“You have some things you need to resolve.” She kissed his cheek.
He turned his face and met her lips, tasting the salt of her tears. Desperately, he kissed her. He couldn’t lose her. Pulling her closer, he rolled his tongue with hers and caressed the back of her neck. She turned her head and pulled him down on to the sofa, allowing him to partially cover her. His fingers trailed down her chest and around the cup of her bra. The urge to take her, to make her his, tightened his groin. He circled her breast and pulled out of the kiss. Her breathing was shallow, and her eyes half-closed.
He lifted her tank top. She arched into his embrace, and he buried his face between her breasts. He wanted something, anything to hold onto her. Maybe if he gave her what she wanted, loving tenderness and a proposal, she’d relent. She moaned and her stomach growled loudly at the same time.
“You want?” he murmured, his voice rough as he kissed his way down her belly.
She clasped the sides of his head and lifted his face from her torso. “I feel grungy.”
He took an exaggerated sniff and laughed. “Not to me. I’m a man who likes fish sauce, remember?”
“Eewwee…” Maryanne sat and replaced her tank top. “I need a shower. Besides, I’m hungry. Baby’s got to eat.”
He could have slapped himself. Of course she’d be hungry after her ordeal. What kind of fool was he to try and seduce her when he was supposed to be her caretaker?
He clasped her hand and slipped his fingers between hers. “I shouldn’t have. I want our first time to be special, with candlelight and champagne, and rings on our fingers.”
Maryanne’s eyebrows creased, as if unsure what had just transpired. Lucas cringed. How presumptuous he was. She hadn’t even agreed to continue the relationship. His cheeks heated, and he headed for the door. “I’ll get that food I was talking about. Don’t go anywhere, okay?”
~~~
Lucas parked at the mall and rushed up the escalator to the closest jewelry store. Anxiety gnawed at his stomach. Maryanne was too precious to let go. Diamond rings sparkled from the window, but he couldn’t afford them. Once he started winning triathlons, he’d use the prize money to buy a big rock worthy of her, but right now, he had to stake his claim.
He stepped into the store and headed toward the back where the promise rings, pendants and chains were displayed. A petite Asian saleslady smiled. “Looking for something special?”
Lucas peeked at the prices. “Something nice, white gold with diamonds, a promise ring.”
“We have a selection in all different price ranges.” She pulled out a tray full of hearts, single and double.
“I’m not sure I want a heart shape. How about a more simplistic design?” He spied one that was a band split into two sections and twisted into the shape of an eye, creating three narrow loops. The center one held a cluster of tiny diamonds. It was almost four hundred dollars.
“This one is exquisite.” The sales lady took it out of the case. “See the graceful lines? And seven diamonds. From a distance they look like a single large one. Total diamond weight is half a carat.”
Lucas turned it around. Each diamond sparkled on its own. Not cheesy like the hearts or yin-yang symbols, but an intertwined knot symbolizing union.
“Do you know what size she is?” The sales lady put it on her finger. “This one’s a size five. How tall is she?”
“She’s petite and has tiny hands. Yeah, maybe a five would fit. I’ll take it.”
“She can always bring it back and resize it if it doesn’t.” The sales lady put the ring in a red velvet box and tore off the price tag. “Good luck.”
“Yes, thanks.” Lucas paid for the ring and tucked it in his pocket. He jogged to his car and drove two blocks to the supermarket with a deli. After buying veggie kabobs, couscous with apricots, peppers, and lamb, and a bouquet of wildflowers, he returned to Maryanne’s.
The shower was still on. He checked his watch. Forty-five minutes. Wonder what her water bill’s like.
He rummaged in her cabinets. No candlestick holders or candles, so he set the table and placed the flowers in a crystal vase.
The shower continued to run. Probably shampooed herself five times already.
“Maryanne, I’m back,” Lucas called. There was no answer. He paced around the living room and switched on the television news. Another fifteen minutes rolled by as the shower continued its steady streaming sound, with not even a change in splash pattern.
Prickles scratched the back of Lucas’ neck. He knocked on the door. “Are you okay?”
He waited a few seconds. “Maryanne, please forgive me, but I have to check.”
The door was not locked. He barged in. Maryanne lay slumped on the shower floor with water splashing her face. Lucas turned off the shower, picked her up and carried her to the bed. He listened to her heart. It was still beating. Her breathing was raspy. He poked her. No response. His chest constricted, and panic swarmed his head.
He called 911. After they dispatched the ambulance, Lucas tugged a t-shirt over her head and pulled on a pair of panties and sweatpants. Maryanne lolled in his lap, unresponsive.
He prayed, rocking her slowly in his arms. Too distraught to answer the door, he held on until the paramedics peeled her out of his arms. He followed them to the hospital in a daze. The worried expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses told him more than he wanted to know.
A half hour later, a nurse called him to the station.
“How is she?” he asked.
“She’s in emergency surgery. I need to ask you some questions.” She indicated for him to take a seat. “How long was she in the shower?”
“I don’t know, but it could be as long as an hour. Is she going to be okay?”
The nurse leveled sympathetic eyes at him. “We hope so. That’s why I have to ask these questions. Did she have anything to eat or drink?”
“Not that I know of.”
“What was her mental status before you left the apartment?”
Lucas blinked. This had been his fault. He shouldn’t have left her so long. “She seemed fine.”
“Was she acting normal?”
“Well, yes. I guess.”
“Was she standing, sitting, or taking a nap?”
He twisted his hands. “She was lying down.”
“Sleeping? Were you able to rouse her?”
“She wasn’t sleeping. She seemed alert.”
The nurse made notes. “This is very important. Was she irritable, despondent, impulsive, or having difficulty concentrating?”
“Well, yes, she was impulsive and confused.” That’s why she suddenly wanted to be independent. To have the baby by herself. Lucas inhaled slowly. Once he gave her the ring, she’d know he was committed to her.
“Change of mental status,” the nurse noted. “Are you the caretaker they discharged her to?”
“Yes, will she be okay?” Tears rimmed his eyes. “I can’t bear it if anything were to happen to her.”
“We’re doing the best we can. We don’t know if she hit her head again when she fell in the shower, or if she lost consciousness because of a bleed in her brain. People who’ve suffered head trauma can lose their balance easily. They could be forgetful and of course, are oftentimes confused.”
“I should have been there for her. I didn’t know. I only stepped out for a short time.”
The nurse patted his arm. “Don’t be too hard on yourself. They did a quick scan and are draining a small bit of blood. Most likely she’ll be good to go in a few days.”
“Thanks.” Lucas wandered to the cafeteria and bought a plate of dusty tasting chipped beef with rice. What kind of man was he to take advantage of a brain-injured woman?
Chapter 21
Maryanne stayed in the hospital through the 4th of July weekend and into the following week. Lucas visited her every day, skipping his training and hovering obsessively. She thought she’d enjoy a boyfriend who paid her so much attention, but her chest tig
htened at the suffocating feeling.
She pushed aside the tasteless food.
A nurse stepped in with a cheerful smile. “Are you ready for the ultrasound?”
“Yes, sure.” In a perfect world, she’d have a loving husband to share the moment with. She brushed aside the hair hanging over her eyes.
The nurse helped Maryanne into a wheelchair. “I called OB/Gyn already. We’ll send over your blood work, urine. You can call for an appointment to followup once you’re discharged.”
“Sure, thanks,” Maryanne mumbled. Last thing she wanted was to sit in a waiting room with happily pregnant women.
They turned the corner, and Lucas jogged toward them. “Maryanne! There you are. Where are you going?”
“Radiology. I’ll meet you in the lobby afterwards,” Maryanne said, hoping he’d take the hint.
He pushed the button to open the double doors to the Radiology corridor and followed them in. The nurse thanked him and gave a folder to the ward clerk. “Maryanne Torres for prenatal ultrasound.”
“It’ll be a few minutes,” the clerk said, handing her a cup. “Here’s some water. It’ll help with the imaging.”
Once the clerk retreated, Maryanne turned to Lucas. “Have you worked out?”
“Ran fifteen miles already.” He looked eager for a pat on the head. “Are you going to see the baby?”
“Yes, they want to date it and make sure things are okay after my incident.” She touched the stapled patch on her head where the tube had been inserted.
“Can I go in with you?” He gave her a pleading puppy look. “I’ve never been to an ultrasound.”
Maryanne’s lips tightened. “I’m not sure you should. It’s not your baby.”
He pushed both hands into his pocket and shrugged, looking at the floor. Maryanne drank the water and tossed the cup into the wastebasket. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate everything you’ve done.”
The ward clerk approached them. “They’re ready for you, Miss Torres.”
Lucas patted her shoulder. “Good luck.”
“You can come too,” the clerk said. “Most fathers are delighted to share the experience.”
~~~
Lucas looked at Maryanne hopefully. She blushed at the clerk’s words but gestured for him to follow, perhaps not wanting to embarrass him. He hung back, but she waved again, so he entered after her and sat in a chair in the corner.
“Are you excited?” The ultrasound technician helped Maryanne onto the examination table. “Please pull your pants down partway. I’m going to apply a gel on your abdomen to help the transducer maintain good contact. Ready?”
Maryanne pulled her pants down to the bikini line. Lucas focused on the ultrasound machine so she wouldn’t accuse him of ogling her. He could hardly wait to see the baby.
“Okay, we’re ready to begin.” The technician moved a wand over Maryanne’s belly. A tiny peanut shaped object came into view inside a wedge.
Lucas caught his breath. It was moving.
“Only see a single one here. Measuring the crown to rump length. 15 mm, exactly eight and a half weeks.” The technician clicked to position the guidelines. “See? There’s her face. Oh, we’re waving our arms.”
“Can you tell if it’s a girl?” Lucas asked. His heart sped and he rubbed his hands.
“Not yet. I like to say ‘she’ because external genitalia is not visible.”
Lucas pointed to a circle on the screen. “What’s that?”
“It’s the yolk sac where the baby gets nutrition until the placenta develops. Oops! We moved again.”
“Ahh…” Lucas sighed. The little peanut had spunk, like her mother. He glanced at Maryanne, but she wasn’t smiling.
“Let’s see if we can get a view of her back,” the technician said. “Oh, there you go, nice curve. Let me zoom into the heart. 164. Good strong heartbeat. See how it flutters? Let me turn on the Doppler so you can hear it.”
A wah-wahing sound echoed from the machine.
“Oh, wow,” Lucas exclaimed, his jaw dropping.
“You must be mighty proud,” the technician replied. “She looks good as far as I can tell. Next time, we’ll be able to see her face and if you want to find out the gender, we can do that too.”
Lucas smiled at the screen. “She looks like a little astronaut floating in there. Maryanne, look.”
Maryanne avoided the screen and pursed her lips.
“Do you have any questions?” The technician put the wand away and handed Maryanne a wipe.
“No, that was great.” Lucas shook hands with the technician.
“I’ll print out a few of the snapshots and you can take it home and put it in her baby book.”
“Oh, cool. Thanks. Maryanne, do you want them?”
She shrugged and turned her face to the wall. The technician pulled a strip off the printer and handed it to Lucas. Warm, fuzzy feelings wrapped around his chest. A perfect little baby. If only they could keep it, he’d love it even if he wasn’t the biological father.
~~~
Maryanne held onto Lucas as he carried her up the steps to her apartment. He talked excitedly about the ultrasound the entire way back from the hospital. They saw the beating heart, the little hands and feet, and the facial profile. He and the ultrasound tech had gone on and on while Maryanne’s bladder ached to bursting. A wave of annoyance crested as Lucas rubbed her hair like she was an overgrown puppy. He set her down to open the door with the keys she had given him earlier.
“Your father left a bunch of messages.” Lucas pointed to her answering machine. “Why don’t you get voice-mail?”
“I like screening my calls. Anyway, he called the hospital and I spoke to him already. He’s not happy I missed my appointment.”
“You still have one next week. Do you want me to cancel it?” He led her to the couch. “I’ll make you some oatmeal with walnuts and blueberries. How does that sound?”
“Lucas.” She tugged his arm. “Sit, we need to talk.”
She might as well get it over with. As sweet as he had been, he was smothering her, and she didn’t want him getting any ideas about the baby. He had sounded like he was the father during the ultrasound.
Lucas sat and rubbed both sides of his jaw, making a sandpapery sound. “What have I done wrong?”
“Nothing, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these last few days.” She swallowed the growing lump in her throat. “You’re a man any woman would love to hang onto.”
He looked at his hands. “Why do I get the feeling there’s a big ‘but’ coming?”
She slipped her hand into his. “I love you. I really do, but I have to go through this on my own. I want to make my own decisions, not have anyone influence me. This is my baby and my life.”
“Is it so bad that I want to stand by you?”
“No, of course not. But this is more than that. You’re reliving something you missed. Somehow, you’re using my pregnancy to fill a hole in your life.”
“That’s not true. It’s you I love, more than anything. Now that you’re having a baby, I want to be there for you, like I promised.”
“Oh, Lucas.” She hugged him and laid her head on his shoulder. “You’re ruining your life over this. You’ve already dropped out of altitude training and now you’re missing workouts because of me. It’s not fair for you.”
He dropped to his knee and stuffed his hand into his pocket. “I know what I’m doing. It’ll be for a few months. We can move in together, and I’ll take care of you.”
Why did he think he could dictate everything? For a sweet guy, he sure was controlling. Lucas pulled a small box from his pocket. Hot and cold jitters pranced across Maryanne’s scalp. No, don’t do this, Lucas. Don’t make me hurt you.
She covered his hand. “I’m not the woman you think I am. I’m still pro-choice. Don’t make me into some kind of martyr just because I’m going to let this baby live.”
“I’m not judging you, truly. But I’m happy you made t
he right decision. I promised you I’d take care of you, and I want to give you this.” He placed a velvet ring box in her hand.
Did he truly not get what she’d just said? His sea-green eyes threatened to weaken her resolve, but she had to stand on her own this time, no matter how tempting it was to be dependent on him. Her chest tightened and a sour ache gripped her stomach.
She gave the box back to him. “I can’t take it right now.”
His jaw twitched. “That’s your answer?”
“Yes. Thank you for all you’ve done for me.”
“Thanks for nothing.” He flung the box against the wall and ran out the door.
Chapter 22
Lucas shoved the door of his apartment open and kicked it shut. His heart seizing with anger and pain, he threw his keys on the sofa. He’d given up everything to cater to her, and she kicked him in the teeth, rejected him flat.
“Well, hello there!” His sister scowled. “You look like a lawn mower had its way with you.”
“Shut up.” He opened the refrigerator and poured himself a glass of orange juice.
A shadowy figure skipped from the bathroom to his bedroom and shut the door.
“What the… Sandra!” he shouted. “I thought I told you, no visitors.”
Sandra propped a hand on her hip. “She ain’t my visitor.”
“Mom’s here?” He scratched the side of his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Like I said, she ain’t my visitor.” Sandra waddled out of the kitchen, grabbed her keys and backpack and opened the front door. “I have a job interview. Have fun.”
Lucas plopped himself on the couch. Couldn’t be his mother or he’d have heard her voice by now. He’d tell whoever it was to vacate as soon as she came out of his room. Maryanne’s glass pumpkin sat on the coffee table. Lucas picked it up and examined it. Cute and perfect, like she was. He’d tried to be the man she wanted. Someone she could count on, someone who loved her and put her above his own desires. Maybe she was still pining for one of the jerks who hurt her. It was so unfair, like always.
Hidden Under Her Heart Page 16