I nodded to myself. I knew J would not take to being threatened. She wanted one thing. I wasn’t willing to give it to her.
“She doesn’t know anything incriminating.” The crippling pain in my chest nearly cut off my words. I would be sacrificing my relationship with Emma by putting her above me. I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life, but for once, I needed to do what was right.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” My feelings for Emma saved me, and they would be the very thing that destroyed me.
Stephen sighed loudly into the phone.
“I liked you better when you didn’t have a conscience.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. I liked it better too. Life was easier when I didn’t have to worry about someone else. I didn’t give a fuck about J, and if it weren’t for Emma, I wouldn’t care if she rotted in a gutter. I wished my problem was a sudden urge to care for others, but that wasn’t the case. It was only Emma. It would only ever be Emma.
I let the reality of the situation wash over me. It was out of my hands now. That was the best I could do for her. I knew without a doubt that I would not be able to stop myself from teaching J a lesson. I was not the type to give in to blackmail. It was almost painful to give up control of the situation, but I had to do it for Emma. Stephen was far from a killer, and I knew he would do anything to keep the blood from rising to his front door. I would let the cards fall where they may and hope that Emma and I could move past whatever she might discover.
Hours rolled on, and the sun sank in the sky, sending brilliant colors to stain the clouds. I watched as J left and drove off toward her home. I watched as others came and went from the club. I wanted more than anything to go home to Emma and tell her I loved her. I loved to see the look on her face as I said the words. It made me feel whole, worthy.
I sat in the darkened lot as the street light illuminated the road ahead and replayed the last few weeks of my life over and over in my head. My world was spiraling out of control.
I started my car and drove absentmindedly back to my place. I needed to spend one last night with Emma by my side. I needed to feel her warm skin against mine. Tomorrow was a mystery, and for once, I wasn’t going to try to force the hand of fate.
I opened the lock to my apartment as quietly as possible, but as the door swung open, Emma sat up on the couch, stretching like a cat. I couldn’t help but smile at her as her eyes met mine. I locked the door behind me and tossed the manila envelope from Stephen on the island. Emma stood and made her way around the couch. It was like an invisible magnetic field pulling us toward each other, and I took large strides to meet her.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and lifted her body against mine as I claimed her mouth. I needed to taste her, to be a part of her. She returned the kiss hungrily. I shifted toward the wall and pushed her back against it as her legs circled my waist. My fingers dug into her hips as she panted against my mouth. Her grip mimicked mine as she dug her nails into my shoulders. My lips trailed hungrily down her throat, unable to get enough of the taste of her flesh.
“Tell me you want me, Emma.” I needed to hear her say it—needed to feel the words vibrate in her throat as I continued my assault. My hips ground painfully hard against hers.
“Oh…I want you,” she moaned as she pushed back. I slid my fingers under the thin fabric of her shirt, palming the weight of her breast in my hand. For at least one more night, she was mine. Her back arched farther off the wall, and I knew I was being too rough, but I could not control myself any longer. I claimed her mouth with mine again, forcing my tongue past her lips. She willingly let me in, swirling her own tongue in response.
I reluctantly placed her back on the ground and struggled to unbuckle her jeans with shaking fingers. I slid them slowly over her hips as she reached for my belt. I gripped her wrists and pinned them to the wall above her head. She struggled to press herself against me but I took a step back, wanting to maintain the last bit of control I had. I kissed her cheek and took her earlobe between my teeth. Her body sagged, and I kept my grip firm on her hands.
“Please!”
I couldn’t help but smile. Nothing turned me on more than her begging for me to be inside of her.
“I love it when you beg,” I whispered into her ear, unable to hide my own lust and wanting from my voice.
“Please,” she whispered again, and I couldn’t hold out any longer. My hips pressed back against hers, eliciting a moan from Emma.
“I would do anything for you…anything.” I looked her in the eye, wanting her to understand how serious that statement was.
She nodded as her mouth found mine again. I grabbed her shirt, pulling it over her head and tossing it to the floor. She only wore a pair of yellow cotton panties, and I wanted to rip them from her with my teeth. A growl rose from my chest at the thought of being the only man to have touched her flesh. She was mine and would be mine, no matter what distance she decided to put between us. Her shaking fingers found my shirt as she worked to undo the buttons. Her eyes searched mine, unsure if I would allow her to continue, but I loved that she was willing to risk punishment to be with me. I knew I was forever hers as well. I’d never be able to escape Emma, no matter who I was with. She would always be the one that changed everything.
When I did not stop her, she focused on the task at hand, not daring to question my kindness. She pushed the shirt over my shoulders, and I let it fall to the ground as her gaze danced over my tribal tattoo and back to mine. I took in every inch of her toned, milky skin. She pulled her lower lip between her teeth as she waited for me to make my next move. I lifted her in my arms again, wrapping her body around mine as I carried her off to the bedroom.
I wanted to take her to the third floor and keep her there forever to be mine whenever I wanted to take her. But I didn’t want that to be the last memory she had of us together. I needed to give her some semblance of normalcy. I wanted her to look back on our time together and not be completely revolted by who I was.
I laid her softly on the bed as I hovered over her, kissing the sweet flesh on top of her breasts. She lifted into me, pressing my lips harder against her as her nails raked over my back. I moaned and quickly undid my belt thenflexed under her touch.
“I want you, Emma. I want to possess you.” I groaned, hurting as I said the words. She would never be mine. I was so close to having the only thing I wanted in the world, and I was letting it slip through my fingertips. I didn’t know if this was what love felt like, but I didn’t want to feel like this for anyone but her. I wanted to please her and keep her safe, and that, to me, could be nothing else. I slid my jeans over my hips, not wanting to waste time kicking them all the way off. “Tell me that you’re mine.”
“Ahhh…” was the only sound she made as my mouth was once again on her. I slid my hand over her throat and gripped her jaw, jerking her head up so her gaze would meet mine. “Tell me.” I could no longer hide the desperation in my voice as I pushed my body harder against hers.
“I’m yours, only yours.” Her words were desperate as well but for other reasons. I didn’t want it any other way. I slipped my hand between us and loped them around her cotton panties, tugging harshly and ripping them from her body. Her hips lifted, and she ground against me, flesh against flesh. My eyes fell closed for a second as I let the pleasure wash over me.
I gripped the base of my cock and rubbed the head of myself against her wetness. She moaned, squeezing her eyes closed.
“Look at me. I want to watch you come.”
She squirmed beneath me, and I tried to memorize every curve of her beautiful face. I slid inside of her tight pussy slowly, wanting to savor every second. She panted with parted lips. I reached between us and ran my fingers over her clit. I ran the wetness over her lower lip and her tongue darted out; I lost all control. I slammed deep inside of her, hard. She bit down on her lip as I continued my furious pace.
“I…love…you…” I groaned as she met my
thrust. Her legs tightened around my hips, and I knew she was close to coming.
“I love you,” she cried out, gripping onto the blanket as she tightened around the length of me. I came hard, binding us as one for what I knew would probably be the last time.
I collapsed on top of her, emotionally and physically spent. Her delicate fingers laced behind my neck. “I love you,” she whispered into my ear—her words the only sound I ever wanted to hear. I kissed along her neck until my lips reached her ear.
“I love you so much, Emma.” I held her tightly against me, not wanting to ever let her go, until she drifted off into a peaceful sleep below me.
My mind raced with thoughts of an empty future of solitude. How would I continue to protect her and keep her safe when her aunt filled her in on what kind of man I really was? I knew I had already asked too much of her, and she gladly accepted my faults, but everyone has a limit. Then the truth crept into the back of my mind. Emma wouldn’t need protection once she was rid of me. I was the reason her world was crumbling. If not for me, she would be starting her life as an adult. She would be falling in love and beginning a career. It made me sick to my stomach to know that I was the worst thing for her.
I tossed and turned the entire night until I decided to leave the bedroom so I wouldn’t wake her.
Chapter Four
I was on my second pot of coffee when the bedroom door opened, and Emma stepped through, already dressed for the day. I couldn’t help but smile sadly at the sight of her. I never wanted to forget how absolutely stunning she was when she first woke in the morning.
“Sleep well?” I hoped she hadn’t noticed that I hadn’t slept at all. I couldn’t force myself to close my eyes and miss out on the last few hours we may have had together. She grinned widely as she made her way toward me. I opened my arms and hugged her tightly, lifting her feet from the ground. “Shame. I was going to say if you weren’t happy, we could try again.” I winked at her as I sat her back on the ground. I was good at hiding my emotions, as I rarely felt anything outside of anger, but this was a struggle. Stephen’s words replayed in my head. He was wrong. This was love. It had to be love, and it was the most intense pain I had ever felt.
She smacked my chest playfully. Without thinking, my hand shot up and grabbed her wrist tightly.
“Careful. You know I like to play rough.” A beautiful crimson crept over her cheeks, and I had to look away to keep myself from changing my mind about being the good guy. I turned around and grabbed her a mug of coffee, already made to her taste.
“Thanks,” she smiled as she closed her eyes and inhaled. “Just what I needed.”
“I thought I was what you needed?” I frowned, but I knew I wasn’t, even if she thought differently. She took a sip from her steaming cup.
“I need this to keep up with you.” She laughed. For a minute, we were just a normal couple standing in our kitchen and enjoying each other’s company. It was the perfect lie.
“I better put on another pot, then.” I looked her over, wishing I could get just one extra day with her, but I didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve her.
“We can’t. We have to go see my aunt today.” She took another long sip from her mug.
I sighed and drank down the rest of my drink. “I guess we’d better get it over with, then.” I couldn’t look her in the eye. I stared down at my empty mug, fighting the urge to throw it against the wall.
“It’s not life or death, William. Worst thing that is going to happen is she will call me a whore and things will be exactly the same as they have always been.” She rolled her eyes as she spoke of her aunt and took another drink.
I only wished that were the worst thing that would happen. Instead, she would learn about my frequent visits to the sex club her aunt worked at. She, no doubt, would learn of her aunt’s infatuation with me. And the cherry on the cake will be whatever my ex had confessed to her. I knew that my ex must have told J something to convince her that I was a danger to Emma. My eyes searched her beautiful face as I pictured tears streaming down her cheeks, and I wouldn’t be able to hold her and make it all better. “Fine.” I slammed my mug on the counter and made my way to my bedroom to get ready. I grabbed a dark-gray shirt from my dresser and pulled it over my head as I made my way back into the main living area. Emma’s eyes were on my stomach as I pulled the shirt down, covering myself.
“Are you sure you don’t want to have a little fun first?” It was a last ditch effort to delay the inevitable, to feel normal if only for a few more minutes.
“Come on. Let’s just get this over with.” She sat her cup down and grabbed her purse. She held her hand out to me to take, and I did, pulling her body against mine. My lips pressed against hers, needing to feel her love for me. Her body relaxed against mine, and her lips fell open, inviting me in. I ran my tongue along her upper lip before slipping it inside and pushing against hers. She moaned into my mouth, and I knew if I really wanted to, I could delay our demise just a little while longer. My cock grew painfully hard at the thought of taking her back to my bed. I was tired of manipulating her. I pulled back, hating how alone I felt just inches from her.
“I need you.” I meant it in every sense of the words. I needed her to breathe, to feel. Without her, I knew I would lose myself again in the sadness and anger. I wouldn’t be able to come back again from the darkness. There would be no other Emma for me.
“I promise, when we get back, you can take me anywhere and anyway you like.” She grinned wickedly as she pulled her lower lip between her teeth. I would miss this. I would miss her so much it would be unbearable.
I reached up, using my thumb to free her lip from her teeth. “Let’s go.” I took her hand and pulled her behind me as we left the apartment and made our way down the stairs. I was fighting against my natural instinct of self-preservation.
Chapter Five
As we pulled up outside of Judy’s house, Emma looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack. It killed me to know it was going to go much worse than she could ever imagine. It wasn’t as simple as her aunt disapproving of us, which was one thing I could not protect her against. She needed to know who the man she loved really was. I didn’t deserve her, and a small part of me had always known that. Still, I entertained the idea of running off with her and keeping her blissfully ignorant to the monster I was inside.
“Having second thoughts?” I asked, brushing a few strands of hair off her forehead. She shook her head as she opened her door. She paused looking back at me over her shoulder. “Just give me a minute, okay?” I nodded, and she leaned across the seat, giving me a chaste kiss on the lips before releasing my hand and leaving me to my own demons.
She walked toward the house, glancing back at me as she made her way across the street. It tore me up inside to sit back and let everything we had fall apart, but I wasn’t going to go against what Emma wanted. I watched her open the front door and step inside. My entire body was humming as I forced myself to sit in the car. My mind flashed with Judy telling Emma all the terrible things about me, and I wouldn’t be there to console her Not that she would want me to touch her after she finds out just how sick and twisted I really am. But Judy wouldn’t offer her that comfort, either. She would laugh in her face. I glanced over at the house and noticed that the driveway was empty. That was all the convincing I needed. I got out of the car and made my way across the street, slipping inside the front door of the small home.
Emma stepped out of the hallway, relief on her face, and I was finally able to breathe again.
“I was just going to call you. She’s not home.”
Her words took a second to sink in. Judy wasn’t home. I couldn’t help but smile. I had more time with Emma, if even just another day. I felt the weight of my guilt lift from my shoulders.
“Let’s go back to my place. A promise is a promise.” I smiled as I lowered my mouth to hers, needing to touch her. Before our mouths could meet, a faint melody interrupted us.
“W
hat’s that?” She pulled back from me as her eyes searched mine. She made her way down the narrow hall, and I followed behind her, the sound growing louder as we approached. She stopped suddenly in my path, and her hand flew over her mouth.
“Oh, my god. That’s my aunt’s ringtone. She’s home.” She whispered, panic in her voice.
“But her car wasn’t in the driveway.” I said as Emma’s eyes searched mine. She hadn’t noticed, but that didn’t ease her worry. She reached out and gripped the doorknob to her aunt’s bedroom. It creaked loudly as she shoved it open. It took a moment for our eyes to adjust to the darkness.
I froze as I saw the lifeless, naked body of J strewn across her bed. Her legs were wide open, and she stared off into nothingness. This was what I wanted to avoid. I had done everything, even prepared to sacrifice my own love to make things right. Was this some sort of a cruel joke?
“Judy!” Emma’s painful scream broke me from my fog. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her back from the room, trying to block her aunt’s dead body from her view. She struggled against my grip, and I held her tighter, refusing to let go. I would never let her go again. She thrashed and struggled as she cried out in heartbreak. I stroked her hair as I clutched her to my chest, hating that this was the only way she could still be mine. Even though I had not perpetrated the crime, I knew without a doubt that she had died because of me. Stephen had stepped up when he knew I wouldn’t.
“Shhh…” I whispered into her hair as I tried to desperately to keep her from losing it completely.
“I need to call someone!” She was breaking down. I pulled her toward me and placed a kiss on her forehead.
“It’s going to be okay, Emma. I’m going to take care of you.” I had no other choice. Confessing all of my sins now would only leave her completely alone. Not even I was that cruel. I wiped the tears from her cheeks as she looked up at me through unsure eyes. “I’ll be here the whole time.”
Honor and Betray (Honor Series) Page 3