He shifted and she could feel the blunt head of his penis at the spot where she wanted him. In a slow, steady thrust he was deep inside her. She could hear herself whimpering, seeking another long stroke from the master, but she didn’t care.
Then he started to move and she closed her eyes and let the feelings all roll over her. She could feel the easy rhythm of his body as he plunged then pulled away. This was different from last time, she thought. She was more aware of him. More in her mind than in her body. She was thinking and feeling.
This Ben. He’s inside me. Oh, it feels good. We’re having sex and now it’s going to change us. We’re going to be a couple. We’re going to do this all the time.
A relationship. A real relationship.
Family…
As the words filtered through her body she found herself coming close to that peak that would take her to bliss. His hand cupped her ass and tilted her closer to him, allowing him even deeper. The pace of his thrusts increased but he was still careful not to push too hard or put any pressure on her belly. Her breasts were bouncing and, even in that, she felt a tug and pull of gooey heat rocketing through her body.
The pleasure built and the urgency of what they were both reaching for grew. She started to shake inside. The fear of what would happen when she opened herself completely and let him inside her life as well as her body began to take over.
Suddenly she had this crazy idea that when she climaxed, when he pushed her to that point, she would finally crack fully open and he would pour himself into all of those little open crevices and she would be filled with him body and soul.
She would never be able to separate herself from him again.
What if he leaves? What if he leaves after that happens?
The dark thoughts intruded through the haze of pleasure and she found herself retreating, tightening up. She needed to hold back. It was the only way she could keep herself protected.
Let him finish. Just pretend. He doesn’t have to know you got scared. He won’t know the difference if you cry out his name.
“Anna!”
His shout had her blinking her eyes open. His face was a tight, brutal mask of sexual ferocity. But it scared her less than her own thoughts did.
“Don’t you pull back on me now. Come with me.”
She closed her eyes, shut him out and reached for the arm that he was using to brace himself above. “Yes, yes. Now.”
But it was as though he could see her through her act instantly.
“Open your eyes and look at me.”
She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to see him, not when she was running away, even while she was in his arms. Even while he was in her body.
“Look at me, Anna.”
Unable to deny him the truth, she complied. He slowed his rhythm and leaned in to kiss her. She parted her lips willing to give him anything he wanted as long as she could hold on to some part of herself for a little more time.
He kissed her forehead instead.
“It’s okay, I’ve got you. I won’t let anything happen. You can let yourself go.”
The hand that had been holding her hip shifted, inserting itself between their bodies. She could feel the brush of his thumb right on the physical spot that seemed directly connected to that inner space she was so desperate to hold on to. Then his hips rolled until she felt as though she was being screwed into the bed. The feel of him expanding inside of her while his thumb tweaked the swollen nub between her legs was too much. It pushed her over the edge and into the abyss.
Suddenly she was bursting all over and the sound of glass breaking around her wasn’t hard to imagine. He thrust again then groaned like a dying man who happened to be in a great deal of pleasure. Together they rode out the ecstasy until the sensation subsided from their bodies, leaving them limp and satisfied.
Carefully Ben pulled away from her. He lay beside her on the bed and arranged them so that he could hold her from behind.
She felt his hand drift over her damp skin and watched as his palm settled over the womb he was so enamored with. For a time their breathing labored before settling. She could feel all of him behind her. His furred chest. His body heat. His solid presence.
She could feel his semi-hard erection pressed against the back of her thighs. Wet because of their passion.
Grateful that he couldn’t see her face she let the tears leak from her eyes while her body and mind tried to assimilate what had taken place.
In her life she’d never felt so exposed.
No, maybe once. When she’d been standing in that noisy room with people all around her, bumping into her, until the woman in the blue uniform knelt in front of her. Anna had felt this way then. As if she had no control over what would happen next.
“Are you okay?”
She swallowed. “Yes.”
“You’re sure?” he asked, moving closer and pressing his chest more firmly against her back. She tilted her head in invitation and immediately felt his lips where she wanted them, a gentle suction on that spot where her neck met her shoulder that made her body want him all over again.
Too late. I’m done. It’s happened and I can’t protect myself anymore. Now, I don’t want to think at all.
His hands roamed over her body, down her arm, her back, brushing over her bottom, then smoothing along her thigh. She could feel his erection grow between her legs. And when he lifted her leg and placed it over his heavy thigh she knew that the first time hadn’t nearly been enough to satisfy him.
“Can I have you again?”
He was almost apologetic in his request. As if he couldn’t believe his desire had built again so quickly. But this, she thought, was exactly what she wanted. She needed to be completely mindless right now. She didn’t want to think about what she’d surrendered to him. She didn’t want to worry about what that would mean for them tomorrow.
“Yes. Hard.”
He chuckled then and his wandering hand settled on her breasts, cupping them. He pulled and tugged on her nipples so gently it seemed he understood how sensitive she was and only wanted to give her the faintest echo of pleasure without pushing her too far.
Too bad that wasn’t what she wanted. She didn’t want him to be sweet and caring and sensitive. She didn’t want him to put his hand on her belly where their child grew. She didn’t want to believe that everything he offered—this house, her baby and a life with him together—could be so wonderful.
“Now,” she said, tilting her bottom back and rubbing it against him until she could hear his faint moan. The sound of a man on the brink of losing control.
“Anna, baby, we’ve got all the time in the world.”
She could hear this satisfaction in his voice. Knew that earlier when he’d said they could play later that he imagined them romping in bed all night. Maybe even making love again in the morning.
Like any new couple might.
But in that playing she would have time to think. And when she started thinking, she knew, the fear would return. She was so sick of being afraid all the damn time.
“No, please. I need you now. Inside me. Please, Ben. Please.”
She could feel the words jolt him and, before she had to ask again, he slid into her. Once again, their bodies connected with such wonderful ease. It felt blissful. It felt mind-numbing. Exactly what she wanted.
That’s it. Take me. Take me hard and don’t let me think and don’t let me run. Just let me feel.
She rocked her hips into his and she could hear his muted growl in her ear. She knew what he wanted. A slow, leisurely act that would build up the pleasure in stages and drive them both into a long, torturous, wonderful climax. Like dessert hours after the main course. Deliciously sweet and satisfying, but not truly the thing that filled you up.
There was too much time in slow and leisurely.
“Harder.”
“Anna, we have to be careful.”
Careful because she was pregnant? Or careful because this was fast becoming
too much for her to handle? Ben was curled around her. Ben was sliding inside her from behind. Ben. Not anyone else. Only the man she’d wanted for six years and now, suddenly, he was almost hers.
Almost.
She pressed down on him using a rotating motion with her hips that brought him high and deep within her. He clasped his hand on her hip, gripping her with enough force to still her, but not enough to bruise her.
“Geezus, Anna…what…”
She heard the question in his voice. This was supposed to be his show. After all, he’d told her how long he’d been waiting for her. He’d thought of little else but her since his recovery. He’d told her all those things. He’d given her that power. She knew he wanted to please her. She knew he wanted to bring her to those gentle but wonderful orgasms time and time again as some proof of how good her life would be like if she let him stay around.
None of these things mattered to her right now.
“What? I’m not allowed to move?”
She knew he would recoil at her words. The idea that he restrained her, controlled her, wouldn’t sit well with him. She knew he wanted to be in charge, but she also knew he wanted her to be free to enjoy it.
Maybe that was the trick. Maybe if she pushed him, taunted him and teased him, then he would give her the pounding she craved. If she could make him lose control, he wouldn’t be able to stop and she could get to that place she needed to be.
A place of mind-numbing pleasure. The key words: Mind. Numb.
Only this was Ben. Ben didn’t lose control. Unless, sometimes, it was with her.
“Of course…I want to make you happy—”
She angled her leg higher and pressed down harder. Reaching behind, she grabbed his ass and squeezed with enough force to show him the urgency she felt.
“Do you want me to beg? Is that what you want?”
Because she would, she thought. She would get down on her knees in front of him and beg him never to leave her. Never to abandon her.
No! Don’t think it. Don’t let the words form!
“Ah,” she cried, sounding like a woman on the edge. Maybe that would be the trigger he needed. To hear how truly frantic she was.
“Okay, okay. This.” He held her tight and pushed deep. She could practically feel him all the way through her body. “This is what you want?”
“Yes, yes. More.”
He complied, but even in his compliance he didn’t really give in to her desire. He didn’t slam into her. He didn’t push her so hard her head smacked against the headboard knocking all sense and reason and fear from her brain.
Instead, he pulled nearly all the way out of her body, holding himself at her entry with the head of his penis stretching her and making her gasp with anticipation until he pushed deeply into her. Then did it again and again. One full thrust after another.
No, he wasn’t banging her, or slamming her, or balling her brains out. But he was taking away her ability to think. All she knew was his hand on her breast, his hair-roughened thigh scraping against the inside of hers. His groans in her ears each time he slid home.
She felt the drag of his penis inside her. Relentless and unforgiving until her body contracted around him in this massive, gaping chasm of pleasure. Nothing had ever felt like this before. Nothing had ever been so consuming.
He shouted and she could feel the pulse of him inside her and the flood of his own pleasure filling her.
That was it. That was what she wanted. The way she felt now, she might never think again.
*
BEN LOOKED AT the sleeping woman sprawled across his chest, breathing gently. He thought he had her trust now, but maybe only because she wasn’t conscious. His body was replete and he should be asleep since fatigue weighed heavily on him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d made love with someone so frequently in such a short span of time. But after he’d come the first time, his first thought had been that he didn’t have her all the way with him and he needed that. He needed her totally and unconditionally with him.
He thought the sex started okay. But at some point, he could tell, she’d tried to pull away and he had no idea why that would be. She was the one who had instigated their lovemaking. She said she was ready for it. He’d sensed that about her all day long. The way she reached out to touch him first. The way she turned to him, time and again, seeking him.
Yet while they were naked and giving each other pleasure, it was as though her brain took over for her body and, while she didn’t tell him to stop, he sensed she had mentally separated herself from the act. She didn’t look at him and, for a moment, he could actually see her faking her responses.
Ben couldn’t have that. If he was honest with himself, he wasn’t completely sure why that was. It wasn’t only a masculine pride thing, it went way beyond that. He needed her to belong to him. Even in his own heart that sounded somewhat barbaric, but it was the truth.
When he’d started this process to woo her and convince her to marry him, his goals had been simple. He wanted Anna and the child in his life. It was a logical thing to want. She was carrying his only child. She and he were obviously compatible. A marriage with a child between them would only make them more so. Emotions hadn’t come into play.
Now, however, the more he tried to tug her close, the more he could feel her trying to pull away. Not because she didn’t want him—what they did together in bed showed him the level of her desire for him. Even if she’d wanted to fake an orgasm, she couldn’t because he set off all her sexual triggers.
But she was obviously afraid of something, or fighting something and withholding because of that. He needed to overcome that. He needed to show her what their life could be like and that there was nothing to fear from him.
It wasn’t only about what he saw as their future together. It was about her and wanting all of her.
He was sure the something holding her back was her past. That experience of being abandoned probably drove her fear. It made her cagey and elusive even when she craved having someone close.
Ben considered what he’d learned about her parents and wondered if he shouldn’t tell her the truth now. Although he thought about why he’d held on to the information this long and decided now was absolutely the wrong time. He needed more time with her like this, more time to overcome her fears without adding to them. With every weapon at his disposal he needed to bond her to him completely. So the idea of her life without him in it wouldn’t make sense.
Once she was truly his, then he would tell her everything.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
AS THEY WAITED for the lab technician to show up Ben grew increasingly frustrated. It had been a few weeks since they had begun what he liked to refer to as the sexual part of their relationship—a fact that made him gleefully happy. But that development certainly hadn’t made Anna any more malleable in her opinions.
Clearly, she was not a woman to be controlled by intense sexual gratification. Damn it.
She squirmed on the examining table, clearly trying to find some relief for the pressure on her bladder while he attempted to overcome her stubbornness about a topic they’d surprisingly butted heads on.
“We’re two intelligent people,” he began, attempting another logical approach to persuade her to his way of thinking.
“We are.”
“Then let me please present you my rational and sound argument one more time.”
“Go for it.”
“If we find out the gender now, we will be more prepared as parents. First, we can eliminate an entire spectrum of names to consider, which should reduce the chance of a conflict between us as your pregnancy advances. Also, we can buy the appropriate type and style of baby clothes we should have in preparation for this blessed event. Finally, while I believe we shouldn’t necessarily conform to any gender stereotypes, we can begin to cater the child’s toys.”
“Those are all really good reasons.”
“So when the technician comes in can we tell her
we want to know the sex?”
“Nope.”
Ben imagined if the sonogram technician found him with his hands around the pregnant woman’s neck, it might not look good for him. No matter how justified he might be in his actions.
He gritted his teeth together. “I don’t suppose you can provide me with a logical reason for your decision.”
“Nope.”
“You see how unfair this is?”
“Uh, buddy, take a look.” Anna pointed to her exposed and quite round belly. “I’m sitting here about to burst with pee while I continue to get bigger by the minute. My reason… I think there really aren’t many surprises left in life except maybe this one. So I say, let’s be surprised.”
“It’s going to drive me insane knowing this information is out there but I do not have access to it.”
She smiled. “Uh, yeah. That’s part of the fun, too.”
The technician chose that moment to enter the room and Ben considered it a small miracle that she found him doing nothing more menacing than scowling at the mother of his child. Seriously, Anna would drive him insane.
He watched as Anna’s belly was covered with clear goo and the technician took a wand to her belly.
“Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee.”
“Hold it a little longer,” Ben ordered as he stepped closer to take her hand.
After glaring at him, Anna politely told the woman that she did not want to know the gender. The technician went about her work, pointing out various features of their child on the screen along the way.
Ben was shown a nose and a chin and hand and a foot. He didn’t recognize any of the above amongst the grainy images. And even though he couldn’t recognize any of the prominent features, he still tried to search for some clue as to the sex of his child. Surely a man would recognize a penis on a screen when he saw it. But even his formidable powers of observation were no match for this technology. He was out of luck.
Finally, the ultrasound was finished and, while Anna wiped off the goo from her belly, Ben helped her off the table and found her the nearest bathroom.
Afterward they were led to another exam room to meet Anna’s OB/GYN. This state-of-the-art practice was located adjacent to the hospital where the doctor would deliver the child. All the facilities necessary for monitoring a pregnancy through to birth were contained within the one campus. Ben felt reassured by the proximity of the doctor to the hospital.
An Act of Persuasion Page 20