“Coming!” I unlock the door and open it to find Noah clutching Chip-Chip, his eyes wide and frightened.
“I heard noises. I heard people talking.”
Oh. We woke him up, I guess. Apparently we weren’t whispering as softly as I thought we were.
“It’s okay, baby. It was just Cas and me talking.”
The words slip out before I really think about what I’m saying. I still hadn’t figured out whether I was going to have Cas stay tomorrow to be here when Noah woke up, but I guess that problem’s solved now, for better or worse.
But if I thought having to explain to Noah why he stayed was going to be difficult, it turns out I was wrong. Without a word, Noah toddles over to the bed and gets in, curling up to Cas for protection.
I freeze, and wait for Cas’s reaction. I’m not sure what I’m expecting, but I watch in amazement as he puts his muscled arm around Noah and settles him in so he can sleep between us.
The two of them look so natural like that that I freeze for a moment, just watching them together. My God, it’s so obvious they’re father and son to anyone who looks closely. Noah has Cas’s eyes, and his dark hair. Even his jawline looks like a miniature version of Cas’s square one.
“That’s because we’re buddies, right?” I can hear Cas saying to Noah earlier tonight. Buddies. Suddenly, I want to cry. How will I ever tell Cas Noah’s his son? How will I ever manage to explain to him why I didn’t tell him right away? How could I have left it so long? I think in desperation. Things are going so well between us. Somewhere along the way, I think I’ve fallen in love with him. Now, I can’t see any way to tell him about Noah that won’t ruin everything.
I watch as Noah snuggles into the pillow, his thumb sneaking toward his mouth. My God, what will I do — what will we do — if I’ve ruined the possibility of a future with Cas? What if telling Cas that I kept this a secret from him for almost five years makes him so angry that he leaves us?
“Cas!” I blurt out, even though it’s impossible, I can’t tell him now with Noah here between us. But he puts a finger to his lips.
“Sshhh!” he whispers, motioning for me to come over. “Come on, let’s go to sleep.”
So, because there’s nothing I can do right now, I get into bed and watch as Cas calms Noah until he falls asleep.
When finally Noah’s breathing begins to even out, Cas looks up to find me staring at him. “What?” he says.
I’m seconds from telling him. If Noah wasn’t between us, I would do it. But I just can’t. Not when everything feels so right. I can’t bear to wreck everything right now.
Instead, I give him a little smile. “It’s just crazy to see you like this. The big bad MC man. I never pictured you as the family type.”
He shrugged. “I never had much of a family growing up. My dad and my grandma raised me, but I was kind of an afterthought. A family is something I always wanted. That's why I joined the MC.”
I knew his grandmother and his dad growing up, from seeing them around town, but I didn’t know much else about Cas’s family life. I resist the urge to tell him I’m sorry.
“But brotherhood has nothing on this,” he continues with a grin. “C’mon, we should go to sleep. I wore you the hell out already tonight.”
“Do you want to move Noah?” I ask him.
“Nah. Let him sleep here. He’s not hurting anyone. Though,” he smirks, “you could do with a bigger bed.”
We pull the covers over us, and I lie in the darkness for close to an hour, my head a swirl of conflicting emotions. I listen to Noah’s and Cas’s deep, even breathing and tell myself to remember this, to record every second of this, and how it feels. Because I’m afraid it can’t last. And even though it will be painful as hell to remember it after it’s over, right now it’s the most beautiful moment of my life.
27
Cas
The next morning, the three of us are eating breakfast — pancakes, because Noah asked for them, and bacon, because hello, bacon — when Jenna suddenly says, “Uh-oh.”
“What?” I set down my coffee mug and look at her curiously.
“Uh. I just thought of something.” She glances at Noah. “Bug, Cas and I are going to go in the bedroom for a couple minutes to talk about something. You holler if you need anything, okay?”
Noah rolls his eyes. “Mom, if it’s grown-up stuff, you don’t need to leave. It’s too boring for me to listen to, anyway.”
I laugh. “You got a point, Noah.” But I get up and follow Jenna into the bedroom, anyway.
“You sure this isn’t just an excuse to get me into bed?” I murmur as I grab her ass.
“Sadly, no,” she shakes her head. “I just thought of something kind of… I don’t know. Weird.”
“What is it?”
She sits down on the bed and I sit with her. “You know when my dad came over a couple days ago to talk to me about the loan deal with the club?”
“Yeah.” I still don’t know what to do about it like Jenna asked me to, and I’m a little afraid she’s going to ask me about it.
“Well,” she continues, “The whole conversation with him felt really weird to me at the time. I couldn’t figure out why he thought I would have any influence with the club. Why he thought I’d be able to change their minds.” She looks at me, her expression strange. “He said, ‘You have Angel’s ear. And Casper’s.’ I didn’t think about it much at the time, but the more I think about it, the more it bugs me. There’s no way he should know I’d have your ear. I’m almost positive he shouldn’t know about you and me.”
“Huh.” I’m quiet for a moment, thinking. “So you think, what? That Angel’s figured out about us? You think he told your dad?” I ask.
“I dunno,” she frowns. “No, not really. It doesn’t make sense. If he does know about us, he sure hasn’t said anything to me about it. You’d think he’d have asked one of us to make sure, first.”
I turn it over in my head for a few seconds. “Yeah, I don’t think it was Angel,” I say finally. “Something tells me he won’t take it quietly, when he does find out.”
“You think he’s going to want to fight you?” Jenna looks at me.
“Yeah. But don’t worry about it. It’ll be fine. He’ll land a few punches, and we’ll call it a day.” I wasn’t really sure it’d be dealt with that easily, but no reason to alarm Jenna about that now.
“So, if it’s not Angel — and like I said, I don’t think it is — what do you think is going on?” I ask.
“I’m not sure,” she says slowly. “Maybe Dad’s having me watched, or something?”
“That’s fucked up,” I say angrily. “Who would have someone spying on their own kid?”
“Yeah, I know. It does sound crazy, but I can’t think of anything else.” She shakes her head. “The thing is, I get the feeling my dad’s involved in something. Maybe something bad.” She meets my gaze. “He seemed really desperate for this loan with the Lords to go through when I talked to him. I get the feeling that whatever he’s involved in, maybe he’s not the one in control. He seemed so worn out and stressed when I saw him.” She pauses, and then frowns, almost like she’s disagreeing with herself. “Cas, do you think it’s possible he’s being blackmailed?”
I open my mouth to reassure her, but then something clicks in my head.
The Abe Abbott I know is a wheelin’, dealin’ son of a bitch. I’d never say that to Jenna about her own father, but it’s true.
The shit he’s been involved in, she doesn’t know the half of. And I’m not about to tell her any of it.
But if there’s one thing I do know about him, it’s that he’s not above breaking the law to get what he wants. And he’s sure as hell not above playing people off each other to get what he wants.
Including his own daughter, I’d bet.
He’s no stranger to corruption. And if he’s scared of something? That’s not a good fucking sign. If he’s scared, then he has good reason to be. I’d guarantee it.
<
br /> “Cas?” Jenna interrupts my thoughts. “What are you thinking?”
“I have to go out for a little bit.” I tell her, rising. “Call Jewel and get her to take Noah if you can. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
I come back to Jenna’s place to find her alone.
“I brought you a present,” I tell her when she lets me in.
“A present?” Jenna’s confused. “What, you ran out to get me flowers or something?”
“Hardly,” I say grimly.
I reach back and pull the gun out of the waistband of my jeans. Jenna lets out a little shriek when she sees it.
“Jesus, Cas…” she breathes.
“It’s for you to protect yourself." My eyes lock on hers. “And to protect Noah.”
“Do you really think that’s necessary?”
I take a deep breath and let it out. “I think it’s better to consider the possibility.”
Jenna is frightened, but she doesn’t argue.
“Do you know how to shoot?” I ask her.
“No,” she answers in a small voice.
I nod. “I thought maybe you didn’t. Come on,” I say, pushing open her door. “We’re going to the range.”
The gun is a Smith and Wesson Shield, nine millimeter. It’s a big enough pistol to stop someone in his tracks, but still small enough and easy enough to handle that it should be less intimidating for someone like Jenna, who’s small and who’s never shot a gun before.
Once we’re at the range, I grab us some targets and some eye and ear protection. I explain some of the basics, show her the magazine and how to load ammo into it, and talk to her about recoil. I let her ask as many questions as she wants and give her some time to handle the gun while it’s unloaded, so she can start to feel more comfortable with it.
I can tell she’s a little scared at first, and that’s as it should be. It always worries me when some jackass picks up a gun for the first time and acts like it’s a goddamn water pistol. When it’s time for her to shoot, she takes it seriously and gives it all her concentration. I see right away that she’s got a good eye. She’s a quick study, and after helping her figure out the sights, she’s shooting consistently within a few inches of the bullseye after an hour.
We quit when I can see she’s starting to get tired. I’m feeling a little better knowing that she’s at least capable of handling the gun. Jenna seems to look a little less worried, too. She even asks me if we can come back to the range again soon, to practice.
“Of course, darlin’,” I tell her, pulling her in for a kiss. “You’re a natural, do you know that?”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” she smiles, but I can tell she’s proud of herself. And she should be.
We walk out of the range, and when we get to my bike, Jenna puts a hand on my arm. “Thanks for doing this for me, Cas. But the more I think about it, the more I think we’re probably overreacting about Dad.” She shakes her head. “We must have just slipped up and he saw us together. Or maybe one of his friends saw us and said something. Dad’s got a lot of friends in this town. It’s probably nothing.”
“You may be right,” I nod. “But just in case, I want you to keep the gun handy. I’ll come back home with you and figure out a safe place to store it so you can get to it quickly, but it’s still away from Noah.”
“Okay. And Cas?”
“Yeah?”
“Please do what you can for my dad.” Her voice is sad. “That’s all I’ll ask.”
I cup her chin and raise her face to mine. “I promise, babe. I’ll do whatever I can.”
28
Jenna
Riding back to my place with Cas, I’m still feeling the adrenaline rush from spending an hour at the gun range. I’ve always been terrified of guns, truth be told. But even so, I can’t help but admit to myself how powerful it felt to shoot such a precision machine. Every time I hit the target close to the bullseye, I felt like cheering. I felt like a badass. Even though afterwards, I kept remembering why I was learning to do this, and suddenly wanted to throw up.
The vibrations from the bike calm me down a little, and I snuggle in tighter to Cas. Even though there’s a slight possibility I might be in danger, he makes me feel safe. The solid heat of him makes me feel protected. Calm.
When we get back to my apartment, Cas looks around until he finds a little cubby high up in my bedroom closet. He shows me how to store the gun there safely, so that I can reach it on a moment’s notice. It’s a good spot, far too high for Noah to get up to, even if he found the highest chair in our apartment.
I’m scared to have a gun in the house, in a way. It’s not something I ever considered doing before. But given that we don’t really know what’s going on right now, I’m also a little scared not to.
“That should about do it,” Cas eventually says, closing my closet door. “You did good today, girlie.”
“Girlie?” I snort. “Seriously?”
“Hey, nothing wrong with being a girl,” he says, drawing me to him. “Girls can kick ass. You just proved that out on the range.”
“Yeah, well, let’s hope I never have to prove that.” My heart starts to pound again with nervousness at the thought. But then Cas bends down and kisses me, and the pounding changes to a fluttering. “Cas,” I breathe as he presses me to him. “We still have a little while before I have to go pick up Noah.”
His lips graze against my neck. “I like the way you think, girlie.”
I’m about to protest again, but before I can his hand comes to my breast, his thumb sliding against the hardening nub of my nipple. “Oh!” I gasp, my hips bucking forward on their own power.
My heartbeat races beneath his lips, and before I know it I’m trembling with desire. My head falls back as he pulls open my shirt, then tugs down on the bra cups. A low moan comes from deep in his throat as his lips close over one taut bud. The vibrations from his voice tease me even before his tongue begins to flick and caress my desperate flesh.
Straining and mewling with pleasure, my fingers thread through his hair as he laps and suckles me. Between my legs, a low, almost painful ache has already started. I could never have believed it, but every time with Cas just gets better. The more our bodies know each other, the more I need what I know only he can give me. It feels almost like we were meant to be together. I’ve never believed in anything so cheesy, but the way our bodies respond to each other — the way he seems to know exactly what to do to make me scream in pleasure — it feels almost like this is what the two of us were made for. Each other.
As Cas flicks his tongue against my nipple, one hand slides down my skin, painfully slowly. Eventually, his fingers dip down inside my shorts. At first, they drift over my panties, just the lightest touch, and I strain toward him, desperate for more. Finally, he moves the thin fabric aside to find my wet, throbbing center. I gasp as his fingers find my slickness. Shivering, I wait in anticipation as he groans and reaches to unbutton my shorts and push them down.
Cas’s head comes up to kiss me again, drawing my bottom lip between his teeth to tug at it just a little. It makes me wild with need.
“Do you want this?” he whispers.
“Oh, God, yes…” I breathe. I open my eyes, lids heavy, to stare at him. His expression is hungry.
His fingers continue to slide against my slickness, slowly, so slowly. I move against them, shuddering as he brushes against my taut bud. He traces soft, maddening circles around it, pulling back as I push forward, chuckling deep in his throat. I know he won’t give me relief, not yet, and I try to keep my breathing even and hold on until he lets me have what I need. But I know what might make him change his mind.
I reach down and push my hand inside his jeans, finding the hard, hot steel inside. It pulses and throbs at my touch, and I’m rewarded with a deep groan from Cas. “Jesus fuck, it feels good when you do that,” he rasps. I continue to stroke, loving the feel of him. I can tell he’s working hard to restrain himself, and I’m doing my best
to work him up enough that he can’t. Suddenly, he hisses my name. “Jenna. I can’t wait. I need to have you now.”
He slides my shirt and bra off me, then pulls me toward my kitchen table. I’m panting slightly with need as I watch him pull of his shirt and kick off his jeans. His pulsing shaft springs free, and my pussy clenches with want.
“Lie down,” he orders me, glancing at the table.
“You sure this thing will hold us?” I gasp.
“I’ll buy you another one,” he growls. He’s not taking no for an answer. With a thrill of excitement, I lie back on the table, putting my feet up where he shows me. A tiny part of me is embarrassed at being this exposed to him, but I’m too turned on to care. He looks down and swears. “Jesus, you are so fucking sexy. My Jenna. My fucking gorgeous Jenna.” He slides two thick fingers inside me, and I clamp down on him, my body acting on its own. He starts to stroke me inside, finds this spot he’s found before that I didn’t even know was there, and oh my God, all of a sudden I’m so close, and then everything happens at once as I start to shudder and quake…
“Come for me, Jenna,” he urges, and I spasm and clamp around his fingers as I explode into a million pieces. Then his fingers are gone and his mouth is licking and laving at my clit, and I scream his name as I come hard a second time.
I’m still shuddering as he enters me, his cock sliding deliciously against my swollen lips. It’s too much, I’m too sensitive, but even so I can’t help but want more. “Oh, God, yes, Cas,” I moan. “Yes, yes, come inside me.”
He slams into me, hard, and I hear him swear before pulling out and slamming into me again, raw and unrestrained. “Fuck, Jenna, I can’t fucking get enough of you,” he rasps. “I’m gonna fill you up, baby.” His muscled thighs flex as he begins to speed up, owning me as I start to spiral upward yet again. He plunges a final time, deeper than ever before, and as he groans and begins to shoot, a third climax rips through me, shaking me to my core.
BEASTLords of Carnage MC Page 32