by Jenna Byrnes
Hawk grabbed his hands. “I think you’ve done enough of that today. You need help, baby. The kind of help that’s way beyond me and Trey, no matter how much we care for you. I want you to check yourself into rehab for at least thirty days.”
His jaw fell open. “Thirty days? You can’t be serious!”
“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. If the counselors there say you’re okay after a month, you can come home. But there’ll be no backsliding. I won’t have it.”
Carter’s face twisted into a snarl. “Why should I give a shit what you’ll have or won’t have? You may think you own my slave, but you don’t own me.”
He squeezed the man’s hands firmly. “I don’t own anyone. I love Trey, and he loves me. Because of him, I’m extending this offer to you. If you don’t take it, well, that’s your choice. Trey will have a decision to make. I really don’t want to put him in that position. We could have it all, Carter. It would mean some work. Things wouldn’t be all flowers and candy, right from the get-go. But if we managed to get through some hurdles and found our way together, I truly believe it could be something totally amazing.” He kissed the backs of Carter’s hands.
Trey placed one hand on Carter’s knee.
Hawk looked at him. His expression was still so damned hopeful. It made him want to cry.
Carter glanced at Trey then focused on Hawk. “I know I need some help. I have some…issues…with alcohol and anger management. I get that. But honest to God, I’m scared. Scared to stay, because deep down I know things can’t go on the way they have been. Scared to go, because I don’t know if I can do this on my own.”
“You won’t be on your own,” both Hawk and Trey told him. They smiled at each other, and when they turned back to Carter, he was smiling too.
“Where would I go?”
“I’ll make some calls, and find the best possible placement for you.”
Carter shook his head. “I can’t afford the best. Might have to settle for second best, or less.”
“You won’t be paying for it. I’ve got it under control. And don’t worry about your bills. Trey knows what needs to be done, right? He’s got the authority to pay everything?”
“Of course. He just doesn’t have the money.”
“He does now. I’m going to help you, Carter. We’re going to get through this together.”
He was sniffling again. “So when I come out, I won’t find that you’ve sold all my shit and the two of you moved away?”
Trey placed his forehead against Carter’s temple. “We’ll visit you as often as we can, or we’ll talk on the phone. I’ll hold down the fort here, and I promise I won’t sell anything. Except maybe that stupid ‘Dogs Playing Poker’ felt painting. I’ve always hated that.”
Carter chuckled through his tears. “Nah, that’s going in the front room at Hawk’s house.”
Hawk wrapped his arms around both men. “Wherever you want it to go, love. It’s going to be your house, too.”
* * * *
Trey bounded into the living room of his new home, lovingly christened Casa Nighthawk, two weeks later. “Hey! I got an email from Carter. He can have visitors this weekend.”
Hawk smiled. “Wonderful. What else did he say? How’s he doing?”
“Not much. He only had a few minutes’ use of the shared computer. But he seemed okay.”
“His counselors tell me he’s doing great. He managed to nip the alcohol problem before it really took hold. We’ll need to be careful, though. We don’t want him to get complacent and fall back into old habits.”
He sat on the arm of Hawk’s chair. “I can’t help thinking that once the stress is off he’s going to do so much better. When he finds out everything you’ve done for him—”
Hawk clasped his hand. “We mustn’t tell him right away. I don’t want to overwhelm him. When he gets home, we’ll let things come out slow and easy. Right?”
He leaned down and rubbed their noses together. “I can do slow and easy. You’re the one who favors hard and fast.”
Hawk grabbed him and drew Trey onto his lap. “Tell me you don’t love it.” He nuzzled his neck. “Tell me you don’t love me.”
He smiled up at the man of his dreams. “Now that would be a lie, wouldn’t it? I promised not to lie. Unless… Where did you put that hairbrush?”
* * * *
Trey was elated to visit Carter after two weeks in the posh rehab center. Hawk had found a good one, and it was only a couple of hours from home. They drove there on Saturday and waited in the sitting room for Carter to come down.
He entered hesitantly, but other than seeming slightly nervous, Trey thought he looked good. His eyes were clear and he was clean-shaven. “Wow, look at you!” He rose to give Carter a hug.
Carter hugged him back, then pulled away, rubbing his chin. “A little better than the last time you saw me?”
Hawk stepped forward. “I don’t know. I rather liked the three-day beard growth. We may have to experiment with that.” His eyes twinkled as he gave Carter a hug.
Carter looked sheepish, but returned the embrace. “We may. What the hell.”
They sat and talked about the weather and the food at the center. Conversation was strained and Trey could see that Carter was uncomfortable.
Hawk finally asked, “Would you two like some time alone? I can go return some phone calls.”
Carter nodded. “That would be great. Thank you, Hawk.”
“We’ll see you in a couple of weeks, okay?” His smile was genuine.
“You bet.” Carter watched him leave, then turned to Trey. “So how are you, really?”
Trey couldn’t keep from beaming. “I’m great. Really, really happy.”
“You could tone it down a little for my sake, kid.”
He realized what he’d implied and the smile drained from his face.
Carter touched his hand. “I was just kidding. I’m glad you’re happy. I’m sorry I couldn’t make you feel that way, but I’m pleased you found someone who could.”
Trey frowned. “You don’t get it, do you? I’m not just happy because of Hawk. I’m excited that you’re getting better and are going to come home soon. I miss you, baby.”
“Home.” He snorted. “Where exactly is home?”
Trey squeezed his hand. “You’re going to love it. We’ve got a pool and a hot tub, and by God, Carter, we’ve got a man who wants nothing more than to give us joy and pleasure. Think about that when you’re feeling sorry for what you’ve lost. Hawk is the real deal. What you see is what you get. It’s amazing and wonderful and you’re going to love it as much as I do.”
“Love him, you mean.”
“And you. I love you both.”
“Nice words.” Carter glanced away.
Trey exhaled, deciding to broach a subject he’d been thinking about. “Why didn’t we get married?”
Carter turned back, his expression confused. “What?”
“When the state ruled that we could, why did we never choose to marry? I’m asking you, Carter.”
“I don’t know. Never thought of it, I guess.”
“I thought of it. I thought of it a lot. But something didn’t feel exactly right. You didn’t want a partner, you were happy with me as your submissive, weren’t you?”
He scowled. “I gave you a nice life! And I didn’t treat you poorly.”
“I know that. I’m not talking about the phony story I made up for Hawk that first night. We didn’t do TPE, but you felt that way inside, didn’t you? You were the star, in the spotlight, and I worked for you, doing whatever you told me to.”
“I did not!”
“I think you did. It’s okay, Carter, because I allowed it. But Hawk is different. He was a star of sorts, too. But he makes me feel like he’s my partner and equal in every way. And it’s only when I agree to role-play that the D/s starts. If I don’t want it, we don’t do it. It’s my choice, and that’s a gift that he’s given me. In return, I give
my submission to him.”
“Fine. He’s a better man than me. I knew you’d figure that out sooner or later.”
Trey touched his chin. “Carter Perry, at times I could just slap you. I won’t, because Hawk would throw me out on my ass. But you’re not getting it. You and I had a wonderful, loving relationship, but something was missing. Now that we’ve found Hawk, I feel complete. I need him, and I need you, and I pray you both will always feel the same way about me. And that, my friend, is the thought that makes me the happiest man on earth.”
Carter studied his face. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
He leaned in for a kiss. “I’m all in, baby, and this hand we’re playing for keeps. So do what you’ve got to do to get healthy and get out of here. Because Hawk and I can’t wait to bring you home.” Hugging his love tight, Trey couldn’t see the man’s face. But he felt wet teardrops as they splattered the back of his shirt.
* * * *
“Welcome home!” Trey held the door open for him, as Hawk followed behind with his suitcases. “Casa Nighthawk, I call it. And as Hawk so kindly put it, mi casa es su casa.”
Carter stepped into the big house and glanced around. Home. He was happy to be out of rehab, but wasn’t yet sure this place was home. “Yeah. Thanks.” He’d been here before, but hadn’t really noticed anything. Now, the first thing he spotted was his shiny poker bracelet, displayed in a stand, front and center on the mantelpiece. A couple of his smaller trophies surrounded it. “What’s this?”
Hawk set the luggage down and moved behind him. “It’s only fitting. This is your home, too.”
“But you have more important things to put there, don’t you?”
He grinned. “Like what, a framed copy of my bestselling DVD, Saving Ryan’s Privates? That was my biggest hit, you know. Along with Forrest Hump.”
Carter laughed. “Got it. Okay, the poker stuff can stay. You’re very kind.” Emotions from the last month bubbled up, and he had to say what he’d been thinking. “Are you always so nice? I mean, nobody is that perfect. You seem too good to be true.”
Hawk shrugged. “I am.” He dropped into his chair.
From the look on his face, Carter could tell he was teasing. “Jerk. Well, it’s great to be here, but I think we need to talk. My financial situation is bothering me, and I’ve got to know what’s happening.”
“Let’s not get into all that now,” Hawk suggested. “You need time to relax and get settled. We can talk about business later.”
He shook his head. “I can’t relax if I don’t know. Please. I need to talk about this.”
Trey glanced at Hawk, who nodded. He sat on the sofa and patted it for Carter to join him.
He did, and looked at each of them expectantly.
Trey began, “Your bills are paid in advance for the next two months. Everything is current, and your credit history is still clean.”
Carter exhaled with relief. “Oh my God. I’m not sure how you managed it, but thank you. That’ll make me rest easier. Now, we’ve got to keep it that way. I was thinking, maybe you need to get me into some smaller poker tournaments instead of focusing on the big ones. I’ve had a healthy dose of pride adjustment, and I realize I just need to get out there and play. It doesn’t always have to be in the biggest and best tournaments.”
Hawk spoke up, “Since you mentioned it, I have something else for you to consider. I’ve made some phone calls, and you have a couple of choices. If you sold your house, you could get completely out of debt and pretty much be set for life.”
He started to protest but Hawk raised a hand.
“I understand you aren’t ready to do that now. It’s just a thought for the future. The other thing is, I talked to a friend on the California Casino Poker Circuit. They could use a good announcer for their televised tournaments. They were thrilled at the possibility of getting someone the caliber of Carter ‘The Annihilator’ Perry.”
Carter blinked. “The California Circuit?”
“I know, it’s not the Main Event. But it’s poker, and they play for serious money. Plus, if you worked for them, you’d have an automatic invitation to play in any tourney you wanted.”
He was stunned. He glanced at Trey, who was smiling and nodding like a fool. “Oh my God!” It was impossible to keep the grin off his own face, and if he looked like a dope, then what the hell. An automatic invitation to play poker!
Another thought struck him and he grew serious. “Trey, if I took the job, it would basically eliminate what you do for me. I mean, I want it, but I was reminded this past month that I need to sometimes think of others first, and not just myself. I’d hate to leave you in the lurch.”
Trey’s grin never faltered. “You wouldn’t be. I’ve already got another job. I’m working in the business office at St. Mark’s Children’s Hospital, the same place where Hawk volunteers.”
“St. Mark’s?” Carter was stunned again, and trying to remember where he’d heard about that place. “Someone else I know works there.”
“Nick Fontana,” Hawk supplied. “And his partner Mitch Silver. He’s the long-haired one. You remember them, from the club.”
I sure as hell do. He nodded. “Yeah, that’s it.”
Trey chuckled. “Nick’s a good guy, really. I like him more since I’ve gotten to know him. Mitch and Adam are both great. They were the ones who told me about these.” He fingered a silver chain around his neck.
Carter leaned in to look at the necklace. “It’s very handsome. But I don’t get—” He paused, and worked the chain around on Trey’s neck. There was a lock on the back which required a key to remove the thing. “Oh. Now I see.” He glanced at Hawk. “You gave this to him?”
He eyed Carter levelly. “I did.”
“And you’re the only one who can take it off.”
“That’s right.”
Trey smiled. “It’s not TPE, Carter. Just a daily reminder of how much my Master loves me.”
He mulled the concept over then asked, “So Fontana has two subs who wear these?”
Trey and Hawk both nodded.
He turned back to Hawk. “Did you just buy one?”
His dark cheeks reddened for the first time that Carter had seen. “I might have purchased another.”
“Ah-ha. Truth time. Is this whole thing a power play, sort of a ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ kind of deal? Fontana has two slaves to flaunt and that grates on you, doesn’t it? If you had two, you’d be just as good as him?”
Trey appeared horrified. “Of course not!”
Hawk didn’t respond.
Carter pressed on. “Because he’s a big businessman, highly respected and all that. And you’re just a lowly, washed up porn star. Isn’t that right, Yuma? Isn’t that how you see yourself?”
“Carter, stop!” Trey cried.
Hawk turned his face to the wall. “I’d rather not discuss this.”
Carter jumped up and moved in front of him, dropping to his knees. “Ah, so you do have an Achilles heel. Your self-worth suffers because of your past career. So you spend all your time and money taking care of other people to prove what a good guy you are.”
Hawk balled up his fists. “I am not buying your affection. If you don’t want the things I’ve offered, that’s up to you. But it has nothing to do with how I feel about either of you.”
“I never said that. We’re talking about you now. You don’t feel worthy of everything you have. You were a poor Indian kid from the wrong side of the tracks, who happened to be blessed with a big dong. Your ticket to stardom, right, Yuma?”
Tears welled in Hawk’s eyes and Carter knew he’d pushed far enough. He placed his hands on the man’s knees. “We needed to know that, to understand how we can help you, Hawk. Trey and I don’t see you that way, but I suspect you still do, deep down, on the inside. Now that we understand, we can nurture you out of those thoughts. We’ll be here for you like you’ve been for us. And if anyone ever puts you down in any way, you need to know that we�
�ve got your back. Trey and I together will stand strong. The first bastard who says something we don’t like—well, he’s out the back door on his ass.”
Turning his head slowly, Hawk’s eyes brimmed with unshed tears and something else. Love. Carter could see it, and feel it. He felt the same way. “So, you mentioned that you might have another of those necklaces?” He touched his bare neck, and offered a small smile.
Hawk swiped at his eyes and cleared his throat. “I do, but it can only be given in the heat of passion. When I’m deep inside you, and we’re both so close to coming we can taste it. Trey will bring it to me, and I’ll lock it on you.” He paused. “If that’s what you want.”
Carter blinked. “What are we waiting for?”
Trey whooped with joy and pounced on both of them in a group hug. “This is great!”
Hawk laughed at the younger man and accepted the hug, but his gaze went right back to Carter. “Does this mean what I think it does?”
Happier than he remembered being in a long time, and horny as hell after his celibate month in rehab, Carter grinned at what awaited him. “You bet it does. I’m all in.”
Also available from Totally Bound Publishing:
Clear Blue Sky
Jenna Byrnes
Excerpt
Chapter One
“No one will ever love you as much as I do.” The ominous words echoed in Sky Warren’s head as he tossed and turned. The shadowy figure stood directly in front of him, reaching for his arm, and once again he felt the painful snap of a broken shoulder. Sky groaned and sprang up in bed, sweat pouring down his face.
He glanced around the dark room, trying to get his bearings. It was just a dream. He was used to them. Sleep was tenuous most nights, with nightmares just a whisper away from his consciousness.
Sky’s bedroom door opened and his cousin Billy moved in front of him, a beer in one hand and a plastic bottle of water in the other. “Bad dream again?” He held out both drinks.