“I called him last night and a drunk girl answered his phone.”
“That doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”
“When I asked her where he was, she told…she told me…he was in the shower.”
“I’m going to kill him.”
I can’t hold back the sobs any longer and I just let it go. That’s the last thing I want. I can’t shut off my emotions and I’m still so in love with Hudson. Why can’t I just stop loving him? He healed me and stayed by my side through everything these past few months. None of this makes sense to me. Why would he go to all the effort if he was just going to throw it all away?
Jax hugs me tighter and tells me everything will be okay. I’m clutching him so tightly that I feel like I could crawl up inside of him. He’s running his hands up and down my back and continually kissing me on the top of my head. I wish everything could be okay. But it’s not going to be. My life is a giant shit storm, and everything is not going to be okay. Nothing will be okay ever again.
I accidentally rock my body against him while squeezing him tighter, and I can’t help the moan that leaves my mouth. His hands are still on my back, and neither one of us does anything. The room becomes eerily quiet.
I should get up from his bed right now and walk out of here before anything else happens. I should go back to Hudson’s room and pack my things. What I shouldn’t do is stay here and do something I might regret. But my voice of reason went out the window when some random bitch answered Hudson’s phone. No, it went out the window the minute he fucking cheated and ruined us.
I rock myself against Jax again and this time he groans right along with me. I lean back slightly and look up into his eyes. They’re dark with desire, and I know he’s feeling everything I’m feeling right now. But he’s also fighting an internal battle, and I know it. He wants me, but I belong to his brother. Or I used to.
Forcing the decision for him, I slam my mouth to his as I continue rocking against him. His hands continue running along my back, but they’re rougher this time. He breaks the kisses and tries to push me away. I let out a whimper and try to pull him back to me.
“No. We can’t do this.”
I pepper kisses up and down his face and hook my leg around his waist.
“Please, Jax. Please help me forget.”
I know I sound desperate and needy, but at this point I don’t even care. The old Chloe would never have begged a guy for sex. Shit, they were always the ones begging me. But the old Chloe died a long time ago, and the shell of her is all that is left.
“Shit, Chloe. I can’t do this. He’s my brother.”
I can tell it won’t take much to push him over the edge, so I tell him the one thing I know will push him over with me.
“My year has been nothing but hell, Jax. My parents died and Hudson helped me out of that dark place. He told me this morning that he loved me, and then he turned around and cheated on me. He single-handedly pushed me back into that dark place, and I just want to feel good for a little bit and not think about it. Is that so wrong?”
As he bows his head, I have no idea what he’s thinking. When he looks back up at me, I know he’s going to give in. “I told you when you were in the hospital that I’d be there for you in any way that you need me. I wasn’t lying to you.”
“I do need you, Jax.”
“I never thought my brother would royally fuck things up like this. I’m holding on by a thread right now, but if this is what you want, I’ll make you feel good. Even if it’s just for a little bit.”
“Please, Jax.”
That’s all he needs. Flipping me onto my back, he looks deep into my eyes, and I know he’s right there with me. He pushes his hardness into me and I let out a moan.
“Don’t worry, Chloe. I’ll make you forget.”
I nod my head as he leans down and kisses me deeply. He’s running his fingers through my hair and being so incredibly sweet with his gentle caresses. He leaves feather-light kisses down my face and over my jaw. When he reaches the top of my shirt, he pulls me up to lift it off of me. His hands are on the hem when I stop him. He’s attempting to take Hudson’s shirt off of me.
My hands are shaking as I push his away. I’m on an emotional overload and the tears start pouring. I’m trying to put my all into this, but I can’t. He runs his hand down my face and feels the tears, causing him to break away from my kiss.
Pressing his forehead to mine, he asks, “Do you want me to stop? We don’t need to do this.”
I’m bawling and I’m finally able to get out, “I’m sorry, Jax. I can’t do this. I want to so bad. I want to hurt him like he’s hurting me, but I can’t…I can’t fucking do it.”
Hugging me tightly, he whispers in my hair, “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
I let out a harsh laugh. “I’m such a fucking mess. You think I’m crazy right now. Your brother cheats on me and the first thing I do is throw myself at you.”
“You’re heartbroken. I could never think you’re crazy.”
“Just for the record, Erin’s a fucking moron.”
He’s quiet beside me and I know he’s lost in thought. I don’t know her side of the story, but I don’t understand what the fuck she was thinking. Jax obviously worships the ground she walks on and she dumped him. Who does that?
“I wish I could be what you need, Chloe. That I was the right one for you and not so screwed up.”
“Me too, Jax. Me too.”
Groaning, he rolls over and says, “Why don’t we go back to sleep? It’s late and that’s the best for right now.”
I nod my head and realize he can’t see me because it’s still dark in here. “Okay. Can we just forget about this whole thing?”
“What whole thing?”
“What we—oh, I see what you did there. Goodnight, Jax.”
“Night, Chloe.”
He pulls me in tight and I lie there, softly crying myself to sleep. I try to be quiet, but he squeezes me more tightly, so I’m guessing I wasn’t as quiet as I thought. How did things get so fucked up? I went from being absolutely in love to being heartbroken to almost having sex with Jax. This has been a fucked up year for me. I don’t see how things could get worse, but then again, things can always get worse.
Chapter 20
Hudson
After getting out of the shower last night, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep, so I pulled up the bus schedule on my phone to find out when the next one was leaving. After calling a taxi to come pick me up, I packed my shit up, left a note for Clare, and got myself out of there. It’s still early, but I’m going through Chloe withdrawals. I call her up and it goes straight to voicemail. That’s strange. Maybe she forgot to charge her phone. I leave her a quick message telling her to call me when she gets it and hang up.
I want nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed with her. I’ve been absolutely miserable without her, and I don’t want to feel this way ever again. After finding a seat on the bus and settling in, I try calling her again and it still goes straight to voicemail.
Knowing I have a long-ass bus ride ahead of me, I lean my head against the window to get a little sleep.
I wake up a few hours later and notice we aren’t that far away. I actually slept almost the entire drive down. I try calling Chloe again, and her phone is still going straight to voicemail. I hope everything is okay. It’s starting to worry me that her phone isn’t turned on. I contemplate calling Jax, but if something were wrong, he would have called me.
I decide to call Flynn since he doesn’t live that far from my parents’ house. The phone rings a few times before he finally picks up.
“Hello?”
“Sorry, dude. I know it’s early, but I was hoping you could pick me up at the bus stop.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It’s a long story, but I was up in Eugene and I took a bus back down. Can you pick me up when I get to Ashland?”
“Hold on.”
I
can hear muffled voices and I’m guessing Ashtyn is there with him. I feel like an ass for waking both of them up, but I figured if anyone would understand my wanting to get back to Chloe, it would be Flynn.
He comes back on the line and asks, “Hey, you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“What time are you coming in?”
I pull my phone back and check out the time. I’m guessing about an hour, so I tell him, “I should be in town around eight.”
“Yeah, we’ll be there.”
“Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”
“No problem.”
He hangs up and I lay my head back against the seat. If only Chloe knew what I was going through to make it back to her. The first thing I’m going to do after kissing her senseless is pull her into the shower with me. I need to wash this bus off of me, and I don’t plan on doing that alone. Then I’ll pull her into bed with me and not leave.
Unfortunately, the next hour doesn’t go as quickly as I would like it to, but we finally reach our destination and I’m seriously itching to get off this bus. It sucks stopping along the way and watching people get off, knowing that I have a longer trip to go.
Running my fingers through my hair, I stand up and see Flynn and Ashtyn standing by her Jeep. That would have fucking sucked to ride on the back of his bike. I’m guessing Ashtyn wanted to come too in hopes that Chloe would finally talk to her.
“Hey, you guys. Thanks again for picking me up. I know it’s early.”
“Dude, don’t even worry about it. I’ll just find some way for you to return the favor later.”
Ashtyn playfully slaps him on the arm and turns to me. “He will do no such thing. We were happy to help.” She hands me a coffee and I just now realize they both have them in their hands. “Here, I had us stop. I figured you might need one.”
I greedily take the coffee from her and take a giant gulp. Other than the small nap I took on the bus, I haven’t slept since I woke up yesterday morning. This coffee could taste like shit, but it tastes like heaven right now.
“If I didn’t love Chloe, I might be tempted to steal Ashtyn from you, buddy.”
I’d be terrified of Flynn wanting to beat my ass for the comment, but Ashtyn steps in front of him, jumping up and down.
“You love Chloe? When did this happen? Are you two together?”
If I didn’t know any better, I’d think Ashtyn were Chloe right now. Or at least the old Chloe.
“We are together, although it’s a recent development. We told each other yesterday for the first time but we’ve both felt it for awhile. But I had to go on a stupid college visit and all I want to do is get back to her. So can we get going?”
That halts the conversation, and we hop into Ashtyn’s SUV. I’m so antsy I’m sure my anxiety is rolling off of me. Nobody in the car talks, which is just fine with me. I can’t keep my body still and my hands are shaking. It’s either a result of my anxiousness or the fact that I drank coffee on an empty stomach. Probably a little bit of both.
Fortunately, Ashtyn drives a little faster than normal, and soon enough we’re parking in my driveway. I don’t say anything to either one of them as I hop out of the car and start toward the front door. I hear the car doors slam behind me, so I guess they’re coming inside too.
I walk up the stairs and go straight for my bedroom. I know it’s still pretty early, so I’m sure Chloe is still asleep in our bed. My heart is racing at the idea of finally getting to pull her into my arms and just hold her. I know it’s only been a little over twenty-four hours, but that was twenty-four too many. Quietly opening the door, as to not wake her, I slip inside. I’m shocked when I don’t find her in bed.
I drop my bag on my bed and walk over to my bathroom. I find it empty, and when I come out, I find a shattered cell phone on the floor.
What the fuck?
Where is she?
You know that feeling you get deep in the pit of your stomach when you know something is wrong? As I get closer and closer to Jax’s bedroom door, that clench gets tighter and tighter. My entire arm is shaking as I reach for the doorknob, and the cold metal is scorching under my touch.
I know what’s behind that door, but the sick masochist inside of me has to confirm it. I’m so fucking naïve, but I thought she was finally mine. I guess “I love you” doesn’t mean the same thing to her as it does to me.
I should have guessed she’d go running back to his bed the first chance she got. The miserable bastard can have anyone he wants. Why did he have to take Chloe from me?
I finally work up the nerve to turn the knob. Entering the room, my worst nightmares come true. There she is, looking so innocent snuggled under his blankets with her hair fanned over his pillow.
Just the sight of her makes my entire heart crack wide open. I never understood what Jax went through when Erin left him, but I get it now. I just never knew my own brother would cause me that same pain.
It’s ridiculous, but even now I can’t stop loving her. I wish I could just shut it off and feel nothing. Being numb and lifeless would be so much better compared to the excruciating brokenness I’m feeling right now.
I’m frozen to the spot and can’t seem to get out of there. I’m so focused on Chloe. How could she do this to us? Why would she do this to us? My trance is broken when Jax comes walking out of his bathroom. He’s strutting out wearing nothing but a towel. I don’t know whether I want to vomit or hit him, so I go with the latter.
I start walking toward him and Jax’s attention switches from Chloe to me. “Hey, little brother. What’s going—”
I don’t even let him finish before my fist connects with his face. I catch him off guard, so I get one good punch in before he comes back after me. We’re rolling around on the ground beating the shit out of each other, and I can faintly hear Chloe yelling in the background. I’m guessing Flynn and Ashtyn heard the fighting, because suddenly Jax is being pulled off of me.
Flynn looks back and forth between both of us before asking, “What the fuck is going on in here?”
Shaking out of Flynn’s grip, Jax responds with, “Why don’t you ask this dipshit? I just came out of the bathroom and he attacked me out of nowhere.”
I’m furious and fuming. My entire body is shaking and I know it’s not the coffee this time. Is he fucking kidding me? I attacked him out of nowhere?
“That fucking asshole slept with Chloe.”
Ashtyn gasps, and everyone turns their attention to Chloe, who is still in his bed, wearing nothing but one of my t-shirts. Are you fucking kidding me? She fucked my brother and then put my shirt back on? Who does that shit?
She starts to talk, but I don’t even let her. “I don’t want to fucking hear it. I want you and your shit out of my house right now. As of this minute we are done.”
She shuts her mouth and nods her head. I don’t even wait for a response. I walk out of that room and head downstairs. I can’t fucking look at anybody right now. I head down to the studio to beat the shit out of my drums for the rest of the day. What a fucking awesome way to be welcomed home.
Chapter 21
Chloe
I’m stunned and in shock. I understand why Hudson thought I cheated on him. The situation didn’t look the best, but what about him? He had another girl answer his phone in the middle of the night while he was in the shower. Why is it okay for him? Double fucking standards.
After he stormed out of the room, I finally notice that both Ashtyn and Flynn are here. I know I’ve been a horrible friend to Ashtyn lately, but she’s still here. I truly don’t deserve her, but I’m glad that I have her anyway. Rather than stand here and have everyone gawk at me, I walk back to Hudson’s room and pack up all of my shit. Not that there is much to pack up anyway.
I don’t even have to turn around to know that Ashtyn followed me in here.
“Are you okay?”
And that’s all it takes. I turn around and run into her arms. I have the best, best friend in the w
orld, and after what just happened, I need her now more than ever. I can’t stop the tears that flood out of me, and my entire body is shaking with my sobs. She wraps her arms around me and rubs my back. No matter what I do, I know I will always have Ashtyn to turn to. She is my rock. My person.
“I’m so sorry, Ash. I’ve been such a horrible friend.”
“Seriously, don’t even worry about that right now. You’ve been through one giant shit storm. My only concern is making sure you’re okay.”
“I just want to get out of here. Can we talk about everything once we’re gone?”
She nods her head, and we silently move around Hudson’s room, packing up my stuff. The majority of my belongings are still back at Ashtyn’s house. I don’t even know what happened to all of my stuff from Santa Barbara. I guess it’s a little late to be thinking about that now. It’s for the best anyway. Most of that stuff would just remind me of my parents, and they’re the last people I want to think about right now.
We make our way downstairs and I spot Jax standing with Flynn near the front door. I drop my bag and run into his arms.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
He rubs my back and tells me, “It’s okay.”
Shaking my head, I pull back from him. “No, Jax, it’s not okay. He hit you and he thinks you did something horrible.”
He lets go and backs away. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll have a chat with him and get it all fixed. He just needs time to calm down. Go take care of yourself. I’ve got it covered. Don’t worry about a thing.”
I’ve got nothing to say to that, so I nod my head and pick my bag back up. We get into Ashtyn’s Jeep and I force myself to look out the window and focus on something, anything. I don’t even know what just happened, so I’m not ready to talk about it. I know the minute this car stops and we get settled in Ashtyn’s bedroom, she’ll want to talk.
How do I tell her that the man I love cheated on me and instead of owning up to it, blamed me instead? I know the situation I was in looked compromising, and technically what Jax and I did would be considered cheating, but it’s nothing like what he did. How could he do that to us? It sounds bad, but I expected something like this from Jax, but never Hudson. No, he was supposed to be the good brother. The better brother. He’s the one I fell in love with.
Falling for Hudson (Marlowe series Book 2) Page 14