Lisa Maza (Meriam/Yidindji/Dutch) has worked from Melbourne as a professional singer, actor and MC for the past sixteen years. In 2007, she began co-writing with her sister, and their autographically inspired theatre show Sisters of Gelam premiered at the Malthouse Theatre in November 2009.
Lisa, Lisa, Lisa,
I know high school isn’t anything like what you imagined … well, if truth be told, you hadn’t really thought much about school after you left. When you found out you got into the high school everybody wanted to go to, you were excited but you soon got busy enjoying your holidays, and fair enough. There was winning Monopoly (beating Rachael), figuring out how many lollies you could get with the handful of coins you had or how cute the boy next door’s friend was.
With the holidays well and truly over, you turn twelve and high school starts. Every day you go from classroom to classroom. Like a sheep you are herded along with the flock from one paddock to the next. You hate being treated like everyone else. A year goes by, you are thirteen and year eight begins. The rebellion starts. You assert your difference, your individuality. You begin by disregarding the uniform bit by bit: different-coloured stockings, ribbons, shoes, jumpers, much to the Maths master’s disgust and the headmistress’s disdain.
You put up with it in year seven but now you really hate teachers telling you what to do. Even your own (hippy) parents didn’t boss you around. What gives teachers the right?
Newsflash! Teachers are there to teach, instruct … I know you don’t want to be bossed around, but trying to teach a class of thirty or more students requires some disciplining, particularly to those who continue to talk and distract others. And another thing for you to consider … Teachers are human beings!!! I know … it’s shocking! When it dawned on me years after I left school, I was more than a bit surprised … Oh, another thing … they have feelings too. I know, it’s a lot to absorb at your age … but you need to know that talking in class makes their job very difficult and distracts them from doing what they are there to do. (Seriously, just put yourself in their shoes for one minute. Just give it a try, please!)
I know, I know, you need to express your teenage angst, but do you think putting thumbtacks on a teacher’s chair is an appropriate way of punishing her for saying that ‘you should be more like your sister’ (who is at the same high school now and is apparently very well behaved, gets good results and listens in class). Look, to be honest your antics just waste everyone’s time: the teachers, the students and, possibly even more importantly, yours! Most teachers are actually good people, who are genuinely interested in children getting a decent education and having a prosperous future.
I know, it seems like you’ve been in school forever already but this is the basis for the rest of your life. You do not want to waste the next six years of high school only to look back and regret that you could have learned so much, had an understanding of politics or been fluent in a foreign language (which would have been very handy when you travelled to Spain that time and were stranded after getting off a cheap Ryanair flight in the middle of nowhere – because you didn’t even know the word for ‘train’, you couldn’t even ask how to get the train to Barcelona) or discovered the history of the world, or had a grasp of geography, or commerce or many other useful things.
Being different doesn’t mean being dumb, you know? Why don’t you make being different mean being smart … now that would really be something different!
Look, I’ve been around for 35 years longer than you and know a few things about you. You are a good person, you like people and people generally like you, you love cooking and eating and you adore adventure. You are smart but you just hate being told what to do. I’ve got some advice, which might be helpful. But you can obviously take it … or leave it. It’s up to you …
This is your life. Enjoy and appreciate every moment of it because there is only one and it is happening right here, right now!!! It is not a dress rehearsal, this is it!!! Time is disappearing even as you read this, so hurry up and finish reading so you can get on with it.
If you want an exciting life, then try as many things as you can, as often as you can. Do, see, taste, listen, travel, dance, laugh and experience everything. Don’t waste your time waiting for something to happen … Make it happen!!!
Doing something is always better than doing nothing (except reading trash magazines, they will only make you feel ugly and are a waste of time). So work hard and don’t be afraid to have a go. By having a go, you will at least figure out whether it is something you don’t want to do, thus narrowing down your options in the future.
Don’t worry about the future or what you want to do. I still don’t know what I want to do … and I’m a lot older than you. Opportunities will continue to present themselves to you throughout your life. You will take them … or you won’t.
Never worry yourself about what others say about you. It honestly says more about them than it does about you. Let it be water off a duck’s back. You will only ever believe what you choose to believe anyway … I can prove it: for example, if someone called you fat, dumb and ugly and someone else called you smart, talented and beautiful, which one would you believe, the first negative one or the second positive one? I suggest you take them both with a grain of salt or not at all. They are just someone else’s opinion and they only become yours if you choose to believe them. Create positivity for yourself and in everything around you, because being negative will stop you from enjoying every wonderful possibility and fabulous experience in your life.
Stop blaming others! You are in control of your own destiny, and the sooner you realise this, the sooner you can get on with whatever it is you want to get on with.
Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing. You can’t control that. Just focus on what you’re doing, because that is something you can control. The only race you need to be in is the one you set for yourself.
Make mistakes and make lots of them. This is what the journey of life is all about. Without mistakes we have nothing to learn from. Don’t stress about the end results, they will come soon enough.
Forgive others and forgive yourself. Forgiveness is not about saying that someone is right (especially when you think they are wrong). It’s about freeing you from the negativity of the past (the past being the past 10 years, 10 weeks or even 10 seconds) that will burden and distract you from wonderful life experiences in the future.
Love your family. Something wise Mum said is, ‘Friends come and go but your family will always be your family.’ It is true, they are here to stay (whether you like it or not) and I’ve come to believe that a family ends up together on this earth to learn something from each other. No matter how hard or easy that may be, you will know your family longer than anyone else in your life. Cherish them and let them know how much you love them, even if it seems a bit weird to do so.
Beware and be aware of fear. It is your worst enemy. Yes, fear is a natural thing and is very useful in the right circumstances; for example, if you are in physical danger. But that’s not the fear I’m talking about. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being seen to be trying too hard, fear of what others might think, fear that isn’t real, that is not really threatening but appears that way in our head. That fear will never go away so don’t waste time hoping it will. The best thing to do is to reduce its impact. Start by acknowledging it so you can continue forward and move beyond it. Don’t let fear stop you from doing whatever it is you want to do or from expressing yourself fully. Be curious, excited, hungry, noisy, big and energised, and trust that everything will be okay, because it will.
You are your own worst enemy. Stop being so serious and critical, and start congratulating yourself for your achievements and appreciate who you are.
I would like to make a Toast … To Love, Generosity and Courage!!!
Lisa Mitchell is an English-born singer–songwriter who grew up in Albury, New South Wales. She rose to fame in the 2006 Australian Idol. Her debut extended EP, Said
One to the Other, topped iTunes in Australia. Lisa relocated to the United Kingdom where she recorded her debut studio album, Wonder, which peaked at No. 6 on the ARIA Chart and won the 2009 Australian Music Prize.
Hey Lise,
So you’re 13, a really cool age! This will be a fun year; high school is a whole new world of learning about everything, playing more music and writing more songs, and navigating new friends and social circles. You’re not very cool and you don’t look like Summer from The O.C., but hey, you’re talented and smart and that will be cool in a few years, don’t worry! You’ll work out all that social stuff soon. You’ll also get your period, which is the beginning of the next stage of your life; becoming a woman! Savour these young and carefree days! Go for big adventures with your sister on the farm, deep into the bush, and pretend you can live out there forever …! Nature is still a huge part of your life and always will be. Be grateful for those trips to the white sunny ski-fields in Falls Creek and enjoy zipping through the cross-country runs …! You are playing a LOT of soccer! You love being part of the team … You are a hard worker at school but make sure you savour those moments in art class and really let yourself experiment and let go. What you learn and observe in art class will help you let go and create in other ways, like songwriting as well … Be brave and make that girl-band! Rehearse in the ad breaks of your favourite TV show in the living room, and be silly and crazy if you want to be! Make sure you give yourself time alone at home to digest everything that’s going on around you. You are really concerned about being individual and unique and you want to stand for something but you don’t know what … You are shy and quiet but you know you have a lot to say but you don’t know quite how … This is totally normal; write in your journal and sing and draw and make up songs to help you establish who you are and what you think and what you care about. Listen to yourself, and observe what you are drawn to in bookstores and the library and on TV … Maybe there are some patterns … Be the detective … Perhaps you see Missy Higgins singing ‘Scar’ on RAGE and feel a very overwhelming bubbly fizzy infinite feeling in your body and think, ‘I think I could do that … I think I want to do that …!’ What I most want to tell you is that you are beautiful and not shy at all, just a dark horse waiting to bloom.
x endless love, past self!
Lisa (written from a hotel bed in London, June 2015)
Maggie Beer is a cook, food author, restaurateur and food manufacturer originally from Sydney. She has written nine books and appeared in many TV programs, including MasterChef Australia and her own show, The Cook and the Chef. Maggie’s gourmet products are loved around Australia.
Well, Margaret Anne,
There might be 13 Margarets in your class so your surname is the identifying handle but I wouldn’t worry about that and I can assure you that you’ll find a derivative of ‘Margaret’ that suits you well, and years later you’ll make it official by deed poll. Of the things I want to say to you, the thing that is most important in life is searching for what will give you happiness. It’s a long journey and I want you to take courage that not fitting in actually gives you more strength and resilience than you can imagine right now. When you are lonely, books will be your friends but there is so much more you could do. You learn so easily if you’re interested but you don’t have the discipline of study. Think of what you could do with that extra edge, and even though you don’t like physics and chemistry, find another way into the subject if you don’t connect with your teacher, as everything you learn opens your mind to more exciting threads of knowledge. In the future there will be a revolution in learning in the internet that will link you into an unthinkable amount of knowledge; how exciting this is.
You might be a loner at heart but connections are vital and you need to search for them. Find a sport you love and be part of a team, a group, and have a go. The exhilaration of physical activity is real but it’s best of all when there is an element of fun. Don’t feel you have to be brilliant at everything so don’t have a fear of failure, try as many things as you can. Never stop searching for what engages you. Experiences are like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle: one day they will all come together. Travel is a wonderful way of expanding your experience, your mind and finding new friendships. Travel will give you joy but along the road there is heartache too. That is part of life so it’s how you cope with it, what you learn from it that’s important. Don’t lose those rose-coloured glasses of yours; that ability to believe in the good and always be using that lateral brain of yours to find the way to solutions and see them as challenges not problems. Always be kind, particularly to those who are lost in some way, and never stop looking for the way of belonging.
Maggie
Matt Tilley is a Melbourne-born radio presenter and comedian, and is currently the co-host of Matt & Meshel – In the Morning on KIIS FM. In the highly competitive field of FM breakfast radio in Melbourne, Matt’s shows have consistently reached number one more often than any other over the past decade.
First, the bad news.
Your legs still rub together, your nostrils are still uneven and your arms are still so short they don’t kink at the elbows when you put them in your pockets. But despite all those years of not wearing cords because of the noise they generated (banned from the library, how embarrassing!) and never being photographed with your head back in case people discovered your nasal asymmetry, you found that putting your hands in your pockets became one of the great joys in life – largely because it meant you were paying for somebody’s treat and that usually put a smile on their face. So that was the great lesson – learning that making other people happy was a pretty good antidote for your insecurities. (Okay, so that kind of suggests money can buy happiness, but this is me writing this letter – not Jesus!) Because you have a short attention span I’m going to cram as much into some punchy thoughts as I can.
You’re probably going to find out sooner or later that your real friends tell you the things you need to hear and the people who will fall away are the ones who tell you what you want to hear. And yes, it hurts. Because they are your friends and you want them to think everything about you is fantastic. But having relationships where people can be completely honest with you is what makes you stronger. And it also means that when they do say nice things, it REALLY means something.
No doubt people keep telling you that you shouldn’t worry about what other people think. Be yourself. Be true to what you want to do. But in the end you’ll realise that caring about what other people think can sometimes give you reason to stop and think. It probably makes you a bit more considerate of other people. And it probably gives you a bit of perspective. Particularly if there is a bit of a theme developing when it comes to all those external opinions. One person might be an idiot, two might be a coincidence, but three and it’s probably you who are the problem. Four … well, you should probably leave the country.
Okay, I can see your concentration waning and can hear your social media calling. I’ll speed it up. And keep it random. People don’t always love the person who’s best at a sport – sometimes it’s the hopeless one who tries the hardest or who is the biggest underdog (in hindsight, this makes you a sporting God!). The best laughs you will share will be about times when things go wrong. No one ever sits around laughing about the time things went perfectly. But nobody ever thinks this while things ARE going wrong. Try to. Regret of not having tried something lasts forever but pimples don’t. No one ever likes kissing someone who’s just had a cigarette. If you really want to do something, you will – even if you don’t get the marks straight away. (You won’t even get into your law course at first and then it will take 11 years … and then you’ll never use it.) Girlfriends (or boyfriends) don’t make you a better or more complete person. Crying is not stupid. Different is not wrong. And finally, the funniest thing your parents can hear is, ‘You don’t understand – you have no idea what I’m going through!’ They are SO annoying.
Copyright © Olivia and Miriam Nervo
> Miriam and Olivia Nervo are musicians, record producers, composers, singer–songwriters, models and DJs better known by their stage name NERVO. They were born and raised in suburban Melbourne. After signing with Sony/ATV Music Publishing at eighteen years of age, they pursued careers as songwriting partners. After signing with Razor Boy Music Publishing, they co-wrote the Grammy Award-winning single ‘ When Love Takes Over’.
Dear teenage Liv and Mim,
Your teens are a horrible age. It’s okay to think this. We guarantee that 99.9% of the people in your classroom, school bus, choir etc. all think the same. Even if the popular kids look like they’re having fun and they’re 100% sure of themselves – they really aren’t!
So, here is a brief survival kit.
1) Don’t worry if the popular kids don’t like you (they’ll most likely end up fat, ugly and unhappy). It’s hard to believe but, trust me – we’ve seen it happen! If you’re at a school where you don’t really like anyone then that’s also okay. The world is a big place and you will find people (who are much cooler!) after school who you will connect with.
2) Don’t waste your time worrying about what’s cool or not. And there’s no need to follow the crowd either. It’s okay to be misunderstood, not ‘normal’ or just a bit weird. This just makes you more interesting in the future.
3) Do not get into any car if the driver has been drinking or doing any drugs – no matter how hot the boy may be. This is super important!
4) It’s okay to experiment with alcohol and drugs but only very rarely and only around good friends. If you like it, then put it on hold for when you finish school. You’ll be able to party a load when you’re old enough to cope with a hangover and the responsibility to deal with what you’re doing. Oh, and please also make sure while you are experimenting that someone in your group is sober in case you need to vomit (which you probably will).
Letter to My Teenage Self Page 7