by A. J. Downey
The hospital looked like something out of an American Gothic flick and was probably one of the oldest buildings I’d seen since moving around these parts. It looked like something out of a movie, the creepy old mental institution and I caught Maren looking at me as I looked at it. I hadn’t realized I’d stopped the car to take it all in. I looked over at her and she blushed, but instead of cute or alluring, this one screamed ‘shame’ at me. I took my hand off the wheel and wrapped it around the back of her head, pulling her to me.
I kissed her, long and lingering deep, and hoped that if it didn’t soothe her anxiety about my judging, that it would, at the very least, serve as some sort of distraction from it. She melted into me and returned it; the relief rolling off of her something else. Tangible, wrapping around me like a vapor, like something I could breathe right in like her delicate perfume.
I pulled back from her and stared into her eyes, satisfied when I found that she didn’t look so far left from center. She was still worried, still a touch distraught, but who wouldn’t be if their eleven-year-old brother took off from school? Disappeared for hours without your knowledge, only to find out about it when the freaking mental joint your mom was locked up in called to tell you he was there.
Yeah, one disaster, one hot mess, at a time. First, to get her brother and break the news that his mom wasn’t going to get better. That life wasn’t always a fairytale, and Santa Claus wasn’t real. It wasn’t in my nature to wreck kids, to dose ‘em up with hard truths and watch them crumble. This was gonna suck for me, and for Maren even though it didn’t hold a candle to what Sage was about to go through.
I parked the cage and got out, Maren slipping out into the gently falling snow, sparkling bits catching in her dark hair, the halo of light behind her making her look more like one of the solemn angel statues you’d find in a cemetery. A work of art, soul moving, but still so fuckin’ sad. She was my Angel, and I took a split second in my head to thank whatever fuckin’ power that was bigger than us for putting me in her path, or her in mine, the day her daddy had died.
I held out my hand and she took it without hesitation as we walked up the broad, low-slung steps to the lighted glass front doors to the lobby of this place. She held my hand tightly as we dodged icy patches, my boots gritting against the salt that was meant to keep the steps from freezing but seemed like an exercise in futility.
The door opened and a man in suit pants, shirt, and a tie held it for us. We slipped past him into the linoleum entryway and he shut and locked the door behind us.
“Maren Tracy?” he asked.
“Yes, I’m her,” she said holding out her hand.
The man shook it and introduced himself, “I’m Marek Greene and I’m the Assistant Director of the hospital.”
“Nice to meet you,” Maren murmured, “I’m sorry it wasn’t under better circumstances.”
Marek nodded and shook my hand, I gave a nod and waited for him to ask, but the question never came. Instead, he looked back to Maren and said, “We’ve kept your brother here, away from any of the patients and especially his mother. Am I safe to speak freely in front of your… companion?” he asked.
“All of the paperwork is in order, right? I am technically my mother’s guardian now that my dad has passed?”
“Yes, of course. Your mother is incapable of making sound decisions and is, technically, under your guardianship.”
“It’s safe to talk in front of him, Dr. Greene.”
“Landon, Landon Fisher,” I said sticking my hand out and shaking his once again. “I am fully aware of HIPPA and all of the rules, I’ve run my own massage therapy practice before and am currently licensed and working.”
“I see, well, we haven’t allowed your brother to see your mother, she hasn’t been taking her medication you see, and –”
Maren held up her hand gently, “I know the routine, she’s been this way for a long, long time now.”
“Yes, well, your brother seems to be fairly in the dark on the subject. You understand, his coming up here, alone like he did, we called you right away being that you are listed as his legal guardian as well…”
“Yes, I understand.”
“The school didn’t notify you?” he asked.
“No,” I said and it came out a bit more sharply than I intended. “We’ll be taking that up with them in the morning along with the state caseworker.”
“Good plan,” Dr. Greene said pointedly.
“Where is Sage right now?” Maren asked.
“My office, right this way.” He led us down a corridor and had to unlock at least three doors with one of those fancy badges against the black box, then unlock a further two with a ring of keys. When he opened the door to the office, Sage looked up. I was the first one through after Dr. Greene and the kid all but blanched, looking around me for his sister.
“She’s here, don’t think it’s gonna save you from some serious consequences, though.”
Maren darted around me and half knelt, half took a seat in the empty chair beside Sage’s, pulling him into her arms and demanding, “What were you thinking!?” at her brother.
Sage tried looking at me defiantly over his sister’s shoulder and failed, his thin veneer of teenage badass cracking as his own eyes welled and he blurted out, “It’s not fair! She should try harder and come home so you don’t have to do anything. They won’t tell me anything or let me see her! I want to ask her why she won’t get better, Maren! I wanna know why she left us!”
Dr. Greene and I made eye contact and he gave a nod, slipping back out the door in a bid to respect our privacy and give us some space. Once the door was firmly shut, I leaned back against it. I both was and wasn’t a part of this tiny dysfunctional family at this point. Not until Maren indoctrinated me in fully. Not until she looked at me point blank and told me that she wanted me to intervene. Right now, even though it’d been a few months we’d been around each other and together, we were still on a case by case basis where Sage was concerned.
I tuned back in, dragging myself back out of the inside of my own head to hear what Maren was saying. “Sage, that’s not your decision to make! Like it or not, I’m the adult and you’re the child, and as the adult, I’m telling you right now, Mom is sicker than dad and I ever told you in a bid to protect you. She’s not safe for either one of us to be around. You have to trust me on this. You have to know I wouldn’t keep her away, or you from visiting, if I didn’t think it was best!”
Sage pushed back from Maren, and understandably demanded to know why. I let them go at it, they didn’t need a referee just yet. Maren was crying and upset, but as calm as she could be given the situation. She was holding her own, and Sage? Sage just kept right on pushing.
Finally, I interjected. “Sage, I’m going to give you a very important piece of unsolicited advice, buddy.” The fact I wasn’t yelling, or screaming, that my voice was as calm and even as I could make it, got the little man’s attention. He shut his mouth and looked at me and I imparted my wisdom: “Don’t ask questions, or demand answers to questions when someone is reluctant to give them like your sister is now. Sometimes the truth is way more painful than you could expect. You need to think really long and hard on if you really want to know the truth or what’s up here.”
“I wanna know!” Sage said petulantly, and Maren’s stricken and defeated face over his shoulder made my heart sink under the weight of the same defeat.
“Tell him,” I said. “Pretty sure at this point it’s the only thing that’s going to work, Angel.”
Maren pressed her lips together and nodded, “Could you ask Dr. Greene to bring me my mother’s file?” she asked.
I nodded and slipped out into the hall to fulfill her request. It was smart. She could tell Sage, but he’d probably have a tough time believing whatever came out of her mouth now that he knew she and her dad had been lying for so long about how sick their mom was. Reading it in black and white though? A lot harder to refute.
I waited in the h
all with the good doctor while Maren broke it to her brother. I didn’t need to be in there for that. No telling if Sage would resent my presence or not. It gutted me leaving it all to Maren though. It was something that I solemnly vowed I would find a way to make it up to her, but this went way beyond flowers or her favorite ice cream.
When the office door opened, both of their faces were tear stained, eyes puffy and red from crying. Maren was just behind Sage, her hands on his shoulders like she was afraid he was gonna bolt or something. She addressed the good doctor, first.
“Thank you for calling me, and I am so very sorry for any inconvenience that was caused,” she told him and gave Sage a little shake back and forth by his shoulders.
“Sorry,” Sage muttered in the doctor’s direction.
“I understand,” Dr. Greene said, and went a touch further by saying, “If I may?” Maren nodded her consent to whatever unsolicited piece of advice Dr. Greene was about to impart on us all. “I know an excellent child therapist, perhaps a visit or two is in order for Sage here. Someone to talk to who is impartial to all of the things going on in your lives?”
Maren nodded, “I think I would like his number,” she murmured and Sage made a sound like he was going to protest, a sound that was quickly quelled by the withering look I gave him. He shut up, Dr. Greene chuckled and pulled a business card and pen from the pocket of his slacks that were too brown to exactly be called gray.
“She’s a she, but she’s very good. Her name is Michelle Greene, and she’s my wife.” Maren smiled and took the card that the doctor hastily scribbled on with a quiet thank you. “My pleasure,” Dr. Greene said, and led us back through the labyrinth of locking doors to the hospital lobby.
“Wait, you aren’t even going to try and see her?” Sage asked outraged and Maren’s fingers tightened.
“I don’t want to, Sage.”
“But she’s our mom!” he cried, outraged.
“Doesn’t matter, buddy,” I said, coming to the rescue, finally able to drop some wisdom into the mix. “If I had a choice of seeing my mom, I wouldn’t either. Some things you don’t come back from. What your mom did, that’s one of ‘em.”
“I don’t get it,” Sage said.
“I love you more than I could ever love a mother who tried to drown her own child, Sage. She tried to kill you, and I know you don’t get it, I know it doesn’t make sense, but I was there. You were too young to remember… I wish I could be so lucky.” Maren said, fresh tears tracking down her face.
Sage peered up at her from over his shoulder and I said gently, “This is one of those things you have to let go, kiddo. Even if you don’t want to. Pretty sure you’ve done enough damage for one day. It’s time to go home.”
“Don’t think there won’t be any consequences for this stunt, either,” Maren said and I was proud of her for sticking to her guns. “We’ll talk about it in the car, which you and Nox need to get into… now.” She said sharply when it looked like Sage was about to protest again.
“Thanks, Doc,” I said with a quick salute, and put a hand on Sage’s shoulder, leading him to the car while Maren stayed behind to talk to the doctor for a minute longer. Knowing her, to apologize some more.
Sage tried to jerk his shoulder out of my grip which only caused me to tighten it. I was a massage therapist, I knew the pressure points and was pretty unmatched when it came to my grip. Sage found that out when I just kept on marching him like a prisoner over the frozen lot to my cage. I opened the back door, and ducked his head in, to make sure he didn’t hit it.
“I can take care of myself!” he barked.
“Yeah, I call bullshit,” I said and shut the door on his retort.
Maren shook the doctor’s hand and came towards us, I hugged her briefly and walked her to her side of the cage and opened her door for her. She didn’t waste any time, “You are so grounded,” she said. “In fact, you are grounded harder than you have ever been grounded in your life,” she grated as I closed the door for her.
I went around and got in on my side to Sage’s indignant shriek, “But that’s not fair!”
“Woah!” I cried, “You want to talk about fair, after the shit you pulled today? Okay,” I nodded, starting the cage. “Let’s talk about fair for a minute. Do you think it was fair for Maren to get a phone call from Dr. Greene right before she went into her job interview telling her not only did her little brother leave school without telling anyone, he made a dangerous trek all the way here unsupervised where anything could have happened? Hell, a pedophile could have gotten you!”
Sage scoffed, “Oh please, a pedophile? That’s the best you can come up with?”
I tightened my hands on the wheel and backed carefully out of the space, “Okay, forget your sister and how fair it was for her to panic and worry, how about Dr. Greene? How fair was it to stop everything he was doing so he could babysit your sorry ass and wait for us to come get you? How fair is it for me to waste money on gas, time and effort to come get you? Huh? Did you think about anybody but yourself and what you wanted What did you expect people to do? You need to get it in your head, Kid. The world does not revolve around you.” My tone had become hard, and Maren covered my hand with hers.
“Nox,” she said gently and I looked at her. “Go easy.” She completed her request with a pleading look and fuck if I could deny her anything when she looked at me like that.
“Seems to me, Angel, that’s all we’ve been doing when it comes to his selfish ass… Goin’ easy on him doesn’t really seem to be working, maybe it’s time for a new tactic.” I said and I tried to say it gently, take the sting out of it, but the hurt look she gave me told me it hadn’t been enough. She turned to stare sightlessly out the dark passenger window and I glanced in the rearview mirror.
Sage was leaned back in his seat, head tipped back and to the side, similarly staring out his window, the gears turning behind his eyes. He was thinking hard, and he needed to. I glanced at Maren and she turned, feeling my eyes on her. I tipped my head slightly and raised my eyebrows, a silent ask for permission. She pursed her lips and nodded slightly, giving me the green light.
“You’re grounded, alright,” I agreed. “No games. Either I or Maren, will pick you up from school. You’ll either come to work with me or with her, where you will sit quietly and do your homework until one or the other of us can take you home and stay there to make sure you’re where you’re supposed to be. No phone, no friends, no TV. Your life is limited to school and reading, that’s it.”
“You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my dad. My dad’s dead.” Sage said, challenge in his eyes.
“Sage Hunter Tracy!” Maren shouted, outrage and anger coloring her voice and finally, finally, he’d gone and done it. “You’re right, he’s not your dad but I’m the parent here. The best you’re going to get unless you want to go into foster care, and what I say goes! Everything Nox laid down is more than reasonable and that’s exactly what we’re going to do, and on top of that? I’m going to see if I can’t get you in with Mrs. Dr. Greene. I can’t even with you anymore.”
“I don’t need a shrink!”
“I don’t care what you think you need! I think you do and so you’re going!”
“I’ll call Pam,” he threatened.
“Too late! I beat you to it and texted her already, she thinks it’s a fine idea and is going to sign off on you seeing a child psychologist. Something needs to happen. I don’t know what to do with you anymore. I don’t even know who you are.” She crossed her arms and kept her back straight when it was easy to see all she wanted to do was huddle in on herself. I was proud of her. She’d just laid down the line and I could see she was going to toe it.
Sage deflated in the back seat and we pretty much made the rest of the long drive in silence.
By the time I pulled into their driveway, Sage was sullen but seemed to come to grips with the fact he wasn’t weaseling his way out of this one, and Maren? Maren was settled into a sleep of the truly me
ntally and emotionally exhausted.
“Sage, go open up the house,” I ordered quietly.
He glared at me defiantly and I turned my look that’d like to melt blacktop on him. He, predictably, backed down and opened up the cage door. He hauled his backpack out with him and slammed the door. I winced, but Maren didn’t as much as stir.
I undid my belt, then hers, and got out myself. I closed my door gently and opened up hers. She stirred when I lifted her. Eyes heavy-lidded, with sleep, sucking in a sharp breath of icy air, her arms went around my neck so she wouldn’t fall.
“I’ve got you, Angel,” I murmured and kicked her door shut, hitting the button on my keys to chirp the alarm.
I carried her in the front door to her place, the door that Sage left standing wide open. He was seriously grinding my gears and as soon as I lay Maren in her own bed, I had every intention of stripping Junior’s room of anything and everything remotely entertaining.
I set Maren on her bed and lifted one leg, easing the zipper down on her boot, sliding it gently from her foot as she struggled tiredly into a sitting position. She peeled out of her coat and scarf as I repeated the process with her other boot. She was so tired, she just let her discarded outerwear fall to the floor at the side of her bed.
I set her other boot down and sleepily, she reached for me. I leaned over her, laying her back, kissing her gently. Her arms went around me, fingers buried in my hair, holding my face to hers, locking me tight against her lithe body and mine? Well, mine had an immediate response, going from zero to granite in point oh three seconds flat.
I held her back, one arm behind her back, cradling her head, the other hand on her side, just above her hip. She writhed beneath me soft little whimpers escaping her and it damn near killed me. I wanted her, I wanted inside of her, but we had to wait. I knew that she knew that, which is why it surprised the hell out of me when she guided my hand that was riding in the safe zone over her soft girly tee, down the front of her skin-tight jeans. She dipped it below the lace hem of her panties and I about had a heart attack from the shock.