Taking refuge in a form of art (writing, painting, or music) to express one’s feelings
Becoming very accepting of others and seeing the qualities that others may miss
Befriending other “outcasts”
Honing a skill or talent to build confidence
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Alert, analytical, cautious, charming, courteous, diplomatic, empathetic, funny, gentle, humble, imaginative, kind, merciful, pensive, perceptive, private, spunky, talented
Flaws: Confrontational, frivolous, hostile, insecure, jealous, melodramatic, needy, nervous, oversensitive, paranoid, resentful, temperamental, timid, uncommunicative, vindictive, volatile
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Overhearing someone say something unkind about one’s physical differences
Visiting locations where one has been ridiculed in the past (school, a bar, etc.)
Comparing oneself to someone “perfect” and finding oneself lacking
Attending events where looks are on display (like an award ceremony or wedding)
Ads, commercials, and products that reinforce physical ideals as being the key to happiness
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Witnessing someone being bullied for a physical shortcoming and having to decide between remaining invisible or standing up for them
Being inspired by someone who chooses to own their differences instead of hiding them
Discovering a strength or talent that helps or inspires others and realizing one is much more than a physical body
Being in a toxic relationship where the other person belittles one’s appearance, and realizing that one has value and doesn’t deserve such treatment
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
INFERTILITY
EXAMPLES: Being unable to conceive or bear children due to…
Medical conditions (endometriosis, uterine abnormalities, ovulation disorders, etc.)
An early hysterectomy
A botched abortion
Cancer and cancer treatments
Complications from sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
Early-onset menopause
Low sperm count
Unknown factors
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
I’m less of a man or woman because of this.
It’s not fair to get involved with someone because I’m defective.
This is a punishment for something I’ve done.
There must be a reason why I can’t have kids.
God knows I would be a bad parent; that’s why I can’t have children.
People will pity me if they find out, so it’s better to pretend I don’t want kids.
Without children, I’ll never be complete or fulfilled.
Why bother taking care of yourself if things like this are going to happen to you anyway?
I’m going to grow old and die alone, with no one to care for me.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
A spouse dying and leaving them alone
What others think
That they are incapable of parenting or caring for others
Other latent illnesses or conditions within their body
Never finding happiness or contentment
Holding their partner back from fulfillment because of an inability to conceive
Their partner leaving once they discover their infertility
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Becoming obsessed with conceiving a child regardless of the inconvenience or cost
Tirelessly researching and trying new or unusual fertility methods, treatments, and remedies
Saving money so one can afford fertility treatments (or going into debt to obtain them)
Changing sex from an enjoyable experience into a clinical means to an end
Becoming obsessed with one’s health
Lying to others about why one hasn’t had children yet
Struggling with depression
Hiding on Mother’s or Father’s Day
Self-medicating
Distancing oneself from couples with children
Clinging to one’s spouse or parents out of fear of losing them and being alone
Avoiding children
Only building relationships with other childless couples
Indulging in material things to fill the void
Traveling often or becoming semi-nomadic to avoid putting down roots
Resenting people who have children, especially those who complain about their kids
Throwing oneself into a job in hopes of staying busy and distracting oneself
Researching alternatives (adoption or fostering, for example)
Joining support groups
Going through the grief process as one realizes one will never conceive a child
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Adaptable, affectionate, appreciative, discreet, empathetic, optimistic, patient, persistent, private, resourceful
Flaws: Callous, cynical, evasive, irrational, jealous, martyr, needy, obsessive, pessimistic, resentful, temperamental, ungrateful, withdrawn
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
A close friend or relative becoming pregnant with ease
Being invited to a baby shower and having to shop for a gift
Seeing pregnant or nursing mothers
Commercials and TV shows that feature young families or expectant parents
A friend accidentally becoming pregnant and terminating the pregnancy or giving the baby up
Milestones (Mother’s or Father’s Day, a birthday passing as one grows older without a child, etc.)
A well-meaning loved one voicing a hurtful comment or question: Don’t wait too long to have children, or Why don’t you want kids?
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Learning that one isn’t a candidate for adoption
Having to babysit for a friend in an emergency situation and re-awakening one’s maternal (or paternal) instinct
Conceiving after much sacrifice and effort, then miscarrying
The death of a child (a step- or adopted child, a child conceived prior to becoming infertile, etc.)
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
LIVING WITH CHRONIC PAIN OR ILLNESS
EXAMPLES
Fibromyalgia
Chronic fatigue syndrome
ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease)
Alzheimer’s disease
Asthma
Cancer
Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD)
Cystic fibrosis
Epilepsy
Heart disease
Autoimmune diseases (multiple sclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, diabetes, inflammatory bowel syndrome)
Chronic STDs (herpes, HIV/AIDS, hepatitis B and C)
Ongoing pain resulting from arthritis, an injury, past surgeries, nerve damage, or migraines
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
My life will never be any better than this.
I’m useless. I’d be better off dead.
The doctors are right; it’s all in my head.
I’m a burden to my loved ones.
I’m being punished for something I’ve done.
This life isn’t worth living.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Passing on the illness to their children
Being abandoned by a caretaker (a spouse or parent)
Being a burden to loved ones
Never finding a diagnosis or cure
Degeneration and eventual death
Developing a new or additional disease
Ending up in a completely helpless or
vegetative state
Being unable to afford treatment
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Isolating oneself in one’s home
Falling into depression
Moodiness and being prone to anger, frustration, and bitterness
Decreasing one’s physical activity due to necessity or depression
Becoming dependent on medication
Having to be convinced by others to get out of the house
Not taking care of oneself
One’s home falling into disarray through not being able to care for it
Missing work or school
Decreased efficiency at work, school, clubs, and around one’s home
Giving up hobbies and favorite pastimes due to fatigue or physical limitations
Doing things that distract one from the illness (watching TV, reading, sleeping, etc.)
Hiding the illness from others
Not talking about how one feels so others won’t say that it’s all in one’s head
Sleeping odd hours
Arranging one’s day around known patterns
Going through the stages of grief
Making the most of the “good” days
Researching one’s illness and trying any possible treatment options
Joining a support group, either in-person or online
Seeking out doctors who specialize in one’s illness
Donating to organizations dedicated to finding a cure
Excising the stress and negativity from one’s life
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Adaptable, appreciative, cautious, centered, cooperative, disciplined, easygoing, efficient, generous, inspirational, loyal, nurturing, optimistic, patient, persistent, private, sentimental, spiritual
Flaws: Addictive, apathetic, callous, compulsive, controlling, cynical, forgetful, grumpy, humorless, inattentive, indecisive, irresponsible, morbid, needy, resentful, subservient, temperamental, uncooperative
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Seeing similar symptoms in one’s sibling or other close relative
Being diagnosed with another serious illness or disability
Dramatic complainers who use minor ailments to shirk responsibility
Missing an important event because of one’s affliction
Overhearing someone express the opinion that the illness or pain is all in one’s mind
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Having an opportunity to pursue a dream but needing to do it more slowly and on a longer timeline
Being abandoned by one’s caretaker and having to take responsibility for oneself
Encountering someone who needs care (a child, a neighbor, a dog) and having to choose to accept the challenge or run from it
A future milestone (such as a wedding, a birth, or the fulfillment of a grandchild’s dream) that offers motivation, strengthening one’s resolve to fight the affliction and make it to that important date
Learning that the affliction was caused by something one did (smoking, having unprotected sex, etc.)
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
LOSING A LIMB
EXAMPLES: Losing a limb due to…
A birth defect
A vehicular accident
A machine malfunction in a factory or workshop
Illness or disease, such as cancer, vascular disease, arterial disease, or diabetes
A farming accident
An animal attack
A bacterial infection that doesn’t respond to antibiotics
Gangrene
Frostbite
An injury resulting from one’s service in the military
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
I will never be whole.
No one will find me attractive.
When people look at me, they only see my disfigurement.
The life I wanted is over.
I deserve what has happened (if one claims fault for the loss).
I can’t take care of myself or my loved ones.
I am a burden to my family.
They’d be better off without me.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
The judgment or pity of others
Becoming a spectacle
Being unable to accomplish their dreams
Losing their independence
Being alone; never finding a loving partner
Being unable to provide for their family
Being viewed as weak or incapable by others
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Struggling with phantom limb pain
Hiding one’s missing limb
Not taking chances; always making safe choices
Becoming reckless in an effort to prove one’s capability
Withdrawing from others; becoming isolated
Avoiding public places and social events
Pushing others away before one can be rejected
Clinging to caregivers and family
Becoming dependent on others
Rejecting help, no matter how big one’s need is
Being confrontational or defensive
Struggling with low moods and bitterness
PTSD
Impaired patience levels; growing angry or frustrated easily
Self-medicating with drugs or alcohol
Clinging to one’s routines and activities, even if they’re difficult or impossible to now achieve
Resentment toward those responsible for the accident or situation (if that applies)
Getting stuck in one of the stages of mourning
Becoming perfectionistic
Accentuating other body parts in an effort to draw attention away from one’s missing limb
Becoming fiercely independent (moving out, refusing therapy, not following medical advice, etc.)
Gathering with other people who have experienced the same thing
Refusing to allow the loss to limit one’s quality of life
Choosing careers, hobbies, and pastimes that one can reasonably accomplish
Strengthening one’s body to help compensate for the loss
Becoming an advocate for others who have lost a limb (volunteering at the Paralympics, fighting for equal opportunities, seeking legislation that protects those with disabilities, etc.)
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Ambitious, appreciative, disciplined, independent, industrious, inspirational, kind, mature, nurturing, persistent, private, resourceful, simple
Flaws: Controlling, defensive, hostile, humorless, impatient, inhibited, insecure, needy, oversensitive, pessimistic, reckless, resentful, subservient, timid, withdrawn
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Experiencing an accident that could have resulted in another physical loss
Facing prejudice, persecution, or pity from others regarding one’s disability
An embarrassing moment caused by one’s disability (children staring, one’s wheelchair tipping over a curb, dropping items that couldn’t be held with one arm, etc.)
Having to return to the hospital, even for an unrelated issue
Revisiting the site where one lost one’s limb
Wanting to help in a situation but being unable to because of one’s disability
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
A dream becoming achievable if one is willing to alter it to fit one’s capabilities
Bypassing an opportunity to help a loved one because one’s self-pity is too great, then regretting it
Being in a position to inspire others (as a Paralympian, as a singer, by using a special talent, etc.) if one can find the courage to do so
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
LOSING ONE OF THE FIVE SENSES
NOTES: Our senses enable us to appropriately in
terpret and interact with our environment and the people around us. We don’t realize how much we rely upon the senses until we lose one. While many people are able to live happy and fulfilled lives after such a loss, there’s always an adjustment period, the length and severity of which varies case by case. Until the person is able to come to grips with their new reality and move forward, the wound will continue to negatively impact them.
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
I will never be whole.
My happiness will always be limited by this.
People look at me and only see my disability.
I’ll always have to rely on others to care for me.
My dreams are now out of reach.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Losing one of the other senses
Having to rely on others
Losing the people who support them
Being unable to find love
Being stared at, pitied, or singled out due to their loss
Isolation
Being saddled with unfair expectations if the missing sense isn’t noticeable to others
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Hiding from the rest of the world
Feeling isolated and misunderstood
Choosing jobs and hobbies that one can do alone
Lowering one’s expectations for what is possible
Making excuses for why one cannot do something out of a fear of failure and disappointment
Abandoning one’s dreams or goals, believing them to now be impossible
Lashing out at others; becoming emotionally volatile
Taking attention wherever one can get it
Feeling sorry for oneself
Becoming depressed
Having suicidal thoughts or attempting suicide
Being ruled by fear, anxiety, and worry
Giving in to self-pity and becoming overly dependent on others
Being easily frustrated by one’s difficulty at adapting
The Emotional Wound Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide to Psychological Trauma Page 14