by Sean Lowe
“Do you take Sean to be your husband and to live according to God’s Word in the holy union of marriage? Do you promise to love, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and to forsake all others as long as you both shall live?”
“I do,” she said.
In addition to these vows, however, Catherine and I had written our own.
“Before I met you, before I even knew you existed, I knew you were coming,” Catherine said. This was when her tears threatened to come, but she was able to hold it together. “I was ready to give my whole heart to someone, and now here you are. The first time I saw you, you were like a light to my bug. I had to find you. You mesmerized me with how brightly you shone. Every time I look up at you, my heart fills with love sprinkles. Every time I kiss you, my whole body feels it. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to explode from how much I love you. I am completely consumed by you, and tonight we get to become one. I promise to love you until after my heart bursts. I promise to love you after our children are old and gray. I promise to love you after we can’t even remember our own names. I will still know how fully I have loved you. You’re my dream and my reality, my future and my present. My whole heart and my best friend. I thank God for bringing me to you, instilling that light so I could find you. I thank God for bringing you to me and igniting that same light. I can’t wait to shine together and make everybody completely blind. I love you.”
Her vows were loving, a little quirky, and wonderful. And while her words were still circling in my head—I am like a “light to her bug”?—my dad asked me to go ahead with the vows I’d written. I took a deep breath and tried to focus.
“From the moment I met you, I wanted more,” I said, squeezing her hands. “I wanted more of your infectious smile, I wanted more of your adorable giggle, and I wanted more of your love. You had me hooked from the beginning, and I didn’t want to let you go. We met in the strangest way you can possibly meet someone. On The Bachelor, with an army of people following us around with cameras, but I know that wasn’t by accident.”
Even though I’d sat down twenty times to write these lines, I felt like they’d come together perfectly.
“God says that all things work together for the good of those who love him. I know that we met on The Bachelor so that I could fall in love with my best friend. Every day I am encouraged by your love and your selflessness, and as your husband, I promise to always put you first. I promise to be the best father I can be to our children, and I promise to always make you laugh with my silly faces and ridiculous voices. So today, in front of my dad, my family, all of our friends, I want to say that I love you and I’m gonna love you for eternity.”
Clay, my best man, brought up the rings. Instead of pulling out the Neil Lane rings, he pulled out a ring pop. We laughed and Catherine said, “Hey, I want that! I’m hungry.”
After he pulled out the real rings, we slipped them on each other’s fingers and each said, “With this ring, I pledge my love and loyalty to you for the rest of my life in the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit.”
I swallowed hard, realizing that the God who brought us together will also keep us together.
“I’ve got one thing for you to remember for the rest of your life,” my dad said. “Love God the most, and you will love each other more. Are you ready? This is about to happen!”
Everyone laughed, and I somehow kept the tears in.
“By the power vested in me as a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the laws of California, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride.”
It wasn’t the first time we kissed on national television, but it was the first time we kissed as husband and wife.
“It is now my privilege and my honor to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. Sean Lowe!”
The cameras swooped in, the confetti was thrown, and the ceremony was over.
At that point, I was overcome with emotion. As I made my exit, the cameras caught me crying like a baby.
I was a bachelor no more.
EPILOGUE
In all this, there was one moment I’ll never forget.
It was in Thailand, just after the proposal. A few minutes after I got down on one knee, Mary Kate asked Catherine and me to sit down for our ITM.
“Both of us?”
“Yes,” she said, motioning to a couple of chairs situated in front of the camera.
We sat down, holding hands, beaming from ear to ear. It was the first time I’d been interviewed by Mary Kate with another person.
“So,” Mary Kate said with a smile, “how are you both feeling?”
“We’re excited to start our lives together,” I said, squeezing Catherine’s hand.
“I’ve never been happier.” She giggled.
After Catherine finished talking, I was thinking about how fun it was to be interviewed for the first time with her by my side. I was thinking of all the things we’d eventually do together as a couple—grocery shop, work out, teach our kids how to ride bikes. As my mind wandered, a sound tech came up.
“All right, you can unhook your mics now,” he said.
Throughout the entire season—for ten weeks straight—everyone had been mic’ed up. In my case, I wore an elastic belt under my shirt that held the microphone in the back. The sound tech ran the wire up my shirt so the mic was near my mouth. Those little devices picked up everything, so I knew whatever I said could possibly be broadcast to millions of people. For weeks, I lived with that awareness at all times. I worried I would sneeze too loudly and burst some poor technician’s eardrums. I worried I’d forget to turn off the mic when I went to the bathroom. I worried I’d say something that would be misconstrued.
After Catherine finished talking, the guy just stood there with his hand opened. He noticed I was standing still, seemingly immobilized by the simple request. “Do you, um . . . need help unhooking it?”
“No,” I said, reaching under my shirt and handing him the device.
Wow, I remember thinking as he walked away. It’s over.
When you are the Bachelor, it’s easy to get caught up in the momentum and the glamour of the show. But life isn’t normally televised. Conversations aren’t evaluated by thousands on Twitter. Decisions aren’t questioned by media personalities.
Most of life is lived unhooked. Unplugged. Unnoticed.
But don’t be fooled. Everything that’s really important happens when no one else is paying attention.
When I was on The Bachelorette, Emily often described me as “perfect.” But I’m fallen, flawed, and in need of redemption. Thankfully, I had great parents who taught me how to be a good kid and then how to be a man. I’m still learning that.
My on-camera actions were only a reflection of all the years of living “unhooked”—of the moments when my dad pulled me aside as a kid and spanked my backside, when I was building character on the football field in high school, when I was reading my Bible during college, and even when I was learning from embarrassing mistakes after college. That day-in, day-out work of character development is tedious, boring, and just plain hard.
I sometimes failed.
One of the things I’ve seen throughout this process is this: only after I was faithful in the little things did I have the opportunity to be faithful in bigger things. I didn’t show up one day on The Bachelor and suddenly have the chance to show America how to navigate the show with purity, honesty, and fairness.
I did my best to practice integrity every day as I went about my daily life. That meant I honored my parents, treated my girlfriends with respect, politely declined alcoholic drinks at parties before I was twenty-one, and worked hard at everything I tried to accomplish. That meant I cold-called potential insurance clients and tried not to be angry when they hung up on me. My life wasn’t exciting, but it was training ground for how to make the right decisions—even if the decision was as seemingly insignificant as steeling my nerves and answering the call of disappointed, furious investors after I’d
lost all their money.
All of these character-building moments happened when no one was watching. I made mistakes. But I repented and changed.
People often tell you to “live your dream.” But I think the better advice is to be faithful. Treat people well, even when you don’t feel like it. Tell the truth, even when it’s complicated. Admit your mistakes, even when they make you look bad. In other words, don’t save your integrity for the big moments. Practice it at all times so you actually have some when the big moments come.
In my case, that big moment was The Bachelor, a place where I was able to meet the girl of my dreams. Thankfully, I managed to do it in such a way that allowed both of us to draw closer to God.
Now we’re moving back toward the “unplugged” life.
Since the wedding, Catherine and I have bought a house in Dallas, located near our favorite restaurants and within walking distance of many fun activities. The yard is fenced, so Lola and Ellie have a place to run. We’re so happy to be in Dallas, though I’m not sure where I’ll end up on—I’ll go ahead and say it—my journey.
I heard Bachelor fans played a drinking game during my season, in which every time I said the word journey, people took a drink. They were making fun of the fact that this is the most overused word in the show.
But I know this. I used to pray as I drove to my job to sell insurance: “God, you know I don’t want to live a normal life. If this is your will—if you really want me to sell insurance—I’ll do it. But there has to be more.”
This book ultimately showed where this prayer took me. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “ ‘I know the plans I have for you,’ says the LORD. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’ ”
As I look back at my life over the past few years, I’m thankful.
It definitely was a journey worth taking.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Nancy, I couldn’t have told my story without you, and for that I am so very grateful.
I’d like to thank Katherine Rowley and Kristen Parrish, whose edits made my story so much better.
I appreciate the hard work of the marketing team: Chad Cannon, Katy Boatman, and Tiffany Sawyer.
Thanks to Kristen Vasgaard for the great cover design.
My agent, Stéphanie Abou, whose charming French accent made all our conference calls much more interesting.
Thanks to Matt Kirschner for always seeing opportunities and believing in my potential. Thank you for orchestrating my life.
Of course, I need to express extreme gratitude to all the wonderful people at The Bachelor. You made the process so fun—I loved all the conversations and jokes that happened during the hurry-up-and-wait moments. I count you all as friends.
Specifically, Chris Harrison, you make roses and romance look manly.
Elan, your hair inspires me every day.
Martin, I so appreciated our late-night chat.
Cassie, thanks for your friendship.
Alycia, your kindness and love always showed up when I needed it the most.
Mansfield, you have such a servant’s heart.
Bennett, thank you for encouraging me every step of the way.
Mike Fleiss, thanks for taking a chance on me.
Rob Mills, you are the coolest studio exec ever.
And to my family:
Mom, your love has made me the man I am today.
Dad, your pursuit of the Lord inspires me.
Papa, thank you for being the godly patriarch of our family.
Mimi, your humor and love are contagious.
Grandmother, you are the glue that holds our family together.
Shay and Andrew, I’m forever indebted to you.
And, Catherine, thanks for saying yes.
NOTES
1. Douglas S. Looney, “Futility U Kansas State, Winless Since 1986, Has One Claim to Fame: It Is America’s Most Hapless Team,” Sports Illustrated, September 4, 1989, http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/1989/09/04/120464/futility-u-kansas-state-winless-since-1986-has-one-claim-to-fame-it-is-americas-most-hapless-team.
2. “The Brady 6,” The Year of the Quarterback, Vinnie Malhotra, prod., ESPN documentary, aired April 12, 2011.
3. Author’s best recollection of news article from that day.
4. Sarah Young, Jesus Calling (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2004), 14.
5. Sarah Young, Jesus Calling (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2004), 2.
6. Erykah Badu, “Tyrone,” Live, Kedar Records/Universal, 1997.
7. Allison Corneau, US Weekly, “Chris Harrison: New Bachelor Sean Lowe Is ‘So Sincere,’ ” October 30, 2012, http://www.usmagazine.com/entertainment/news/chris-harrison-new-bachelor-sean-lowe-is-so-sincere-20123010#ixzz2ApHlZmFU.
8. 2Cellos.com, Biography, accessed July 7, 2014, http://www.2cellos.com/us/biography.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Sean Lowe, one of the three finalists on Emily Maynard’s popular season of The Bachelorette, later starred in the 2013 season of The Bachelor. Credited by the New York Times for “reinvigorating the franchise,” he has been voted America’s favorite Bachelor and is the only one to marry his match from the show. Sean and his bride, Catherine, live in Dallas, Texas, with their two dogs, Ellie and Lola.
Nancy French is a three-time New York Times best-selling author who has written books with former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, Chinese dissident Bob Fu, Iraq war vet and Constitutional lawyer David French, Olympic gold medalist Shawn Johnson, and Bristol Palin. Read about these—and other books—at www.NancyFrench.com and connect with her on Twitter at @NancyAFrench.
PHOTOS
Shay and I, Christmas 1984
My first snow in Dallas (age two)
1987 (age three)
Shay and I, Christmas 1988
Cruising my bike in some sweet overalls (age four)
1989 (age five)
Looking super dorky in kindergarten in 1989
My first-grade school play in 1990
In my grandparents’ bed pretending to be Granddaddy in 1991
My second-grade class picture
Family Vacation to Colorado in 1991
My third-grade class picture
Playing football for the Bulldogs in 1993 (age ten)
My fifth-grade class picture
My sophomore year of high school in 2000
My football picture when I was a junior in high school (age sixteen)
My senior class picture (age seventeen)
With Shay at my high school graduation
With Mom and Dad at high school graduation
My high school graduation in 2002
On the field my freshman year of college at Kansas State University in 2002
Vegas with Shay and Andrew in 2006
Celebrating my cousin Brandon’s wedding in 2007
At the park with my dad and our dogs in 2007
My first day with Ellie in 2006
Playing with Kensington in 2009
Holding Kensington after church in 2008
Holding Smith in hospital in 2010
Easter 2014
Waiting for my beautiful bride to walk down the aisle—having my dad officiate made it all the more special
Catherine and I dancing our first dance as husband and wife to Randy Rogers’s “One Woman”
My grandfather Papa saying grace at our wedding reception
Catherine and I dancing at our good friend Laura’s wedding, summer 2014
My girls waiting for me to come home from the gym in front of our house
During my and Catherine’s hometown date in Seattle on The Bachelor
Catherine and I getting ready to skydive in 2014
his book with friends