Closing the door, she turned to see him propped against the vanity. “Do you want me to leave?” she asked. His arms were folded and his legs were straight, his face tipped down. His body language screamed that he was closed off. “If you want me to leave, I’ll go.” Opening her left hand, she examined it. “It’s funny. It feels bare, but I only wore your rings for a day. I’m sorry that I lost them. I should’ve—”
Lifting his hips from the counter, he reached into his back pocket and pulled something out. Moving closer when he presented his palm, Devon gasped when she saw the glint of her diamond and her modest wedding band.
“How did you find them?” she asked.
“GPS, I told you,” he said, taking her left hand to pull her closer so he could slide both rings back to their rightful place.
“But the wedding ring?”
“That has a tracker in it too, I just never told you.”
Devon threw her arms around his neck, so grateful that he was thorough and grateful that they were together again. “I really thought I’d lost you. When I was in that car with Thad, I thought…”
“You don’t have to worry about that ever again,” he said, stroking her back. “Together or not, I’m going to have security on you twenty-four seven, shy. I’m already thinking about how I can make a subcutaneous tracker that can’t be tossed from a window or traced by any scanner.”
Turning her face into his body, she opened her mouth to breathe him in. “I want to be together,” she whispered. “But if it’s too difficult for you…”
Shunting her back, he held her face. “I can’t lie, there’s a part of me that wants you as far away from me as you can get,” he said.
The words were like acid chewing through her organs. Losing him, after only just possessing him, was too much pain for her to process. “You don’t love me anymore?” she murmured, hoping he didn’t believe she was tainted by what Syn had, or had not, done to her. “I swear they didn’t touch me. I swear you’re the only man—”
He silenced her by putting a finger to her lips. “I love you. But look at what I’ve done to you. You were in my house, and I made that man treat you.”
More guilt. Zave had so many talents, but blaming himself for everything was one she wished he’d lose. “If you hadn’t, I’d have died. Thad is still your cousin. As much as Brodie and Grant. He is still your blood.”
“Don’t remind me,” he said. “Everyone around me gets poisoned. I told you that, and you didn’t listen.” He seemed angry, and as usual, he turned his hatred inward. It wasn’t her that caused his rage, it was himself. “Look at what’s happened. Look at it. Thad was in my house all the time, and somehow he became so bitter, and grew to hate me so much, that he threatened the first woman I’ve ever loved. And what will this do to Bess? I have to walk in and tell that woman I didn’t bring her son back, and then I have to tell her why. His hatred for me can only lead to hers. She won’t be able to look at me… and I won’t blame her.”
He’d already been tortured so much, and this was another burden he didn’t deserve to bear. His years of excess had convinced him that he deserved all the negative things that happened to him. Hearing him so troubled tore at her heart. “Bess won’t hate you, this wasn’t your fault. Thad has his own problems; he was messed up by Bronwyn.”
“Another person hurt by me,” he said, and his arms fell away from her.
She was forced to move aside when he walked away to put his back to her. “You didn’t hurt Bronwyn. You couldn’t know she’d left the house. You couldn’t know she’d been kidnapped. You couldn’t know—”
“Couldn’t I?” he asked. Scrubbing a hand over his mouth, he turned. “She made a move on me.”
Devon didn’t know how to react to that admission, and her shock must have been apparent to him because he nodded. “What?”
“We were in my house, on the island, alone. She tried it on. I rejected her. Humiliated her. Told her she was making a fool of herself. I might not have seen the boat leave. But I never should’ve walked away from her that night, not the way I did.”
Thad’s great love had made a pass at his cousin. Some of Zave’s guilt became clearer. “Oh, Zave,” she said, going over to stroke his face.
But he grabbed her hand and wouldn’t let her offer comfort. “You think if I’d fucked her, we’d still be here now? Do you think she’d still be alive? You know how many nights I’ve tortured myself with that? If I had just let her suck my cock, sure, Thad would’ve hated me, but she’d be alive.”
“You don’t know that,” Devon said. “They came for me on purpose. Maybe she was a deliberate mark as well.”
“Or she was a random grab, in the wrong place at the wrong time,” he said. “She was upset, but I didn’t care. I was just pissed off that she’d… you know…”
“And you think that’s why Thad hated you?”
“You want to know the ironic thing,” he said, his expression growing dark. “I never fucking told him. I’ve never told anyone. If he hates me now when he thinks all I’m guilty of is not paying enough attention, how much will he fucking hate me when he finds out I’ve been sitting on this fucking secret for years? Will he believe me? What do you want to bet he’ll think Bronwyn and I went at it after he hears that truth? The girl he loved, the girl he’s spent the last five years of his life avenging, wanted to fuck me.”
“She didn’t love him,” Devon said. While she absorbed this news, she moved back to lean on the vanity where Zave had been. “No wonder you felt guilty. You’ve been carrying this secret alone for years. But it wasn’t your fault, you did the right thing. Another man’s woman propositioned you and you walked away, that’s what you’re supposed to do.”
But that didn’t seem to comfort him. “What I was supposed to do was take her to her room and bar the damn door. Instead, I went to the lab and stayed there for days. It infuriates me that I still don’t know when she walked out that door. Was it thirty seconds later? Was it as soon as I tossed her aside? Did she go out there in the night? Then I think, she couldn’t have, because she’d never have made land in the dark… but she knew how to sail, so maybe… When did she leave? Why? What really happened?”
She didn’t have any answers for him. “We’ll never know,” Devon said. “Because she’s gone.”
His frustration was coming out as more anger. “And I know why Thad rips himself apart about that, because the not knowing kills me,” he said, smacking his palm on his chest. “Imagine how it tortures him.”
Devon was amazed that Zave could feel any sort of connection or sympathy with the cousin who’d just betrayed the Kindred. But it was a testament to the humanity he claimed not to have that he could experience a complex range of feeling about one person.
Zave had to hate Thad for betraying the Kindred and he was probably angry at his cousin for taking Devon. He would be upset that he’d lost a close relative he trusted, a friend, someone he’d had in his life all the time.
And then there were the emotions he’d harbored for years. Guilt over withholding information that Bronwyn wasn’t an angel on a pedestal as Thad thought she was. The embarrassment that another man’s woman had tried to get into his bed. The shame of not knowing, of walking away and leaving Bronwyn alone. Frustration must eat up such a logical, pragmatic guy who was used to being in the know. And although it was unknown to him, that decision had delivered Bronwyn to a grave fate.
To top all that off, he had to think about Bess, a woman who had cared for and nurtured him, who he’d have to devastate because Thad was too chicken to tell her the truth himself.
Devon couldn’t judge him if he chose to shut down and lock himself away from the world because those were only the emotions related to one man involved in this scenario. There were so many other factors to consider. Brodie, Zara, his wife, his company, his parents, the other Kindred members, and his officially-deceased apparently-alive cousin who was on a mission to take over the world and that same man was threatening
to ruin Zave’s life and take his liberty.
Zave wouldn’t focus on himself and what he needed. Devon needed to ask him to act in her best interests, and without being explicit, she’d make sure all of her requests would alleviate some of his trouble. “I want to go back to the island,” she said, standing up straight. “I want to go back as soon as possible.”
“We’ll have to talk to Bess,” he said, thinking again of someone else’s needs before his own.
But just because the conversation was going to be difficult didn’t mean they should avoid it. “She deserves to know. As Zara said, we’re going to get your employees, security guys, someone who can fly, to get Jennifer off that island before you go back. I don’t want you spending another second with her.”
“She could cause trouble,” he said. “I won’t let you or Bess go near her.”
“We would never believe anything she said about you.”
“I don’t give a fuck if she tells you I touched her,” Zave said. It would be a tough sell for Jennifer because Devon knew how long it had taken her to wheedle her way into the lord’s bed. “The only reason I trust that Mitchell was telling you the truth about Jennifer not being there to hurt Bess is because I have a team of guys on the island doing work who would notice if Bess went missing.”
Others on the island? Devon would like to know when there were going to be strangers on land she was beginning to consider hers. “That’s good to know,” she said, because she had been concerned for Bess’ well-being.
Zave blinked. “You were all I thought about and now that you’re safe…”
“You’re worried about Bess.” For a man who had once claimed to be a monster, he held an ocean of compassion inside of him that he didn’t acknowledge. “We can take an army and scare that bitch away for good,” she said. “I wish we could take the jet to the island. It would be quicker to—”
“We can. There’s been an airstrip on the island since the house was built. It hasn’t been maintained since we lost the last plane. But as soon as I knew the jet was ready, I hired a team to get it back in shape.”
“Those are the guys there?”
He nodded. “They would’ve been in touch with me if anything had happened to Bess.” So, they could take the plane to the island. That was a relief. “I’ve ordered a full check of all the jet’s systems. It came from the manufacturers to the airstrip and we needed it in a hurry, so I’m confident that it hasn’t been tampered with. But we will need to get security to check it out because Thad knows his way around a plane.”
It was still difficult for her to think of Thad as an enemy when for so long he’d been an ally. But the good doctor had made his choice, and she wouldn’t be trusting him again. “What about Bess? Will she stay on the island with us? We should make her stay. If she comes back to the mainland upset…”
Zave was growing calm. “The island is her home, she knows that. But we’ll support her in whatever she wants to do.”
“What if she wants to talk to Thad? I wouldn’t know how to get in touch with him, but even if we could, I don’t think he’ll speak to her.” Talking to his mother would mean acknowledging what he’d done and explaining his actions. Devon wasn’t sure he could or would do that.
“Did he talk about her?” Zave asked.
“He got angry with me when I brought her up. But the last thing he said to me at the airport was… was to tell her he was sorry.”
His glare got intense. “Did he apologize to you?” Zave asked, and she shook her head. “Then fuck him. We tell Bess the truth, and we won’t stand in her way if she wants to go and join them.”
Devon couldn’t envision Bess hanging around with men like Caine or Mitchell, her ex. She was too bubbly and open. Except Thad was a joker, too, and he was right at home with evil.
“You said that only part of you wished that I was far away, but what about the other part?”
“The other part wants to tether you to the island to make sure you never leave my sight again. There won’t be any more auctions or any more women.”
She’d had so much of her own to tell that she’d forgotten to ask about what happened after Thad had dragged her away. “Mitchell said there was a fight at the meet, that the cartel started shooting.”
Zave nodded. “It will take them a while to arrange their ranks. There will still be auctions, but I won’t be a part of them.”
Women were going to die. There was no doubt about it. Because of Thad’s selfishness, innocent women were going to be sold to sick, perverted men. That had always happened, but at least Zave had saved a few. But he was right, they couldn’t take the risk anymore, not with Syn out there, threatening to drop a dime on him at any second.
In spite of the looming threat, she had to help him keep a clear head. “I want you to listen to me,” she said, going over to press both hands to his chest. “I know it took a lot of effort for you to let me in and to come back here to KC. I don’t want you to let what’s happened over the last couple of days undo all of that.”
“You deserve better,” he said.
No, she wasn’t going to let him question himself. “You told me that if I slept with you, I would be your responsibility for the rest of my life.” Devon showed him the rings on her fingers. “And I said, ‘I do’ because that’s what I want, to be your responsibility and have you as mine. Every time you want to slam a door, you can do it. If you want to say nothing for a month then say nothing. But don’t think I’m gonna get squeamish and bolt. I’m gonna keep chipping away at you, just like I did before, and eventually you’ll let me back in.”
He didn’t understand, it was clear from how he peered into her. “Do you like being treated worse than you deserve?” he asked.
She smiled. “I like you… If the Kindred want to come up with a plan then let them, and we’ll do everything we can to help. But for a while we’re going to focus on being married. We’re gonna focus on you.”
He put his left hand over hers and a spark of possession fired her with courage when she saw his wedding band, there on his finger and proud. “I’m not important, shy.”
But he was. “You’re important to me,” she said, taking her free hand to his jaw. “You’re the man I love. The man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. The father of my future babies.”
His moment of ease snapped into instant tension. “You want kids?”
“Dozens of them,” she whispered, leaning forward to rest her body on his. “It’s not like we don’t have the space for them.”
Bristling, he tried to back away, but there wasn’t enough space behind for him to get too far. “I don’t know what kind of a father I’d be. I don’t know if I’m comfortable—”
“I’m kidding,” she said. “We’ll make all those decisions when the time is right, and that time isn’t now. We’ll decide together. My point was that if I do ever carry children, they will be yours. Because I’m not going anywhere. I married you on the promise there would be no divorce. No division of assets.” Her smile crept higher as she recounted to him what he’d said in her bedroom.
Zave was more pragmatic. “We can’t ignore what’s happened, and we can’t abandon Raven.”
“We won’t,” she said, but she believed they had time to regroup. “Syn are still trying to get their shit together.”
“They have Game Time. You don’t know how dangerous that is. My uncle, Art, died to stop Game Time from getting into the world.”
If there was anyone who understood how dangerous these people could be it was her. She’d seen them together in a group and felt the power of their collective ability. “Mitchell promised Thad they’d go after the cartels.”
“If they use Game Time around those guys, they could hurt the women they’re keeping prisoner.”
Which was exactly the reason the Kindred had decided not to use anything contagious in the Game Time canisters. But they’d failed to see the bigger picture. “I’ve been one of those women,” she said. “And I’m
telling you, every single one of them would rather die than be sold as slaves.”
His hand pressed harder into hers. “You condone what they’re doing?”
She couldn’t tell if it was surprise or suspicion in his voice. “No,” she said, not feeling any sympathy or affinity for Syn. “We will go after Game Time. But you’re my priority.”
Zave’s view wasn’t as clear-cut. “Kindred priority one is to watch each other’s backs. Raven and Swallow will come up with a plan, and I’ll be there to execute it with them. No matter the cost.”
She hadn’t expected to be so expendable to him. “You’d sacrifice me?”
“Our marriage, not your life,” he said, stroking a hand through her hair. “If you want to leave me because I stand by them—”
“No, I would never leave you. We’ll do whatever they need us to.”
“No ‘we’, me.”
He’d found his center. Focusing on the mission kept him calm, but it detached her from him and she didn’t want to be held away like a precious jewel. She wanted to be in the embrace of what mattered to him. “So I’m not Kindred anymore? I’m not ‘Finch’? I get abducted on my first mission and that gets me the boot?”
Her distress didn’t inspire any in him. “We call Bess Kindred, but she doesn’t come into the field. I won’t play with your life. You’ve been through enough.”
Devon had to assert herself. “I’ll make those decisions. You and Raven can whisper as much as you like. But if I’m needed, I can’t promise you that I won’t step up.” She couldn’t promise that she would either, although it would depend what they wanted her to do. She wasn’t skilled like the others, and she didn’t only have to worry about her husband’s reaction to her taking risks, she had to worry about her brother’s too.
“Rig,” she said.
Reminded that he was there, she curled her fingers between Zave’s to pull him to the exit, filled with worry that her brother and Raven may have started another fight. But they didn’t seem to be arguing when she and Zave emerged. At the exact moment they did, Rig leaped to his feet to begin a march in their direction.
Finch (Kindred #6) Page 7