“I wasn’t on a date,” she whispers, out of breath.
“What?” I ask, confused, my heart thudding against my chest from the sex excursion, my breathing erratic.
“It wasn’t a real date. I mean, you can argue and say it technically was, but I was just pushing myself to see if I was ready to move on. Riley thought it would be a good idea.”
My back goes ramrod straight at the mention of that bitch’s name. She might be her best friend, but ever since she tried to break up my brother’s relationship with his fiancée—now wife—at our wedding because that’s the kind of hussy she is, I can’t stand the woman.
“Why the hell are you taking relationship advice from her of all people? She’s the last person you should be listening to. I mean, was it her idea to have this so-called date at this restaurant? Our restaurant?” I bite out.
The euphoria of our mind-blowing sex quickly turns into anger, and I remember what we were arguing about before we got carried away. I pull out of Mia and place her back on her feet.
“Yes, she picked the restaurant, but I think she set the date up to be a disaster, so I would spend the entire evening thinking of you, which I did.”
“Bullshit.” I zip myself back up, my eyes boring into hers. “She doesn’t like me, she never has, so she drummed dating into your head to try to sabotage our relationship!”
Mia crosses her arms over her chest, her face flushed. “Trust me, the only person who’s tried to sabotage our relationship is you.”
Is she fucking kidding me?
Fury runs through my veins like wildfire, and I’m unable to contain the rage within me. “Months later, and I’m still getting the blame. Yes, I was a dick for about two minutes, but you, you’re the one who left me, you’re the one who wanted more time, and while I was waiting for you at home like some goddamn lovesick puppy, you were going on dates to see if you were ready to move the fuck on. I mean, what the hell?”
“Tyler, it was only one date, and it wasn’t even a real date.”
I hear her words, but I’m unable to process them since my anger has resurfaced to the forefront of my mind, and my temper makes it impossible to focus on anything other than the blood pumping vigorously through my veins.
Words tumble from my mouth without caution. “Maybe I need to go and get myself checked out now. Who knows whom else you’ve been with since you were trying to find yourself? How many guys has it been, Mia? Three, four, fi—” I don’t get to finish my sentence as a hand whips against my face so fast that my ears begin to ring at the impact.
Shit, that hurt.
“You son of a bitch! I can’t believe you just said that. You know what, Tyler? Go fuck yourself.”
She turns on her feet and hightails it out of there, and all I can do is stand here, my hand cradling my burning cheek that feels like it’s swelling up by the second, with a what-the-fuck expression on my face.
Then, it registers, what I just said, and all of a sudden, I want to curl up into a ball and die a slow, tortuous death. Those words don’t belong in the same jurisdiction as Mia, and I hate that I said them. I don’t know why I said them.
God, I hate myself because I promised myself I would never be on the receiving end of her disappointment, but it seems like I just broke that promise.
Mia
Coming home in floods of tears before calling my mom in more floods of tears wasn’t the night I’d envisioned. I told her what had happened, and I might have gotten a little annoyed with her when she sided with Tyler. Not for the words he’d said, but the fury behind them.
I get that he was pissed, but he didn’t even give me a chance to explain. He just turned into an angry-fueled idiot. Hence, why I slapped him across the face. I know that was the worst thing to do, but just hearing those harsh words broke me, especially only minutes after he took me against the door. It broke my heart that he could be so cruel. He’d made me out to be some whore who was sleeping around, hopping from dick to dick without a single worry in the world.
Not only is he wrong, but he’s also really clueless to the anxiety and depression that I’ve been dealing with. I suppose it doesn’t help that I’ve pushed him away, but he should have more faith in me, that I’m fighting to be the wife he deserves. However, when he continues to behave like a rabid dog, fighting but not winning, I find myself losing hope that we can ever be the couple we once were. It’s just the same old shit with us, and it has been like this for months. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
I love him, and the thought of being without him kills me, but I don’t know if this new version of us, the version that hurls hurtful words at one another and has sex based on anger, is the kind of couple I want us to be. It can’t be healthy.
Tears continue to fall down my cheeks as I furiously scrub the makeup off my face with a wipe, trying to make sense of my life. I thought, when I turned thirty, I’d have found my place on this earth, not feel just as disjointed as I did in my early twenties.
This evening, before it turned from bad to worse, I was ready to give Tyler another shot, to try to work through our marriage, because the thought of being without him another second more was unbearable. However, now, I feel like I’m back at square one.
Of course, I’m mentally exhausted, and that could be factoring in on my heightened emotions, so I decide to switch off and head to bed. Maybe with a good night’s sleep, I’ll have a new take on life. I mean, we can all hope, right?
Just as I change into my PJs reserved for days when I loathe myself—the pink fleece-lined hoodie that says, I’d rather be sleeping, with my matching pants—I hear a knock at my door. Since I’ve already ignored three of his calls in the past ten minutes alone, it doesn’t take a genius to guess who’s at my door.
I could ignore him and just head to bed, but I’m my own worst enemy, and I have no control over my own footsteps as they pad in the direction of the front door. I glance through the peephole, and as predicted, there stands my husband, drenched from the sudden rainstorm. I open the door, and my heart clenches at the look of pure regret I see etched on his face.
He looks how I feel.
I cross my arms over my chest, impassively staring up at him. “What do you want?”
“Mia,” he chokes out, struggling to contain his emotions.
I tell myself not to be affected by him. I beg my heart not to feel anything, but since he doesn’t show emotion very often, it’s impossible to flick the switch on it.
“I’m so fucking sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it. I saw you with that guy, and I just flipped. It wasn’t my finest moment.”
You can say that again.
He gives pause for me to speak, but I continue to stare at him through my swollen eyes, my expression hard, not giving him an inch.
“Mia, tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”
I shake my head, feeling my anxiety rise. “Tyler, I—” My body jolts when a crack of thunder booms from the sky above, and I swear, the ground shakes from the impact. Putting a hand to my unruly beating heart, I step aside. “I don’t particularly like you right now, but you’d better come in before you get hit by lightning.”
He accepts my invitation to come inside without an ounce of hesitation, shaking droplets of water all over my hardwood floor, his shoes dragging in sloshes of mud. He steps out of them before removing his coat, but he’s soaked all the way through to his clothes.
“I guess you would like a towel?” I throw out.
“Please.” He grimaces, as if asking is too much trouble. Then, like the joker he is, especially during awkward times like this, he says, “I’ll take a coffee, too, if you’re making one.”
He sheepishly grins, and I give him a don’t-fucking-push-it glare as I snatch the coat from him and head toward the utility room to put it in the dryer for a little while. Then, like the idiot I am, I return a few minutes later with a fluffy towel and a steaming cup of hot chocolate. I throw the towel at him before handing him his beverage.
“I�
�ve stopped drinking coffee, so hot chocolate is all I have.”
He gives me a knowing smile, as if that one gesture is the window to forgiveness, and I have to look away before I fall into his trap. I can’t fall into his trap twice in one night. I take a seat on the single armchair and watch out of the corner of my eye as he sets the hot chocolate down on the table and dries himself with the towel. Once he pats down his drenched hair, he takes a seat opposite me on the sofa and takes hold of his hot chocolate. He takes a sip, hissing under his breath when it burns his tongue a little. He’s always been impatient with hot beverages, and every time, he scalds his tongue like a damn child.
“Well, go on. I let you inside, so you could grovel.”
His mouth lifts up in a smirk. “I thought it was so I wouldn’t get hit by lightning.”
The stare I give him tells him I’m not in the mood for his jokes, and he straightens his face as he places his mug back down on the coffee table.
“I was a jerk back at the restaurant, plain and simple. I just saw you with that guy and assumed the worst, and what I said, it was me lashing out. I didn’t mean it. You’re not…”
“A hussy slut riddled with STDs?”
“Jesus,” he mutters under his breath before elaborating, “Mia, no. I don’t think that.” He rubs his jaw, a nervous tic of his. “Can we just have a redo, please, before I turn into Super Douche? I want to understand why you were on a date. Make me understand. I’m listening.”
I purposely avoid his eyes, looking down at my pink nails. It takes me a minute to find the words before I finally meet his eyes. “I went on a date to see where my head was at. I didn’t do it hoping to find someone to replace you. I did it for you. For us. I mean, now that I think about it, it sounds stupid, but I did it to see if I was ready to let you go or fight for us. It had nothing to do with hooking up or wanting to finally put an end to us, but it was about finally taking charge of my life.
“You might think Riley put the idea in my head out of spite, but she didn’t. She set it all up for me because I asked her to. I didn’t even know what restaurant it was at until thirty minutes before the date, and it wasn’t even five minutes into the date that I realized she’d played me good. She knew it was the same restaurant you’d proposed to me in, and she knew it would resonate in all the right places. And it worked. I’m also guessing that she knew that guy was a jackass before she set the fake date up because she knew the worse he became, the more I would think of you, and I did. God, within four seconds of meeting the guy, I knew you were the only guy for me. You were all I could think of.”
His expression is serious, his eyes filled with an indescribable emotion, a mixture of apprehension and heartache all rolled into one.
“And did you find the clarity you were after?” His voice is shaky, as if he’s not sure if he wants to know my answer.
“Actually, I did. The couple who got engaged at the restaurant made it pretty easy. I was going to finish my dinner, tell my date I had a nice evening—even though it was far from nice—and head straight to you to tell you I wanted to finally fight with you. Then…”
He winces, knowing what came next.
“Well, we know how that played out, and now, I don’t know.”
“What do you mean, you don’t know?” he asks almost desperately.
“It means, I don’t know if I can do this back-and-forth shit. These past months, it’s been filled with the same crap between us. It’s exhausting, Tyler. I’ve missed you, and I love you, but maybe we need to…”
He’s suddenly up on his feet. He rounds the coffee table until he’s kneeling in front of me, nothing but resolve set in his eyes. “No, don’t say it. I won’t let you. I love you,” he grits out, clasping my hands between his.
In an instant, my heart is almost done for.
“Please don’t give up on us. It’s not always been like this for us. We can be happy again. We’ve just got to find our way back to each other. But, please, I’m begging you, don’t give up.”
I open my mouth to speak, but no words escape, and all I can do is stare into his eyes, the brilliant green hues swirling with so much pain that it’s enough to take my breath away. I didn’t realize just how much our breakup has affected him, but it’s there for the entire world to see. The pressure against the inner walls of my chest feels heavier than ever before.
“I’m sorry.”
He blinks, confusion flickering across his face. “What for?”
“For hurting you. I’ve been so focused on my own mental health that I haven’t taken yours into consideration. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”
“Baby, I’m fine,” he says, brushing it off, as if his pain doesn’t matter. “But my world isn’t complete without you. I don’t want to be apart from you, but if it takes another four months, a year, two years until we’re where we’re supposed to be, then I can wait. Hell, I’d wait an eternity if I had to, but just know, you’re it for me. Time’s never going to change that.”
God, he always knows the right thing to say to me.
“I don’t deserve you.”
A tear rolls down my cheek, and before I have time to wipe it away, Tyler has already captured it with his thumb.
“Trust me, if anyone is less worthy or deserving of someone, that would be me. I never knew what you saw in me, but the instant I saw you, all I could see was you.”
His words speak to the deepest part of me, and having him this close to me with the warmth of his touch lingering across my cheek, my mind feels hazy, like I’m swimming in everything Tyler. I blame that for my next move.
Thoughtlessly, I grab him by the face and slam my lips to his. He responds with a surprised grunt, deepening the kiss. He tastes of Italian food and rain, and I lap it up, our kiss representing our past and present. It sends a thrill down my spine. He parts my lips with his tongue, his mouth hot and wet, heating my body in ways I’ve not felt in such a long time.
Well, excluding earlier, that is.
My legs widen and lock around his body as he shifts closer to me, drawing my head back by my hair, deepening the kiss even more. We simply lose our senses in this kiss. I forgot how much I loved just kissing him, the way he nibbles against my bottom lip and how he doubles the flicks of his tongue against mine.
Perfection.
A sudden crack of thunder from outside jolts through my body, scaring the shit out of me.
Tyler must feel me tense as he pulls me in even closer. “Don’t be scared. I’m right here.”
He knows I hate thunder, and I love him for it.
I draw his mouth back to mine, but he seems to have other ideas as he gently pulls away, tugging against the waistband of my PJ bottoms.
“You only wear these when you’re feeling self-conscious, and I hate it.”
I lift my bottom up as he slides them over my hips.
“I hate it more that I’m the reason you’re wearing them.”
He’s right; I am, but I don’t comment on it as I’m amazed that he’s picked up on it because it’s something I’ve never brought up. Inner insecurities and all.
He pulls my pants down and off my legs. He discards them before running his fingers up my silky calves and along my thighs, his sheer touch sending shivers to caress along my skin. Heat rises through me, and I begin to pulsate as his fingers trace higher until he’s skimming the edge of my panties. He lowers his head, and I let out an erratic gasp as his mouth lingers over me, my pussy throbbing at his near presence. My fingers find their way into his hair just as he plants his lips just above my clit, the warmth of his mouth heating through the lace of my panties. His lips continue upward, pressing lingering kisses against my lower stomach and over the swell of my belly, lifting my hoodie up as he continues higher in his pursuit. I’m breathing heavily, and my heart races as he looks up at me, my fingers dancing in his hair, his lips still on my skin.
“These pajamas should never make their way onto your body. You should never let anyone, including
me, lower your worth.”
His mouth works its way north, continuing to lift my hoodie until my breasts spring free, swaying heavily, my nipples growing harder under his stare. He kisses the center of my breastbone, and I let out a jittery breath, wishing he would move his mouth to the center of one of my actual breasts where I’m desperately craving his touch.
“Your body is perfection, and you should never hide it away,” he says in between kisses, his lips slowly gliding over the plump of my tit, kissing the mound with utter devotion.
His hot, wet tongue flicks over my nipple before circling it, and I’m unable to contain the moan that rushes from my mouth.
He chuckles, talking around my nipple, as he continues to toy with my flesh like I’m a sweet candy apple, “Well, maybe keep these hidden.”
I laugh from a breathless groan. “I’m not one for giving the milk away for free.”
“Good, because the milk’s all mine,” he huskily speaks, his tongue swirling around my nipple before sucking it into his mouth.
My eyes almost roll to the back of my head as I tug against his hair, pulling him even closer, while I clench my thighs around his body, rocking my hips against him. He grazes my nipple with his teeth, adding a little more suction before pulling away. He zones in on my chest, kissing his way up to my shoulder blade, nibbling and licking the dip that connects to my neck while simultaneously lifting the hoodie up over my head and discarding it to the floor. I tilt my head to the side as Tyler kisses my neck, my eyes flickering closed with the pleasure when he zones in on the spot just below my ear.
“Tyler,” I whimper, hugging him closer to me, my fingers kneading the muscles of his shoulders, loving how hard and big he feels between my hands.
He’s definitely bulked up since I last saw him, and it’s sexy as hell.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” he whispers in my ear before circling his tongue around my earlobe.
I involuntary shift my hips against his stomach, my thighs clutching to him even tighter, needing to ease the pressure of my pulsating clit.
“Tyler, please,” I beg, clawing at him with my nails.
Till Forever Page 14