by Chris Binchy
Five Days Apart
Chris Binchy
Contents
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Also by Chris Binchy
Credits
Copyright
About the Publisher
For Siobhan, Michael, and Marianne
Chapter One
I saw her first. I was in the kitchen getting ice when she arrived. Three of them came together, all girls, and I could see them in the hall. They were apologizing for being late and taking off their coats, one of them introducing the others to the host, Paul. It was all confusion, everybody talking and nobody listening, and then they came into the kitchen to get a drink. Paul was trying to sort them out, but he was already drunk, stumbling around the place, and he couldn’t find glasses or wine or an opener. Picking up empty bottles and shaking them, saying there definitely was more, I know I had more, and looking in the fridge, then closing it and opening it again as if something might have changed, as if it might have replenished itself.
I was leaning against the sink at the edge of the whole exchange. I was smiling, trying not to laugh at him. I looked away, and when I turned back there she was, smiling right back at me. I hadn’t noticed her until then. They were all one noisy entity when they arrived. But I was looking at her now, straight into her eyes, and it felt like something.
“Oh,” I said out loud.
The other girls stopped talking for a second and looked at me. I turned to the ground and the conversation resumed. When I looked up again, she was still watching me. I could feel my mouth curl, the way it does when I don’t know, when I’m not sure. She smiled and then Paul said that there was drink in the living room and they were gone. I stood there buzzing, a charge in my stomach and in my hands, which shook a little as I drank. I had to go after her. I couldn’t let it end there. But she was with other people and what was I supposed to do? Go up and say, “Hi, I’m David, I couldn’t help noticing you, you’re very beautiful”? “You’re a great-looking lady”? “I think we had a real connection”? I’m not an idiot. I know my limits.
So I stayed standing at the counter and drank and tried to work it out. Get Alex, I thought. He’ll know what to do. That was exactly how it was. I thought he would help.
He was out in the conservatory with some guys I didn’t know from his college.
“Hey,” he said when he saw me.
“Hi,” I said.
“This is David,” he said to the others. “We were in school.” They kind of nodded up at me and one of them said hello, as if that was funny in itself. “Hello.”
“Do you want some of this?” Alex asked, waving a joint at me vaguely, knowing I wouldn’t.
“No,” I said. “Can you come in here for a second?”
“Yeah, sure,” he said. I went back into the kitchen, and he followed me.
“What’s up?”
“There’s a girl that just arrived. I don’t know. Just. Amazing.”
“Where is she?”
“In the living room, I think. Seriously though. Wait till you see.”
“Let’s go.” He was turning away from me. I pulled him back.
“Hang on a second.”
“What?”
“Well, I don’t want to go in there like a pair of idiots. You’re not to be talking shit and acting the lad.”
“Who, me?”
“Just don’t.”
He smiled at me. He was happy and relaxed, at his most dangerous.
“I will be charm itself.”
“Okay,” I said. “Don’t embarrass me.”
It was a double room with an open partition in the middle. The heat and smoke and noise hit us as we walked in. A load of people were dancing in the middle, and others were sitting in groups on the floor around the edges and on couches that had been pushed back. The music was so loud it was distorting, the bass pulsing beneath my feet and in my chest.
“That’s her,” I said to Alex, leaning in to shout in his ear.
“What? Where? Which one?”
“Over there. I’m not going to point, for fuck’s sake.”
“So nod.” I nodded in her direction.
“Oh yeah, okay,” he said. “I see her now.”
She was sitting on a couch, talking to one of the girls that she had arrived with. Alex didn’t say anything else, just walked straight over and sat down beside her. I stood for a second, watching him, and I knew I had to do the same. He was shaking her hand when I arrived, up and down, messing around. She was smiling at him, but I could see she was uncertain.
“This is David,” he said, pointing at me. “David, this is . . . ,” and he said her name. I didn’t hear it but I couldn’t ask again, the wrong first impression to give, shouting “What?” like some old fellow, so I just smiled.
“Hi,” she said. Her eyes flashed up at me. Just a quick glance to check, then she looked back at Alex and said something that I couldn’t make out. The music was too loud. He was sitting beside her, and I was standing at his shoulder as if I was his butler. Her friend was on the far side of the couch, staring across the room at nothing. She seemed bored already. I smiled over at her, but she didn’t see me. I went and sat beside her anyway and said hello. She was all right looking.
“How do you know Paul?” I asked her.
“I don’t,” she said.
Behind her I was watching Alex talk to my girl. He was doing his usual thing, all chat and a little too close. I couldn’t see her face but tried to work out from the way she was sitting what she thought of him. It was impossible. As I watched, Alex caught my eye just for a second. He didn’t look over, didn’t stop talking, but he winked. I couldn’t stop myself from grinning back at him.
“What?” the friend asked.
“Sorry?” I said, looking back at her.
“What’s funny?”
“Nothing,” I said. “Just laughing, you know. So what do you do?” I asked after a minute.
“I’m in college.”
“Oh, yeah? What are you studying?”
“Not a whole lot.”
I smiled even though it wasn’t funny and the way she’d said it didn’t make it sound like a joke.
“I mean, what course are you on?”
“Sociology.”
“Great,” I said. “Interesting.”
“Not very.”
“I’m doing computer science,” I said because, really, she deserved it.
“Oh, yeah?” she said, yawning as she spoke.
“Are you tired?” I asked, but she didn’t answer.
So I sat beside her, and we didn’t talk. Every so often I would look over at Alex, who seemed to be having a great time. After a few minutes I stood up.
“I’m going to the kitchen,” I said to the friend. “Can I get you anything?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. A beer or something.”
“No,” she said. “I don’t drink beer.”
“Okay, so.” I tapped Alex on the shoulder. He looked up at me. “Here, do you want a drink?”
“I don’t know. Do you want something?” he asked my one. She spoke to me.
“Can I get some wine? White wine?”
“I’ll have the same,” Alex said, and I wandered off.
When I came back in carrying their drinks, there was nobody on the couch. I looked around and saw the two of them on the far side of the room, dancing beside each other. I went over and handed a drink to her.
“I’ll be back in a second,” Alex said, and he disappeared. I was left standing with her. I drank from the glass that I had brought for him. She smiled at me and said something.
“Sorry?” I said.
She leaned forward and spoke into my ear.
“Are you in college with Alex?” she asked me. She was so close I could feel her breath against my ear when she spoke. I could smell her perfume, light and grassy.
“No. I was in school with him. We’re old friends,” I said.
“Okay.”
I felt the urge to touch her face or hug her or take her hand and lead her out the door, to make some sort of physical contact with her, but resisted it. I tried to keep it simple for myself.
“I saw you when you arrived,” I said. It sounded creepier than I had anticipated.
“I saw you too,” she said after a second. “You were in the kitchen, looking nervous.”
“Did I look nervous?”
“Very.” She was staring at me as she spoke. I tried to hold her gaze, but it was too much.
“I thought I was . . . ,” and couldn’t think of a word to end the sentence. “The state of Paul,” I said instead.
“Is he always like that?”
“Yeah, mostly,” I said. “Do you not know him?”
“No.”
“He’s an arsehole.”
“That’s not very nice. About your host.”
“No, really. It’s true.”
“Nice house, though.”
“Yeah, it’s his parents’ place.”
“Right.”
“They’re arseholes too.”
She laughed at that, and I relaxed a bit. This isn’t so bad, I thought to myself. I might get to the end of this conversation without choking to death. Then Alex arrived back.
“Is that mine?” he asked, pointing at the glass I was holding.
“Oh, yeah,” I said. He took it, knocked it back, then grabbed her hand.
“Let’s dance,” he said. She kind of laughed, half resisting but not really.
“Come on,” he said turning to me. “Dance with us.” They bounced off, him dragging her into the thick of the crowd. I stood there and watched them go. For a moment I thought about it. I thought I could follow and jump up and down with them and pretend to be enjoying myself. But why pretend? He knew I wouldn’t want to dance, to watch him make a move on her. There was no point in my hanging around.
I went out into the hall and got my coat. I opened the front door and stood at the top of the steps. It was a freezing still night, the stars shining above. The grass in the park in front of the house was white and sparkly with frost. It smelled like it might snow. I thought about walking home. Let the cold clear my head. I could be in bed in twenty minutes, warm and comfortable and reading a book. This wouldn’t seem so bad then. But I knew that when I turned out the light, it would come back. What would have happened? What had I missed? What had she said? What had he done? Once I started to think about it, it would grow until there was nothing else, and I wouldn’t be able to sleep. That was what I was like. It was stupid, but I couldn’t seem to get beyond it.
I walked down the steps, but at the bottom I stopped and turned around. I went back up and in. I wanted to thank Paul for the party. That’s all I was thinking, or that’s what I told myself. Say good-bye to him at least. I found him in the main room on the floor, talking with some girl. I didn’t see the others.
“I’m going to head,” I said to him.
“Okay?” Paul said. He shrugged. “Thanks for coming or whatever.”
“It was great,” I said.
“Can’t have been that great if you’re going,” he said, and the girl laughed. I didn’t look at her.
“I’ve to be up in the morning,” I said.
“On a Sunday?”
“Yes.” I was going to give him a reason and then realized that he didn’t care. “Yes,” I said again.
“Fair enough,” he said. “Take it easy.”
“See you.”
I didn’t look into the main room as I left. I’m sure I wanted to, but I didn’t. As I was at the door again, Alex came out into the hall and called after me.
“Are you off?”
I didn’t say anything or turn to face him. I opened the door.
“Hey.” He was standing right behind me now and put his hand on my arm. “Hey.”
“What?” I said.
“What’s wrong? Why are you going?”
I just looked at him. I remember thinking that he must have known, but it didn’t show. He seemed genuine.
“You don’t know what’s wrong?” I said. “You seriously don’t know?”
“No. What is it? Did I do something to piss you off?”
“No,” I said. “Or yes, maybe.”
“What? Tell me.”
I breathed in deep, trying to calm myself.
“That girl,” I said.
“What about her?”
“What did you think I was doing? Why did you think I went and got you?”
“So we could go and talk to them? I don’t know.”
“Them? It wasn’t them. It was her. She was the reason.”
“You like her?” he asked, as if there was some doubt.
“Yes. Jesus, yes. What did you think?”
“Then why did you get me? Why didn’t you go and talk to her yourself?”
“Oh, come on.”
“What?”
It seemed unreasonable of him to make me say it.
“I’m no good at that kind of thing. Okay? You know that. You know me.”
“So, what was it? You wanted me to introduce you to her?”
“Yes. I don’t know. Something like that. I didn’t want you to just go and start chatting her up. What did you think? That I’d found a nice girl for you?”
He looked confused, trying to work it out.
“I don’t know what I thought. I’m sorry. I wasn’t doing anything. I was just being friendly. I mean, I was nice to her. I took her up to dance. I thought you’d join us.”
“When did I ever dance?”
“I’ve seen you dancing.”
“With you and a girl? When has that ever happened?”
“Well, I had no idea I was upsetting you. I didn’t know you liked her.”
“I told you.”
“No. You said there was some fucking great-looking girl had just arrived.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“Well, what did you say? It was something like that.”
I couldn’t remember. It wasn’t what I had said that was important. It was what I had meant, but he hadn’t understood me. I tried to relax, breathed in slowly before speaking.
“When she arrived, I saw her, and there was something between us. There was a look. I don’t know what it was, but I’ve never had that before. I’m serious. I can’t tell you what it was like.”
“You didn’t tell me that. You didn’t tell me anything. I’m sorry if I’ve pissed you off, but I didn’t know about it
.” He smiled at me, almost shyly, not sure what I would do. “I’m not psychic,” he said.
I could feel the tension fading away.
“I thought you’d know me well enough.”
“Isn’t it good that there are still some things I don’t know,” he said. He pulled me by the arm back across the hall. “Come on. We’ll go back in and you can stroke her hair and tell her how you feel or whatever it is you want to do. I’ll stay out of the way.”
“Oh, piss off,” I said.
But as we were going back in, she was on her way out with her quiet friend.
“There you are,” Alex said. “We were just coming to find you.”
“We’re going to go.”
“Now? Why?”
“Fiona has to be up in the morning.”
“But you could stay,” I said.
She smiled at me.
“No. We’ll get a taxi together.” Her friend had walked off at this stage without saying anything. “It was good to meet you,” she said. They were going. They were nearly gone.
“Can we get your number?” Alex said. “Maybe give you a call and meet up again sometime.” She stood and looked at him, waited for a moment.
“Okay,” she said.
“It’ll be fun,” he said. “I promise you. He’s normally very entertaining. Just not on top form tonight.”
“Too tired,” I said.
“Right.” She wrote her number on a cigarette box that Alex gave her. He looked at the number when she handed it back to him.
“We’ll call you,” he said. “We will call you.”
“Okay,” she said. “Bye.” She gave a little wave and walked off.
“See you,” I said after her.
“Was that okay?” Alex asked me when she was gone.
“That was why I got you. See, I wouldn’t have asked for her number. I thought it might be useful.”
I laughed with happiness and some sort of relief.