by Dana Moss
“Yes, sir.”
She left again. Finn sighed with relief. “Give me a minute to change up. There’s something I want to talk to you about.” He went off down the hall where the photocopier and supplies were kept. There was a small bathroom back there.
Taffy dropped down on the leather couch in front of the bookshelf full of law books. She sagged slightly, not realizing how stressed she’d been feeling until the buttery leather offered up its easy support. Something had been nagging at her conscience lately, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. It was like a dream she couldn’t properly remember, and she wanted to. She sensed it was a missing link. For the case maybe? Or was it something else? Seeing Finn and Jayda had triggered this elusive dream-memory. Something she wanted to forget. It had returned unbidden when she’d jumped to conclusions about Finn and Jayda, imagined seeing something that wasn’t there, because she had seen something once. Back in high school. And it hurt like hell. So much she’d forced herself to forget. But it all came back to her now…
She could see the high school auditorium in her mind’s eye. The stage all set. The tousled bed in place. It was the day before the evening dress rehearsal performance for Terence McNaly’s play Frankie and Johnny in the Claire de Lune.
Taffy would be playing Frankie. And her boyfriend, Cal, would be in the audience that night.
She’d forgotten a sweater at the morning’s rehearsal and had asked for the key to the auditorium to retrieve it. When she’d walked in from the dark back rows, she’d seen movement on the stage, in the bed. Rhythmic movement complete with grunting, whimpering sound effects.
Initially, she’d been compelled to turn and run lest she interrupt this illicit—and terribly tasteless—rendezvous, but some tonal exhale in the grunter shocked her as familiar, and when she strode to the stage, she found Cal on top of Lissy, the sketchy girl all the senior boys wanted to bed, because she was the only girl in the school who took shop and not only knew what a carburetor was, she knew how to fix it. And apparently she knew how to fix Cal, too, because they’d laughed when Taffy had gasped, and they’d simply carried on with what they were doing, as if it pleased them to have an audience. Taffy had been mortified, and she’d had to carry on with the show that night and for the following two weeks knowing what had gone on in that bed. She’d told no one. She’d been too humiliated. Even though Cal had been the two-timing jerk, and Lissy was so thick in the head that the wrench she carried around wouldn’t have made a dent, Taffy had felt too embarrassed to spread gossip. She’d never had trouble spreading it about other people back then, but something about witnessing that betrayal had carved a groove of shame in her heart that she’d completely forgotten about until now.
The retrieved memory spread through her torso and limbs like a warm liquid. She became painfully aware that it was the root of her suspicions about Ethan. Melanie reminded Taffy of Lissy, and she had mistakenly and subconsciously been projecting her buried memories of Cal’s caddishness onto Ethan. Even onto Finn. She’d all but forgotten this horrible high school experience, but now that she’d remembered, many more painful and embarrassing experiences flooded back. She’d told herself a story about high school having been fun, but it had been a daunting trial, and she’d numbed out the worst of it. It was not a place to go back to. As hard as it was to grow up, the alternative was definitely more hellish.
She owed Ethan an apology, and Maria, and maybe Finn, and definitely Melanie. She couldn’t believe she’d set a PI on her trail. That would be even more embarrassing than walking in on her boyfriend and the shop girl. If Lissy had been what Cal had wanted, then Taffy would never have been able to compete. Clearly, it had been what he’d wanted, at least that afternoon, but who was Taffy to believe that Melanie was what Ethan wanted when all he did and said indicated that he still wanted Taffy, as ill matched as they might be. And who said they were so terribly ill matched anyway? Even though they were very different from each other. That might make for a few more bumps, but it would also make for a fun ride. She had to trust that they were together for a reason. It didn’t matter if it was the right reason, but she had to stop herself from sabotaging their relationship for the wrong reasons. And trying to dig up dirt on Melanie was definitely doing the wrong thing for the wrong reason. She would call Miss Peach as soon as she left Finn’s.
When Finn returned from changing his pants, Taffy felt clearer and calmer than she had in a long time.
“Maria told me about the engagement. Congratulations.”
Finn’s smile was wide and so happy he looked like he might burst. Then it closed up like an umbrella. “I need your help. I’m worried about Maria. I think she’s got cold feet. I don’t know what to do.”
“What made you propose now?”
Finn had carried in a roll of paper towels, and he was mopping up his desk as they talked.
“You know I’ve been crazy about Maria since the first time I saw her… I don’t know. There’s this thing between us, and I can’t get enough of it, and I just know it’s going to be there forever—”
“But you don’t want to wait anymore?
“No, it’s not that at all. I could wait my whole life if I had to. I plan to spend my whole life making her happy. And I just saw how unhappy she was with her mom in the hospital, and scared… And I may act like a big dumb puppy sometimes, but I’m no idiot. Rosa wants us to get hitched.” He laughed for a second as if remembering something. “You know, she asked me once how tall my father was, and his father, and his father, back like seven generations or something, but I could only give her three.”
“Maria is so embarrassed by how pushy her mother has been with you.”
He laughed again. “I don’t mind. Because I’m all in. I’m not going anywhere. And I want Maria to know that.”
He sat down on a chair normally reserved for clients because his executive chair was still milky and damp. “I know I proposed too early. I could feel it. I could see it in her eyes, even though she said yes.”
“And I’m sure she means yes.”
“But she doesn’t feel it. Not like I do. And she won’t if she feels pressured into it.”
“I don’t think she feels pressured by you.”
Finn seemed relieved by this. “Good,” he said. “That’s good. But what should I do?”
Taffy said, “If you’re in it for forever, then it doesn’t matter if you get married now or later.”
“True.” Finn was nodding and seemed to be waiting for more of an answer.
“You don’t want Maria to marry you for anyone’s sake but her own?”
“Exactly.”
“But you asked before she was ready.”
“I know, because of her mother. I’m totally willing to make Rosa happy if it means it will make Maria happy.”
“I understand. But now you’re worried that Maria is rushing herself into it for Rosa’s sake?”
Finn nodded. “And I don’t want her to marry me if she doesn’t want to.”
“I’m pretty sure she does.”
“Just maybe not right now?”
Taffy didn’t know for certain, but she had a feeling that was true. “I’ll do a little extra sleuthing to find out.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
After leaving Finn’s office and taking with her the takeout latte Jayda had brought back, Taffy knew what she had to do: clear her conscience.
She sat in her parked car and picked up her phone.
Annabelle Peach didn’t answer Taffy’s call, so she left a message on her voicemail.
“Forget about my request, Miss Peach. Whatever you might have found out about Melanie Sloan, it doesn’t matter anymore. There’s nothing I need to know that I can’t find out myself.”
She could be honest and ask direct questions, for one thing. She’d never even given Melanie a chance. She’d been unfair and immature all because of her insecurities created by a nearly forgotten wound in her adolescent past. She thought about Jenny and Rex and
Todd and Tyler and Monica and how they were all in the midst of creating wounds that would probably come back to haunt them one day. She wished there was some way she could help them avert these future crises, but it seemed that everyone had to live out their own pains and pleasures in their own unique and sometimes messy ways.
Taffy was determined not to be too sneaky or conniving to find out what Finn needed to know about Maria’s true feelings about getting married. What keen observations couldn’t yield, direct questions could supply. But first she would try out one technique she’d learned from friends in New York that could help weed out brides-who-want-to-be from brides-who’d-rather-flee.
She found Maria sitting at her desk staring at her engagement ring. It wasn’t on her finger but rather sitting on her blotting pad next to an empty evidence baggie. That was the first telltale sign.
“Hey, girlfriend.” Taffy plopped into the chair beside Maria’s desk.
Maria looked up, slipped the ring on her finger, stone side down, and said, “I’ve been thinking we should go see Tyler’s mom.”
“I’ve got a better idea.” Taffy conjured up a bright smile, a gleam in her eye, and a hopeful, excited tone of voice. “Let’s go look at wedding dresses!”
Want-to-be-brides usually go all doe-eyed and then catch themselves and then start second guessing whether they deserve to dedicate a few hours playing dress-up and pretending to be princesses in the name of spending a mortgage payment or more on a dress they will wear for one day. But within moments, want-to-bes slip into an indulgent and gleeful mood and say, “Well, why not?” and allow themselves to be towed along by their maid of honor, all the while proclaiming, “We shouldn’t, but I guess it has to be done, doesn’t it?”
Maria turned as pale as her potential wedding dress. She looked like she’d been invited to walk on a bed of hot coals. Taffy reframed that; it looked as if Maria would probably prefer hot coals. At the moment, she looked like she wanted her stuffing-leaking steno chair to swallow her up.
“Can we just wear sweats or pajamas instead?”
Taffy frowned. “After you get married, you’ll wear sweats and pajamas all the time. Outside of work clothes, you’ll be lucky to see each other in a decent pair of jeans.”
“That’s okay with me.” She wiggled her computer mouse, and her screen came to life.
“Maria.” Taffy grabbed her hand—the one with her ring on it, not the one sliding the mouse around its pad—and turned the ring’s stone toward the ceiling. “What does this mean to you?”
Maria looked at the ring. She didn’t say anything right away. And then she mused, “Um, well, it means Finn’s serious about our relationship—”
““Do you think he expects you to walk down the aisle in a wedding dress?”
“Probably.” She sighed. “So you’re saying we have to go shopping?”
Taffy shook her head. “We don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to do anything. But you do have to let Finn know how you really feel.”
“Feel?”
Taffy looked heavenward and gave an exasperated sigh. “You’ve been in a daze since he proposed. And not a daze of blissful distraction but more like blasé distress.”
Maria started shaking her head. “It’s not that I don’t—”
“Love him? It’s clear as bull’s balls that you do. But do you want to get married?”
She looked at the ring as if it meant something now, as if Taffy were giving her the choice to take it off, and if she really had to take it off—if it didn’t feel like a hot coal glued to her finger—she might have second thoughts.
“I do, but…”
“Just not now?” Taffy tried to draw her friend out. “It’s okay to say so. It doesn’t have to mean you love Finn any less.”
“Are you sure?”
Taffy had a feeling she knew what this was really about. She spoke gently.
“Listen, Maria. I know how close you are with your mom, how devastating it would be to lose her, and even though you argue and bicker, you want to make your mom happy. But if the timing’s not right for you and Finn to get married, don’t feel pressured.”
Maria bit her lip, closed her eyes for a second, and then opened them again and blurted, “But my mom’s going to die!” She caught herself, reining in her emotion. “She doesn’t want to die before she sees me married. I have to do it. For her.”
“Once upon a time, people had to get married to keep other people happy, but not anymore. Rosa doesn’t want you to get married for her sake—”
“If you think that, you don’t know my mother.”
“What I mean is, when she dies, she wants to know her daughter is over-the-moon happy, loved deeply, and will be taken care of when she’s gone. It’s been you and her for a long time. She feels responsible for you.”
“And I feel responsible for her.”
“And you’re both trying to let in a new person—a fine person, by the way—who wants to be there for both of you. Finn’s the real deal, Maria.”
“I know. I feel it deep in my heart. I do want to marry him, but…”
“What do you doubt?”
“It’s not doubt. She looked down, a funny smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “You know what I just realized? For so long, my mom’s been bugging me to get married and saying things like, ‘I can’t die before you get married,’ and all that jazz that I think now I’ve got it linked in my head somehow that if I do get married, that will somehow trigger her death. So I want to get married, but I also don’t, in case, you know…”
Taffy thought about it for a second. “I think our minds are weird and that they create strange links that keep us hung up on things we shouldn’t be hung up on. The links connect to some pain in our past or some worry about our future, and then they mess up things in our present. And none of it’s rational, but we believe it makes sense. We start acting like those weird things are more real than the truth of what we’re experiencing in the moment.”
Taffy knew this firsthand. She’d almost messed things up with Ethan because she’d let her weird mind get the better of her.
Maria softened and smiled. Then she got up and gave Taffy a hug. “Thanks for being such a good friend.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
On Wednesday, after spending the morning listening to Ellie’s plans to enter the Fourth of July parade with a float for the Sweet Abandon Candy Factory, Taffy headed back to town to take care of one of the confrontations she’d been avoiding.
She waited until she knew Cara was out at her hair appointment, and then she paid Noel a visit. She wasn’t sure how she was going to broach the subject of Monica’s allegations of his extracurricular activities at the Blue Bird, but he seemed happy enough to see her when she knocked on the door. He invited her right in.
“Cara’s out getting her hair done. You can wait for her if you like.”
“Actually, I came to talk to you.”
“Oh?”
He led them to the living room to sit down. The golf magazines were still spread neatly on the glass table, but there was no iced tea this time. That must be Cara’s thing. When Taffy glanced out the French doors to the pool, she noticed the loungers had been pushed to the side, and there were no bathing suits hung up to dry. This made her think of Tyler, alone out on the lake, unable to swim.
“Why didn’t you tell the police about your family’s cabin on the lake?”
Noel looked bewildered. “What does the cabin have to do with anything?”
“Your son, who can’t swim, was found dead in a canoe on a lake that you have a cabin on? I would think that was relevant.”
He blinked. “You’re right.” His head dropped into his hands. “I just never thought… I think I’ve been in shock since I first heard about Tyler’s death. The canoe part came later. I never even pieced the two things together, but of course… There could be some link?”
He searched Taffy’s face as if he could find the link there, but he still looked
utterly confused. “Do you think there is?”
“You tell me.”
He searched the room, landed on the photo of him and Tyler standing side by side with fishing rods. Noel was smiling, but Tyler wasn’t. “He hated that cabin. He had allergies when he was little and didn’t like the outdoors much. The place was part of my childhood but not Tyler’s. It’s been moldering away for years, until Cara took an interest in it a while ago.
Cara? “What kind of interest?”
“Thought she might spruce it up. Set it up as a little retreat for herself. Though not sure why she needs that. She travels plenty with her golf buddies and her spa trips. It may have just been one of her passing whims.” He held his hands out in a gesture of powerlessness. “What can you do?”
She had to get to her point.
“Noel, why did you marry Cara?”
He sighed and looked down at his feet. “I fell for the trophy wife. Or rather, the wife with trophies. Don’t get me wrong. I love Cara. But she’s… high maintenance.”
“Shannon isn’t?”
His head snapped up, and he looked at Taffy. “What do you mean by that?”
She held his gaze. “Can you explain your frequent visits to the Blue Bird Inn?”
“Huh?” He feigned innocence, but he was turning red as a robin’s breast. “There was the memorial… And the…” He cleared his throat. Several times. He wasn’t a very good liar.
His eyes flicked side to side as if looking for a quick escape. Then he seemed to give up. He sighed heavily and met Taffy’s gaze.
“Did you tell Cara yet?”
She shook her head. “I couldn’t bear to, but you probably should. Carefully.” Especially in her delicate state, Taffy wanted to tell him, but she couldn’t divulge that secret. It was Cara’s to announce when she was ready. And it would make their situation far more complicated than it already was.
“I hate to hurt her,” Noel said.
Taffy wondered why he didn’t think of that before.
“She’s a sweet girl.” He fiddled with one of his shirt buttons. “But Shannon and I, we’re…” Taffy didn’t want to hear his justifications, but he carried on anyway. “We’ve always been close. And losing Tyler, well it just …” His voice caught in his throat, and tears filled his perpetually red eyes. “It’s brought us closer again. We seem to need each other.”