by Divya Anand
‘Sitara is right,’ Abhimanyu’s baritone broke into my thoughts. ‘From a marketing standpoint, we can identify the right target group to test this concept. We will need some product changes to effectively measure the results, and, of course, sales will have to crack the first set of deals, but this is doable . . . ’
Abhijit immediately jumped in.
‘Boss, the sales team is stretched thin. We’re struggling with the margins as it is, and now you also want me to go out and get freebies for an experiment with low volumes,’ he whined in that nasal voice of his.
My heart sank. If Abhijit wasn’t willing to get deals, there was no way we could run an experiment. And he was tough to argue with because he would keep whining until the other person gave up. He always made it seem as though anything we suggested would lead to an apocalyptic end.
‘In that case, I will fund the deals for the experiment from my marketing budget,’ said Abhimanyu immediately.
Abhijit opened his mouth but shut it as soon as he saw Ash nod and smile at Abhimanyu. Ash tossed his now-empty coffee cup into the dustbin kept in the corner of the room. He walked back to the table and sat down.
‘Now we’re getting somewhere. Sitara, do you have any resourcing asks?’ he asked.
I thanked God for the brainstorming session with Abhimanyu over the weekend. I hadn’t even considered that Ash would ask about resourcing, but Abhimanyu had specifically asked me to put a slide on this. I quickly pulled it up so everyone could read it.
‘We will have to deprioritize some other project if we need to do this,’ Harsh burst out immediately. He scowled at Abhimanyu.
‘Harsh, we can relook at our roadmap to figure out prioritization . . . ’ I began, wondering why he was even saying this to Ash. I had shown him this slide earlier and he hadn’t said a word. Besides, even if we needed to bump something off the roadmap, that was a call Harsh could take.
‘Abhimanyu,’ Harsh cut me off, ‘this is the third request from your team. You need to prioritize between this, the changes needed for Dhruv’s campaign and the new analysis tool you wanted by the end of this month.’
He looked very pleased at having pushed Abhimanyu into this situation. I wondered if Harsh was angling to get Dhruv’s project deprioritized to make it easier for me to get a promotion. Thankfully, Dhruv wasn’t in this meeting. He’d finally managed to convince Abhimanyu that he was really busy on his campaign and now Upasana was working with me instead.
‘Ash, BeauPlus just raised $50 million in funding for their beauty box. We have the beauty customers, we need to invest in them,’ I said, hoping this would tip the scales and get Dhruv’s project deprioritized.
Before Ash responded, Abhimanyu leaned forward. He took a sip of his coffee before he began speaking. ‘If we were to run an experiment, I expect we will need about two weeks of data to prove our results. We should deprioritize the work on the new tool and pick it up after this has launched.’
Harsh did not look pleased. And neither did Upasana. She put away her notebook and looked at Abhimanyu.
‘I’ve been working on this tool for two months,’ she burst out. ‘We can’t deprioritize it!’
‘We need to prioritize projects that will bring in funding,’ Ash interjected. ‘Whatever does not contribute to that goal is not critical.’
He effectively ended any debate with this pronouncement.
‘Upasana, we can discuss alternatives to unblock you offline,’ Abhimanyu added, in a tone that brooked no argument. She looked extremely annoyed, but didn’t say anything now that Ash had weighed in. She opened her notebook and went back to doodling. I suspected Abhimanyu would soon feature as a dragon in her next comic. Or a vampire. Or Dracula. Basically, something that she could kill on the pages of her sketchbook, if not in real life.
Harsh smiled widely, looking as though he had won an award. Of course, now that Ash was on board, he would immediately act as though he was responsible for making this happen.
‘OK folks, get to work. I look forward to seeing the results,’ Ash announced and swept out of the room.
Abhijit immediately pulled Abhimanyu to the side and began a heated conversation on how he was supposed to hit the monthly targets and also have ‘his guys’ find partners for this experiment. I walked over to them, hoping to add my two cents, but Harsh got there before me. He gestured to indicate I should leave them alone.
So now Harsh decided to get involved, I thought bitterly.
Glam Office Messenger Group Chat
[#Glaminions—11 a.m.] Bhargavi: I cracked it! Ash’s name is Ashwem.
[#Glaminions—11.01 a.m.] Aakash: Um, what?
[#Glaminions—11.01 a.m.] Bhargavi: He was talking about his sister today, and he said her name is Kabini. Like the river!
[#Glaminions—11.02 a.m.] Dhruv: So?
[#Glaminions—11.04 a.m.] Bhargavi: Arey, his parents are following that trend of naming their children after the places they were conceived in! You know, like Dakota or Sydney or whatever.
[#Glaminions—11.07 a.m.] Dhruv: So you think Ash was conceived on a beach in Goa?
[#Glaminions—11.10 a.m.] Bhargavi: Why not? As if you have a better idea!
I stifled a laugh and began typing a response when Upasana suddenly grabbed my arm. I was still standing outside the meeting room and I looked up expectantly, thinking she would suggest grabbing a coffee.
She was glaring at me.
I was confused.
‘What was that?’ she burst out.
‘What?’ I blinked at her in surprise, as I tucked a stubborn curl back behind my ear.
‘Some friend you are,’ she muttered. ‘Bringing up that funding story so Ash would deprioritize my project! And this, after I help you. Thanks a lot.’
‘Upasana . . . ’ I began.
‘I know. You need your promotion, so your work trumps all. Never mind that the rest of us also have targets. Who cares as long as you get your way!’
‘That’s not fair,’ I burst out. ‘I wasn’t trying to get your project deprioritized! I was only trying to make sure that my experiment got the green light . . . ’ I reached out to grab her arm, so I could stop her from walking away.
‘It’s not about whether or not Ash, or Harsh, or even Abhimanyu would listen,’ she spat out. ‘The point is, you didn’t even try to interject! I cannot believe you would do that to me.’ She blinked hard, and I knew she was fighting to hold back her tears.
‘Upasana . . . ’ I tried again. She shrugged and turned away. She began walking toward the exit. I saw Shirin get up from her seat and run behind her.
I began walking towards them, but didn’t know what to say now that they both were mad at me. I stopped and sighed.
If Shirin, who was generally quick to forgive, still hadn’t forgiven me for refusing to swap meeting slots with her, I didn’t know what to expect from Upasana who was known for maintaining a running hit list of all those who’d wronged her. I guessed I would be the one featuring as Dracula or a vampire in her sketchbook today. Or maybe even a female Judas.
I felt the beginnings of a headache. I pressed at my temples.
As I walked back to my desk, I spotted Dhruv, Aakash, Bhargavi and a few others huddled in a corner. The looks I got when I passed them suggested I was the hot topic of discussion. I overheard some words like ‘selfish’, ‘aggressive’, ‘cut-throat’, ‘anything for a promotion’, and so on. Not one of them had been in the meeting, so I wondered how the office grapevine already had all the updates. Especially since they were busy discussing Ash’s conception while the meeting was going on.
That’s when I remembered—the meeting room we were using had thin walls and was adjacent to Abhimanyu’s office. Dhruv must’ve parked himself in the office as we often did when the bosses weren’t there. He had probably overheard the entire conversation.
What a slimy bastard, I thought.
He was definitely relaying the blow-by-blow, and adding as much extra masala he could to fan the fl
ames. I wondered if he had created a separate Instant Messenger group just to relay this information, because there was no mention of it on the regular group. I couldn’t believe I once had a crush on this guy. Just looking at him now made my skin crawl.
‘This is how you get ahead in the corporate world! Every rung in the ladder is someone you’re stepping on and that’s exactly what she’s doing,’ I overheard someone say, as everyone giggled.
The comment was timed and said in a sotto voce loud enough to get a rise out of me. I bit my lip to stop myself from responding.
At that moment I hated Dhruv. He was just as smarmy as Aakash, but did a much better job at covering his ickiness. I pulled out my phone, pretending to be completely absorbed in it, so it seemed like I wasn’t bothered by what they were saying.
And that’s when I spotted the notification.
Best-Buds@Glam has been archived.
19
Forget Work and Go for Sheer Unadulterated Pleasure
Sub: Mandatory fun event!
Hello Team,
It’s been a while since we let our hair down! The Good Times@Glam Club cordially invites you to our mid-week karaoke night.
RSVP: This is a mandatory team event. Let me know if you have a pressing reason that prevents your attendance.
We look forward to singing away the blues with all of you!
On behalf of the Good Times@Glam Club,
Mallika M.
Head, HR
PS: Request that you do not bring your families/significant others.
I stared at the email that had come in last week. As always, I had ignored it because it came from HR. I rarely read their emails, especially not when I was busy. However, there was no way I could skip this inane event short of faking a heart attack. HR took Good Times@Glam events very seriously. A few months ago, a group of us left the team cricket match they had arranged within a couple of hours. They expected us to give up our entire Saturday baking in the hot sun and playing a terrible game of cricket with mostly uncoordinated colleagues. I shuddered at the thought of spending my free time with people like slimy Aakash, smarmy Dhruv, the giggly HR and admin posse, the stand-offish sales guys and other such annoying characters. The minute Upasana, Shirin, Bhargavi and I got our beers at the pub across the street from the field, our phones simultaneously pinged. We all got personalized screaming texts from Ash, reminiscent of the Howler from Harry Potter, about how irresponsible we were, how we didn’t appreciate the hard work HR put in to improve ‘employee morale’. The worst shot was where he called us ‘arrogant’ for thinking we were above such events. That was enough to force us to abandon our beer and head back to the match.
I scrunched my nose as I considered really faking a heart attack to get out of the mandatory fun event tonight. I would’ve done it, except I was terrible at acting. There was no escape. I would be forced to endure an evening of screechy voices, drunk colleagues and general cacophony.
WhatsApp Chat
[6.00 p.m.] Kavya: When are you getting home tonight?
[6.00 p.m.] Sitara: Soon. I hope.
[6.01 p.m.] Kavya: You hope?
[6.02 p.m.] Sitara: I’m stuck at a table filled with the HR and Admin posse. Every single one of them is sipping on white wine sangrias with muskmelon. Ew!
[6.02 p.m.] Kavya: You LOVE sangrias.
[6.03 p.m.] Sitara: I do, and I’m having one too. But it’s not fun when you’re bored out of your mind!
Kavya is typing
. . .
Last seen today at 6.05 p.m.
Kavya was probably wondering why I was sitting with the HR and Admin posse, wanting to spear myself with a cocktail stirrer. Normally these work parties were made bearable by the fact that Upasana, Shirin and I stood in a corner, making fun of everyone. But tonight, the two of them were studiously ignoring me. I would have to wait till I got home to explain what had happened to Kavya. I sighed and pushed my phone into my bag.
I looked around the table, wishing I was anywhere but here. My phone felt like the life raft to take me away from this sinking ship of an evening, and I’d given up my place for someone else. So far, they had discussed the benefits of waxing your upper lip instead of threading it (“Ranjani told me about it, and it has been a life changer”), the best contouring videos, whether or not Abhijit was playing hard to get with Mallika (it sounded more like she had an unrequited crush and was reading ‘signs’ into everything), and the most effective class at Cult (close competition between Dance Fitness and HIIT).
They all were tittering and preening, the kind of group I wouldn’t normally be caught dead in. I felt like the crow that had accidentally stumbled into a party of parrots. I looked around to see if I could escape, but everyone else was busy avoiding my eye.
‘He’s so hot no yaaa?’ Meghna, one of Mallika’s numerous minions, said. She pulled out a small, glittery fuchsia compact and checked her reflection. Yet again, I wondered just how much time these women put into getting ready. Every single one of them had changed out of their work outfit into a short, glittery party dress. They had also found the time to redo their make-up, looking like they’d jointly watched endless YouTube videos on creating ‘evening looks’. Meanwhile, I looked like something the cat had dragged home in my rumpled Zara striped blue top and jeans. I took a long sip.
A wave of giggles broke into my thoughts.
‘I vote for Abhimanyu,’ said Anila. Immediately a bunch of people raised their hands to second her. I blinked, wondering what was going on.
‘Who gets your vote?’ Mallika asked me.
‘Huh?’
‘We’re doing a poll,’ Meghna whispered. ‘Hottest guy in the office. Your vote?’
I sipped my drink pretending to think it over. I wasn’t interested in contributing to this ridiculous poll.
‘I’m going to corner him on the dance floor,’ Anila slurred.
‘You wish,’ said Meghna.
An argument broke out on which one of them was going to stealthily corner Abhimanyu on the dance floor. I began wondering how I could get away from this table and this completely banal conversation.
‘Oh God! He’s headed here. Quick! Do I look OK?’ said Meghna breathlessly, as she continued to pout at the mirror on her compact. Her friends didn’t reply. They were all equally busy with checking their appearance. I looked up to find the reason behind this burst in activity and locked eyes with Abhimanyu.
Oh.
He smiled. I felt my cheeks grow warm. There was that fizzy feeling in my stomach again. I took another sip. As he approached our table, I opened my mouth to say hello. But before I could get a word out, the rest of the women surrounded him. It was like bees swarming around a honeycomb. They were soon joined by a few more women from the office. Quickly, the group launched into a stream of never-ending questions, all directed at Abhimanyu.
‘Too bad this isn’t one of our family events,’ said Meghna, sounding completely insincere. ‘Would be great to meet your wife.’
There she was, desperately fishing for details. I wondered if she knew just how unsubtle she seemed.
‘No wife,’ Abhimanyu said.
She flashed a blindingly white smile. I wondered if she’d also snuck in a dentist visit in addition to the outfit change and make-up refresh. Her teeth didn’t look this white during the day. They seemed almost predatory now.
‘We also allow girlfriends,’ said a giggling Parul as she leaned forward, almost as though she wanted him to get a full view into her low-cut top. He averted his eyes.
‘No girlfriend either,’ Abhimanyu replied. ‘So, when do we actually begin with the karaoke?’
Good segue, I thought. Those nosey women were about to launch into their investigative mode and wouldn’t have let him be until they got every little detail out of him.
‘Oh, we need to be properly sloshed before we sing,’ said Meghna, her words already beginning to get that blurry, drunken edge. She moved forward and pushed Parul to the side so she could stand
next to Abhimanyu.
‘Hey Sitara,’ said Dhruv, sidling up to me. I ignored him. He was the last person I wanted to speak with right now. Or ever.
‘Hi,’ I said and pulled out my phone as if there was something very important I needed to do right away.
‘Your drink is almost over. Let’s get another,’ he said.
‘No thanks, there’s still some left,’ I said.
‘Come on. It’ll give us a chance to talk,’ he smiled.
Once upon a time that smile would’ve given me butterflies. But now, he just seemed smarmy and desperate.
‘Please,’ he said, when I didn’t reply.
I gave in. I didn’t have anyone else to talk to, and it would be good for me to stop eavesdropping on the HR posse’s conversation with Abhimanyu. I probably lost ten IQ points with every new comment I overheard. I decided I would get one last drink, pretend I had developed a migraine and then leave. I walked with Dhruv towards the bar.
‘You look really pretty tonight,’ Dhruv said as soon as we were alone. ‘What are you planning to do this weekend?’
Lose myself in the latest Sophie Kinsella and surface only on Monday morning.
‘Oh, I have exciting plans,’ I replied, without adding any details.
We each got another drink at the bar. I picked up my glass and walked out from the stuffy room towards the outdoor area. Dhruv followed me. I leaned on the balcony and took a sip.
‘So, what are these exciting plans?’
I didn’t respond, just took another sip of my drink. He decided to continue the conversation even though I hadn’t said anything.
‘I have to work all weekend,’ he pouted. I was certain this was his attempt at looking like a cute, little lost boy. Unfortunately, it wasn’t working any more.
‘Abhimanyu moved up the deadlines for my campaign. I have a lot to do now,’ he complained.
‘Last weekend was my turn, so this one’s yours,’ I replied, unable to resist the impulse to make a sly dig. I waited to see if he would defend his marketing plan.