by Adam Moon
The first creature he saw looked like a cross between a goat and a giraffe. Its eyes were obsidian black and it spat at them.
Then it did something that made Jack’s brain do a somersault. It said, “Fuck off,” but not in a goaty kind of voice. It had a perfect English gentleman’s accent.
The Doc grabbed him by the shoulder and said, “Don’t worry about him, that’s all he can say. He just spits and says ‘fuck off’ all day long. Let me know if you need to take a mental health break at any point. It can be overwhelming down here the first time.”
Jack barely heard what the Doctor had said. He kept staring back at that goatraffe as he was led away.
They stopped in front of a glassed in cage that was woven through with wire mesh. Inside were about a hundred green and yellow bats. But the strange colors weren’t what struck Jack as odd; each bat had wheels, four wheels each, two at the end of the wings and two more on the hind legs.
When they swooped low enough they’d skate along on their wheels for a bit and then take off again. One bat in particular just flapped right in front of the glass and Jack could swear he heard it make a revving sound as the wheels spun out.
The Doctor asked, “What do you suppose the symbolism is here?”
Jack couldn’t help but laugh idiotically as he said “They’re Bat-mobiles.”
“Huh, we never considered looking at it that way. Maybe you’ll be useful after all.”
The next cage was iron barred and held a white tiger that had a blow-hole on its back like a dolphin. The blow-hole bubbled with what looked like blood. It erupted once, splattering goop all over the corrugated steel suspended above it, obviously installed as a blood shield.
Jack was mesmerized and horrified at once.
The Doctor had to physically move him to the next cage. This cage was empty but the Doctor stood there for a few seconds so Jack leaned against it figuring they were taking a break.
The Doctor grabbed him and pulled him away from the cage just as something else from inside the bars grabbed him too.
Jack felt a pressure on the back of his hand before the invisible force released him.
The Doctor said, “We don’t know what it is but it’s invisible and it does really weird things. We were lucky to even capture it.”
Jack looked at the back of his hand and the Doc leaned in too. There was a pink heart stamped onto his skin with the word ‘love’ inked within.
The Doctor just shrugged and said, “You’re lucky that’s all it did. Usually it plays mean pranks. It wrote ‘die nigger’ across my forehead with something painfully sharp before I learned to keep my distance. I had to wear a hat for a while to cover the scratch marks. It picked up a tech and dangled her upside down by the ankle about a month ago. She said it felt like it was punching her in her crotch the whole time. When she went to the bathroom to assess the damage she said all her pubic hair was gone except a patch that spelled out ‘dickhead’. I don’t know what any of it means and now I’m even more curious since it seems to have taken a shine to you.”
The Doc was enjoying the tour; clearly the man needed more friends.
The next row of cages around the backside of the first row was just as strangely inhabited.
One had a werewolf that made Jack say fuck a whole bunch of times.
The Doc reached his hand inside and ruffled the enormous beasts pelt. “Believe it or not, this one’s pretty docile. This next one’s a bitch though.”
The cage next door had something that looked exactly like an extraterrestrial alien inside.
Jack said, “I fuckin knew it. All this shit was created by a marooned alien super race?”
“No Jack. The truth is far stranger than that.”
The alien hissed its fanged mouth and a scream issued from it that sent the Doctor careening off the floor clutching his ears.
It didn’t affect Jack quite the same way. There was something haunting in its scream.
Jack picked the Doc up and the alien’s screaming ceased.
Its reptilian eyes flashed angrily at the Doctor momentarily but when they settled on Jack he almost imagined he could commune with the thing. Its eyes became softer, soulful, when it looked at him.
“I forgot to tell you to put some ear plugs in, sorry buddy.” He waved a hand at an earplug dispenser attached to the outside of the cage. “They don’t help much but they’ll help you keep your feet.”
He paused and looked Jack up and down just then realizing that Jack hadn’t hit the deck like he was supposed to.
“Maybe you don’t need them after all.”
He shrugged and moved on.
“If you’re anything like me you’ll like this next one.”
Inside the next cage was a roiling, sweaty mass of naked women. The sensuality of it caused a momentary twitch in Jack’s pants.
The Doctor said, “It took me three weeks before I could look in here without getting turgid and faint.”
Jack understood exactly what he was talking about. There must have been eight or nine beautiful women inside, naked and oily and breathing heavily. They weren’t penetrating one another, no, nothing so base, they were just moving against each other.
“I almost fired an assistant after I found him in there with all his clothes off. The women ignored the poor bastard no matter how hard he tried to get involved. They only have eyes for each other, those girls.”
The Doctor moved to the next cage but Jack couldn’t take his eyes off the erotic display. It had been a long time since the last time he’d seen a woman in the nude. And Samantha was a cold fish compared to these hot blooded babes.
He reluctantly peeled his eyes away and followed the Doc.
He immediately regretted it.
He watched in horror as a giant toad ate a tiny scaled down version of a human. The human was androgynous, naked, and about a foot tall. The toad was the size of a Volkswagen beetle. It snapped the mini person with its tongue from five feet away and whipped it into its gaping maw. Instead of swallowing the little fella the toad chomped greedily. After it had mashed it to a pulp it finally swallowed.
Jack turned his head away but the Doc said, “Look.”
Jack turned in time to see the toad shit out another androgynous humanoid just like the one it had eaten, maybe the same one Jack thought. The little person plopped to the ground with a wet thud, got to its little feet, staggered around for a bit and finally settled down on its naked butt against the bars of the cage.
“It just keeps eating them and crapping them back out whole. It’s the damnedest thing.”
Jack didn’t know what to say to that. What an understatement.
“We think it might even be the same guy each time but we put a rubber band around its little wrist and waited to see if the toad would shit one out with the rubber band but no such luck. Maybe one day…”
There were a couple pedestrian animals in the next couple of cages. A hyena followed by a pot bellied pig.
The Doctor stopped and said in a serious tone, “Now I want you to brace yourself for what you are about to see next.
Jack shrugged with manufactured nonchalance. “Can’t be any worse than what you’ve shown me already.”
He knew deep down that that wasn’t true.
“When I met you yesterday, I had to try and hide my shock at seeing you. This is the reason why.”
What Jack saw in that next cage took the breath from his lungs and almost sent him running. Inside the cage, wearing clothes last worn by him about a week ago was Jack Mayberry.
Jack stared at himself through the bars. The Jack on the other side smiled a little but otherwise remained unmoved by the unexpected meeting.
“How’s this possible.”
A calmer Jack might have postulated about cloning or a long lost twin or simple trickery like a weird reflective surface, a carnie funhouse mirror but more sophisticated - but Jack was not calm.
His vision was swimming as though through a rolling wave of heat, everything shimmering a
nd undulating. His right hand kept opening and closing reflexively and his heart felt like a bag of crickets.
The Doctor said, “We’ll get to that tomorrow at 1400 ok Jack. It must be more than mere coincidence that you are here now and this copy of your body behind these bars is a pretty good indication of that. Had I known you existed in the real world I would have sought you out much sooner and for different reasons than the ones you were brought in for. But how could I know? It’s fortuitous to say the least and not a little unnerving. Let’s call it a day unless you have any questions.”
Jack stared at the Doctor and said, “Are you nuts, of course I have questions, millions of questions I never in my wildest dreams thought I might need to ask. Like, where did you buy your werewolf or why do you keep my clone in a cage or how come the little dude doesn’t just slip through the bars to get away from the toad? Those are just off the top of my head you understand.”
The Doctor raised his brow and looked around as though he was dealing with a nut-job and he was embarrassed.
“Get some rest and we’ll talk tomorrow afternoon. Trust me; this is just the tip of the iceberg.”
Jack spat out “Fine then, can’t wait.”
The Doc looked befuddled but ignored the outburst and led him back to the clean room, past all the monstrosities held in their cages.
Over the past half hour during the grand tour of hellish nightmares, Jack’s brain simply decided to give up. It had enough. It took a leave of absence to get itself straight. Needless to say, Jack was struggling with how to attenuate his mind to all the new horrors he’d seen.
And the worst part, he thought, tomorrow there would be more.
Chapter 16: The Escort Girl
In reflecting back, Jack was surprised that seeing a clone of himself sent him over the edge. He’d have thought the werewolf would’ve been the tipping point.
Once they were fanned off and UV’d the doors slid open and the Doctor had a word with the security guard at the door.
Jack was too beside himself to flirt or even check her out now. He stood twenty feet down the corridor like a petulant child waiting, staring at the tiled floor like he might find some meaning in it.
The Doctor caught up with him when he was done and said, “I noticed that you and your security detail don’t have a great relationship.”
Jack sighed. “Yeah, his name’s Billy and he aimed a gun at me yesterday for eating that apple. I’m not his biggest fan right now.”
The Doctor nodded. “Of course, of course. Ordinarily I would recommend a promotion for Billy under these new circumstances so he can escort you down here when I’m not around but with the animosity between you two and the fact that he’s only been employed for a couple of months, I just can’t justify that. Melanie back there has agreed to do it instead. I’ll have to make an exception in order to get her the appropriate clearance but that should be no problem. I saw you two eyeing each other up and I thought why not?”
Normally Jack would have appreciated the gesture but not today.
He faked it saying, “Thanks Doc.”
The Doctor gave him a wink and a sly grin as he said, “She thanked me too.”
Chapter 17: Back to normalcy
Billy was waiting for them outside the elevator doors, General’s orders surely. The Doctor remained in the elevator after reminding Jack about their two o’clock meeting. He also emphasized that nothing Jack had seen downstairs was to be described in any way to anyone. He didn’t say ‘punishable by death’ but by this point Jack just inferred the threat.
Jack let Billy follow him to the door of his room. He shut the door on him without saying a word. What could he say anyway?
He took a much needed shower and was pleased to see that the General’s promise to remove the hard liquor from the hideaway cabinet was an empty threat. He screwed open a ten year old scotch and found a tumbler. He noticed his hands were shaking as he poured a couple fingers worth.
He dashed it back just as the General entered his apartment.
This just pissed Jack off. “Get out now. From now on you don’t come in here without knocking first, do you understand?”
The General stood straighter, squaring his shoulders. Mockingly he said, “Well well, haven’t we gotten a tad high on ourselves lately. You think because you have more access than I do that it means a hill of beans but it doesn’t. I’m still in charge of this part of the facility. You still take orders from me up here.”
Jack stood up and stared down into the General’s eyes. To his credit the General didn’t seem fazed by it.
He said simply, “It’s called human decency sir, try it out, you might just like it.”
The General visibly relaxed and said, “Of course, just stating the obvious. I don’t want you thinking that whatever you’ve got going on with Doctor Collins trumps the work we have to get through up here. I’ll knock from now on, promise.”
Jack sighed and got another tumbler from the kitchenette. He poured the General two fingers and refilled his own. The General asked for some water and he obliged, filling the glass the rest of the way with tap water.
He said, “I thought you were going to get rid of these bottles.”
“I figured you might need them for awhile, at least until you get comfortable here. You’re a big boy. If you don’t want them here, you dispose of them.”
“I think I’ll hold onto them for a bit.”
“Sure”
“So what brings you here?”
“I was hoping you’d tell me. Are you still allowed to work with the artifacts or has the good Doctor found better ways to make use of your talents?”
“He told me to meet him at two o’clock again tomorrow so I’d assume I’m ok to keep working until then. You’re really into those artifacts, huh?”
“It has become my entire reason for being.” The General furrowed his brow. “But we can’t get anywhere with them. The folks downstairs who know more about them aren’t talking and I understand that, but none of our tests work. We built a chemistry lab in your office but no samples can be removed from the artifacts; they’re indestructible, can’t even peel a chip off for analysis. We’ve tried breaking most of them just to get a look inside, but again, they don’t break under even immense pressures. Lasers are useless and x-rays too. All we can do is weigh them and photograph them, that’s about it. We have a group of people who just touch the objects and report what they feel but it’s all subjective. One person might touch an object and report that it makes them feel angry and another person touching the same object will say it gave them diarrhea. You were our one last chance to glean some info from them and for a second I thought we’d lost you too.”
“Well, I suppose if the Doctor did want me to quit you could always just find another psych major to do my job, right?”
The General gave him a double take.
“The psych major part’s of no interest to us. Why bother psychoanalyzing an inanimate object, you know? We need an expert on symbolism.”
“They’re a dime a dozen.”
The General seemed to be choosing his next sentence deliberately, cautiously.
“Like I said, we needed someone with no ties to the outside world.”
Jack interjected, “Right, in case you had to execute them. Don’t want someone’s sister or father snooping around asking questions, right?”
“There’s that, sure. But we needed someone desperate enough. No offense. We needed someone so desperate that they’d do whatever we asked them to do even if it frightened them. You see, we had some trouble retaining staff in the beginning. People would freak out and insist on being excused from the research teams. They’d want to go home to their families, they’d fixate on it and it would drive them insane. We had to change our criteria after that. The hiring process became much more exclusive and exhausting. You have no family and your job was pretty mundane. You didn’t have much going for you out there in the real world. You were and still are the perfect cand
idate for the job.”
Finally the General was speaking to him like an adult. He appreciated that more than anything else in the world just now even though Dave had basically just called him a giant loser.
The General rejected his offer of another glass of Scotch.
He stood up and said, “Let me know if you need anything else,” and left for the night.
Chapter 18: Going Home
As much as he loathed the idea, he had to speak to Billy.
He wanted to go back to his apartment and get some things. He wanted his ipod and his expensive aftershave and his own book on dreams. The publisher had given him a neat stack of them for free but he was too self conscious to give any away to acquaintances so they collected dust.
Billy said he’d get approval to go offsite. He was back within twenty minutes with keys jingling in his hand.
Jack’s apartment was about three hours away, in Kenosha. If Billy knew they were only going for knick knacks he’d probably offer to buy everything Jack needed just to avoid the drive. It would be eleven o’clock by the time they got back.
But Jack’s brain was fried and he hoped that seeing the old familiar surroundings would calm him. Bringing back some creature comforts from home would help him settle in to his new living arrangement too.
Another, more basic part of him just wanted to escape for awhile and breathe some cool air away from the facility.
The drive was tense. Billy didn’t say a word and Jack didn’t encourage him. Finally, when the GPS started acting goofy near his apartment he had to give Billy play by play directions to the front entrance.
Billy asked if he wanted him to wait in the SUV but Jack told him he’d be just a minute. He double parked and Jack got his door key out and opened the front security door to the common hallway. His apartment was on the first floor, the third one down on the right side.
When he turned the tumbler and went inside the sight of an unfamiliar overweight Hispanic woman rummaging through his stuff caught him by surprise.
She saw him before he could react. She was short and plump and looked like anything but a burglar. She looked like someone’s mom. Then he saw the butt of a gun dangling inside her coat and decided she was trouble.