by Divya Anand
‘He’s joined on a Tuesday? That’s odd,’ I said. ‘I thought HR made people start on Monday.’
‘HR’s rules only apply to us minions,’ Shirin said dismissively.
She walked over to the centre of the bay where all the groups seemed to be converging. I followed, not wanting to miss out on any of the gossip surrounding this newcomer.
‘He was on the thirty-under-thirty list . . . ’
‘For the start-up he created in college and sold before he even began business school,’ Dhruv, who had clearly been researching his boss, said.
‘He spent five years at Amazon,’ Aakash, not wanting to be left behind, jumped in.
‘He’s really young,’ Shirin cut in. ‘He graduated B-school in 2010.’
Suddenly, there was pin-drop silence.
‘What?’ Dhruv choked out. ‘That’s not possible. He’s the marketing head.’
‘And he used to be a director,’ Upasana added.
‘It’s right here on LinkedIn,’ Shirin pulled it up on her phone. There it was, staring us in the face. Haas School of Business, 2010. This Abhimanyu was Dhruv’s age, only a couple of years older than me. But he was Harsh’s peer.
He must either be really good at his job, or the world’s most skilled corporate politician, I thought. Or both.
We continued to peer at his LinkedIn profile. For some reason, he didn’t have a photo.
‘Did anyone check his other profiles?’ I asked.
‘Everything else is set to private,’ Aakash said. ‘This is all there is.’
‘How very un-marketing like,’ I replied. ‘How’s he going to promote anything if he can’t even promote himself?’
Suddenly, the door to Ash’s room opened. The buzz of voices died instantly as everyone scrambled to get back to their desks. Everyone was peering over their monitors, trying to get a look at the new marketing head. But Ash was playing spoiler by standing by the door and blocking our view. He was gesturing as he continued to speak to the person who was still inside. I squinted to see what I could make out through the frosted glass. The new marketing head was tall, almost six feet tall like Ash. He was lean and had really broad shoulders.
Ash stepped out of the office and began walking in our direction. The new marketing head followed him. By now, everyone had stopped pretending they were hard at work. The entire team was blatantly staring as the newcomer walked out of Ash’s office.
Shit, shit, shit.
My heart skipped a beat. And not in a good way.
I blinked, hoping I was seeing things, but I wasn’t.
It was him.
Oscar, the grouch.
‘Team, say hello to Abhimanyu Singh, our new head of marketing,’ said Ash.
‘Oh, shit,’ said Upasana and Shirin in unison. With that, any hopes I had that this was merely the trivia dick’s doppelganger flew out the window.
Ash went around the bay introducing Abhimanyu to everyone.
‘This is Sitara, one of our product managers. She has a great idea around creating a beauty box, so I’ve asked her to speak with you,’ Ash said as he introduced me.
I squirmed.
‘Hi Osc—Abhimanyu,’ I stuttered.
As Abhimanyu looked directly at me, I wished I could jump out of the glass window leaving only a Sitara-shaped crack behind. I would travel back in time to my worst moments to escape this. I could go back to my grandparents’ place during vacations and listen to my grandmother yell at my grandfather for hours. Or to the day I walked around in period blood-stained clothes for half the school day before someone told me about it. I could even go back to the day I accidentally tucked my skirt into my stockings when I visited the bathroom during a date and showed the entire restaurant my underwear. Anywhere but here.
I began chewing my fingernail, wondering what he would say.
‘Nice to meet you, Sitara,’ Abhimanyu said politely.
I gaped. He looked at me like I was just another colleague he’d met this very minute. It was as though he didn’t remember me at all.
I wondered if this was a good thing or a bad thing.
WhatsApp Chat
[11.00 a.m.] Sitara: The dick is the new marketing head!
[11.00 a.m.] Kavya: You mean, the new marketing head is a dick.
[11.01 a.m.] Sitara: No, I mean the new head is THE dick. Abhimanyu, from trivia.
[11.01 a.m.] Kavya: Who?
[11.01 a.m.] Sitara: Oscar!
[11.02 a.m.] Kavya: Oscar? Who are all these people?
[11.03 a.m.] Sitara: Kavya! How can you forget the guy from The Sherlock Homies, the one I was calling Oscar?
[11.03 a.m.] Kavya: Oh, that Oscar. Krish is still pining for that dick, if you know what I mean . . .
[11.04 a.m.] Sitara: Very funny. Just so you know, his name is Abhimanyu. And he’s our new marketing head.
[11.04 a.m.] Kavya: Holy shit!
[11.05 a.m.] Sitara: Exactly. I called the new marketing head a dick.
[11.07 a.m.] Kavya: Did he say anything when he was introduced to you?
[11.10 a.m.] Sitara: Nothing. He acted like he didn’t remember me.
[11.10 a.m.] Kavya: Nobody can forget being called a dick. He probably didn’t want to create a scene.
[11.11 a.m.] Sitara: You’re right. I’m supposed to get HIM of all people to approve my business plan. The one for my promotion. And he HATES me. I am so screwed!
[11.13 a.m.] Kavya: Oh. What if you apologize?
[11.13 a.m.] Sitara: Or maybe . . .
[11.15 a.m.] Sitara: . . . I pretend the incident never happened?
[11.16 a.m.] Kavya: Won’t it be awkward? I mean, you’ll see him at work every day. What if he’s now a permanent Sherlock Homies member?
[11.17 a.m.] Sitara: Oh God, that would be the worst! But yeah, you’re right. I’ll have to apologize. Shit.
I sighed as I put my phone away. I was not looking forward to apologizing to Abhimanyu ‘Oscar’ Singh.
‘Hi Abhimanyu,’ I began as soon I spotted him at the coffee machine.
I had been looking up every few minutes to catch him when he took a coffee break. I felt a little bit like a low-key stalker. He didn’t look up. He went about stirring in a sachet of sugar into his coffee. I took a deep breath and ploughed on.
‘Can we talk?’ I asked.
He threw the stirrer into the bin, took a sip and finally looked at me questioningly. I decided to go on.
‘I’m really sorry about what happened last week. I hope it won’t impact our working relationship. I was really frustrated that day, and the words just came out . . . ’ I said.
‘OK,’ he said with what looked like a smirk plastered on his face. It threw me off because I didn’t know whether he really meant it.
‘OK?’
‘Yeah, don’t worry. I wasn’t offended. I’m just glad you’re able to construct sensible sentences now,’ he quipped, as I stared at him with my mouth hanging open.
He took another sip of coffee.
After that jibe, there wasn’t much I could say. I decided to put the incident behind me and get on with what I really wanted to broach.
‘Actually, there is one more thing,’ I said.
‘I have an idea and Ash asked me to speak to you about it. Can we discuss it today?’
‘It’s my first day, so I’d like to focus on getting to know my team. Why don’t you find an empty slot on my calendar later this week once I’ve had a chance to speak with Harsh?’
‘This is time-sensitive and critical. Ash is really interested in this, so the sooner we discuss it the better,’ I pressed.
He pulled out his phone and checked his calendar.
‘OK, if I’m going to begin my stint by saving lives on the very first day, let’s connect at five,’ he said and walked away.
Yes, I cheered to myself silently. I pulled out a bottle of coconut water from the fridge and took a sip.
Suddenly, he stopped and turned.
‘Oh, and by the way, I don
’t appreciate name dropping.’
‘I’ve got projections to show how the beauty box will increase our new user base as well as . . . ’ I was in the middle of my presentation when Abhimanyu cut me off.
‘You scheduled an urgent meeting for this?’ he asked incredulously. He picked up a pen and began writing notes in a tiny black notebook. I tried to peer into it but couldn’t see what he was writing.
‘This is the model that AllureBox has operated successfully . . . ’
‘You mean, this is the model that resulted in AllureBox declaring bankruptcy! Shouldn’t you check if the company still exists before you set up a meeting based on an idea they tried?’ He stared at me, brows furrowed in annoyance.
‘This idea will work in India,’ I said hotly. ‘We have the premium customers on our platform. With this, the value-conscious customers will sign up because the box is priced such that they will discover new brands for next to nothing!’
‘Yeah, you’ll attract a whole new customer segment of bargain hunters! One that will stock up on samples and buy nothing. What’s the point?’
He shut his notebook as though it wasn’t even worth making notes. My ears were drumming. I was so angry. Abhimanyu was infuriating. He had no context whatsoever, and was talking about all the wrong metrics. I jumped in to correct him.
‘Abhimanyu, you’re misunderstanding the objective. With this plan, we will attract new customers. We have other features that will drive revenues once they’re on Glam,’ I argued.
‘Sitara, there is no point in bringing in new customers if they’re predisposed not to spend money. I don’t see any point pursuing this,’ he said with an air of finality.
‘Ash was convinced. We should really dive into the details . . . ’
‘In that case, take your proposal to Ash,’ he cut in icily.
‘What I meant was you’re judging this too quickly. I have detailed projections on revenue. Let me take you through them,’ I backtracked quickly. I was used to involving Ash because it was the best way to talk Harsh into anything. It was obvious that Abhimanyu was different. Bringing Ash into the conversation was more harmful than helpful. I would have to watch myself.
‘I’m here to double Glam’s revenues, and with that in mind, I will only focus on plans that have a shot at changing our trajectory. I suggest you focus on something along those lines too,’ he said, effectively ending the meeting.
I left, fuming at his arrogance.
Who did he think he was? Even Ash spent more time listening to a proposal before shooting it down. This guy had been disinterested in my presentation throughout. He asked me a few stray questions, but didn’t push for details. I was sure he was still mad at me, and he most certainly wasn’t letting trivia grudges stay within trivia. He wouldn’t give me a fair hearing.
PING!
Glam Office Messenger Group Chat
[#Best-Buds@Glam—5.35 p.m.] Upasana: Did you see the email?
[#Best-Buds@Glam—5.36 p.m.] Shirin: I know! What is this nonsense?
[#Best-Buds@Glam—5.40 p.m.] Sitara: Abhimanyu sucks! I cannot believe we have to deal with such a self-centred ass.
[#Best-Buds@Glam—5.41 p.m.] Upasana: Forget him. Check your email!
[#Best-Buds@Glam—5.41 p.m.] Sitara: He said my idea is terrible and my time is better spent elsewhere. Upasana, do you know what’s going on with Dhruv’s project?
[#Best-Buds@Glam—5.41 p.m.] Shirin: Sitara, CHECK. YOUR. EMAIL.
[#Best-Buds@Glam—5.45 p.m.] Sitara: WTF is this?!
[#Best-Buds@Glam—5.45 p.m.] Upasana: Exactly! We’re all going through the Circle of Success programme :(
[#Best-Buds@Glam—5.45 p.m.] Shirin: Did you see that questionnaire? It’s five pages! I have to finish an analysis Harsh asked for, and now I also have to fill this? I’ll be here all night.
[#Best-Buds@Glam—5.46 p.m.] Sitara: We’re all going to be here all night. Not just today, but for the duration of this workshop.
[#Best-Buds@Glam—5.47 p.m.] Upasana: I can’t believe Ash is pretending we get off at 5 p.m. every day. He thinks we will do two hours of this programme and then head home? Who will finish the mountains of work we have?
[#Best-Buds@Glam—5.48 p.m.] Sitara: We’re so screwed!
I walked to my desk and started packing my things. I had a ton of work, but I couldn’t sit in the office any longer. Usually, I avoided working at home. But today was one of those days where I felt like I would get more done if I was lounging on my couch in my pyjamas instead of sitting in the office where I ran the risk of running into that insufferable ass again.
Of all the start-ups in all of Bangalore, why did he have to walk into mine?
6
Exercise the Power of Might over Matter
‘What the . . . ’
I stopped a few metres away from my desk and rubbed my eyes. It looked like a crime scene, with yellow tape criss-crossed in front of it, cordoning it off from the rest of the bay. The cubicle walls had been removed and there were ugly, bright blue plastic sheets hanging in their place. I wondered if I had missed an email about some admin work in the office. But as I looked around the bay, I noticed that everyone else’s desk appeared to be untouched.
Why has mine been vandalized, I wondered. And where are all my things?
I kept looking around and suddenly spotted a large box in the corner. A familiar sweatshirt was draped around the box. I rushed over and realized that someone had piled all my things into the box in the most haphazard manner possible.
What kind of moron dumps a fat diary right on top of a plant, I wondered as I dived in to organize my things. My poor succulent! It already looked a little traumatized.
‘Didn’t you check your email?’ Shirin asked, as she walked up and handed me a cup of coffee with ‘SITAR’ written on it.
‘No, I was so stressed after filling out that ridiculously long questionnaire last night, I decided to take a break this morning,’ I replied. ‘What did I miss?’
‘They’re knocking down this wall,’ she said gesturing to the wall behind my desk, which was now covered by blue plastic sheets. ‘It will be replaced with a glass door, leading to the room that’s behind. That room is now going to be a cabin.’
I blinked. It was going to be so weird having a door next to a row of seats. But whoever was taking that cabin was getting a prime location on the floor. The cabin was tucked away in the corner and had floor-length windows on all sides except the area with the wall that separated it from the cubicles in front.
‘What? For whom?’ I asked, knowing that it couldn’t possibly be for Ash. Ash loved his cabin because it was right by the entrance to the floor, thus allowing him to track all our comings and goings. Plus, it was equally well-lit.
‘Abhimanyu,’ she said, rolling her eyes. ‘He’s also asked for his team to move to this bay. Your team is moving to the opposite side, next to the tech team.’
I gasped.
‘But Harsh’s office is here,’ I said gesturing toward it.
‘No, Harsh is moving to the other side too.’
‘Harsh is okay with moving to an office that’s away from the windows?’
Harsh had fought hard to get a cabin on the ‘good’ side of the floor, with floor-to-ceiling windows. If he moved to the other side, he would get a cabin that was right by our cubicles. Those cabins were dingy and didn’t get any natural light. I couldn’t imagine Harsh taking this move quietly.
‘I don’t think he had a choice,’ Shirin said. ‘I heard Abhimanyu stipulated he’d decide where he and his team would sit before he agreed to join. Plus, he told Ash he’d never heard of a product team sitting away from engineering . . . ’
‘What a diva,’ I muttered. But also, what a master player! It was a stroke of genius, telling Ash that all product teams sat next to tech teams. Ash would do anything Abhimanyu claimed his ex-employer did, irrespective of whether or not that was actually true. I was impressed by his ability to play Ash.
I pic
ked up the box with my things and walked to the other side. My heart sank. The product team had been assigned seats right in the centre, away from the windows. The engineers had already claimed the prime spots near the windows. The blinds were drawn, ensuring that not even an iota of natural light touched anything in the vicinity. I had learnt the hard way that engineers were closet vampires who would bite the head off anyone who dared open the blinds, so I didn’t dare attempt that. I looked around the dark, dingy space and felt a pang of longing for my old seat which was right by a window.
Suddenly, a group of workers passed by and walked into one of the offices. They were accompanied by Ranjani, the admin head.
‘These men are the limit,’ she muttered. I looked at her and gave her a tentative smile, hoping to make her feel better. That’s all it took for the floodgates to open.
‘Nobody realizes how difficult it is for the admin team. One person says he will sit only in that room, which by the way doesn’t even exist yet, and wants the entire thing redone overnight. The other one has a hissy fit because he is moved to this side, and is now asking us to instal new lighting to brighten up his office. Meanwhile, Ash wants me to get his office soundproofed. And they want everything done ASAP!!’
She stopped short of cursing but I could see the thoughts flit through her mind. I didn’t know what to say, so I just murmured my sympathies. It didn’t seem like Ranjani wanted much else. She thanked me, and began barking directions at the workers. I assumed they were the ones meant to ‘brighten’ up that office, at the behest of Harsh. Ranjani was taking her revenge on Harsh with her choice of lighting. It fit the brief of being ‘bright’. But it wasn’t cheery or warm. It was the kind of stark white light that was characteristic of hospitals. Instead of improving the lighting in the office, it was making things much worse. I was not looking forward to having meetings with Harsh in that grim space.
I put the box down on the desk with my nameplate on it. As soon as I set up my laptop and opened it, another group of workers walked in and began making a racket as they started drilling and hammering. Even though the drilling was happening on the opposite end of the floor, the sound was bouncing off the walls and starting to give me a headache.