Even if he was pleased, then he may still push her back to her old life. He was not the marrying kind—how often had he told her that? The single night they had shared might be all he cared to offer, no matter how far she went to find him and tell him of her altered opinion of him.
She would be better to carry on her life until, and if, she saw Iefan once more. A year ago, she’d had no trouble contemplating marrying a man she didn’t love, purely for the quality of the match.
Now, the knowledge that she was being disingenuous sat in her chest like a rock. If only she could hasten the process of finding Iefan! Once she spoke to him, her way forward would be clear.
Telling herself that many society ladies went through engagements and weddings with even less attachment to their future husbands than the mild affection Mairin held for Louis, Mairin arranged a date for Louis to come to Marblethorpe and meet the family.
Because so many of the great family lived upon the estate, it would reduce the number of formal calls needed to introduce him to everyone. It would still be necessary to travel north to see Lilly and Jasper in Northallerton, then Bridget and Will at Kirkaldy. Also, a journey to Cornwall would be necessary to formally present Louis to Cian, and another to London to introduce him to Ben and Sharla and their household. Possibly, a journey to Denmark, too.
Louis arrived in late October, to spend three days at Marblethorpe. On the second day, he sought a private conversation with Raymond. Louis abided by the new ways of thinking which he professed Mairin had exposed him too, by asking Natasha to join her husband in that meeting.
The three of them emerged from Raymond’s office only fifteen minutes later and Natasha kissed Mairin’s cheek. “I am very happy for you, my dear.”
The first of many bottles of champagne was opened over dinner, as the entire household celebrated Mairin’s formal engagement to the Duke of Gascony. They also planned a family expedition about England, to introduce Louis to the rest of the family, between Christmas and the start of the season, once the worst of winter was done.
In mid-November, Mairin received a response from the royal residence in Balmoral. The Prince’s secretary expressed the Prince’s regret that he could supply no information on Iefan’s whereabouts.
Then the secretary added a note of his own, advising her to contact a Mr. Richard Duke, or Mr. Alexander Ramsey, Esq. He supplied both addresses.
Mairin wrinkled her nose. Richard Duke was the husband of Cora Duke, who had been with Iefan on the train the day the subway had been opened. Mairin put the address aside. She would only approach that source if forced to it.
Instead, she wrote a letter to Alexander Ramsey, asking for information about Iefan, or a referral to someone who could help her. The address the secretary gave her was a London one.
Knowing Iefan’s set lived busy and distracted lives, Mairin settled in to wait once more for a response. Instead, she concentrated on preparing for Christmas.
The response arrived in early January. The letter was soiled and had been soaked somewhere along its journey, for the address had run and was barely readable. The inside of the letter had fared better. The address at the top of the letter explained the delay—Seville, Spain. Her letter had been forwarded to Ramsey by his landlady in London.
Ramsey did not know where Iefan was, and was surprised to hear he had left London so soon after arriving.
Then he suggested Mairin contact Brigadier Gordon. The address he gave was the street where Mairin had attended her first pajama party. Now she had the house number, too.
Mairin wrote to Gordie the same day. Unlike all her previous letters, this one was answered within three days.
Mairin read the response while sitting in the sunny morning room where all the women in the household tended to congregate after breakfast, to complete correspondence or sew.
Gordie’s handwriting was firm and flourishless, which matched with his military outlook. After a formal salutation and greetings for the season, he answered her questions.
I wish I could tell you outright where you might find Iefan. All I can offer is a suggestion. In August last year, a friend of Iefan’s shared a drink with us. His name was Joshua Price. He was in London one last night before heading to France to join the French Foreign Regiment. That same night, Price asked Iefan to go with him. Iefan refused at the time, although there was a look in his eye I have seen in new recruits before. It is a thoughtful look that is unmistakable.
I did not see Iefan again after that night, and the dates you give in your letter are of the same period. I would suggest that if Iefan is no longer in England, there is a good chance you will find him in France. I can even give you a location to begin your search. For the first time in their history, the Foreign Regiment are fighting on home soil. They will be engaged with the Prussians laying siege to Paris, as I write.
My very best wishes in your quest.
Paris! The siege!
Mairin let the letter fall from her shaking hand and tried to breathe out her shock and dismay. Paris. Of all the places Iefan might be, it was most likely he was in the middle of a war against one of the greatest military forces in Europe.
France had figured heavily in Iefan’s past. It made perfect sense he would be there now. She did not doubt Gordie’s guess was right.
Only, why was Iefan there? What had made him leave England without a word to anyone, even Mairin, and take up arms against the Prussians?
“Is everything all right, Mairin?” Natasha asked, looking up from her embroidery hoop. “You have gone quite pale.”
“It is nothing. A friend who…who has married suddenly, that is all.” The lie made her voice waver. She couldn’t help looking at Annalies, Iefan’s mother, who was studying her just as closely through her spectacles.
Every woman in the room, including Lisa Grace, who was bending around her easel, and Jenny, who was working on a bonnet for her newest baby, was staring at her.
Mairin rose to her feet. “I must…excuse me.” She fled the room. Unwilling to have someone follow her to her own room, she turned corners and traversed corridors and rooms, looking for an unexpected place where she might reread the letter and not have to hide her reaction.
Really, this house had too many people in it!
There was a narrow window seat in the corridor leading to the east end of the service wing. The corridor was flooded with the same bright light which was so welcome in dull and dreary January.
Mairin dropped to the cushion and reread the letter, feeling the same rush of dismay. Her eyes ached.
“May I join you?”
Mairin looked up. She was barely surprised to see Aunt Annalies standing farther along the corridor. She sighed and nodded.
Annalies settled beside Mairin. “I do not believe the news you got was about a sudden wedding at all.”
Mairin swallowed.
“It is about Iefan, isn’t it?” Annalies said gently, her expression kind.
Guilt stirred in her middle. Mairin gripped the letter. “How could you possibly know that?”
Annalies took off her glasses and leaned back against the window sill, so the sun shone on her golden hair. There were faded strands among the gold and deep wrinkles about her eyes from both laughing and from reading in bad light, although the rest of her face was smooth and youthful.
“Iefan came to see me in Cambridge, in August,” Annalies said.
“He did?” Mairin said, stunned.
“On the twelfth,” Annalies added. Her eyes narrowed. “Ah, I can see the date means something to you.”
Mairin tried to breathe to control and hide her trembling. “Why did he come to see you?”
“He was upset.” Annalies nodded. “I can see it isn’t a surprise to you, either. Most people think Iefan is incapable of deep feeling. As you do not, it means you have got to know him. There are few people Iefan allows to come close to him. You are one of the rare ones.”
Mairin put her hand to her throat, which had grown tig
hter with every word Annalies spoke. “What did he tell you?”
“Nothing.” Annalies smiled. “I am his mother. He does not share his life with me. He merely said he must escape London for a while. I suggested he come here to Sussex with me. He said it wasn’t nearly far enough away.” She paused, eyeing Mairin. “Now I understand why he wouldn’t consider it.”
“I think…I fear he is in France,” Mairin said. Her lips wouldn’t work properly. She thrust the letter toward Annalies. “Here. This will explain it more quickly than I can.”
Annalies put her spectacles back on and read the letter, a tiny frown puckering the skin between her brows. As she moved through the second page, she nodded. Then she handed the letter back and removed her spectacles and rubbed her eyes. “The Foreign Regiment…it sounds exactly like something Iefan would do.”
“That was my thought, too,” Mairin breathed.
Annalies dropped her hand. Her faded blue eyes examined Mairin. “I can almost put together the full story now. You didn’t give me the date of your engagement—”
“The twelfth of August,” Mairin said.
Annalies sighed. “Ah. Of course.”
Mairin folded and unfolded the letter. “I think this is all my fault,” she said. “Somehow, Iefan must have heard about Louis and I. I cannot think of another reason why Iefan would suddenly leave England and not tell me.”
“Would he have reason to be upset about your engagement, Mairin?” Annalies asked.
Mairin closed her eyes, her heart thudding.
“I am aware that he kissed you, once,” Annalies said.
“If you know that…” She looked at Annalies once more. “I didn’t know he was upset by it. You believe I am one of the rare people he allows to see his true nature, yet he hid it from me, too. Now I have sent him away, because he didn’t reveal himself.”
Annalies said bluntly; “You were pursuing Gascony. Of course Iefan would not speak of how he felt.”
Mairin flinched. Annalies’ directness was just like Iefan’s. “I didn’t know…” she said helplessly.
“Now you do know,” Annalies said. “What do you intend to do about it?”
Mairin fingered the ring on her finger, turning the stone back inside her hand. It had become a form of fidgeting, something she did without thought. Now it seemed to have greater significance. “By rights, I should stay here. The whole family is heading north next month, with Louis….”
“By rights, yes, you should.” Annalies’ tone was neutral. Then she leaned forward and lifted Mairin’s chin, making her meet Annalies’ eyes. “What do you want to do?”
“What I really want to do is…” Mairin drew in a breath which shook. “I barely know how I might go about it, yet…”
“You have managed to track down Iefan despite a dearth of information,” Annalies pointed out. “I would say you are quite capable of determining what you need to do.”
“I cannot go to France!” Mairin said. “There is a war!”
“Is that what you want to do?” Annalies asked, her tone reasonable.
Mairin pressed her hand to her torso. “Yes,” she said. “I want to find him. I want to look into his eyes and see…”
“The truth?” Annalies suggested.
“Yes.” Mairin met her gaze.
They both smiled.
Annalies straightened from her lean against the sill. “It is quite possible to travel about France, despite the war. With Paris under siege, the Prussian forces are concentrated around the city. The French forces will surround the Prussian forces. Even if you travel directly to Paris, you will come across the French forces first, and they are who you must seek, to find him.”
“You’re…proposing I go?” Mairin asked, her breath deserting her in a rush.
“Why not? It is what you want, isn’t it?”
“To travel alone…”
Annalies tilted her head. “Who is it that protests? The woman Iefan let into his life? The one who helped me stitch his wound without fainting? The one who got him to safety without losing her head? Or the society lady who got herself engaged to a duke?”
Mairin’s thoughts swirled. Her heart was beating with an agony that made it hard to keep the thoughts in order. Think, she commanded herself.
A measure of calm returned. Mairin met Annalies’ gaze once more. “The society lady got herself engaged to a duke because she was far too forthright for most men’s constitutions.”
“You told an unpleasant truth,” Annalies murmured. Her smile grew. “Then there is not such a great difference between the two as I first thought.”
“A year ago, there was an ocean between the two. I wasn’t aware the other part of me existed,” Mairin said. “Iefan…” She drew in a breath, quickly, covering her reaction. “Iefan uncovered her.”
Annalies rested her hand on Mairin’s arm. “Then you had best go and find him, my dear.”
Mairin nodded. Then a fresh concern burst upon her. “My mother…the family…the tour to Scotland…!”
Annalies patted her arm. “I will take care of that. You should pack a valise. There is a noon train to London. Rhys will give you funds to travel—you can settle the debt later. You will need money in hand if you are to travel about a country at war, and you will need to travel as lightly as you can.”
Giddiness swamped her. Mairin clutched the edges of the window seat, breathing hard. “What if he is not in France after all?” she whispered.
Annalies shrugged. “Why, then you come home again, with an adventure to tell everyone.”
Her prosaic tone and reasonable response gave Mairin the calm she needed to pack, say quick farewells to everyone in the house, and climb aboard the noon train to London.
Every time the panic rose in her throat, Mairin repeated Annalies’ words. She was not Lady Mairin anymore—not the society lady with the delicate muslin dresses and satin ball gowns, at least. She was the woman who could fire a pistol and hit her target.
The pistol was in her reticule, a heavy, reassuring weight on her lap. There was also a knife in her valise which she intended to transfer to her boot when she left England.
All the way to London, she played with her left hand. It was bare. She had left the diamond ring upon her dressing table in Sussex.
Chapter Sixteen
Traveling against the tide of war took patience, Mairin discovered. Everyone in France was anxious to leave, while she seemed to be the only one trying to go there. There were many ships crossing the channel to France, only most of them were official transports which would not carry a civilian. The berth she secured was upon a fishing boat which would run all the way to Dieppe if she was willing to pay.
Mairin paid happily. The price was not unreasonable, for she had already learned how war inflated the cost of travel. The father and son who operated the boat were French, now operating out of England. They were deferential to her status and gave her the use of the single cabin for the night crossing.
Mairin wore a traveling suit which would allow her to move with the greatest amount of freedom. It had no train to trip over and was of sturdy wool tweed that was warm and somewhat rainproof. She carried a heavy woolen shawl she could don as the temperature required. The shawl also hid her face if she wrapped it around her head and shoulders, which would prevent casual observers from noticing her.
After many minutes of thought, Mairin had left off her corset and tucked it away in her wardrobe in Sussex. It was difficult to run for long distances while wearing one. No one would know she was without the garment if she kept her back straight and the extra flexibility she had while not wearing it might be useful.
A train was scheduled to run from Dieppe to Paris, although it was not taking passengers. The French military had commandeered most private transport, to keep it out of the hands of the Prussians.
After a day of speaking to tavern owners and officers she found drinking in the taverns, Mairin determined there was no way to reach Paris beside the train, other
than to walk. She would have been willing to walk there, except it would take time she didn’t want to spend.
Mairin chose the most sympathetic officer she had spoken to and offered him English currency, if he would let her upon the train going to Paris in the morning. “All I ask is for a corner where I won’t be in the way. I don’t expect to be waited upon, or even a seat to sit upon if there is none. I will make do with the floor.”
The officer, Allard, laughed. “A lady like you? I do not believe it!”
“I am quite serious,” Mairin said. “I must reach the Foreign Regiment on the outskirts of Paris. It is very important.”
He shook his head. “You are not like other ladies.”
“Not anymore.” Mairin gave him a small smile. “Do we have an agreement?”
“Give me the money now,” he said. “I will use it to bribe the engineer.”
“I will give you ten percent now,” she said, her wariness rising. “The rest in the morning, once I am upon the train.”
“Ten percent is not enough to bribe the engineer.”
“It will have to do. You can encourage him to abide by the agreement by promising the remainder tomorrow, too.”
The officer scowled. “Very well,” he said.
Mairin allowed him to see her pistol as she reached for the money in her reticule. His scowled deepened. Only a little of the money which Rhys had given her was in her reticule. The rest was hidden in a pocket on her petticoat.
“Meet me here at dawn,” Allard said, as he folded the big notes and put them inside his uniform.
The next day, as the sun was rising, Mairin found Allard outside the inn, impatiently kicking the snow-encrusted cobbles. He hurried her through the town to the train station and aboard the train. He opened the door to a private cabin and ushered her inside. There was a wide bench and a tiny folding table. “If anyone knocks, do not answer,” he told her. “Everyone believes this officer’s cabin is empty.”
Season of Denial (Scandalous Scions Book 7) Page 16