that had traced her skin so that I could trail my fingertips up the length of her neck, trailing over the area that I knew from experience would drive her crazy.
Her eyes fluttered shut. “Anything?” She was breathless as she asked the question.
“No limits.” My mouth trailed behind my fingers, breathing warmth over her skin.
“And why would any wife agree to something that reckless.” Her voice lowered as her breath caught on the last word.
“Maybe because she knows I’ve never been able to get you out of my head?”
She pushed me away and opened her eyes. “That hardly seems like a reason.”
“Then maybe it’s because she knows that our future together rests on what happens this weekend. That you and I need to see whether what we have is just a past or whether there’s something in our future too.”
“Sounds like she’s putting a lot on the line. This weekend could end your marriage.”
My throat closed tight, threatening to stop my breath as I moved closer to Maddison. “I know. But that’s a risk I had to take.” For you, I added in my head.
She pushed my chest to put distance between us. “And you’re telling me this because?”
I slipped a key card for the hotel into her hand. “Spend the night with me?”
She pulled away and locked gazes with me. “Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
“You haven’t even asked if I’m interested.”
Her words struck hard until I understood one thing. “You’re still talking to me, so I figured you must be.”
She chuckled and shook her head. “You never did waste any time, did you?”
I brushed my hand ov
er her cheek. I needed to keep touching her, in whatever way I could. “We’ve already lost enough time, don’t you think?”
With another sigh, Maddison turned away from me—facing inward toward the rest of the room. “You haven’t even asked whether my husband would be okay with this.”
“If he let you come to this reunion alone, he’s an idiot and deserves whatever is coming to him.”
“You really think so?”
“I really do. You said things weren’t going great. Maybe that’s because he’s an idiot.”
“Are you really calling the man I married an idiot?”
“From where I’m standing, he is.”
She stared at her shoes for a beat. “Maybe you’re right, but that doesn’t mean anything does it?”
Instead of answering her question, I had one of my own—one that would either further things or stop them dead in their tracks. “If we’ve established that you’re married to an idiot, does that mean you’re going to consider my offer?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s what you want too, isn’t it?”
Her jaw flexed. “I . . . don’t know. I agreed to listen to your crazy schemes this weekend. I never said I was going to go along with them.”
Technically, she was right. I’d just been so excited about her agreement I hadn’t considered the consequences of the finer details.
“Let me think about it.” She slid the keycard into her purse despite her apparent reservations about what I wanted. “While I go talk to Connie.”
When I first heard about the reunion, I’d looked forward to catching up with all of my old friends. But I’d spent so long planning my seduction of Maddison that I didn’t want to talk to anyone else now. I just wanted to convince her to go back to my hotel room so I could spend the whole night making love to her. My gaze followed her path away from me.
If we only had the weekend, I wanted to make the most of it.
After she’d walked off to talk to one of her old girlfriends, I moved to Macca and Jamie. Despite standing with them, my entire focus was on Maddison.
“You’ve still got it bad for her, don’t you?” Macca asked when he caught the direction of my stare.