by Leslie North
That, and Rashid badly wanted to know how it was going.
But when Jabbar picked up the phone, he had discovered that it was not going according to the plan they’d agreed on. For one thing, the security team was not inside the clinic—Nora had sent them to wait in the SUVs out front. They’d driven one around to the back to cover as many angles as possible, of course, and Jabbar had a man walking a route around the outside, but—
Rashid hadn’t heard most of what he said. He was already to the back entrance of the palace by the time he ended the call, having missed whatever it was Jabbar said in the end. His only concern was to get to Nora.
She had to understand. He had to make her understand what was at stake, both for them and the rest of the royal family. Anything could have happened in that clinic. There could have been a lapse, the guard walking the perimeter could have stepped out of sight at the precise moment that anyone, anyone—
Nora hadn’t been in the SUV or in the waiting room or even in the main clinic area when he arrived. Dr. Abadi rushed up to him, saying everything was fine, but it was not fine.
It simply was not fine.
They’d finally stopped in front of a closed door. A…bathroom. Nora was inside.
“Several minutes,” said Dr. Abadi, her brow wrinkling. “There was—she seemed to be dealing with a private matter.” Rashid knew the doctor was hedging, but he couldn’t imagine what she’d have to hedge about.
The door opened.
Nora was wearing a strange expression, and her eyes flew open at the sight of him. “Rashid? What are you doing here?” She shot a look over his shoulder at Dr. Abadi. “You didn’t hear—”
“I heard that your security team was told to wait outside the clinic.” It took everything he had to keep his voice even. “I wanted to discuss it with you. Immediately.”
Nora’s mouth straightened into a thin line, and she stepped out of the bathroom. “I have things to discuss with you, too.”
Rashid half expected her to put up some resistance, but instead Nora fell into step with him. They went out of the clinic and climbed into one of the waiting SUVs.
He didn’t say a word on the way back to the palace. Rashid was awash with too many emotions—relief mixed with anger and fear and something more powerful than all of them—to speak. If he was going to get through to Nora about what an incredible risk she’d taken at the clinic, he couldn’t do it by losing his temper. Not when their relationship still seemed like it could disintegrate at any moment.
Rashid wasn’t supposed to let his feelings get the better of him like this, and yet, with every day that went by…
Back in his rooms, he shut out the bodyguards and the rest of the staff and took a deep breath. Behind him, Nora stood by the sofa, her arms crossed over her chest. She looked like she was choosing her words, and it wasn’t going to be an open discussion like they’d had in his office. He couldn’t afford to give in. Not if it meant losing her.
On the coffee table next to the sofa, he’d had Ms. Nazari leave a printout of the research he’d done on clinics in safer neighborhoods. Those clinics were designed to accommodate security. He went to the table and took it in his hands, feeling Nora’s eyes on him with every step.
“From now on, you will set up your volunteer hours at one of these clinics. Coordinate it with my security staff.”
She looked him in the eye as she took it from his hands, her green eyes shining, then scanned the paper. “I’ve never heard of any of these.” She dropped her hand to her side, the paper crinkling. “I’m certain they’re geared toward the upper class.” Nora held out the paper. “I already told you, Rashid. I’m happy at the clinic I found.”
“It’s simply not possible for you to work there,” he insisted. “If the facility can’t accommodate your security—”
“My security was within thirty feet of the building at all times. I didn’t send them down the block, I sent them to the outside so that the women in the clinic—”
“Anything could have happened, Nora,” he burst out, his voice rising in spite of his intentions. “Any one of those women could have turned out to be a threat. Someone could have slipped through the security from the outside.”
“That didn’t happen,” Nora cut in, her eyes fiery. “Nothing happened at all.” She looked away from him, down toward the floor.
“Is that true?” Rashid’s heart beat harder. “Your face says otherwise.”
She met his eyes instantly. “Nothing happened to put me in danger.”
“It could have.” Why wasn’t this sinking in? “It could have, and as a member of the royal family you can’t take the risk. We’ve been over this before.”
“That’s my own decision to make.”
“It’s not, though, Nora. It’s not your own decision. If you want to volunteer, that’s fine. I encourage it. But it needs to be in a role that’s more appropriate to your station.” Every breath burned in his lungs. “This should be easy for a woman of your intelligence to understand.”
Her eyes darkened. “You did not just call me stupid.”
“Far from it,” he snapped back. “I called you too smart to continually dismiss your security. I called you too smart not to realize that your safety is paramount. You are presenting risks not only to yourself but to the entire royal family. No clinic is worth that.”
“Of course it is. Do you hear what you’re saying? You’re saying your own citizens don’t deserve help.”
“Completely untrue,” Rashid spat. “I’m saying that you can help the citizens of Omirabad in a way that is appropriate to your station.”
Nora let out a harsh laugh. “Helping those who need it the most is appropriate to my station. It’s the only thing that’s appropriate to my station, in my view. It’s not enough to sit at fancy breakfasts and stand on the sidelines at clinics where they have everything they need already.”
“It needs to be enough.” Rashid wasn’t going to budge on this. He simply wasn’t. “I don’t know how else to put it. The royal family in Omirabad doesn’t—”
“The royal family in Omirabad should change, then.”
He breathed out, a long, slow release that did nothing to calm him. “You’ve only been here a month. Things do change. You’re one of the new elements of the family, for example. But this is a matter of safety, not giving in to our personal whims.”
Nora shook her head, her jaw tight. “Is it your personal whim to stop me from ever having a career again? Because once the year of marriage is up, I get my trust fund and I can start my own practice.”
He sighed. “It would be easier if you were ready to step away from being a midwife, undoubtedly. But no. That’s not what I want for you.”
Nora’s eyes were on his, so green and vivid that the color was all he saw at first—not the tears that she quickly blinked away. “Why don’t you be absolutely clear about what you do want for me? Tell me. What is it that you want out of our marriage? I’ve—I’ve been pretty clear with you, and at times it seemed like you wanted a real marriage, not a show for the tribes.”
Where was this coming from? “Of course I want a real marriage.” Their marriage was as real to him as any other of his royal duties, only it was…better. And sometimes, like in this moment, it was more fraught. But the circumstances of how they came to be engaged mattered less than the way he felt about her. “I’m enjoying my time with you.”
Nora laughed, and the sound cut into him, bitter and sad as it was. He felt its sharp edges down to his bones. “There’s more to a real marriage than sex, Rashid. We can’t—” She sniffed, her cheeks red with her anger. “We can’t fall into bed and pretend everything’s fine behind closed doors when in fact this is all just a charade for other people.”
“What part of this is a charade?”
“We’re supposed to have a partnership. And I don’t mean a partnership that we perform for the cameras whenever your staff plans an event. We’re supposed to be able to support each other, eve
n when we don’t see eye to eye on every detail. Which is clearly often, because you don’t think I’m on a level to decide things for myself. Her jaw tightened. “Don’t bother trying to convince me otherwise.”
It hurt, because she was being so stubborn, and Rashid had given as much ground as he thought was prudent. It would always be that way because of the duty he had to his country and the royal family. They couldn’t simply do as they pleased all the time, and though he’d given her options, Nora wouldn’t take them. The bitterness rose in his throat.
“Oh, I won’t. I’m not sure you’re the best person to judge what makes a real marriage,” he snapped and then watched the words land.
Nora narrowed her eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He shrugged, knowing even as he did it that he’d been cruel. This was not him. He did not want to be having this argument with her. In fact, Rashid would have been much happier if they could shut themselves in a bedroom and while away the afternoon together. “You were willing to jump into bed with Barron Rochester without any expectation of a partnership. Seems a bit of a sudden change, doesn’t it?”
Nora’s mouth dropped open, and now there were tears in her eyes. She wiped at them furiously with the back of her sleeve. “Wow,” she said, the word thudding against his heart like a battering ram. “I never took you for this sort of person. I guess I was wrong.”
Regret surged across his chest. This conversation had taken an awful turn, and all his muscles ached with his wish to take his words back. To go back to the beginning. He should have kissed her first. Taken her in his arms. Done anything to show her how worried he’d been and how much she mattered to him.
Nora spun on her heel, heading for the door. Her shoulders were raised high and tight beneath the scrubs she still wore from the clinic, and as she went, her hair fell out of the twist she kept it in and spilled down her back.
“Nora, wait.”
She turned back, eyes blazing. “Just so you know, Rashid, being with Barron for any amount of time gives me all the authority in the world to judge what a real marriage is. That’s exactly why I can tell you that this isn’t one.”
Nora went through the door to her private suite like a gust of wind, yanking it shut behind her with such force that Rashid felt the reverberations move through his body like an earthquake. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had slammed a door on him. And he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been left standing alone, wondering how everything had gone so horribly wrong.
14
She was still fuming several days later.
Nora paced her rooms in a blind daze. No matter what she did, she was furious. All the hot showers in the world hadn’t swept her anger away, and neither had a few sessions of morning yoga from an app on her phone.
She was furious and pregnant. She and Rashid hadn’t been speaking since the argument after her trip to the clinic, and Nora hadn’t been back. Every time she called for her security to take her out, they told her that visits to the clinic hadn’t been approved.
Perhaps it was childish, but she’d moved back to her own rooms. Rashid had only come to the clinic to drag her bag to the palace. He hadn’t picked up on the fact that she had news. And she had tried to talk to him—once—but his secretary had stopped her, saying he was in a meeting and not to be disturbed.
Worst of all, Nora had been right. She would never fit in as a member of the royal family, not truly—and especially not if Rashid only enjoyed his time with her. God. Nora felt like such a fool, falling for him all over again. Back in school she had known that a crown prince would always be out of her league, and here it was, that same ugly truth shoved back in her face.
Nora stripped out of a set of exercise clothes and stepped into the shower. There was nothing to do but show up to the tea she’d scheduled with Jazmin. She couldn’t very well leave, and canceling the date would only have her sitting in her rooms, ruminating on what things had come to with Rashid.
And what, exactly, had they come to? How could she ever face him again? How could she stay here?
How could she leave?
She washed her face and let the hot water pour over her skin. Take a deep breath. One deep breath and then another. It wasn’t the time to be making big decisions. She knew that better than anyone. So first, she would stop her furious crying, blow dry her hair, and go and have tea.
Jazmin was meeting her in one of the smaller private tea rooms on the main floor of the palace, but Nora’s mind was still back in Rashid’s office as she walked there, her eyes on the floor.
“Oh, good! You made it.” Jazmin’s voice brought her back to the present. The taller woman made her way around the table and gave Nora a warm hug. It was then that Nora saw the third person in the room, waiting on the other side of the table.
“I made it,” said Nora, resisting the urge to turn around and leave. The last person she wanted to have tea with right now was Aliyah, and yet there she sat at the table.
“Hello, Nora,” said Aliyah frostily as the other two women sat down.
“Hi.” Nora sank down in her seat, her eyes settling on the tray of pastries and small sandwiches in the middle of the table. She should eat. It was important to eat. But she couldn’t bring herself to reach for anything.
“Aliyah,” Jazmin said, patting the back of Aliyah’s hand. “Cut it out.”
Aliyah pursed her lips. “Cut what out? I’m being perfectly nice.”
“You’re being kind of bitchy,” Jazmin said, and Nora had to hastily turn a laugh into a choking cough. “Nora is your sister-in-law. And you wanted a sister.”
Aliyah shot Nora a sheepish look but still spoke to Jazmin. “You were supposed to be my sister, in case you forgot.”
Jazmin laughed. “Please. I’ve been your sister since we were children. Now you have a new sister. I’d apologize to her, if I were you.”
Aliyah took a big breath and looked Nora in the eye. “I’m sorry for being such a brat,” she said, then let out an epic sigh.
“It’s all right.” Nora couldn’t help another laugh. “This was all a bit of a surprise for me, too.”
“I was most surprised when one of my closest friends revealed that she’s been keeping a secret from me for years.”
Jazmin rolled her eyes. “I couldn’t tell you. Not when I was engaged to your brother.”
“Yes you could. I wouldn’t have spilled the beans.”
“I haven’t even spilled the beans,” said Nora. She hadn’t breathed a word of Jazmin’s secret romance to Rashid, and she never planned on it. “You should have told her, Jazmin.”
Jazmin smiled at her, and the air in the room warmed another few degrees. Nora only wished the pain in her heart would unknot so she could breathe a little more freely. This was not the day she’d planned on having.
“Speaking of,” Aliyah said as Jazmin lifted the teapot from its tray and poured into their three cups. “How is tall, dark, and yummy? Have you two set a date yet?”
“So nosy,” Jazmin said, blushing as if they hadn’t already been talking about the man she was in love with. “You’re a married woman. Shouldn’t you be less fixated on palace gossip?”
“When you’re this pregnant, what else is there to fixate on?” Aliyah tipped her head back. “It’s so uncomfortable. Nobody warned me.”
“I hear that from clients all the time,” said Nora. “Nobody ever warns them.” Her stomach did a curious flip then. She’d never been pregnant herself, and now it felt like she knew too much.
“I bet nobody warned you about palace life. I probably should have done that.” Aliyah’s face brightened. “But…how are things going with my brother?”
“Yes,” Jazmin said, stirring some sugar into her tea. “Have you two…settled in?”
Had they ever. They’d settled in to the point where they’d had a real argument. She’d slammed a door. But as she looked from Aliyah to Jazmin, the words stuck in her throat. It had all been so stupid. Yet…s
he was hurt by what had happened. She was hurt by how high-handed he had been and what he’d said about her not knowing what a real marriage was…
“Uh, oh,” said Aliyah.
Nora snapped her head up. “What?”
“Was he a jerk to you?” Jazmin chimed in. “Your face is so red. If he was an ass, I’ll go down to his office right now and—”
“It drives him crazy when you change schedules on him,” cut in Aliyah. “Do that.”
Nora smiled. It was nice to have people to talk to about this, even though she hadn’t said a word. They’d immediately understood.
Jazmin groaned. “He’s too hung up on you.”
That made Nora laugh. “Too hung up on me? It didn’t seem like it when we were arguing.”
“Let me guess. He wants you to spend more time at the palace.”
“Kind of,” Nora admitted. “He doesn’t want me to volunteer at the clinic I chose. He thinks it’s too dangerous.”
“I’m sure you would know for yourself if it was dangerous.” Jazmin looked at her over her teacup. “But he wouldn’t be so concerned if he didn’t love you so much.”
“Love me…” Fresh tears sprang to Nora’s eyes. No, she commanded them. Not now. “I don’t think he does.”
“I’m sure he does,” Aliyah said.
Nora gave her a skeptical look. Aliyah had the grace to blush.
“I know my brother, that’s all. He’s always been obsessed with safety and duty and doing the right thing. If he’s holding out on you, it’s only because he has this idea in his mind that the country is supposed to come before anything else.”
That did sound like Rashid, and in light of what he’d said about the old traditions…
“He might love me, but I don’t think I can stay in Omirabad.”
Once the truth was out in the open, Nora felt a rush of relief. Both of the other women stared at her.
“You’re thinking of leaving?” Jazmin asked softly.
“Yes. Only…” She wasn’t sure how to do it. Now that they were married, could he…keep her here?