by Sean Lowe
“Ya think?” Pellets of ice stung my face, causing welts to form.
After a quick tutorial, I drove up to where the producers had dropped off Catherine, who wasn’t dressed for a snowstorm. The wind blew around her, the temperature had dropped well below freezing, and she looked like a Popsicle.
When I opened the door, her face lit up. “What are you doing? I didn’t realize you were driving this thing!”
I walked down the stairs, gave her a snowsuit to put on, and told her about our date. The wind kicked up the snow around us so that we couldn’t see very far in front of our faces. Even though the producers had left us sleds, there were no real hills, and the snow beneath our feet had solidified into ice.
What could’ve been a disastrous date, however, turned into a blast. Catherine joked around the whole time, jumped on the sled, did cartwheels in the snow, and made snow angels. But by the time we spread out our picnic blanket, I couldn’t feel my feet. The storm had started to move in even closer, and we were getting slapped in the face with snow. She laughed because my hair was white like Jack Frost but my face was as red as a tomato. We were freezing our butts off, but we still tried to cuddle up on a little picnic blanket and have hot chocolate. Catherine, as a vegan, didn’t normally drink hot chocolate. Since it was the only thing standing between her and hypothermia, she made an exception.
“All right, guys, we’ve got to get out of here,” the crew said as they packed up their equipment. “We’re not going to get off the mountain.”
Since our date was cut short, Catherine and I prepared to go back to the hotel to rest before the evening portion of the date. During this off-camera time, Catherine and I were supposed to travel in different vehicles since every interaction needed to be caught on camera. I was having so much fun with her, however, I asked Mary Kate for a favor.
“Can she please drive back with us?” I asked, feeling like a high school kid without his driver’s license asking his mom for a favor. “Can she please?”
“Absolutely not,” Mary Kate said, frowning.
“I promise not to do anything interesting that you wish you would’ve caught on camera,” I said.
“Sean,” she said. “I want to help out, but you know the rules: no off-camera interaction.”
“But I’m having such a good time,” I said. “Come on, you guys almost froze us to death on that date. Don’t you owe us?”
Mary Kate looked around, as if to see if anyone was listening. “Promise me you won’t talk about anything important?”
“I promise,” I said. “I just want to be with her.”
Catherine, Mary Kate, Brenner, and I piled into the car and asked the driver to turn up the radio—a novelty, since we hadn’t heard it in such a long time. We were casually singing along to songs we knew and laughing.
When a song by Erykah Badu called “Tyrone” came on the radio, Catherine came alive. The song is a soulful lament that the singer’s boyfriend never buys her anything and always calls his friends instead of being content to hang out with her.
She sang along with every word. But she wasn’t just singing; she somehow had morphed into a soulful hip-hop artist. “Why can’t we be by ourselves sometimes?” she sang along with the song.6
She looked straight at me when she said those words and laughed.
Mary Kate, Brenner, and I watched in amazement as this Filipino-American-Italian girl gave us a soulful rendition I definitely wish we’d caught on film.
“I’m so impressed right now,” Brenner said, watching her belt out this song without missing a syllable.
The drive took about an hour and a half, and our giddiness over being together gradually gave way to the exhaustion of having been in a snowstorm all day. When the hum of the engine began casting its spell on us, Catherine put her head in my lap and dozed off.
A couple of hours later, I was standing in the lobby of the hotel, having showered, freshened up, and gotten a bite to eat. As I stood there waiting for Catherine to emerge from her hotel room for the evening portion of our date, I was excited. The sight of her walking down the stairs at the beautiful Fairmont took my breath away. Then a horse-drawn carriage took us to an ice castle built just for us.
Yes, an ice castle.
They put a fire pit inside and blankets on top of the ice bench, but the walls and seats were made of solid ice. We cuddled up once again, which—of course—I loved. We talked all night. It was picturesque, with the snow falling and the moon shining—though at one point the wind changed direction and the smoke from the fire almost suffocated us.
During the date, the producers took us out separately for the ITMs.
“So it looks like you and Catherine really have something cool going here,” said Mary Kate, who always had a great sense of how things were going. She had listened to every conversation and knew me extremely well by this point. “Now it’s time to give her the rose.” As mentioned earlier, normally during the ITMs, I decided whether to give my date a rose. This time, however, there was no doubt.
When I gave the rose to Catherine, she was so excited. We went out to the grassy field on which the ice castle was built and danced under the moonlight with light snow falling around us. It was a perfect moment.
“We’re not gonna use this anymore,” the producers said as they wrapped up filming for the night. “You guys can destroy the ice castle if you want.”
“Really?” I saw a gleam in Catherine’s eyes.
We took chisels and started tearing the ice castle apart. I made a luge out of the ice castle and tried to pour champagne through it. It didn’t work out well, but we had a blast. I hadn’t shared that type of fun with anyone else besides her. It wasn’t televised, but it gave me another memorable moment with Catherine.
Of course, I had been collecting these really memorable moments—and they weren’t all with Catherine. I’d go on an awesome date, have the time of my life, then wake up the next day and have another amazing date with a totally different woman.
She might be the one, I’d think.
Then the next date, I’d think, No, she might be the one.
When I was talking to the producer early on, I described my dream girl as “someone who shares my faith, someone funny and easygoing.” In the beginning, just like in everyday life, you’re drawn to some. But if someone had asked me who would be my top four, I would’ve been wrong. As time went by, I realized that first impressions were not always the right impressions. Over the course of several weeks, I started to mentally rearrange that top four. But I could feel confusion settle over my heart, with so many legitimately wonderful—and different—women vying for my attention.
We packed our bags, said good-bye to snowy Canada, and headed for St. Croix, the largest of the US Virgin Islands. Though I loved the ice castle, the snow bus, and the glacier lakes, a warmer climate appealed to me.
It was October, so it felt like we were getting away with something going to a tropical setting in the fall. Plus, Shay’s birthday was coming up, and I hadn’t seen her in so long.
“I think it would be so cool to do something with my sister,” I suggested to one of the producers, “since she’s a Bachelor nut and is actually the reason I’m here.”
The producers had enjoyed meeting Shay when they visited Texas and met my family during Emily’s season. They thought it was a great idea. When she heard she could travel to beautiful St. Croix, Shay was thrilled.
Again, the ironclad rule the producers enforced was always the same: no off-camera interaction. This applied to Shay too. The producers created an entire scene for her arrival. I stood on the beach, where the show had set up tables for us. I hadn’t seen her in a couple of months, so it was really good to see her running through the sand with her sandals in her hands.
“I have to let two girls go home tonight that I really care about,” I said after Shay and I sat down at the table.
“Is there anyone you can see yourself marrying?”
“Almost all of them,�
�� I said. “Honestly, none of them stick out as being ‘the one.’ ”
“Well, our biggest fear as a family is that you pick a girl who isn’t as committed as you are,” Shay said. “I don’t want to watch it unfold on television and say, ‘No, don’t pick that one!’ Because sometimes the Bachelor ends up with ‘that one.’ ”
I totally understood what she was saying. I distinctly remember watching one of the guys on Emily’s season, thinking, There’s no way she is falling for this jerk.
“I have a pretty good feeling for all of the girls, but the only one I could question is Tierra,” I said. “People have told me there is a different side to her that I haven’t seen. I’ve heard she doesn’t hang out with the other girls and isn’t a nice person.”
I could tell Shay didn’t like what she was hearing.
“I don’t want to be the guy who keeps the girl that no one likes, but I enjoy being with her.”
“Have you liked her from the start?” Shay asked.
“Well, I gave her a first impression rose because she seemed fun, warm, and outgoing.” Then I explained the various things that had happened that gave me pause. Even though our relationship had grown to the point that she’d reached the final six, it had not been uneventful: she fell down the stairs under curious circumstances back at the mansion, causing the EMTs to wonder if she had a concussion. In Canada, we took a polar bear plunge into a frigid, glacier-fed lake. Admittedly, it took forever—with the preparations and the interviews. We probably stood in thirty-two-degree weather for two and a half hours before we jumped in. I remember that I couldn’t feel my feet—I’ve never felt colder in my life. However, most of us ran into the water, dunked ourselves, and ran out screaming and laughing. But Tierra suddenly started gasping for breath, clawing at her chest, and shaking uncontrollably. Once again, she was hauled off by the EMTs.
I paused for a moment in my story, thankful to have Shay there to help me figure this out. Was it possible that Tierra had done all that for attention? She seemed sincere to me, but it was an awful lot of trouble surrounding one person.
“I like her, but the other girls really don’t seem to care for her.” My sister is a great judge of character, and she knows me better than anyone else. Her advice to me before I left Dallas was simple: avoid the girl surrounded by drama. After hearing bad reports about Tierra, I thought it would be a good idea to have my sister sit down and visit with Tierra so I could get her opinion. “Stay here and I’ll run and get her.”
At least that was the plan. Tierra was in her hotel room, just a golf cart ride way. As soon as I walked through the door of the hotel, I sensed there was something amiss. The girls were quiet. Apparently, an enormous fight had erupted between Tierra and the other girls. I knew Tierra was having a hard time being on the show. I sympathized with her a great deal because I freaked out when I’d heard Emily had kissed Arie. Her discomfort was understandable, and I was looking forward to working through it with her. When I walked in, no one explained what was going on. Though the house producer was aware of the argument, my producers were also caught off guard by the chill in the room.
When Tierra saw me, her face fell as though she’d seen the grim reaper. I sat down and put my arm around her, preparing to invite her to meet my sister. Because I never went to the girls’ home unexpectedly—the only other time I’d shown up was to send another girl home—Tierra feared the worst. Her shock turned into sorrow, and she started bawling.
“Tierra,” I said. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do it,” she said. “I like you so much, but I can’t do this.”
Though I really liked Tierra in the beginning, I knew there was something seriously wrong.
“Please tell me what’s going on,” I said, though she could barely speak. Instead of taking Tierra down to meet my sister, I figured that we might need a change of plans. “I’ll be right back,” I told her.
I walked outside and sighed.
All the producers were outside, looking surprised at how our plans to introduce Shay to Tierra had gone awry.
“Jonah, I’ve got to send her home now,” I said. “She’s miserable.” Of course, he’d heard our entire conversation, so he agreed.
“That might be the right move,” he said, running his hand through his wild hair. Sending someone home, of course, is a big production. I stood out there for probably twenty minutes while they got the cameras ready. I’m sure Tierra was wondering what on earth was going on, because I’d told her that I’d return in just a second. (Not to mention Shay, who was still sitting at the table, waiting for my return.)
“Okay, we’re ready,” the producers said. “Tell her she doesn’t have to pack her bags. We’ll do all that for her.”
“You don’t want her to grab anything?”
“No,” he said. “We’ll get the shot of you putting her in the van after you walk Tierra out the front door.”
Most of the girls were in the living room by the front door, which gave me pause. I knew it would’ve made great television to see the shocked reactions of the girls who already disliked Tierra as she was escorted away from the show. Yes, the show, I reminded myself. We were making a television show, no matter how high emotions ran.
“I think you should go home,” I said. She sobbed even more and tried to pack her stuff.
“No,” I said. “The show will get your things for you. Let me just walk you out.”
She immediately started walking toward the back, but I stopped her. “Hey, let’s walk out the front door.”
Even in her sorrow, she knew this didn’t make sense. She stopped dead in her tracks. “Why?”
“You’re right,” I said. “Let’s go out the back door.” I realized that it wasn’t kind to parade her in front of the other girls, and I knew the producers would rather me be considerate than dramatic. I couldn’t do that to the poor girl.
After we walked out the back door, she stopped crying and suddenly looked furious.
“Are you going to be okay?” I asked. This was probably the worst question I could’ve posed.
“No,” she tersely responded and then got in the van.
As I watched the van drive away, I heard her scream and cry as it disappeared into the distance.
In a state of disbelief over what had just happened, I walked back to my sister, who’d been waiting on the beach. It was nice to be able to talk through these issues with her and also to show her this crazy life I was now living. When we were growing up, fighting over what television show to watch, I never thought we’d one day be sitting in a tropical location on an actual television show.
I was so glad to have my sister there. What woman—especially a mother of young children—wouldn’t want to fly to a tropical location, get a free hotel room, and enjoy nice spa treatments? Plus, she loved seeing the behind-the-scenes details unfold during filming. One of the best parts was that she got to hang out with me and Harrison in my room as we got ready for the upcoming rose ceremony.
While we put on our suits, the producers walked in and out to tell us about the details of the night. She was really surprised when Harrison came out singing “Happy Birthday” to her with a cake we’d made just for her.
Plus, it was good to have my sister there during what was probably the most controversial episode of the season. After the show, people asked me about Tierra more than anything else.
“How could you keep her as long as you did?”
“Did you not see how crazy she was?”
To be perfectly honest, I didn’t see what everyone at home saw—not even close.
At the beginning of my Bachelor journey, I told the girls, “I’m going to create my own opinion, and I’m not really going to listen to the others.” Knowing human nature, I knew girls would inevitably start talking about other girls. “I’m going to base my opinion on what I’ve seen, not what I’ve heard.” Perhaps I relied so much on my direct experiences that I blocked out some of the bad things
I heard regarding Tierra.
I realize now I should’ve listened to what the others were saying.
To put it simply, I liked her. When I was with her, she was nice, kind, and fun to be with. Because The Bachelor is not the most natural dating situation, it’s totally understandable to flake out under the pressure. I sympathized—and even empathized—with it. Because I never saw her mistreating the other girls or being mean to the others, I let her stay so I could get to know her better.
Tierra always said, “I’m here for love, not to make friends.” It seems in every season, one person carries that banner. What they don’t realize is that they’ll be spending a whole lot more time hanging around the mansion with the others than on actual dates. Obviously, no one has to make best buddies for life, but friendships sure make the experience a lot more enjoyable.
I can speak from experience. I’ll be friends with guys from Emily’s season for the rest of my life. I loved getting to know Jef, Arie, Charlie, John, Alejandro, and Travis. To be honest, the rose ceremonies were sad for me, even when she sent the other guys home. Though I should’ve been relieved that I’d survived on the show another week, I was always disappointed because I’d miss seeing the guys around the house.
Regrettably, none of the girls seemed sad to see Tierra go.
At the end of that crazy week, I was left with four amazing women and a lot of questions swirling around in my mind.
Hopefully, it was nothing a few hometown visits couldn’t cure.
twelve
ONE STEP AT A TIME
Family is very important to me, so I knew the hometown dates of the four remaining women—AshLee, Lindsay, Catherine, and Desiree—were going to be critical. I couldn’t believe I’d already gotten to this point in my journey. I knew each of the four remaining women would make a wonderful wife, but none stood out above the others. I decided I was going to focus on each relationship, without comparing them or muddling them together in my mind. I decided to try this approach: when I was with AshLee, I would focus on AshLee—without thinking of the other girls. Then, when I was with Lindsay, I’d try to think of her exclusively. I hoped their families would give me insight and information on each of them that would help me make good decisions. All four of them were evenly ranked in my mind going into that hometown week, and I desperately needed to find clarity for the upcoming days of decision.