An hour later, my beloved best friend was dead, and I was tasked to dig the hole in the backyard to bury her.
“What about you?” I asked, wondering if Emma had a best friend who had kept her company and made her feel safe.
“My mother was highly allergic to pet dander. I was never allowed to have a dog.” She sighed heavily. I slid my hands up her arms to her shoulders as I tried to rub the tension from her muscles.
“We can get a dog one day.”
She relaxed against me as she lifted her hand from the water and examined her fingers.
“I’m beginning to prune.”
I stepped out of the tub and got us each a towel. I was unable to pull my eyes from her body as she ran dried herself off. We made our way back to the bedroom and pulled on some clothes. As much as I would have loved to keep Emma naked all day, I needed to prove to myself that there were more reasons for my affection toward her. It was becoming an obsession. I watched as she pulled on a tank top and jeans while I buttoned my own pants and pulled a navy blue shirt over my head.
Emma took my hand and pulled me into the kitchen, motioning for me to sit down at the island as she made her way around the kitchen to prepare us brunch. I hated not being the one in charge at all times, but even I couldn’t deny how well she fit in around here. She belonged.
“I need to get these smoke detectors upgraded if you’re going to take over cooking in my kitchen.” She glared over her shoulder at me as she stood in front of the stove.
“Careful.” I cocked an eyebrow at her, and her cheeks flushed as she turned her attention back to the omelet in the frying pan.
“So…what are our plans for the day?” She asked as she flipped the food. I saw a splatter of melted butter fly from the pan and sizzle on top of the burner.
“I was thinking we could rent a movie, cuddle on the couch.” I couldn’t focus on anything but wanting to take the spatula from her hand. Being equal in a relationship was definitely lower on my list of priorities. I pushed up from my seat and made my way to the coffee maker so I could brew a fresh pot.
“A movie sounds great.” I grabbed some plates from the cupboard and sat them next to her. She dished out the food as I grabbed two coffee mugs and waited for the pot to finish brewing. Even without total control, we worked well together, and I knew I could get used to that.
We both sat at the island as I looked over my plate. It looked and smelled amazing.
“This is nice, having you here all the time.” I took a bite of my food and struggled not to make a face. Perhaps giving over control of the kitchen would have to wait. I watched her as she began to eat, scrunching her nose as she tasted it.
We ate in silence, and I made sure to eat every last bite. Was it selfless to suffer through her horrendous cooking to keep from hurting her feelings? I’m going to break Stephen’s fucking nose for making me question my every motive.
I cleared our plates and had to smile when I noticed Emma had finished her meal without me having to tell her to. It made me wonder, if she weren’t someone I saw as a victim who needed guidance, would my feelings for her have taken hold of me the way they had. What if she became stronger and didn’t need me to help her anymore? Would she still want me? Would I still need her?
I washed our dishes as I thought over our relationship. I had spent years blocking out any emotional attachment to others, and now I was overwhelmed. My last relationship ended badly, and as easy as it was for me to put the blame on Abby, I knew that my life turned out the way it had because of the way I am. I had needed control, and if someone had stood in the way of something I wanted, I didn’t hesitate to take him or her out of the equation. I didn’t know what the outcome would be if Emma challenged my authority. That scared me more than anything did. I could never truly protect her if I couldn’t leave her.
I drove us down to the movie store across town and made my way through the aisles as I glanced over the covers. Emma took off toward the romantic comedies.
“What about this one?” She held up a DVD that had a female bounty hunter on the cover. I frowned and shook my head as I grabbed the movie in front of me that had caught my attention. The cover was a man smiling with a bloody knife in his hand.
“Fine, if you throw in some popcorn, it’s a deal,”
I rounded the end of my aisle, wrapped my arm around her waist, and pulled her body against mine.
“Good girl.” I whispered, and she relaxed against me.
We headed back to my place and prepared for our romantic evening in. Emma popped the popcorn as I popped in the movie. I grabbed the comforter from my bed and brought it out for us to cuddle under.
The movie started out like most thrillers do. The killer was stalking an unsuspecting woman who was wearing next to nothing.
I pulled Emma closer to me as I ran my hand up her thigh, my lips ghosting over her neck.
“I’m actually enjoying this.” She pointed to the television, and I watched as the killer chased a woman up a set of stairs. She tripped, and he grabbed her. Emma’s body melted against mine as she tensed, waiting for the bloody fight. I laughed against her neck, loving how she felt safe with me. I knew it was sick and twisted, given my secrets, but I felt just as safe with her. I knew she had my heart, and at any moment, she could crush it if she chose to. She had just as much power as I did.
“William,” she laughed, and her hands flew over her eyes as the killer sliced the knife through the victim. “Arghh!” She squealed. My hand slid farther up her thigh as I laughed at her reaction. Emma being afraid was a huge turn on, and my cock grew painfully hard.
“Don’t you want to see him get caught?” She asked as she took a few pieces of popcorn and shoved them in her mouth.
“How do you know he won’t get away with it?” I reached into the bowl in her lap and grabbed some popcorn for myself.
“They never get away with it. Come on. They always leave some sort of clues behind. It’s like they want to get caught. She rolled her eyes as she watched the scene continue to unfold.
“You think that guy wants to get caught?” I pointed at the television. The killer was still in the victim’s house and waiting for her friends to arrive.
“Subconsciously, yes.”
I couldn’t help but smirk at the absurdity of her logic. If the killer felt that guilty, surely he could have just turned himself in before committing the act and saved the girl. Instead, he planned and carried out murder. There is a thrill in the ritual of the act, and it becomes a high to forever chase. You justify your actions. The power outweighs the consequences.
“Stupid does not mean he wants to get caught. It just means he’s not smart enough to do it right.” I knew without a doubt I didn’t want to have anyone discover the things I had done, most of all Emma. I didn’t need to free the demon inside of me; I just needed to learn to control him better.
“Whatever.” Emma threw a piece of popcorn at me, and it rolled down my chest.
“Bad girl.” I flipped my body on top of hers, sending popcorn flying as I pinned her under my weight.
“We’re going to miss the movie.”
I pressed my hips into hers so she could feel how hard I was.
“Fuck the movie.” I slipped my tongue inside her mouth as I slowly lowered her back on the couch. “I want to make you scream like you did a minute ago.” I pulled my mouth from hers so I could take her shirt off and toss it on the floor. I did the same with mine and watched as her eyes danced over my chest. I fell back on top of her. I palmed the weight of her breast, and my thumb and forefinger rolled over her nipple, giving her a small pinch.
“Fuck the movie,” she panted, and I smiled as I quickly unbuckled her pants. I sat up to pull them off her legs along with her panties. I stared down at her perfect naked body as I undid my belt and slid off my own jeans and boxers.
“Stand up.”
She slowly pushed to her feet and stood in front of me. My eyes raked over her naked body before I gripped her hi
ps and spun her around.
“Put your knees on the couch and hold on to the back.”
I grabbed her hips and pulled her ass back toward me.
“Wider.” I nudged her legs apart and took in the view. I pushed the head of my cock against her pussy and she looked over her shoulder at me, her lip pulled between her teeth.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you.” I bent over her body so she wouldn’t be as nervous. I kissed her cheek as I slid my dick inside of her.
“God, you’re so fucking wet for me.” I groaned in her ear as I slowly began to fuck her. She bowed her back, pushing her ass against me, begging for more. Her fingers clenched the back of the couch as her breathing grew heavier.
I slid my palm over her spine until my fingers tangled in her hair. I fisted her locks as I jerked her head back toward me and slammed into her.
She turned her head toward mine, and our lips where just an inch apart.
“You like it when I’m rough with you?” I asked as she pulled against my grip to kiss me. I held firm, refusing to let her take control.
“Yes,” she moaned. I slipped my free hand around her hip and rubbed my fingertips against her wet clit. “Oh…” she cried, and her pussy began to grip my cock, begging for release. I pulled back from her clit and slowed my strokes until I felt her relax again. I wanted her to know that it was my decision when she came and mine alone. As soon as she stilled beneath me, I rubbed over her pussy as I slammed into her.
“Come for me, Emma.”
She moaned as we both released, and I collapsed on top of her. “I love you,” I whispered as I withdrew from her body. She winced at the sudden emptiness. I sat back in my seat as she still clung to the couch.
“Come on, you’re going to miss the part where he gets caught.” I laughed as I smacked her on the ass. She yelped and spun around quickly, sitting down on the couch next to me.
We finished the movie and fell asleep as I held her against me.
Chapter Twelve
We sat in my car in silence as we stared off at the cemetery. The pain and regret were written all over Emma’s beautiful face. I struggled to find the words to comfort her, but I was at a loss. I couldn’t sympathize with the situation. I didn’t want her aunt to die, but it was not as easy for me to forget what type of person she was. People love to talk about how good of a person someone was after that person dies, and usually it’s a lie. Judy was a bitch, who treated the woman I loved like she was nothing.
I wouldn’t be shedding a tear for her today and wouldn’t give her a second thought if not for Emma. I wondered if she would be this distraught if she knew how hard J tried to get me to sleep with her. Not that I would have ever given in. Desperation wasn’t an attractive quality to me.
Emma cleared her throat, pulling me from my thoughts. I placed my hand on her knee in an attempt to comfort her. She covered mine with her tiny hand.
“I’m sorry.” I was. I didn’t like that because of me she was hurting. Even if she weren’t aware of it, I would spend forever trying to make it up to her.
She nodded and blew out a long breath as tears began to spill down her cheeks. I squeezed her knee lightly and forced myself to get out of the car. I hated funerals. I hated the sadness, and I forced myself not to look bored and uninterested. I quickly rounded the front of my car and pulled open the passenger side door. She looked up at me with sad eyes before placing her hand in mine so I could pull her to her feet. As soon as her body connected with mine, she broke down, and I rubbed my hand over her back as she sobbed into my shoulder. It was a dreary day, and the wind whipped through Emma’s hair. I wasn’t sure the weather would hold out for long, and part of me wished the sky would break loose and I could take her back to the safety of my home, where the world could not hurt her anymore.
Emma pulled back from me and smoothed her skirt before giving me a quick nod that she was ready. For someone so emotional, she was just as brave. One of the qualities I loved about Emma. Fear and sadness did not prevent her from doing anything.
There was a small crowd of people gathered by the burial site, and my heart rate picked up as we neared them. I knew Emma had no more family, so that only left acquaintances. It was then I realized I was far from out of the woods when it came to Emma finding out about who I really am.
“Do you know any of them?” I asked in a hushed tone so no one would overhear us. She looked up at me and shook her head. I relaxed a bit. The people from the club were nothing if not discreet. They wouldn’t be likely to call me out in a crowd and risk exposing themselves for who they were. Still, I didn’t want to spend any more time in their presence than I had to.
Several women smiled weakly, tears in their eyes as we approached. Emma thanked them for showing support, and they offered their condolences for her loss. Their eyes would meet mine briefly, but none said a word. I knew their minds must have been spinning when they saw me with J’s niece. I hoped none would make the mistake of assuming she knew how they all knew each other.
Most of us carried on vanilla relationships outside of the club and only used its services as an escape.
The preacher began to speak, and I stood behind Emma, my hand on her lower back to let her know she wasn’t alone. I listened as he spoke about J as if he had known her. Of course, he had, but I hoped his words didn’t seem too intimate and cause Emma to question it.
She seemed to relax as the service continued. I could feel the muscles along her spine grow less stiff. I glanced around at all of the faces, stopping on A, whose lips curled up into a devilish grin as our eyes connected. I swallowed back the bile that rose in my throat.
I had never imagined a moment when I would have Emma and the dominatrix I fucked on occasion in such close proximity. I could feel the control begin to slip. This woman knew far more of my dark secrets than most. She wasn’t privy to the same information as Stephen, but when it came to the true nature of the beast I was inside, she had seen it first hand, fed it, and helped it grow. There was a special level of trust between the two of us, but it was not uncommon for those in our situation to develop feelings for each other. She knew I could never return the feelings. I was incapable until I met Emma, and I could see that glint of sadness in her eyes as she looked at us standing together as a couple.
The service ended, and Emma turned to me, looking up into my eyes. I smiled down at her, proud of how brave she had been through all of this. People began to surround Emma to offer her well wishes and let her know how deeply missed her aunt would be. My eyes found A again as she stood outside of the group. She cocked her head to the side, gesturing to an old elm tree at the edge of the property. I looked back to Emma who was chatting with a few of the other mourners. I took a step back and let my hand fall from her back. She continued talking to the group as I turned and followed A to the tree. I needed to know whatever she felt—hurt or attraction—she would not say anything to Emma.
As we reached the tree, A turned and leaned her back against it as she smiled up at me.
“Is she why you haven’t been around lately?”
“I’m serious about her.”
“No one would argue with how serious you are, Will. I still have some fading bruises to prove it.”
My face turned hard as I thought of my last encounter with A. The connection I had with her was strong. We understood each other’s darker side better than anyone else did.
“Does she know?” her face inched closer to mine as her fingers trailed over the buttons of my shirt.
“She doesn’t, and it is going to stay that way.”
“It seems like an odd match, Will. J always had a thing for you.” She glanced down at the grass around our feet, a hint of sadness on her face. “What did she think of you tainting her innocent niece?” Her eyes connected with mine again and I clenched my hands into fists at my sides.
I reached between us and grabbed her wrists, shoving them away from my chest. I was close enough to her that her warm breath blew ove
r my face. Her demeanor changed from dominating to submissive like a flip of a switch.
“Mind your own business, A. This doesn’t involve you, and I would hate for you to find out what happens when I get truly angry. This isn’t the club.”
I heard a quiet gasp and looked to my left to see Emma staring over at us. She looked absolutely terrified by what she saw. It was only then I realized how my conversation with A must look to her. She made her way toward us, and I instinctively took a step back from A. I had no idea how I would talk my way out of what she had seen and even less confidence in A’s ability to keep her fucking mouth shut.
“Emma,” I called out to her as she neared us. Her hand swiped over her cheek to wipe away her tears as A crossed her arms over her chest and once again took on a dominate air about her. This was the first time I hated that side of her. If she were solely submissive, she wouldn’t dare open her mouth to defy me. This side of A was capable of anything, and it was more than obvious to the crowd that Emma was a natural submissive.
Emma’s eyes scanned A before they landed on me, and fresh tears clouded them.
“Emma, this is…”
“Allison.” A took a step forward and held out her hand to Emma with a fake smile plastered on her face. Emma ignored A’s gesture, and her eyes found mine again. “I should probably go.” A glanced back at me before she made her way back across the cemetery. I sighed with relief that she didn’t choose to go against me, but I still had to convince Emma that she was just a friend.
“Who is she?” Emma asked, her jaw clenched in anger.
“She is no one.” I kept my tone sharp, knowing Emma would naturally try to avoid confrontation. I glanced around to make sure no one was listening to our conversation. I didn’t want anyone else questioning what type of relationship I had with her.
“Fuck them,” she spat angrily. I felt the control begin to slip from my grasp. I took a step forward, taking a different tactic.
“Let me take you back to my place.” I reached out and rubbed over her arms. She took a step back from me and pressed her back against the tree. It felt like a slap to the face, and I had to struggle not to reach out and pull her into my arms. I had never expected such an act of defiance from Emma, and I wasn’t certain how to handle it in a public setting.
Honor and Betray (Honor Series) Page 6