Dazed (The Deliverance Series Book 1)

by Maria Macdonald

  “What are you looking at?”

  “Dick,” I spit the last word of my internal dialogue at him, before slamming my hand over my mouth and feeling my face burn with embarrassment.

  He looks sideways at me and has a knowing grin. “Good to know where your head’s at, Lemon.”

  Bliss. That’s what this is… total bliss.

  I scrunch my nose and sniff my armpit. I could do with a shower. Thanksgiving break has officially started. Morgan went home with Max—I declined to join them—and Caden is visiting his mom’s family. I’ve done nothing but eat junk food and stay in my jammies for forty-eight hours, but I should probably at least have a shower. I grab a towel and put my cell on charge. Caden has called a couple of times today, but I haven’t answered. I know he’ll ask if he should come back because he doesn’t want me to be alone, but I want to remain in my bubble for a little longer. Morgan texted last night to check in and say that she should be back on Saturday morning, which means I have a little over a day until she’s home.

  “I’ll call him after the shower,” I murmur to myself while quickly checking Instagram and smiling at a photo Morgan has posted of her and Max. He looks grumpy and badass, as usual, and she’s hanging off of him like a little sister should do—it sends a pang through my heart as I think of Aiden. That’s how we would be now. He was my best friend, my rock, and I loved him more than anything.

  When our parents went MIA—as was the norm for them—he was there for me. They loved him, but they tolerated me. Their feelings should have made me jealous of Aiden, but he made it clear from as far back as I can remember that I was loved by him, and not just loved but adored. He loved me more than anyone else, more than he loved them, and that was enough for me. When push came to shove, he was in my corner, like he always had been. It was easy for them to forget about me after he died, and I didn’t put up a fight. I hated them back then, I only feel pity for them now. They never really knew him, and they will never know me.

  My melancholy mood doesn’t change as I wash and listen to Jealous by Labrinth over and over thinking of my brother. I take an extra-long, extra hot shower. Almost everyone has gone home for the holidays, and the few that haven’t are out partying, which means the dorm building is empty and peaceful so I take full advantage.

  “Ahhh!” I screech walking back into my room and seeing Tarrant sitting at my desk holding a photo. “What the hell are you doing in here?” I ask quickly recovering from my shock.

  He smirks, one side of his mouth curling as he looks up at me, his long eyelashes framing his green eyes. So different from Caden’s hazel ones, but eerily similar. He pushes some of his shaggy hair—which is covering his cheekbone—back behind his ear. I watch his hand moving, the tattoos snaking across his skin, and I think of our linked fingers the other night. I haven’t seen him since he dropped me off and told me he’d wait until I waved from my window, so he knew I was safe. The blood pumps around my body quicker as it automatically reacts to him, and breathing becomes slightly more difficult than usual.

  “Caden sent me,” he answers seriously now.

  That statement is like a jug of cold water being thrown over my libido.

  “Oh,” is all I manage to push out.

  “That’s all you’re going to say about your boyfriend’s concern for your wellbeing?” he asks arching an eyebrow.

  I get a feeling vibrating off him and wonder for a split second if he’s hiding something.

  “You didn’t answer his calls. Did you two have a fight?” He’s toying with me now, and I’m starting to freak out. “It’s a little early in your relationship to be arguing, Lemon.” He smirks again. That single look makes me want to simultaneously punch his face and lick it, lick him.

  “We’re fine,” I answer raising my chin in defiance.

  Tarrant chuckles low. “You wanna put some clothes on, Lemon?” He throws me through a loop once again as I realize I’m still standing with only a towel on and I just… forgot. How I could forget something like that I don’t know. I shake my head as my cheeks heat, and I want to kick myself for having any reaction to him, let alone one he can see.

  He makes me cranky.

  He irritates me.

  God, he turns me on.

  The heat creeps across my whole body as I think of Tarrant and once again find myself in a daze.

  “I’m a good brother, but if you continue to stand there in your towel, I’m not gonna be able to keep my eyes from wandering, Lemon.”

  I shake my head and grab some clothes as Tarrant laughs. I can still hear him even as I rush back to the bathroom to change in privacy.

  Once I’m fully clothed, and I’ve allowed my heart to calm down and tried to get myself under control again, I go back into my room.

  “Well, as you can see, I’m fine. You can go now,” I tell him.

  Tarrant hands me a coffee, and I frown. “You looked stressed, Lemon. So I found the kitchen, saw your cupboard and made you a coffee,” he tells me grinning.

  I blink and frown, then shake my head, grabbing the cup before sitting on my bed and tucking my pajama-covered legs under me.

  “Call him.” Tarrant’s voice is stern now, and I open my mouth but close it when he shakes his head. “I want to see you speak to him, set his mind at rest. For some reason, he thinks you’re weak, that you need to be looked after,” he tells me holding my cell out toward me.

  “And you don’t? You don’t think I’m weak?” I can’t help but ask feeling irritated that Caden would think that way about me.

  Tarrant shakes his head. “I see something behind your eyes. I think you’re stronger than you look, a lot fucking stronger.”

  My breath catches in my chest as our gazes lock.

  I hear a noise from my phone and Tarrant jerks his hand toward me. “I pressed call. Take it,” he says, and I don’t move my eyes from him as I hear Caden’s voice—as though underwater—saying hello. Tarrant nods toward my cell, and I break our stare to grab my phone.

  “Hey,” I say softly.

  “Fuck Laura, are you okay?” Caden rushes out.

  I look back at Tarrant who’s watching me, and I stand up from the bed feeling slightly uncomfortable. I walk over to the window and open it, leaning out a little, like that will make a difference. “I’m fine. I was just relaxing, you know during holidays is the only time I get to have some peace and quiet.” I laugh but it’s forced and I know Caden can tell. I swallow and close my eyes feeling Tarrant as though he’s at my back when, in reality, he’s still sitting across the room.

  “Laura, I know you’re staying there by yourself. You could have come home with me if you’d wanted to. I mean, I don’t know what exactly the situation is with your parents, but I know you chose not to go home and that you turned Morgan’s offer down, too. I got worried, I’m sorry I sent Tarrant over, but…” he breaks off, obviously running out of steam.

  “Caden, it’s fine, and I’m sorry I didn’t answer your calls. I was tied up with having some me time.”

  Caden sighs. “I’m glad you’re okay and enjoying your time alone. When I get back, I want us to start doing some fun things together, okay?”

  I close my eyes and nod. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

  “All right, well, I’m going to let you get back to it. I’ll be back on Sunday, and we’ll catch up. Sorry I got my brother to ruin your night.”

  I open my eyes again and smile wistfully out into the darkness. If he only knew.

  “Love you, Laura,” Caden tells me.

  “I love you, too,” I tell him turning around and looking straight at Tarrant who now has an expressionless face. I wonder if he believes I really love his brother or if he thinks I’m playing Caden. Ignoring the calls from my boyfriend doesn’t really point to love. Well, not the kind I’m supposed to feel at least.

  I throw my phone onto my bed.

  “I better go,” Tarrant says maintaining the blank expression.

  I nod and walk over to the door, holdin
g it open like he needs help. It’s a natural thing to do, it’s not because I want to be closer to him.

  “Thanks for checking on me,” I say quietly.

  Tarrant stops and turns to look at me again. I see a flash of emotion before he shuts it down.

  “Be safe, Lemon,” he tells me tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I watch as he walks away, and I only breathe again when I hear the door shut letting me know he’s left the building.

  “Earth to Laura.” I blink and come out of my trance as Morgan waves a hand in front of my eyes. “It’s your turn,” she tells me pointing to the bowling alley.

  “Shit,” I curse quietly, shaking myself out of my daze. Once again, I was thinking about Tarrant. It’s been a week since he stopped by my dorm, and although I haven’t seen him since then, he’s become a regular visitor in my thoughts. The first time I laid eyes on him was today in the lunch room. I caught my breath watching him, his presence, his aura. Just him.

  I’ve been choosing to take sandwiches to school each day and have been sitting in study hall for all my free periods. Today Caden dragged me to lunch. I sat wedged between him and Morgan, both of them talking to other friends, I people watched from the safety of my human shields. It was as I scanned the room that my hungry eyes fell on Tarrant. He walked into the cafeteria… no, that’s not quite right. He prowled into the cafeteria. Not purposely, it’s just who he is. Everyone knows when Tarrant is near—he owns his space without even trying.

  There were a lot of people vying for his attention today, as many guys as there were girls, yet somehow he picked me out within seconds. I figured that would have made sense if he had noticed Caden first, but I’d not taken my eyes off him from the moment he walked in—Miss Stalky McPsycho was rearing her scary head again—and his gaze never landed on Caden or Morgan, actually his eyes never strayed to anyone at our table. Almost instantly they fell on me.

  I was going to ignore that little tidbit. For now. I excused myself fairly quickly after that. I’d already had my lunch and didn’t have any real reason to stay. I escaped once again to study hall which was quickly becoming my sanctuary.

  Now hours later, school is finished, and because Morgan and Aaron are back on, we’re seemingly having a normal double date bowling.

  I pick up the bright pink ball and settle my fingers in the holes. Then striding forward, I swing my arm back and let it go watching it spin as it rushes down the lane. I get a weird satisfaction as the ball smashes into the pins, and they all fall down.

  “Yeah, Button!” Caden shouts, and once again I find myself closing my eyes as I cringe. I’ve told him I hate that nickname. He said that it makes him look whipped, and that’s what he wants people to think.

  I paste on a smile and spin around. Shock hits me as I see Tarrant standing next to Caden. His grin lets me know that he’s pleased with my reaction, and I step back, forgetting that the lane is slippery and that I decided to forgo the bowling shoes. As if I’ve lost the ability to control my body, I feel my feet lose grip and then slip from underneath me. Flying through the air, I stick my hands out in front of me, which is of no help as I’m falling backward. Everything stops—for me—and then suddenly I’m horizontal, staring at the bowling center ceiling, my back aching, and my pride broken. I blink and try to move my arms as Tarrant’s face comes into focus above me.

  “That was a first. I’ve never literally knocked a girl off her feet before, especially without even touching her, Lemon.” He winks.

  I frown and growl in response.

  Caden draws up next to him holding out an arm as Tarrant does the same—they both latch onto me and heft me up. “The pins are supposed to get knocked down, Button, not you.” Caden smiles, and it’s sweet and caring as he places a soft kiss on my forehead. Tarrant drops my hand like it’s poison and looks at Caden, his face is impassive once again.

  “I’m heading out of town this weekend, you gonna be around if Mom needs you?” he asks glancing at me.

  “Of course,” Caden says frowning. “Any reason you’d think I wouldn’t be?”

  “Nope. Just checking,” Tarrant replies. “Later.” He nods at us both and walks away.

  I breathe deep as he goes, my lung capacity increasing.

  I’m happy he’s gone.

  Maybe if I think it enough, I’ll convince myself I really mean it.

  “Tonight was good,” Caden says thoughtfully as he drives me back.

  “Mmm,” I mumble noncommittally. I still have Tarrant playing on my mind and, I’m also way beyond tired. I’ve been studying more than usual as I was starting to fall behind, and I can’t risk that.

  “You’ve seemed off since I’ve come back from break. What’s really going on?” he asks, and I debate whether to be totally honest.

  “I’m falling behind with my studies,” I tell him the half-truth.

  Caden glances over at me but then quickly looks back at the road. I know he doesn’t believe me, and I also know that I should tell him about my growing feelings for Tarrant, but the fact is I feel like an idiot.

  Tarrant has shown me some interest… if you can call it that. There’s no saying it’s in a romantic way. Actually, I’m fairly certain his curiosity with me is on behalf of his brother. I mean, why am I even thinking about it? I’m kidding myself to imagine for even a second that he’s truly interested in me. As Caden pointed out, Tarrant doesn’t stick to one girl, he’s a player, and I don’t want to get dragged into his game. I’m not his exception.

  Shit. I need to stop watching those goddamn romantic comedies.

  “Listen, if you really are serious and need to study, I can leave you alone for the rest of the week, but are you free on Saturday?” he asks.

  I feel a weight lift off my chest. Actually, I really do need to study and not having to worry about Caden, Tarrant, and all my fucked-up feelings will help me concentrate… I hope.

  “I’m working Sunday, but Saturday I’m free,” I say and offer a genuine smile.

  A grin spreads across Caden’s face. “Okay, make sure you have your swimming stuff and are ready at eleven.”

  “Swimming stuff?” I question.

  “Yeah, Solomon is having a pool party at his house, and I want you to come. I would also say Morgan, but as she’s with Aaron I’m guessing he’s already invited her.” Caden shrugs.

  “Errm…” I hesitate.

  “Hey, I know you don’t always like this type of shit. So to make you feel a little more comfortable, his house is across the road from mine.”

  “But your mom…“

  “I’m gonna introduce you to her, it’s about time I did anyway,” he replies, and I feel genuine happiness rolling off him.

  I look out the window considering what he’s said and notice the trees swaying in the wind. “Isn’t it a little cold to have a pool party? I mean it is winter, Caden,” I question rubbing my temple.

  “Indoor pool, Laura.” He chuckles.

  I sigh. “Okay, I guess, as long as Morgan is going.” I agree although I don’t know what difference Morgan makes as she always leaves me on my own anyway.

  “Great, you’ll have fun, trust me.”

  “I shouldn’t have trusted you,” I grumble the minute we walk into the huge indoor pool at the back of Solomon’s house. Caden chuckles and pulls me into his side giving me a reassuring hug. It doesn’t reassure me. I take in the wide expanse—there’s a bar to the right, a Jacuzzi to the left, a three-tiered pool in the center, and Selina and her posse directly opposite me laying on sunbeds—there’s no sun, we’re indoors. She looks over at me, and I spot the curl of her lip as she leans over to whisper something into her friend’s ear. They both start laughing and I roll my eyes.

  “Didn’t know we were still in junior high,” I mumble.

  “Come on.” Caden gestures for me to follow him to the bar area.

  “Weren’t you going to introduce me to your mom?” I question.

  “Oh yeah, shit, I forgot to tell you I can’t.
She’s decided to go stay with my dad for the weekend.” He cracks his knuckles and closes his eyes briefly. “I haven’t had a chance to text or call Tarrant to tell him. He’s gonna lose his shit.”

  I glance up at him and then clutch his hand, tugging him behind me until we reach a quiet seating area next to the bar. “You want a drink?” I ask.

  “Yeah, a smoothie would be good.”

  I get us both a smoothie and go sit back down with him. “You can’t control your mom and dad or what they do,” I say softly.

  Caden looks at me with sadness in his eyes. He grabs his smoothie and takes a long slurp. “Yeah, I guess you can’t control what your heart feels, none of us can.” He watches me pointedly, and I feel a blush creep up my neck.

  Does he know about my feelings for Tarrant?

  I clench my jaw and bring my concentration back to the conversation before the Tarrant daze takes over.

  “Listen, here are the keys to my place. It’s directly across the road, the one with the black garage door, one-four-four-one is the door number. If you need some time out go over there, but Laura, don’t go anywhere else or I’ll worry,” Caden tells me.

  “Why? Are you planning to ditch me already?” I ask, half grinning while the other half is getting quietly pissed at him.

  “It’s not that… shit.” He pinches the bridge of his nose.

  “What?” I question frowning and crossing my arms.

  “The guys want me to play water polo, I kinda got roped in,” he tells me sheepishly.

  “Ugh,” I groan.

  “You could watch?” he encourages.

  “I hate stuff like that,” I tell him, and he doesn’t hide his disappointment. “But I’ll stay and watch... well, for as long as I can stand it anyway.” Caden smiles big, and I giggle. “When are you playing?”

  He looks at the clock above the bar. “Another hour I guess. Let’s go swim,” he orders nodding toward my sweats and tank.

  I look around the room. Most people are in the pool or surrounding it, and almost everyone is in their swimming stuff. Nobody is paying attention to us, so I nod my agreement and pull off my clothes. No sooner have I taken off my clothes showing my one piece swimsuit in all its glory, when Caden has picked me up and I’m hoisted over his shoulder.