He watched her sleep, as she hugged his upper arm, burying it into her chest, looking like a little lost girl, like she’d never let go. Her face, with a soft crease between her brows, indicated perhaps she’d had a sudden bad dream. Maybe that’s what wakened him. Carefully, he used his other hand, drawing the strands of brown hair from her forehead to watch her more closely. She clutched his upper arm tighter, rolling her hips against his thigh in her sleep.
He’d not been attracted to women who liked to dominate and possess. It had always been a total turnoff, no matter how stunning they were. Part of his DNA was not to be owned by anyone. When he found the SEAL brotherhood—working with the Teams—he discovered he’d been created for this job. These were the only guys he would ever trust.
It had been a sad fact of life that with all the intensity of his job and the life-threatening things he’d learned to handle, even the ones that haunted him and reappeared in dreams or whenever he closed his eyes—he’d never really wanted intensity when it came to women. The fair species were complicated and not to be trusted.
He’d give them protection and affection. No problem doing that. But he wouldn’t go down that rabbit hole of emotions, and didn’t want to be needed, and certainly didn’t want to need.
He’d chosen his job because protectors were in short supply in this crazy world, and that was something he could do—to protect—even give his life for innocents. But he never wanted to go beyond the point of actual full-on engagement with his female relationships. Even his marriage with Brandy was half-hearted, and although he’d wished it could have been something more, it wasn’t. Just wasn’t.
But with Sydney, he wanted something larger, something more. He couldn’t get enough of her. That had never happened before.
He cautioned himself as he laced his fingers down her backside. This was so damn quick and there was so much about her he didn’t know. His first impression of her was that she was a total freak of nature. Could he now say that he really did trust her, or was it just the incredible sex? Was he just now awakening from a dreamy fog land of lust and the need to immerse himself in the warm waters of satisfaction and recreational enjoyment? It couldn’t be anything more. Or was it?
Did it matter? Yes, somehow it matters.
As the light in the room brightened, he began to worry. His equilibrium was off. Perhaps storm clouds were about to appear on the horizon. It reminded him of the way early dawn looked overseas in the sandbox. On deployments, the question came with each pinkish-orange sunrise: “Is this the day?” He knew everyone thought about that.
What would his last day feel like? Would he recognize it? Would there be something in the air or a sound that would tell him his time was up? Would it be in a sandy divot without anything familiar but his brothers, or would it be in a soft bed like this, an old man, surrounded by his family? He’d never allowed himself the luxury of looking into his future.
Why was this coming up this morning? Was this bed so dangerous he should have these worrying thoughts? Dr. Death drinking at the side of the road, a hitchhiker waiting for him to pick him up? An unwelcomed partner, but an inevitable one?
Something had shifted these past two days, revealing a deep cavern inside. It lured him, like leaning too far over a high railing. Something here was dangerous. He just couldn’t put his finger on it.
Next he knew she was rubbing her breasts against him, nibbling his neck, making his mouth water for her kisses. There was no question his body had surrendered to her in every way it could. Was there danger in the fact that she literally owned him? That he couldn’t help himself around her? He would have to be careful not to let her know.
She’d been whispering, “…the way you kiss me, make love to me, Alex. I can’t get enough. Do you hate me for this?” Why did she say that? Was she still asleep?
“Hate you? Absolutely not.”
Sydney startled, and for a brief second he saw fear in her eyes, like she didn’t know where she was. She quickly recovered and then it was gone.
What the hell was that about?
“Sydney. Are you all right?”
Her frown told him she wasn’t happy with his question. “Of course. I’m fine.” And then the cool veneer of her “I’m fine” mask disappeared. She became pliable again, soft, as she wrapped her legs around his thigh and pressed into him. “Never better.”
Eye contact was difficult over breakfast downstairs, which surprised him. He thought perhaps it was the distraction of the other people in the coffee shop. Alex was also getting texts from the team about his presence being required. Coop reminded him he’d promised to be back in time for their early meeting, and he intended to keep that commitment.
She played with her eggs but drank three cups of coffee. He raised his eyebrows as she took another long sip.
“You sure you’ll be okay with all that coffee?”
“I’m not a child, Alex.” The look she gave him was abrupt and cold.
“Just trying to be helpful. It’s my nature to be protective.”
The softness he’d enjoyed just a few minutes ago had vanished. He noticed she was about to blurt out something and then held it back, smiled, and patted his hand. “Thank you. But you know I’m a big girl.” She watched his reaction and added, “Besides, there’s no chocolate anywhere in sight. No zombies, either.”
Her words coaxed a smile from him. “Good to know.” The awkward silence between them still worried him. Something was brewing, or was it just his imagination?
Unknown territory. You are home. Drop it. Don’t overthink this. He was well aware he could create a problem out of anything if he dwelled on it too much. Best to shed it like yesterday’s clothes.
His phone buzzed again. He checked it and looked up at her. “Sydney, I’m afraid I have to go.”
“Yes, and I have a workout to do with Carly.”
“You want to get together later on? I have no idea when I’ll be free. We’re looking at this winery property today, and this morning doing some planning.” He pointed to the phone. “They’re basically waiting on me.”
“I understand. Let’s just see how things go today, okay?” Again she didn’t meet his gaze.
“That sounds good.” He was compelled to say something rather than leave on such an awkward note. “Have I upset you?”
That got her attention. “Of course not, Alex. Don’t be silly.”
“All this happened so fast. Did I miss something here?”
“You mean the chitchat? The small talk about who we are and why we’re here? That sort of thing? All we did was screw.”
“And that’s a bad thing? Is that what’s bothering you?
“Not in the slightest.”
Her answer surprised him, as he waited for more, but could see it wasn’t going to come. The girl had demons. Powerful demons. He felt how tight she’d wound herself, masking something she wanted to hide from him. What you think of me is none of my damn business. That was sound advice, so he put that to work for him. But the hot and cold of her demeanor was worrisome.
“Well, if I offended you in some way—”
“Alex, would you fuckin’ stop it? You haven’t done anything to hurt me, so just quit this. Leave it alone. This isn’t you. It’s all me. Don’t pry where you don’t belong.”
And there it was. Her shell of protection coming out like battle armor, telling him no matter what, she didn’t need anything from him. “Well, I’d like you to know I had a wonderful time.”
Her pert smile was efficient. “Me too.”
He stood, but she remained seated, focused on her plate. He slipped his bag over his shoulder and heard her explanation.
“I’m going to have one more coffee, and then I’ll be on my way too.”
“You still staying over tonight?” he asked.
“Haven’t decided.” She didn’t ask him if he wanted her to or mention seeing him tonight. Where was this distance coming from? Why was this so awkward?
“We’ll to
uch base later on, then. Bye, Sydney.” He leaned over, looking for a good-bye kiss, but when she didn’t offer her lips to him, he gave her a chaste peck on the cheek.
The woman had demons. Perhaps she’d done him a huge favor.
Alex got the ration of crap he knew he’d get from the guys, who were just finishing up breakfast in the bunkhouse. Devon and Nick were clearing the table, with the help of several of the guys. Alex felt himself relax the instant he was back in this culture.
“Whoo-hoo, lover boy. Oh, lover boy!” Jake crooned like the song.
“Shut the fuck up,” Alex blurted. “You were the ones who set me up with her.”
“Whew, I was hoping it wasn’t Brandy, for some reason. The way your ex looked at you, all dressed up in her finest…” Cory continued his description of the way Brandy danced with him, exaggerated touching of breastbone to breastbone she’d done, which had embarrassed the hell out of him.
“Who do you think I am? You seriously think I could do something like that, you dumbass? I was just playing along. You fucking don’t think I enjoyed myself, do you?”
“You say so,” Cory continued to needle.
Alex wanted to grab him by the lavender T-shirt he was still wearing, and throw him on the compost pile. “I’m fuckin’ here. That’s all you guys need to know. Besides, I wasn’t sleeping anyway. She called me! I didn’t know she came up to see a friend.” Alex shrugged trying to tone it down. A couple of deep breaths and he was right as rain. He poured himself a coffee from the machine on the counter and hoped they’d drop their line of questioning quick.
Coop leaned across the table on his elbows. “You wanna run that one by me again? She came all the way up here, what, just a coincidence it happened to be the same place you are? You’re not reading anything into that? Ever hear the word stalked?”
“Not like that. Consenting adults and all that. I’m not sure we’re gonna see each other for awhile, if you must meddle in my affairs.”
Someone whistled. “Testy,” Jake whispered.
“Hey, can we talk about something else? Besides, who could sleep with all of you snoring your butts off last night? I say you issue noseplugs, Coop.”
“No kidding,” Coop agreed. “Everyone wear earpieces tonight, and that’s an order. The room is much smaller than we’re used to. Surprised the windows didn’t shatter.”
With the table cleared, everyone was seated. Devon made more coffee.
Nick began, “So, I think you guys should look at this place Devon found. Not formally on the market, since the owner has just passed away. A nice forty-six-acre piece with a couple of okay houses on it. Vineyard has been allowed to overgrow two, maybe three seasons, from what we can tell.”
“What does that mean?” Ryan asked.
“They have missed the last two years’ prunings, so there’s more than normal work to be done. It will affect the first harvest. And we also don’t know the condition of the vines as far as disease. But we do know it produced pretty good Merlot when it was tended. They have a pond and a great well, which is always a plus in the valley.” Nick handed out parcel maps and copies of the land description from the tax rolls.
“I’m getting reports in the next day or two,” added Devon. “We’ve had to wait until after the funeral. The immediate family doesn’t want the out-of-town relatives to know they want to sell.”
“Don’t they have to sign off on it?” asked Lucas. “If they’re part of the estate—”
“They aren’t in the will,” answered Devon. “There are a couple of relatives hanging around for the reading, but we don’t expect any surprises. We just want it clean and simple. The family is very private, and there are parts of the extended family that can get undesirable. At least that’s what I’ve been told,” answered Devon.
Alex noticed the tax rolls had the property valued at two million five. “Says here it’s worth only two-five. Why are we supposed to pay four point two?”
“The tax rolls don’t adequately reflect the true value, Alex. Happens all the time. We’ve seen a spike in sales prices, mostly because of some large buyers coming into the area.”
“Why don’t they go with them?” Mark asked.
“You can’t be a vineyard owner up here without property disputes with the adjacent neighbors. Lots of issues. Water, drainage and grading, spraying. Vineyards are planted in different ways, some for deep watering, like the old ones were, others shallow, requiring more water. One of those big land owners is right next door. Marco Zapparelli. Ever heard that name before?”
“The movie director?”
“The one and only.” Nick nodded. “And he’s got a huge reputation for being really tough when it comes to negotiations. He rules by intimidation really. Doesn’t care if he’s liked or thought of as a good neighbor.”
Devon added, “Of course up here, everyone smiles to your face while they stab you in the back. Maybe he’s just putting everyone on notice, perhaps being more honest about it. Things are very competitive here and getting worse every year.”
“So, when he gets wind of this property, he’s going to have a cow that it wasn’t brought to him,” Nick finished.
“Entitlement,” Mark whispered.
“Worse than that. He thinks he’s the king of the whole fuckin’ valley,” Nick complained.
“See guys, size does matter,” quipped Zak. “Although in this case, based on his track record and ours, he might be a bigger bully with his millions—”
“Ah, the pirate speaks!” barked Jake.
“Devon thinks it’s billions, Zak.”
“Like I was saying, even with those numbers, and that kind of size, I’d still take our odds over his anytime. I mean, look what he does every day and look what we do?” Zak’s eye patch was slightly crooked.
“Whoo-Ya, Special Operator Chambers,” followed Coop.
Zak had been unusually silent all morning. Mark fist-bumped him. “Welcome home, brother.”
Chapter 12
‡
Sydney lingered at the breakfast table as if she was hanging on to a memory of something fading away forever. The empty plates, water glasses, silverware and coffee cups were evidence two people had shared a meal, a conversation, and then a good-bye. She was hoping the longer she stared at it her body would react, but all she felt was the ice water in her veins, steeling herself from something she didn’t want to feel. She was waiting for something. Waiting for warmth or some emotion to evolve. It never came.
Alex had left money on the table for breakfast without asking. She glanced to the view of the parking lot and thought perhaps she saw his Hummer exit toward the freeway entrance. Something melted inside, and she discovered a lone tear coursing down her face. Her cheeks were flushed and her hands were shaking. Glancing around, she looked for signs someone noticed, but found no one paying attention.
The thaw had begun. Before it got any worse, she exited the restaurant and walked down the wide, carpeted hallway to her room. The last time she’d walked down this runway she was holding the hand of a man. She wouldn’t say his name. She refused to see his face or recall the feel of his touch. But her body knew it anyway.
The latch on her door clicked and flashed a green light. She walked back inside to the room still filled with the remnants of something deep. A place that bore witness to something she wouldn’t allow herself to feel.
Their room, she corrected herself, coming dangerously close to that emotion again. The bed was coming apart. One pillow was on the floor. The evidence of a passionate play that had occurred between two people who—
Inside, she was caving. She sat down quickly, burying her face in her hands. She’d been cold to him, holding him off at arm’s length. Refusing to let him inside her heart. It was her pattern. She’d done it over and over again without consequence, or at least not noticing one, if there was. But today, she was shattered.
The tears would not stop.
What is this? Get hold of yourself, Sydney. She didn’t wa
nt to be pulled back to something dark, hiding in the emotions driving her tears.
Sydney straightened her back, wiped her face with her hands and then stood. With a wetted a washcloth, she dabbed her eyes, examining for signs of redness, and found none. Satisfied that the jumbled feeling inside wasn’t visible on the outside, she pulled her hair back into a long ponytail. She brushed the ends, adjusted her sports bra, and put on her workout sweatshirt. With everything packed into her canvas workout bag, she filled the metal water bottle and tucked it into the netted pocket on the end.
Looking over the room again, she examined the evidence of their joining—the short story of their morning’s passion and the path she’d taken to find him here out of the briar patch that was her soul. She’d found him, and he’d touched her. Again. It was dangerous. Risky.
And probably exactly what she needed.
Holding her key card, she hoisted her bag, and left the warm room behind.
Sydney considered checking out of the motel when the clerk asked her. She hadn’t made her decision. She had to wait to see how the morning went, so she arranged a late checkout just in case, and promised to call later to let the hotel know for sure. The clerk was more than accommodating.
“You have until noon, perhaps later, so feel free to take your time. And, if I don’t see you, thank you for staying with us at the Vintage.”
Sydney noticed she was at the precipice again, stuck between leaving and staying. Time to set it all aside and put her game face on. Get her mind mentally prepared for a fierce conversation, hard workout, and driving herself to exhaustion and beyond. It was what always worked. It would certainly work this morning.
Band of Bachelors: Alex, Book 2 Page 8