by Moira Byrne
"I just want to talk. This place, Fayoak, clearly isn't safe for you and Ana. Probably not for your sister either. Your old pack has it in for you. They know you're here."
"And? Did my pack not just demonstrate that we can handle it? Charlie could've taken them on by himself. I have all the protection I need."
"Charlie won't always be there for you. I will."
I was the one gritting my teeth now. I steeled myself as I held his gaze unwaveringly. "No, you won't."
"What do you mean?"
"I can't take this, Ben. I can't."
"Take what?"
"You and me. It's not going to work. We want different things. We'll figure out things with Ana, as difficult as it might be, but this?" I pointed between him and myself. "Not happening."
"Aly, wait, what—"
"You think that just because you're my mate I should give up on everything that I want? Is that it?"
Ben's mouth opened then shut. His jaw clenched. Let him get as angry as he wanted. It would make this easier for the both of us. I didn't want to give up my friend. The father of my child. My mate. But I would.
As I stared into his hurt eyes, I tried to force back my emotions. I couldn't think about how much I enjoyed being with him. How much he mattered to me. What a great man he was. A man who accepted me wholly and completely. A man who made me fall for him with a single smile.
Jesus. Was I making a mistake?
No. If he wasn't going to listen to me, I wasn't going to listen to him. I wanted compromise. He clearly didn't.
And I was done.
"I'm not leaving with you, Ben. Because we're not ever going to be together."
"You can't be serious. Just because—"
"We'll talk about Ana later. But forget about me."
"No, I'm sick of later and I won't forget about you. What the hell is that about? We need to—"
"You're. Not. Listening." I breathed in deep, my nostrils flaring with the effort. "We're done. There's no need to talk about anything but Ana, and we can do that later."
"Aly, please—"
I heard the pain in his voice, but I was already walking away. I steeled myself, lifted my head high, and walked inside the Greenhavens' to get my daughter. We were leaving.
"Shit."
There I was again. Sitting in my car with my child. Ben was inside, packing up his things. I wished I hadn't asked Charlie to take Izzy home, but at least I now had a place to run and hide.
Classic move on my part—running away so I didn't have to deal with life. To be fair, though, I couldn't stand being told how incapable I was of protecting my daughter one more time.
What the hell would it take to prove it to him? I had fought and won twice. Did I like that I had to live in danger like this? Hell no, but I knew it was temporary. It was done now. Over. My pack, my friends, and family in Fayoak, they had all proven that we were capable. We couldn't escape danger by running.
I snorted as I started up my car and drove it down the long road from my house. Never mind that I was running. I was doing it for the right reasons. At least, I thought I was. The sick feeling in my stomach made me wonder otherwise. I clamped down on it, forced it away as I gripped the steering wheel tighter.
I had already texted Izzy to let her know I was coming over. I needed to talk and there was no one better to listen. I didn't know what I would do without her. The old pack daring to threaten her as well as me was probably what made me turn into a raging kitty-juggernaut on the battlefield.
Ana was gurgling and kicking happily in the backseat. I fought for her the most, though. I would lose myself entirely if I lost her. I couldn't even think about it without my stomach churning. I was happy to hear her sounding so content and silly back there. She didn't even know what we had been through and I was glad. I wanted her to have the life I didn't.
As I stared out the window, a sudden thought hit me. I didn't want her to grow up without her parents either. What if I had died out there? Would Sophie have to raise Ana too, just like she did me? Worse, did Ben have a point? No, I told myself. Even if he was right, he went about it all wrong. He couldn't be with someone like me if he wasn't even going to try to understand where I was coming from. It wouldn't work.
My knuckles were white on the steering wheel. My stomach was churning. It wasn't just thoughts of Izzy and Ana that were upsetting me, it was the fact that I was losing Ben forever.
And I was the one to blame.
I wanted to flop down on Izzy's cushy floral sofa, but I had Ana in my arms. I gingerly sat down, carefully cradling her head. But internally, oh boy, I was flopping around and pouting with the best of them.
"Why wouldn't he just listen to me?" I asked Izzy as she stepped into the room with a tray. I lifted my head from the back of the couch and did a double take. There was an ornate teapot and two porcelain cups resting on the tray, along with a small plate of cookies. They were carefully arranged in a tight circle, the edges neatly overlapping.
"When did you even get the chance to make tea?"
"I was already making some for myself."
"Including the teapot and the cookies?" I asked, more out of amazement than anything.
"Well, yes, I enjoy my tea more this way."
"Izz-monster, you're adorable." I looked down at Ana. "Don't you agree?"
Ana had nothing to say on the matter, but I was sure she agreed.
Izzy gave me a shy smile before setting the tray down on her coffee table and pouring us each a cup. She was about to hand me mine when her brow furrowed. She looked at Ana, then the teacup. She set it back down.
"On second thought, let's let that cool for a moment, shall we?"
I snorted. "You don't think I can handle a baby and a teacup at the same time? You're almost as bad as Ben."
Izzy tilted her head to the side, eyeing me thoughtfully. I shifted uncomfortably. I was tempted to crack a joke or say something snarky, anything to get her eyes off me. I had this vague feeling that she was looking into my very soul.
"Aly, have you ever considered that maybe you're afraid of letting people help you?"
"What?" That lame response was all I could manage. I hadn't expected truth-bombs from Izzy.
"You heard me," she said quietly. "I've always admired your strength and independence, but I think you could stand to let others care for you sometimes, too. It doesn't make you weak."
"I don't think it would make me weak."
"But you do, don't you? It sounds to me like he's just trying to protect you and Ana. Is that really so bad? Have you tried talking to him, or do you keep on shutting him down?"
Yes, I thought, but instead I said, "I have no idea what you mean."
Izzy sniffed at me, lifted her teacup from its saucer, then took a prim sip. "You do."
"Someone's sassy."
"Well, I'm also right, aren't I?" She delicately placed her teacup back down.
I deflated against her couch, my eyes falling to trace the looping flower stems patterning the fabric. I brushed my fingers over Ana's soft hair and sighed.
"Unfortunately, I think you might be right," I confessed. It was weirdly relieving to finally say it out loud. In the back of my mind, I had known there was something wrong.
Ben wasn't unreasonable. Was he pushy? Yeah. I knew it was only because he cared, though. I was the one who was being unreasonable, wasn't I?
"I didn't want to talk because I was scared that I would ruin it all." I laughed bitterly to myself. "Funny, because I did that anyway."
"But it's easier if you're the one doing it, right?" Izzy said in a soft voice.
"Have you always been this wise?"
Izzy smiled. "I think so. I used to be a little quieter though."
I reached out to pat her on the thigh. "Well, I like this side of you. You've always been good people, Izz-monster, but you just seem to be getting better."
There was a loud knock at the door and realization flared to life in Izzy's eyes, followed by a deep blush. I
grinned as I caught the scent of who it was on the other side of her door.
"What's Jack doing here?"
"Behave." Izzy gave me her sternest look—which wasn't very stern—before she jumped to her feet and raced over to answer her door.
"Hello, Jack," she greeted him a bright voice. "You're early!"
"You all ready to go? The book fair is starting soon. I know you would hate to miss a second of browsing time."
I grinned to myself. It seemed like she and Jack were moving right along in their weird friendship-slash-maybe-not-really. He certainly knew her well. Izzy lived and breathed books from what I could tell.
I eyed her overstuffed bookshelves. They were the messiest things in her entire apartment, and I was using that term lightly. Her idea of mess was most people's idea of super tidy. Her bookshelves, though? Overstuffed was an understatement.
Ana squirmed against me and I pressed a gentle kiss to her head. As I did so, I thought of Ben. He knew me just as well as Jack knew Izzy. Instead of book fairs, Ben was the sort of guy who remembered to queue up the crappy reality television I loved to hate when I would be studying at his place. There was nothing like the soothing sound of fighting housewives to get you through your accounting homework.
The conversation at the doorway was distant background noise as a wave of guilt crept over me. I screwed up and knew it. I didn't need Izzy to tell me. I had a feeling that I came here because I was hoping Izzy wouldn't tell me. I wanted her to agree with me, tell me I'd done the right thing, even though I knew otherwise. That made me feel even worse.
I placed Ana in her car seat, reached out for the cup of cooled tea and slammed it back, then picked up Ana, grabbed the diaper bag, and headed for the door. I didn't know what I was going to do about my mistakes, but I didn't want my bad mood to interfere with whatever Jack and Izzy had going on.
Izzy whirled around when I approached the door, still blushing faintly. "Oh, Aly. Are you going?"
"Yeah, it sounds like you've got, ah, plans anyway."
"Hey, Aly," Jack's smile of greeting faded to a stern look. "Sam told me about that brawl. Give me a call next time. I'm glad Sophie called Sam, but I could've had a dozen pack members there to back you up."
"They barely even scratched me. Petunia's balm healed me right up."
"Glad to hear it. But if they show back up, call me. My job is to protect my people. That's what Alphas do," Jack said.
"Will do, captain."
"Aly," Izzy whispered.
I blew out a huff. "I promise you. If they show up again, I'll call."
"Thank you. And you should tell Mrs. Greenhaven she should really sell that balm."
"Fat chance," I said with a laugh. "She made Alex wait the better part of an eternity before she taught him how to make it."
I was distracting myself again, wasn't I? Trying to do anything but think too long about my mistakes.
"Well, anyway, I'm going to head out." I gave them both half-smiles and they stepped aside, letting me through with my bulky car seat.
As I walked down the stairs, my feelings were at war. I wanted nothing more than to talk to Ben. Tell him I was sorry and that we could try again. I knew it would be stupid and pointless, though. I would just keep on doing what I do. I would never learn. There was no use in putting him through it. I was the only one who could save him from me, even though my aching heart wished I would let him take the risk.
12
Ben
My eyes followed a woman with dark hair pushing a stroller. She was completely oblivious as she walked, talking away on an earpiece. I knew from her scent that she was human. For the first time in my entire life, I envied humans.
They had no knowledge of our world. That woman didn't know she had just walked by three men who grew fur and fangs. She didn't know that a witch worked at the store she just passed. She had no idea that the fortune teller's shop she stood in front of was run by someone who really could tell her future.
There was no worry in her heart about an invasion from another pack. She wasn't concerned that an angry witch might hex her. It would never cross her mind that if the human government found out about her, she might become a test subject. She didn't have to worry about any of that.
Her biggest worries were probably what school her child would go to. Would they grow up and be able to get a good job? Sure, shifters had those worries, too. We just had to juggle them with the otherworldly. We didn't let those worries stop us, though. We still lived our day-to-day lives. Fell in love, got married, had children. Things that I wanted so badly. Things I thought I had.
My heart clenched. Aly had made it clear she had no room in her life for me. That she and Ana didn't need me. In a matter of minutes, she tore my future apart. Destroyed my vision of tomorrow. And she wouldn't even talk to me about it.
"Ben, earth to Ben. Come in, Ben." A shove on my shoulder drug my attention to my cousin.
"What?" I growled.
"Man, c'mon." Concerned brown eyes met mine. "I've been trying to get your attention forever. We've been walking the streets for hours. We need food. You need to sit. Let's go."
I looked around, pulling through the mental fog, and I realized David was right. We'd been walking up and down the sidewalk, but it hadn't been hours. It couldn't have been. Could it?
I pointed to the first place I saw. "How about there? Two Steps."
"Great," David replied. "I'm starving. You must be, too, yeah?"
I shrugged. I wasn't really hungry. Food held no interest to me right now. Eric gave me a long look as if he knew what I was thinking. I was relieved when he didn't say anything. Eric was the sort of person who simply saw too much. He wouldn't ever force me to talk, but it didn't matter. He saw right through me.
We had only just started down the sidewalk when I heard a voice call my name from behind us. I glanced back and saw a large black man waving at us. His hair was cut tight to his head and his broad shoulders strained his shirt. He was smiling a big smile. I stopped, confused, and my cousins did the same, standing on either side of me.
"Do you know him?" Eric asked in a quiet voice.
"I don't—" The wind suddenly brought his scent to me. "Oh, actually, I think I kind of do."
"Kind of?"
"I met him earlier, but didn't catch his name." I met David's eyes, then glanced over at Eric. "You both met him, too."
Eric's eyes narrowed, then he lifted his head to the air. "Ah, the bear."
The man reached us just then, his smile widening. "Yep, I'm the bear. Sam's the name."
He stuck out his hand, and I automatically took it to shake. His grip was firm and strong, but he didn't try to squeeze my hand like some big guys did.
He stuck his hand out to Eric next. "I'm Sam. What should I call you?"
"He's Eric, I'm David," David said as Sam shook Eric's hand.
"You always speak for him?" Sam asked curiously as he shook David's hand next.
I almost smiled. The three of us spent a lot of time together. I was used to hearing that question. It was either that, or they asked if Eric was mute. Eric wasn't shy. He simply didn't talk much. Not with friends or family, and even less in front of strangers. I figured it was mostly because David spoke enough for the both of them.
"Only to other people," David said with a crooked smile.
I shook my head. David wasn't one to miss out on an opportunity to be difficult.
"What can I do for you, Sam?" I asked. "Aside from shutting up my cousins, that is."
"They don't seem so bad." Sam chuckled. "If you wouldn't mind, though, I'd like to talk to you alone for a few minutes."
"We were going to grab a bite—"
"Won't be long. They can go grab a table."
My cousins both looked at me, waiting for me to make the call.
"I'll be fine," I told them. "Get a table. I'll be there shortly."
"You sure?" David asked.
"Yeah, go on."
They both slowly took a s
tep away, then another. If I'd been in a different frame of mind, I might have laughed at how hesitantly they walked down the street. It was as if they were afraid something bad would happen to me if I was out of their sight. They took a step, glanced back at us, then took another step.
Sam and I watched as my cousins walked to the restaurant. Once they were out of earshot, Sam turned to me.
"Let's walk," Sam said. "I think better when I'm moving."
I shrugged. Moving, standing still, it didn't matter. If you had asked me before I met Aly if I could be this messed up over a woman, I would have laughed. Now my heart felt like it was a shredded mess, and my lifeblood was dripping out with each beat.
We walked silently for a few minutes, then Sam tilted his head to indicate we should turn down a side street. I didn't know this area, or where we were going, but I followed. My wolf felt Sam was safe and I trusted its judgment.
Suddenly a huge green park appeared before us. There were trees around the edges, but the center opened up into a big green space. A playground was to the right, with swings and a huge wooden structure with several levels, ropes, and wooden bridges.
I could imagine Ana climbing on a playground like this, having the time of her life as we played together. However, with the way things were looking, I never would actually experience it. I wanted to, though. I wanted to live my life with Aly and Ana. Sure, Aly said we'd work something out, but how were we supposed to do that when she wouldn't even talk to me?
Sam turned to the left and we started walking around the edge of the grassy area, near the trees. No one was around this part of the park, but I could clearly hear the laughter of the children on the playground.
"You don't know me," Sam said, breaking into my thoughts, "and I don't know you. But I do know Aly."
Suddenly, he had my undivided attention. Something about the way he was talking spoke to a deeper pain. It resonated with me.
"I'm listening."
"I saw the two of you at The Peach the other day. I see a lot from the kitchen. People don't see me. I catch them in unguarded moments. See things they would normally hide."