A large part of me died in that car with Addison that night, and there was no fixing that. I was too broken to be any good to another woman, and the sooner my family came to grips with that, the better off everyone would be.
Because this was as happy as I was ever going to get. It was all I deserved.
HALFWAY HOME, MY stomach protested the decision not to eat dinner with my folks. I decided my best bet was to stop off at Sinful Sweets and order something for carryout. I wasn’t the best company, and subjecting the other diners in the café to my foul mood wouldn’t have been fair.
I’d just put my order in and was waiting at the counter when I heard someone calling my name.
“Quinn?”
Looking over my shoulder, I found Lilly standing there with a carryout bag of her own. Damn, she looked good. She always looked good, that was part of the reason I’d stayed away from her for so long. There was an undeniable attraction there that shouldn’t have been. Even wearing shapeless sweats that left everything to the imagination, her hair thrown up in a messy bun, and her face clean of makeup, she was beautiful enough to have most of the men in the restaurant doing a double take. I wasn’t immune to her appeal, even if I wanted to be.
“Hey.”
She cocked her head to the side and frowned. “You okay?”
I let out a tired sigh and scrubbed a hand over my face. “Yeah. I’m just… it’s been a rough night.”
She glanced down at her watch then back to me, her light brown eyes dancing with a mixture of confusion and humor. “It’s eight-fifteen.”
I shrugged. “Rough evening then.”
She took a step closer, placing a tiny hand on my arm. I tried to ignore the way her touch ignited sparks of electricity beneath my skin, but damn, it was hard. “You want to talk about it? I’ve been told I kick ass at listening. Watch.” She shut her mouth and maintained eye contact for several seconds, her brow furrowing in what looked like intense concentration. “See? Hardcore listener right here.” She pointed at herself, and there was no holding back the grin that tugged at my lips. The woman was a nut. It was surprisingly refreshing.
“I appreciate the offer, but—”
Before I could refuse, the waitress came back and dropped my bag on the counter. “Here you go, Quinn.”
“Thanks.” I pulled my wallet out and tossed some bills on the counter, then picked up my bag and turned to face Lilly, geared up to turn her offer down as politely as possible.
“Look,” she started, “It would appear that both of us are eating alone tonight.” She lifted her bag as proof and continued. “Might as well keep each other company. I just hit up Mabel’s and stocked up on wine. And I won’t push you to talk about your rough evening if you don’t want, I promise. There’s no reason for either of us to go home alone tonight, right?” As soon as the words passed her lips, her eyes went big. “That came out wrong! What I meant was we can just… hang out. Not, like, sexual.” She whispered sexual as her eyes frantically darted around to make sure no one heard. “I wasn’t propositioning you, I swear. I mean, not that you aren’t good looking. Because you are! Oh my God, please say something to shut me up, already!”
I burst into laughter as her cheeks burned a bright, humiliated red. “It’s not funny!” She smacked my arm, but I could hear the playfulness in her tone as she scolded. “Oh, God. That’s so embarrassing. Just pretend I didn’t say anything. I’m going to go upstairs and shove my head in my newly clean oven. Excuse me.”
Without thinking about what I was doing, I reached out and grabbed her arm. “Wait, wait…” I took a deep breath to get my laughter under control. “I understood what you meant.”
She narrowed her eyes in a mock glare. “Then why’d you let me keep going like that? You could have stopped me before I dug the hole any deeper.”
“And miss the show? Hell, no. That was the most entertainment I’ve had—”
She held up her hand to stop me. “So help me God, Quinn Mallick, if you say it’s the most entertainment since I set my kitchen on fire, I’m going to punch you right in the throat.”
My mouth snapped closed so fast my teeth clanked together, because that was exactly what I was about to say. I cleared my throat and fought to keep from grinning as my fingers involuntarily squeezed around her arm. “You know what? I think I changed my mind. Company sounds great.”
Her face broke into a beautiful smile that caused my insides to heat. “Really?”
If I were smart, I would have turned and run. I had no business being around this woman, especially with the way she affected me, but she just looked so damn happy about the prospect of us having dinner together, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her no.
“Yeah. But I don’t drink wine, so I hope you have beer.”
She glanced back over her shoulder as she began moving to the back of the restaurant to get to the stairs. “I got you covered.”
TWO HOURS LATER we were both sitting on the floor around Lilly’s coffee table, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d enjoyed myself so much. Dinner had been eaten, she drank her wine, and I was on my third beer. True to her word, Lilly hadn’t pushed, so the conversation had been comfortable.
“So what made you want to be a firefighter?” she asked, as she poured more wine into her glass. She’d had just enough to give her cheeks a nice, pink glow. Her brown eyes were just a touch glassy, but she wasn’t slurring her words. We were both totally at ease, which surprised the hell out of me.
It was… nice being here, talking with her. Really fucking nice.
“It’s what I’ve wanted to be for as long as I can remember.” Lifting my beer bottle to my lips, I finished the last of it before continuing. “My father’s retired PFD, so is my grandfather. It’s in the blood, I guess. Growing up, I wanted to be exactly like him. It scared the shit out of my mom that I wanted to make a career out of running into burning buildings, but my dad talked her around.” I laughed as a memory from my childhood popped into my head. “He used to bring his bunker gear home from the station to wash it. Hated using the machines at work. It drove my mom crazy, because it always stunk the mud room up, but I loved it. I’d sneak in there and put it on every chance I got.”
Lilly’s soft giggle caused my chest to expand. “Oh, I bet your mom loved that.”
“She’d be pissed,” I grinned. “Always going on about how I was ruining my clothes putting that nasty, smelly stuff on, but Dad loved it. And she might have bitched, but I’m pretty sure she’d got an entire photo album of me in my dad’s gear.”
“I bet you were adorable!” she cried.
“I was rugged,” I answered with a glare. “I’ve never been adorable.”
“Oh yeah,” she snorted. “You came out of the womb like that, all… lumber sexual and stuff.”
“Lumber what?” I let out a bewildered laugh.
“Lumber sexual. It’s like metro sexual, but manly, you know?”
“No, I don’t know. I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
She waved me off and took another gulp of her wine. “Eh, you don’t need to know the meaning. Just take my word for it.”
“If you say so,” I grinned. “So what about you? Have you always wanted to dance?”
Her voice went soft, her expression wistful. “Yeah. I’ve been dancing since I was about eight. I started a little later than most, but once my mom put me in classes, I was hooked.”
“You’re amazing,” I found myself admitting. “Why didn’t you go to New York or something like that?”
Her face flushed, and something told me it wasn’t from the wine this time. “You’ve seen me dance?”
“Yeah. Last week. I was getting in my truck after grabbing a coffee. The blinds to the studio were open and you were in there by yourself.” I stopped, thinking back to the sadness on her face that morning. “You were…”
“Crying,” she whispered, and although she still wore a smile, I could see the sadness had returned. “Yeah. You kind
of caught me on a bad day.”
Suddenly I was aware of what I must have been putting my loved ones through, because even though I knew it wasn’t fair, I wanted to push her to talk about whatever was bothering her. Instead, I ignored that curious niggling in my gut and said, “You know, I might not be as good a listener as you are, but if you ever need to talk…”
“Thanks,” she smiled. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I just got some bad news the day before.” She stopped long enough to inhale deeply before she continued. “My dad’s sick. Cancer. I found out about it the day before.”
“Christ,” I hissed. “Lilly, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s all right. I was struggling with how to cope, you know? I couldn’t imagine…” Her voice cracked and her throat moved as she swallowed. “I still can’t imagine not having him, and knowing he’s going to die… it really fucking sucks.” When she let out a self-deprecating laugh, it took everything I had not to jump across the table and wrap my arms around her. I’d never felt more out of my element with a person before, yet, at the same time, I could relate to her better than most.
“I went down to the studio before it opened and put on the music and just… escaped for a little while. I’ve always used dancing as a way to escape. When I was little, I had trouble in school. I’m dyslexic and it took a while for the doctors to be able to diagnose it. I know it’s not really a big deal, but when you’re in elementary school and have trouble reading, well, let’s just say the kids can be real assholes.
“My mom enrolled me in dance classes and I discovered that when I was moving, when the music was playing, all the mean things those kids said about me just… disappeared. It was my escape, to this day it still is. So, to answer your question, that’s why I never wanted to pursue something like New York. It might sound weird, but what I do now, when I dance, even when I teach my kids, it’s all for me. If I tried to join a company, everything I did would be for them. Doing what I do now, I don’t have to answer to anybody. I don’t have to worry about the routines becoming monotonous. I get to leave my head for a while and not worry about the outcome. Does that make any sense?”
I hardly recognized my voice, the sound rougher, almost jagged as I said, “It makes perfect sense.” I had no clue what was coming over me, why I was reacting the way I was, but I couldn’t stand to see that heartache in her eyes any longer. Standing from my place on the floor, I held my hand out to her. “Come on. I want to watch you dance.”
“What? Now?” she asked incredulously. “You want to watch me dance right now?”
I gave a casual shrug and let my lips curl up in a grin. “Why not? You got other plans at the moment?”
“Well… no, but—”
“Perfect, so nothing’s stopping you.” She didn’t seem convinced, and for reasons beyond my comprehension, I wanted nothing more than to see this gorgeous woman dance. So, I pushed.
“Come escape with me for a little while.”
Lilly
“COME ESCAPE WITH me for a little while.”
He couldn’t have possibly known how much those words meant to me just then. After finally opening up and telling someone about my father, the need for an escape was beyond intoxicating.
And Quinn realizing that and giving me exactly what I needed meant the world to me. I couldn’t have denied his request, even if I wanted to.
Taking his hand, I let him pull me off the floor. Once I had my feet firmly beneath me, he broke the connection, shoving his hands in the pockets of his faded jeans. My skin still tingled from the contact, and my heart squeezed at the loss of it, but I pushed forward, heading to the door that led to the internal stairs, grabbing my keys and phone off the counter on the way.
“This is really convenient,” Quinn spoke up from behind me as we headed down the stairs. “No commute, no having to worry about traffic.”
I looked back at him and smiled as I flipped the switch that would light the lobby area and moved to the main studio door to unlock it. “It’s pretty great. The place used to be smaller when Chloe lived in it. She had the apartment built when she opened the bakery, but when they expanded and I decided to open a dance school, they gutted the place and made it stretch over both businesses. I love the apartment, but I have to admit, I’d like a house one day.”
“Really?” He looked at me quizzically.
“Well, yeah.” I shrugged. “I know it’s a lot of maintenance, and it’s not as simple as just calling the landlord when something breaks, but I’d like my own yard one day, you know? Something that’s totally mine that I can do whatever I want with. And preferably something with no stairs.”
He chuckled as I hit the lights for the studio, making the entire space bright. “I can see the appeal of no stairs.”
“Tell me about it,” I groaned. “You spend an entire day dancing, wearing your body out, and then have to climb an entire flight up and down. It’s murder on your knees. Some days I feel like a seventy-year-old lady in need of a walker.”
I turned back just in time to catch him doing a sweep of my entire body. His green eyes seemed to darken, and I could have sworn I heard “sure as hell aren’t built like a seventy-year old,” under his breath.
My body gave an involuntary shiver and I was suddenly hit with a bout of stage fright, something I hadn’t experienced in years.
“So…” I dragged out. “I’m not really sure which song I should play.” My attention darted to my phone clutched tightly in my hands as I scrolled through my different play lists. Normally, dancing was as familiar as breathing, but I was so aware of Quinn standing in front of me that I had trouble concentrating. “Uh… there’s—”
All of a sudden the phone was snatched from my grasp and Quinn’s large, solid body was only inches away. “How about I pick? You just do your thing.”
Quinn
I WAS GOING to Hell. There was no doubt about it.
As I scrolled through Lilly’s phone, I started questioning how I’d ended up in the situation I was currently in. But the only answer I could come up with was: my own stupidity. There was no denying that something about the woman tugged at me, but I should have ignored the pull, not fallen into it.
Too late to turn back now, I thought, swiping my thumb along the screen until I came across a playlist that caught my eye. It didn’t take a fucking genius to see she had her music organized by how each song made her feel, that was why the list titled Seductive seemed so goddamned appealing.
Like I said, I was going to Hell.
I didn’t recognize any of the songs, so going on one with the coolest name, I picked “Gods and Monsters” By Lana Del Ray. “Okay, got it.”
“All right. Just plug it in over there.” She pointed to where she normally docked her iPhone. I followed her instructions and set the phone up. As soon as I looked back up, all the blood in my body rushed straight to my dick.
“What are you doing?”
Lilly looked at me like I was an idiot. “I can’t dance in sweats,” she stated like that was obvious to everyone but me. Her pants fell to the floor, revealing a pair of black shorts that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Seconds later, her baggy sweater disappeared, showing the tight teal sports bra she’d been wearing underneath.
I was so busy staring at all her luscious curves I hadn’t even realized she said something. “Huh?” I asked, jerking my gaze up to meet hers.
“Can you push play?” she asked with a hint of laughter in her voice.
“Oh, yeah. Sure. Got it.” Needing to focus on anything other than the disturbing fact my dick was stirring behind my fly at the sight of my daughter’s dance teacher, I leaned back against the wall, crossing my ankles and shoving my hands in my pockets. As soon as the music kicked in, I knew I’d made an epic fucking mistake in my song selection, because fuck me, the woman moved like a wet dream to the sinful beat.
I was mesmerized as I watched Lilly dance, her skin tinged pink as she was taken over by the music. I was lost, just like the mo
rning I’d watched her through the window, only this time there was a seductiveness to the song and the way she moved that made me want to bury myself as deep as I could go and lose myself inside her completely. It was a terrifying thought. My mind shouted that it was wrong, but my body wouldn’t get on board, and as she lifted one leg straight up into the air, parallel to her body, the ache grew even stronger.
The beat kicked up and her body flowed like water across the floor. Guilt at feeling such an intense attraction to another woman flooded through me, and I knew I needed to move, but I was stuck, transfixed. She hadn’t been exaggerating when she said dancing was an escape for her. It was written in the way she moved, the expression on her face. The sadness and pain were gone, having melted away to a serenity I envied.
As the final notes of the song began to fade and the song came to an end, I was finally able to come unglued from the floor. I needed to get the hell out of there.
For no other reason than I didn’t want to leave her.
Lilly
THE SECOND THE song started playing that nervousness in my belly erupted in a swarm of butterflies. It felt like my whole body burned red, but, as always, the instant I began dancing, the rest of the world disappeared. There was nothing but the steady thrum of the music and Lana Del Rey’s sultry voice. Every fiber in my body moved as if on autopilot, my feet carrying me across the floor as though they had a mind of their own.
My head cleared of absolutely everything. There was no pain or heartache, no stage fright, no nerves. I was in my own world where I ruled over everything. I made the rules here, and the number one rule was that all the heaviness in life was left at the door.
The last few lines of the song played, and I let my eyes drift closed, not needing my sense of sight to finish the number. It was as familiar as the beat of my own heart. Once I hit that last mark, I pulled in a long, much needed breath as I slowly lifted my eyelids. For those four minutes, I’d forgotten all about Quinn being in the room with me, and seeing him watching me with an unreadable expression on his face gave me a start.
A Broken Soul (The Pembrooke Series Book 3) Page 5