I wonder what will happen if Caden ever tells Tarrant the truth? I have this horrible pain in my gut which tells me with all the shit that’s happened, it will be too late for Tarrant—we’d have too much hurt and too many vulnerable truths between us.
“You don’t want your parents to get back together,” I state, it’s not a question.
He pulls back out and stands up. “You know that. Why are you really here, Laura?”
His use of my real name sucks the breath from me as I stare wide-eyed.
Tarrant wipes his hand on a rag and prowls toward me. “What is this fucking draw I feel toward you?” The closer he gets, the more my brain screams danger. I can see the menacing side of Tarrant. I know he’d never physically hurt me, but that doesn’t stop my fear of the emotional blows.
I move away from him until my back hits the wall, but he keeps advancing toward me. He places a hand either side of my head, caging me inside his stance.
“Why is it you always make me feel like doing something I’ll regret?” His voice is low, barely a whisper, but I can still hear his anger which simmers on the surface.
“Who are you kidding, Tarrant? There’s nobody that can make you do anything you don’t want,” I snap. He’s making my temper flare now, even though I know his behavior is because of his pent-up frustration about his parents.
Stupid me, deciding to come down here to let him take it out on me.
He leans down until his breath warms my ear. “Then maybe you’ll tell me why I feel like you don’t belong to my brother. You look at me with a glint in your eyes, one that should be reserved for only him.”
“I don’t.” Although my words come out clearly, there’s an undertone of nervousness.
Tarrant moves his head back but says nothing. He watches me. Reading me, deciphering everything that’s hidden, trapped inside a place I’ve been desperately trying not to visit. His finger surprises me as it touches my throat then slowly travels down my neck. He stops when he reaches my collarbone, and his digit rests against the top of my shirt.
“Something tells me that you don’t belong to him, not truly, and something else tells me that he feels the same way about you. The only thing I can’t work out is why either of you would pretend to be together in the first place.” I don’t respond to him… I can’t, my mouth opens and closes but no words find their way to his ears. He moves his face a little closer. “Tell me, Lemon, if I kissed you now, would you slap me?”
I have no idea what my face is conveying to him at this moment because my mind has finally gone to mush.
Tarrant laughs and pulls away. “You’re a good girl, Lemon. Too good for the likes of me,” he says walking back over to his car and leaning against it. I’m still trying to bring my body and mind back together, attempting to gain some feeling in my tongue so that I can talk, and he’s standing there as though none of that little moment affected him in the slightest. He played me, and although I should be angry I’m more hurt.
“You think you have me figured out,” I taunt, and he smiles at me, but it’s cold.
“No, I don’t. But you think you know me,” Tarrant spits. “You don’t.” He stands away from the car and moves to a workbench. “I know what my reputation is. I’m aware what people say. They’re not wrong. I am a player. I do sleep around. I’m callous, cold, hard, and dark. I’ve heard it all, and for the most part, they are right,” he states leaning forward and staring at me.
Then he picks up a pot filled with dirty black liquid. “This oil is what good girls see when they look at me. Greasy, dirty, slimy. Nasty,” he sneers, but I’m not sure it’s aimed directly at me. Either way, I ignore his intimidation and keep my eyes fixed on his. “But you know, just for once, I’d like someone to look beyond this.” He shakes the pot and oil leaks over the edge, running down his hand. He pours the contents of it onto the garage floor. “You see…” he continues, walking over to the sink and grabbing a cup on the side which he fills with water before turning back around to face me, “… sometimes, when you mix something pure…” he raises the water toward me, and my eyes widen for a second thinking he’s going to throw it over me, “… with something dirty…” he tips the water onto the oil now covering a large area of the floor, “… you create something beautiful.” He throws the now-empty cup back into the sink then stands still for the few seconds that it takes to watch the rainbow appear. He ignores the tears that run down my face as he turns on his heel and stalks away.
Again.
Damn him.
I haven’t been able to shake the feeling of Tarrant being so close, even though he was trying to push me away—all I feel is claimed. Caden has said he’s going to talk to him soon, but he keeps saying that. Right now, I’m thinking I’d be better giving up anyway.
I didn’t want to come to this party tonight, but I’ve hidden from Tarrant for three days, it was time to get over it. I told Morgan what happened at the garage that day, but I gave Caden a watered-down version. He knows how I feel. At this point, I’m pretty sure even Mr. Moore, my seventy-five-year-old regular customer at the store knows how I feel. I’ve grown tired of managing my feelings. I’ve needed some time out these last few days. Tarrant won’t be mine, and I die a little every time I see him with someone else.
“You okay?” Morgan asks looking across the room to where Tarrant sits.
“Yeah,” I lie and look over at him, it’s hard not to. Whenever Tarrant’s in the vicinity, my body automatically reacts. It’s disgusting really, and sometimes I wish I could shoot myself. My only saving grace is that I haven’t—yet—turned into a groupie, hanging onto his every word and offering myself up on a plate. I might not have much, but I still have my self-respect.
I linger a little too long and Tarrant’s eyes catch mine. The girl standing next to him looks like she’s trying to mount him, and he was pushing her off. Now, with his eyes locked on mine, I see him whisper in her ear and hear her giggle in reply before she starts kissing his neck. I refuse to unlock our stare and instead watch as his jaw clenches, and his hooded eyes pierce me.
My reverie is broken when two arms circle my waist, and Tarrant’s eyes move away from my face, looking behind me. All lust has vanished, and all I see now is anger as he stares at his brother.
“Hey, you wanna get out of here?” Caden whispers in my ear, and I know he’s aware of what Tarrant’s doing.
“Sure,” my broken voice whispers in reply as I glance over my shoulder at him.
The second I turn back around, I see the girl on her own. Tarrant’s gone. All the emotions that were battling inside me seep out through my toes, and I feel deflated. He’s the only person who can bring me to life and the only one who can leave me feeling empty.
“She’s not pregnant,” Morgan tells me laying back on her bed, much like she did when she first told me Aaron might have knocked Heidi up. “She finally revealed all to her parents, and they took her to the doctor. Apparently, it was a false alarm,” she explains, her voice emotionless.
“Well, that’s good, right?” I ask confused by her disposition.
She turns on her side to face me, the pink teddy bear Aaron bought her is tucked against her stomach, and I wonder if she even realizes she’s holding it. “I don’t know. There’s only ever been him for me,” she reveals. “He was my first, my only. I know we had our break-ups and we’re on and off, and I knew he’d dated other girls.” She shrugs. “I guess I always thought he wouldn’t take it further than kissing. I feel like I don’t know who he is anymore.”
“Did he tell you?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
“Did you explain how you feel, the same way you told me?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, what did he say?” I quiz.
“He cried.”
“Bullshit!” I shout sitting up. I know logically it’s not bullshit, but I’m shocked.
“Yeah, apparently he loves me. He said he always has. I mean, I would be pissed if he didn’t ‘cause we�
��ve both used the ‘L’ word, but he said this whole thing has made him realize that I’m it for him. I just don’t know if I can get over it. Honestly, at this point, I think it might be easier to cut all ties,” she says, and I see the tears rolling sideways down her face and into her pillow.
“I know what you mean. Well kind of.” I sigh.
“We’re a right pair.” She giggles. I get up and climb over her body, lying down and spooning her. “You better not stick your dick in my ass,” she says, and we both laugh.
“I think I’m in love with him,” I confess.
She grabs my hand that lays on her stomach and squeezes it. “I already knew that, honey. We’re both fucked.”
I think about how every time I see Tarrant now he tries to do something hurtful to push me away. Soon he’s going to win, and he’ll get what he wants… me gone.
“This is healthy,” Caden states, as he sits, curling his lip with disgust at Morgan and me as we gorge on burgers.
I hold up my hand. “You’re the jock, not us,” I say through a mouth full of food.
He turns up his nose. “Still can’t be good for you… that much food,” he says looking with distaste at the empty burger wrappers from the ones we’ve already consumed.
“You saying we need to watch our figures?” Morgan snaps.
“Fuck me, no!” he fires back, his eyes going wide.
Morgan looks at me and smiles through her food. It’s truly disgusting and I smile back. Of course, we high-five each other.
Once we’ve consumed all we can, I laze back and moan. “Ugh, I can’t move.”
Caden raises an eyebrow. “I wonder why,” he replies.
Morgan giggles. “Lightweight.” She smiles at him then looks to me. “You coming to the bathroom?”
“Can’t move,” I grunt, and she giggles again and gets out of our booth walking off.
“There’s something I wanted to… it’s just… with all the stuff—”
“Spit it out,” I tell Caden as he rambles.
He groans. “Okay, you remember when Selina ruined your top?”
Pain shoots through my chest and I nod, biting back the ache.
“Here,” he says handing me a bag.
When I see an exact replica of my Thomas top, my breath catches in my throat and tears pool in my eyes. “Caden,” I rasp out unable to say anything else.
He holds up his hand. “As much as I’d like to take credit for being a good friend, Tarrant got that for you.”
“What?” I say, and it’s barely a whisper.
“Don’t know much about it. He chucked it at me this morning. Something about Selina being a bitch and ruining your top. Apparently he ordered it, but it took a while to be made and mailed,” he says.
“I thought… Tarrant and Selina.” I’m really struggling to speak through the blockage in my throat.
“Really? No. He doesn’t like her. I mean, yeah, he hooks up with girls, but he doesn’t usually do it with anyone that gives him even a scent of crazy, and that bitch oozes it. Even I can tell she’s crazy. He steers clear of her.”
“But…”
Caden shakes his head at me, a frown crossing his face.
“I saw them come out of the bathroom at the pool party,” I explain.
“Yeah. Crazy fucking bitch followed him in. He practically had to get physical to get her off,” he replies chuckling.
His amusement dies down as he looks at my face. “You’re in love with him.”
I don’t reply, apparently at this point how I feel is fucking written on my face.
“You’re in a dangerous place, Button. I love my brother. He’s a good brother, a good friend, loyal and fierce. I can’t say what he’s like as a boyfriend. I’m not even sure he could answer that. I’m fairly certain he’s never even had a girlfriend.”
“I know. It’s shit. I hate feeling like this and then every time I see him, he’s horrible, being cold and causing me pain on purpose to push me away.”
Caden rubs his chin. “I don’t think he does emotion. I don’t think he knows how to deal with it. Remember, at this point, you’re still mine. He thinks that, and it’s a line he’s not willing to cross which means you’re off limits to him. How is he supposed to deal with that if you’re around all the time being soft and looking pretty?”
I blink up at him letting his words penetrate.
“I can only imagine it’s easier for him if you hate him… if you’re not around. We should totally tell him we’re getting married.” He laughs.
“You have an evil fucking streak, Caden Reigns,” I reply just as Morgan comes back to the table.
She has a wicked gleam in her eyes. “I can work with evil, what are we doing tonight?” she asks with a dark smirk.
“There’s a party over at one of the frat houses,” Caden tells us.
“Not another party,” I complain.
“Come on. I need to go out. Seems I should get laid,” Morgan barks.
I roll my eyes. “Fine. But if you both leave me, I’m cutting my friendships with you.”
“One of us will stay with you, okay?” Caden says biting back a smile.
Later that night I follow the others into the party and turn my nose up at the state of the place already. Bodies grinding against bodies, sweat mixed with perfume, aftershave, and liquor fills the air.
Despite her earlier agreement, Morgan disappears almost immediately when she sees Garratt, attaching herself to him. Caden and I stand around chatting and drinking. Thankfully, I start to loosen up and feel a little happier.
“I’m going to get us another drink,” Caden tells me looking over at the guy manning the makeshift bar. I snort and nod.
“Don’t be long,” I plead. He smiles softly and nods back.
As soon as Caden leaves, my cocoon opens, and I feel Tarrant’s aura pulling me in his direction. I watch almost perversely as he turns, looking around. I see his eyes scanning everyone from across the room. I feel it the moment his gaze locks onto mine like a tractor beam, and I’m trapped, pulled into him in a way that no one but Tarrant could ever manage to do to me.
You’re mine.
Those words play in my head even though he’s never actually said them.
“You okay?” Caden asks, sidling up beside me.
I break the connection and turn to face him. “I’m fine.” I smile lying.
He smiles back, but it’s fake. Caden’s eyes move over my shoulder, his jaw locks, and he kisses my temple. “I’ll grab that drink now,” he says, and I realize he must have come back when he saw me looking at Tarrant. I nod and watch as he walks away.
Once again, I allow my eyes to eat up the dancefloor until I land on Tarrant. That’s when I understand Caden’s obvious anger on my behalf. Tarrant’s back is to me now, and he has a lithe blonde chick draped all over him. I bite my lip, knowing I have to stop my mind running away with me. I purposefully move my whole body, making it harder to seek out that side of the room.
I can’t be here anymore. I’ve taken a lot. But this is the last of it.
I have nothing left in reserve—it’s all been used up. I’m starting to wither.
This was my fault. Just mine. I’ll take the whole blame.
I should have told Tarrant the truth. No. That wouldn’t have been right to Caden.
Shit.
I should have told Caden that we needed to fake break up so I could have some space, maybe I could have taken a step back and let him talk to Tarrant. Now I’m floating in a sea of lies and confusion. I didn’t want to fall in love with him, but I have, and the reality has set in. I’ll never be with him and watching the endless stream of girls he has… I can’t deal with it anymore. The hardest thing is the way he looks at me. He wants me, but he doesn’t want to feel that way, it’s like he’s trying to make himself hate me. He ends up looking at me like I’m dirt.
He wants me gone, so he doesn’t have to deal with me.
That’s fine. I’m gone.
But I can’t watch him anymore.
It’s tearing me apart, and each time he has someone new, I die a little more inside.
My mind made up, I turn to leave assuming nobody will notice as they’re all wrapped up in drinking and partying.
“Why are you rushing off so soon?” the whispered sound behind me comes from Tarrant, just as I hit the hallway. His voice is the only one that makes my insides clench.
“I’m leaving,” I reply, my cheeks burn, and I focus on the darkness of the hall, letting my eyes trace the outline of the coat rack standing in the corner. I’m thankful he’s at my back, or I would lose all focus.
“Why? Caden will be upset when he sees that you’re gone.”
“No. No, he won’t. Caden and I don’t have that kind of relationship. He’ll be cool if I go home.”
“What kind of relationship do you have then? One where you can eye fuck other guys?” he spits out, and I feel the angry tears gathering. I want to say something nasty, hit him hard, but I can’t bring myself to.
Pulling my shoulder, he turns me to face him. He looks me over from my battered converse to the gap hoodie and narrows his eyes. “You’ve been with him for what, a few months? I bet you don’t even love him?” he sneers.
I look straight into his eyes knowing that my answer will be unwavering, it’s something I’m completely clear on because it’s the truth. “Oh, I love him all right. He makes my heart happy. I couldn’t imagine a day going by that I wouldn’t be able to see him.”
There’s a flash of something in his eyes that comes and goes quickly while he swallows and then grinds his teeth.
“You win,” I slam my words out in a whisper. He doesn’t reply, but I can hear his angry breaths. “You want to push me away. You’ve got it.”
For a split second, I almost convince myself that fear passes through him, until his next words. “I need to get back to Chloe,” he snaps, stepping around me and walking away. I take a deep breath and let the air whoosh out of my mouth. My heart pounds in my chest and the bats, which always arrive when he’s near, bounce around inside my stomach.
Dazed (The Deliverance Series Book 1) Page 15