by Aer-ki Jyr
Her mind blanked so far it would have surprised her if she’d remained conscious, but Esna slipped into a 3 hour nap that felt like 20 minutes. When she woke she was stiff and groggy, but shook it off after a few minutes of stumbling around her quarters. Now that Tyrenk was gone she didn’t have access to any ambrosia and was really missing the energy boost, but to be fair she had never earned it and a part of her preferred doing things the hard way until she did…but her body was regretting not having it now.
One bit of relief was that all of her training hadn’t involved her use of Fornax. She’d done a few drills on her own the first few days, following the instruction that Tyrenk had given her previously, but the continuous grind of training had left her gasping for as much sleep as she could get and she hadn’t practiced the last few days. She thought about doing some now, but decided to just do things the Canderian way. If she was going to become one of them and they didn’t have psionics, she didn’t need to practice her Fornax unless it started going off on its own again, and thankfully that hadn’t happened here.
Esna grabbed some ration bars that she’d brought back to her quarters and a big bottle of water, then plopped down in the single big chair in the small living area set next to her bed. The quarters were small, but they were all hers and felt appropriately cozy. Here she could rest, and rest she was going to do as she turned on the entertainment and news channels and just let herself process everything that had happened over the past days as she topped off her stomach, not feeling like going to the cafeteria for a full meal just yet.
Esna had about 9 hours before she’d go to bed, then she’d wake up the next day back in the grind and she intended to spend those 9 hours resting in one form or another, fearful that if she didn’t she might not be able to keep up with the curios Canderian training regimen. It was hitting her in a way she hadn’t expected, and they weren’t giving her any tips about how to deal with it. Each individual activity they were giving her came with ample instruction, but those were all encapsulated and she didn’t have any mentor or advisor to help guide her through the overall process. Esna was on her own, and that was an unfamiliar sensation that was beginning to hit her hard now that she had time to think.
Back on Forso she had her brother, Yammar, and Innit to key off of, then Rammak opened her eyes to the universe and she’d clung to him for direction, knowing that she’d never have made a tenth of her progress without him. Then when he was gone Tyrenk stepped in somewhat to fill that void, and while never really accomplishing that he had given her some badly needed direction…but now there was no one. Just her.
The Sen Legat hadn’t spoken to her since he’d delivered her to the transitional maturia used for outsiders coming into Canderous…or trying to, anyway. She didn’t become a Canderian until she completed the program and the same was true for everyone else. Esna had met some of them, all of whom had gone through maturia training elsewhere, but they had to pass the Canderian version in order to join the faction and they were moving along much faster than her. She was a newb, and there were no newbie Humans in Star Force now. Apparently there had been a long time ago, and the training she was going through now was based on what they had done, leaving her in her own little program on its own timetable.
Even if there had been others in her situation she wouldn’t have had time to associate with them. Other than her time on the track or in the cafeteria she didn’t have time to talk to anyone, save for now, but her body didn’t want to move from the comfortable chair, intent on soaking up as much blissful rest as possible. As she thought about that she realized there was no need, for even after completing the program…if she was able…she’d be assigned somewhere else and not see these people again. Even if it was somewhere in this seda she probably wouldn’t ever see them again, considering it held some 1.1 billion people.
That number blew her mind, in addition to all the other sedas out there, not just in this system, but everywhere. Canderous was huge, but the scale of Star Force overall was mindblowing when you included all the different factions, most of which were far larger than Canderous.
Then there was the V’kit’no’sat, whose numbers dwarfed those of Star Force. The galaxy was unbelievably huge, and while they had no information beyond it, they knew there were millions of other galaxies in the universe. Just what kind of a place had she been born into? The universe was so big, so vast, and so many people in it that she couldn’t comprehend. She was a tiny dot lost in a sea of dots within a sea of dots and so on.
But she was here, however that had happened, and her path was really the only thing she could control. She wasn’t a Legat, let alone a Sen Legat. She wasn’t an Archon or a trailblazer. She wasn’t responsible for guiding the empire, or a faction, or a planet, or a station, or even a ship. Esna was only in control of herself and her path…which was looking to be a very difficult one going forward. There was no way she could take on the responsibilities of others, and that fact really grounded her now. Rammak, Tyrenk, Nor’far, Javvin…only now did she begin to glimpse how advanced they really were.
The training they must have gone through was something she couldn’t hope to survive. She wasn’t in their league, and that fact made her feel even smaller…but it was a good feeling. A real feeling. Illusions were being stripped away and the enormity of what she was involved in was starting to sink in. Others might have shied away from it, but Esna didn’t. She let go any thoughts of others, knowing that her task was 100% on her now. No one was fighting or dying to keep her alive, and if she failed here only she would be affected by it. There were so many people in Star Force and Canderous that they didn’t need her…but she intended to contribute, someday at least, and earn a place for herself here.
And she still had her Fornax. Right now it was worthless, but in the long run it would become valuable. Now though, she had to do this like every other Canderian did and that’s where her full effort had to be placed.
The more she thought about it the more she felt like she was racing across Forso with Rammak again. Each day they moved somewhere different, learning and growing and knowing that things would never be the same. Each day Esna made it through her training it would put her further away from her former self and she had to embrace that change, even though she had no idea where she was going. That part was familiar, at least, and Rammak had taught her enough that she knew what to do now. This was her journey and she had to take it one step at a time, never giving up, never slacking off, never letting her focus waver.
Which was why she knew she had to take advantage of her rest period and not squander it on extra training, so she made a decision not to practice her Fornax while going through the Canderian training. At least not until they requested it of her. She’d just pack away the ability for exploration later. Right now she was a trainee, with an aching body and a mild headache, sipping water and eating ration bars with the days already blurring together. She had to embrace the chaos and find her way through it, crawling if necessary. If she could there would be a future for her…or she could quit and make a place for herself in another faction as a civilian.
That would be far better than what she’d known on Forso, but it wasn’t even a possibility in Esna’s mind…it was failure. She didn’t want to be a civilian, she wanted this…needed this. This was her path, and the fear of losing it was nibbling at the back of her mind and driving her to fully commit to the training and find a way to make it through. If Tyrenk thought she could do it, then there was a way. If not, he wouldn’t have brought her here. And she knew Rammak would have told her she could do it…but he would have warned her not to underestimate training that was supposed to be harder than what the Calavari had gone through.
She had the benefit of his help, his teachings, and his experience…but she was going to have to do something that he didn’t, and in a way that meant she was going to be his peer. He didn’t have a mentor, as far as she knew, when he had gone through his training and now neither did she as Esna faced things he�
��d never encountered. Canderous was different from the rest of Star Force. How so she’d be learning in time, but all the factions had differences. This was one a military faction, and as Tyrenk had said, they pushed their trainees as far as possible without breaking them.
“Well, Rammak,” she said to the empty room. “This is when I get a chance to prove myself. You thought I was worth saving. I hope I don’t disappoint you, but whatever happens I won’t quit. I won’t quit. I promise.”
3 months later…
Esna broke the water’s surface, gasping for air as she swam lightly holding position. There was a thick fog in the air, making it impossible to see more than a meter or so. The water was warm, but she was naked. No breath mask, no armor, no propulsion units. Her lack of clothes was actually an advantage, for her skin was smooth and cut through the water nicely, but the lack of equipment was a problem as she steadied her breathing then dove again.
Esna kept her head upright, using her arms to force her body lower and lower until she hit the bottom of the pool where there was a handhold. Looping her fingers through it, Esna planted her soft feet against the hard surrounding artificial rock and pulled, trying to keep the air in her lungs there against the effort as the seal popped and another light illuminated on the floor.
Swimming back to the surface she had to fight the burning in her lungs, then she broke through and sucked in more foggy air, readying herself for another dive that was part of her emergency training. She’d already gone through more than a month of swimming drills, both under her own power and with propulsion units, full and partial suits, and other types of equipment. But as had been pointed out to her, you didn’t always get to prep for battle and one had to be able to adjust and improvise under less than ideal circumstances…which today meant she got stripped down and thrown into the water from a not so subtle height as the water level continued to rise. If it reached the ceiling she would have no air to breathe and the training challenge would fail, flushing the water out so she didn’t die, but if this wasn’t a training situation and there really was flooding it was better to get some practice at it now, along with the idea of abandoning your casual uniform because it would slow you down in the water.
She didn’t really understand that until she’d got thrown in, having to squirm for every second she could get and feeling the water flowing over her skin. Her hair was the only drag on her, and when she was underwater she decided then and there to cut it off by the end of the day. Esna needed every advantage she could get, and if losing it would speed her up even a tiny amount she was going to claim that bit of efficiency…but right now she didn’t have time to think about anything else, for it was taking her longer and longer to recover her breathing before diving back down again and getting another seal pulled.
Each time she did the inflow rate of the water decreased, but she only had a couple of meters of air left. The drop from the ceiling portal she’d fallen through at the beginning was almost gone now, and as Esna dove back down through the dark water she doubted she was going to make it in time. When her feet hit the floor she pulled her hands down below her knees with a few more swipes at the water and felt around for another seal handle, cursing herself for every second she wasted fumbling around. The little lights didn’t provide enough illumination to see by, but they did mark the locations of the seals she’d already pulled so she didn’t inadvertently pull the same one twice.
When Esna found another one she leveraged herself into position and pulled, then swam up what was becoming a longer and longer distance to the surface as the water deepened. When her face hit air the tiny lights on the dark ceiling had gone from hazy to distinct, meaning they were just out of reach through the fog and Esna didn’t have much time left. She wanted to go back down now, but the wiser part of her mind told her it would be a waste because she’d have to come back up before getting another seal. She had to get her breathing under control before going back down…but she didn’t have the time. It was either wait or go now, and given the two bad situations she chose to wait, because going now would accomplish nothing.
Esna rushed herself, diving back down a little earlier than she thought prudent and got another seal, reducing the water flow a bit more as she swam hard to get back up to the air, kicking her legs furiously as her control broke and a large bubble of air slipped her lips. She clamped down on her mouth hard as a bit of water came back in, as well as up her nose, and she got back into the air without the emergency override kicking in and ending the challenge. Esna coughed and spat, clearing her lungs as the ceiling was less than a meter away now. She could see it and could almost reach out and touch it. Knowing she was only going to get one more, Esna got as much air into her as she could as the water level continued to increase, then she dove again.
When she got the seal and return to the top her chest exploded with fear as her head hit the ceiling before she got into the air. Feeling it with her fingertips and forehead, she flipped herself laterally and poked her nose and mouth into the few inches of air left, breathing heavily and carefully as she knew she was about to drown with only the promise of the trainers to end it keeping her wits together. She knew they would, but the reality of the rising water was still a real threat and could kill her if they didn’t…or if there was a mechanical malfunction or if they fell asleep or many other things that could go wrong. Esna was in danger and there was no way she could get another seal, so she sucked air as the last few inches disappeared and she was forced to close her mouth and pinch her nose as it rose above her ability to draw on.
Panic flooding through her, the water didn’t lower. She held onto her breath, but nothing happened. All she could do was wait, but the reality that she was about to suck in water whether she wanted to or not caused her to clamp down on her nose with one hand and cover her mouth with the other, pulling herself into a ball and trying to squeeze out a few more seconds. They’d promised to lower the water, what were they waiting for? Were they going to make her drown then revive her?
That thought exploded in her mind, causing her focus to slip and a cough of air to slip through her hand. Water seeped back in and she started convulsing in panic and trying to direct her mind elsewhere…
Suddenly the pressure of the water around her disappeared in a flash, pulling down her body over the course of a second and a half and air returned. Esna coughed and coughed, then wheezed as she breathed too fast and pulled in droplets of water that caused her to choke as the force fields held her body in the air as the water drained back down to starting position. Even though she was in the air now she was not alright, and it took nearly 20 seconds before her body recovered enough that she was able to look at where she was and feel the energy field wrapping around her now dry body.
A portal opened on the ceiling and she was pulled up, passing through then dropped on the ground beside it in front of two trainers. Esna collapsed and kept coughing, then glared up at them angrily. Before she could get enough air to say anything one of them raised an apologetic hand as she knelt next to her.
“You failed the challenge and we returned the air as promised, but we delayed it long enough for you to experience the price of failure short of actually drowning. It’s not pleasant, nor should it be, but how you deal with situations like this is important and you can’t get that experience if you know it’s coming. Nobody passes this challenge the first time. Everyone fails and has to face drowning. You did well to hold out as long as possible, and physically covering your nose and mouth is a strategy that most don’t think of. You’re ticked now, and you should be, because we shouldn’t have let it go that far. We don’t like doing this, but it’s necessary. No one drowns here, but we get you as close as possible so if you do encounter this situation in real life you’ll be able to stay alive a few seconds longer.”
Esna stood up on one knee, only a few inches away from her, then promptly slapped her right hand across the trainer’s face with an audible ‘pop’ that knocked her to the ground.
The other trainer snickered, seeing the fire in Esna’s eyes, but the one who’d gotten hit didn’t respond other than to step away and give Esna some space.
“This doesn’t occur a second time,” the other trainer said, his voice low and respectful, yet obviously pleased with her reaction. “You will have to hold out in this challenge in the same way, but there will be a countdown clock so you know how long at the end it will take you until the reset. You won’t be passing this challenge for a long time, and you’re going to have to face drowning again. We won’t let it get that far, and if you fail to control yourself and suck in water we’ll drain the pool immediately, but if you can’t get all the seals closed you’ll have to survive a set amount of time without air. You will know what it is, so you can practice and experiment with techniques to avoid what just happened.”
“I can’t breathe without air,” Esna said, coughing again, “No matter how much I train.”
“But you can extend your window of survivability,” the female trainer added, now with a red mark on her face. “And I deserved that. We both did.”
“Don’t do that again,” Esna warned with venom in her voice.
“We’re not here to be your friend, we’re here to be your trainers. Sometimes that means we have to be your enemy. Hate us if you like, you have reason to, but we won’t let you die.”
“And if we mess up and you do, there’s a regenerator standing by. We’re not so sloppy to allow it to come to that though. You may suffer as you learn, but we won’t let you come to much damage from lack of oxygen.”
Still shaking at the horror she’d just experienced, Esna’s anger at their somewhat flippant attitude flared and a wave of hate surged through her. She stood all the way up, then walked in between them with a look of pure fire in her eyes.