A Broken Soul (The Pembrooke Series Book 3)

by Prince, Jessica

  I’d just dropped Sophia off at a sleepover with some of her friends from dance class. It seemed the older she got, the more she spent nights at other people’s houses instead of ours. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for my baby girl to grow up yet, but she was intent on doing it whether I liked it or not.

  Taking advantage of the free time, I’d called Lilly and made plans to meet at The Moose, Pembrooke’s local watering hole, for dinner and a few drinks before going back to her place for the night.

  My cellphone rang from the cup holder in the center console and, not taking my eyes off the road, I picked it up, engaged the call, and brought it to my ear.

  “Yeah.”

  “Quinn?”

  The sound of Garrett Benson’s voice coming through my phone set my entire body on edge. We never talked. If Addy’s parents needed to talk to me about something specific, or even when it was just one of their regularly scheduled calls to Sophia, it had always been Janice. In the past three and a half years, we probably hadn’t said more than five sentences to each other. And most of those weren’t all that pleasant since they consisted of a pissed-off Garrett cussing me out when he found out I was taking Sophia and moving back to Pembrooke.

  To say that my late wife’s parents weren’t my biggest fans was putting it mildly. We’d been so close when Addy was alive. They were as much a family to me as my own folks were. But then I took their daughter from them. I couldn’t fault them for hating me. Luckily they were good people and, over the years, they’d learned to deal with me for their granddaughter’s sake. Janice was pleasant enough, but Garrett was tolerant at best.

  “Garrett. What can I do for you?”

  He breathed through the line, and I got the sense that I was the last person he wanted to be talking to. “Look, I know it’s difficult with your work schedule, but Jan and I would really love to see Sophia for Thanksgiving.” Then he lowered the boom the rest of the way by adding, “In Seattle.”

  I sighed heavily through the line as I turned into the parking lot of The Moose. “Listen, Garrett. I know you want to see your granddaughter, but—”

  I found a spot, pulled in, and put my truck in park just as he barked, “It’s not an unreasonable request. We get to see her once, maybe twice a year since you took her away.”

  “I didn’t take her away,” I snarled, feeling my temper start to boil. “The move was the best thing for the both of us.” But even as I said it, I began to question if that was really the truth. I blamed the department in Seattle for giving me the runaround when it came to going back to work. I used the excuse of needing my parents’ help with Soph. But the truth was, I ran. Shit got too hard, and I tucked tail and fucking ran.

  And I knew he knew it, too, when he muttered, “If that’s what you need to tell yourself to sleep better at night.”

  My grip on the steering wheel tightened until the leather creaked and the skin of my palm began to burn. But I refused to engage. I knew he wanted to argue, to possibly hurl insults my way, but Garrett sucked in several breaths before speaking again.

  “If you can’t get time off work, then Jan and I are more than happy to fly there to pick her up. But we want to spend the holiday with Sophia in our home. The home we raised her mother in.”

  I closed my eyes and reached up to rub one of them with the ball of my free hand. I didn’t want to give up a holiday with my daughter, but he wasn’t all wrong, it wasn’t an unreasonable request. However, the way he went about making that request was bullshit. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to refuse. Whether or not he and I ever got along again, he was a terrific grandfather, and Sophia loved him and Janice like crazy. It wouldn’t be fair to her to say no.

  “I’ll check my schedule with the department, all right?” I finally relented, guilt tearing at my insides. “I’ll call you back to let you know whether or not you need to come get her.”

  By his silence, I knew I’d surprised him with the ease in which I’d agreed. He’d been expecting a fight on his hands. I just didn’t have the strength — or the right — to give him one.

  “Thank you,” he finally said, gruffly.

  “I’ll be in touch.” Before I even finished the sentence, the line went dead. I stared out the windshield of my truck at the entrance to The Moose, wishing I could just throw the gearshift in reverse and get the hell out of there. The thought of having to make pleasant conversation in a crowded bar while I was pissed off sat like a lead ball in my stomach. But just as I considered shooting her a text, cancelling our dinner, a flash of blonde hair caught my attention.

  Through the large windows that made up the front of the bar, I saw Lilly. The hostess had placed her at a booth right up front, so I had the perfect view of her as she looked up and offered the woman a full-fledged smile. One that brought forth that dimple that drove me crazy. Just the sight of her calmed the turmoil inside of me.

  It was then that I realized I was sinking deeper and deeper every day when it came to Lilly Mathewson. That scared the absolute shit out of me, but I was helpless to stop it. Every day my feelings for her grew stronger. Every goddamned day. If I was smart, I’d end things right then and there, hurt her now in order to prevent even worse pain down the line, because I saw the way she looked at me. What she felt was written in those amber eyes of hers, clear as day. She was falling just as fast — maybe faster.

  I knew it, but I was too selfish to stop it. I needed her to quiet the voices, to lessen the burden of guilt. I needed her light.

  I’d have given anything to be strong enough, to be the man she truly deserved for the long haul. I wanted nothing more than to lower my walls and allow her to heal my broken soul.

  But I didn’t deserve that.

  I didn’t deserve her.

  However, as long as she was willing to take me as I was, there was no way in hell I was letting her go.

  “QUINN.”

  Oh yeah. Fuck yeah. The breathy way she moaned my name as I fucked her drove me wild. The way her silky, wet heat squeezed my cock as I pumped in and out of her nearly killed me.

  Nothing existed when we were like this. The world outside of the two of us disappeared every time I was buried deep inside her. It was yet another thing she gave me, another piece of goodness I’d never be able to return.

  “So goddamn beautiful,” I grunted, as I watched her beautiful face twist with pleasure I was giving her. Her eyes opened and those amber depths flashed darker as she lifted her hips in time with my thrusts, reaching for her release.

  My greedy girl.

  I fucking loved it.

  She gave so much of herself to everyone she cared about. The fact that she took when we were together gave me a high unlike anything I’d ever felt. If this was all I had to give her, then I was determined to make it count.

  “Please,” she whimpered when I slowed down, dragging it out as long as possible. “I’m so close.”

  My jaw clenched as I bit out, “Not yet.”

  “Oh God.” Her neck bowed and I could feel her getting closer. Her pussy clenched around me every time I pulled out. I was seconds away from blowing, but I wouldn’t let her come. Not until I was ready.

  “Not. Yet. Hold on, baby. Come with me.”

  “I can’t.” Her head began to thrash, sending waves of blonde hair cascading over her pillow. “Oh shit, hurry. Please.”

  I drove into her… hard. Once… twice… three times then buried my cock deep and held, a growl bursting from my throat as I poured myself into her.

  “Now, Lilly!”

  The second I started coming, her mouth opened on a silent scream that turned into a long, drawn out moan as every muscle in her body locked up.

  “Quinn!” she shouted at the very peak of her release as she drained every drop from me. Each orgasm with Lilly got better and better, to the point I worried that one of them might actually kill me. But shit, I’d die a happy man.

  I dropped my head into the crook of her neck as we both worked to get our breathing under cont
rol. I stayed that way for what felt like an eternity, simply enjoying the feel of her silky hair on my face, her soft skin against mine. In the rare moments like this one, I was able to let everything go and just be as Lilly’s fingers trailed gentle paths up and down my back. She was greedy while we fucked, but once it was finished she went back to giving, with no hesitation. And I readily accepted the comfort she offered.

  Once feeling came back in my limbs, I lifted my head and looked down at her. Lilly’s eyes were smiling, her dimple prominent, and I couldn’t help but think that, even though she was always beautiful, nothing topped what she looked like in the afterglow of amazing sex. She was take-your-breath-away stunning. Several seconds passed in complete silence as I committed every inch of her face to memory.

  “Hi,” she finally whispered up at me, breaking through the quiet of the room.

  I felt one corner of my mouth curl up in a half grin as I replied. “Hi back.”

  Her smile dimmed, the dimple disappeared, and the happiness on her face faded enough to let concern seep in and take it’s place. Lilly’s fingers moved to my hair and she brushed it back off my forehead. Her voice remained quiet as she asked, “You want to talk about whatever was bothering you over dinner?”

  I jerked back just a bit, bewildered that she’d been able to read me so well. I thought I’d covered up the fact that my conversation with Garrett was still heavy on my mind. But she saw right through my façade. Warmth spread through my chest at the same time my gut constricted with anxiousness. I did my best to push the fear and guilt back, wanting to stay wrapped in Lilly’s goodness for a little while longer.

  “I don’t want to think about the bad shit,” I answered.

  Her expression didn’t grow any less uneasy, but she nodded anyway.

  Wanting to erase her apprehension, I continued. “All I want is to be here with you, right now. Can we do that? Just stay with me in this room for tonight. We can let the real world back in tomorrow.”

  Lilly’s eyes drifted shut as she inhaled deeply. They opened once again on an exhale, and the worry was gone. “If that’s what you need.”

  It was. “It is.”

  She nodded her head and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me down for a hug. Once again, giving me a beautiful gift.

  No. I didn’t deserve her.

  But as long as she could make me feel like this, I was going to keep her.

  Lilly

  HE WAS STILL holding himself back from me.

  It had been just a little over a month since we started this relationship, and it didn’t take a genius to see that he still had that invisible line between us firmly in place. I thought he’d warm up, open up. But — with the exception of sex — he was as closed off as ever.

  He didn’t talk to me about Addison. He kept us a secret from everyone he knew. He still wore his wedding ring. And any time I asked what was weighing on his mind, he’d divert, either with conversation or sex. He was a master at changing the subject.

  But I loved what we had so much I couldn’t bring myself to push him. Hell, if I were being honest with myself, it wasn’t what he had that I loved. It was just him. I was falling. Steadily and surely. More and more every single day.

  I couldn’t remember a time when I’d ever laughed so hard or so much than when I was with him. He showed concern for my wellbeing, always asking about my father when he knew I went to see him. He made the pain in my heart easier to deal with. We spent every available minute together, and when our schedules didn’t sync up, we talked and texted all the time. But he refused to put a label on what we were.

  I told myself I was okay with that when really, I’d begun to worry. Even though I was falling in love with Quinn — and his actions showed me daily that he could possibly be feeling the same way — I couldn’t ignore the nagging sense that something unpleasant was just around the corner.

  But instead of heeding the warning in my head, I chose to ignore it and move forward. I’d never felt for someone like I felt for Quinn, and the thought of giving that up ate away at me. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, even though I knew, with each passing day, the pain of potentially losing him would be that much worse.

  He was worth it to me. He was worth the pain. Problem was, I couldn’t be sure I was worth it to him.

  “What are you thinking so hard about?” he asked, and the sudden sound of his voice caused me to jump and spin around, nearly dropping the dish I’d been holding.

  It had been a week since our dinner at The Moose, and I was back at his house, having had a homemade dinner of macaroni and hotdogs with him and Sophia. He’d gone to get her ready for bed and I’d started on the dishes. Once again, I hadn’t heard him enter the kitchen, and when my gaze finally landed on him, he was leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his powerful chest, that sexy smirk on his face.

  I was beginning to hate that smirk. Not because it wasn’t gorgeous. It so was. But because it still didn’t reach his eyes. And every time his lips curled up, I wanted to do everything in my power to give him reason to smile with his beautiful green eyes as well.

  “I didn’t hear you.”

  Quinn pushed off the door and made his way to me, taking the soap covered plate from my hand. “I got that when you nearly jumped out of your skin, Lil.” He chuckled, as he placed the dish back into the sink. Once he finished with that, his arms banded around my waist, holding me firmly against him. “What’s got you so preoccupied you couldn’t hear a garbage truck if it drove through the room?”

  I twisted my lips and gave him a glare. “I wasn’t that preoccupied.”

  “Baby, I said your name like, five times.”

  I started at his declaration even as my skin tingled as his calling me baby. “Okay. So maybe I was that preoccupied.”

  His arms gave me a squeeze and I lifted my hands and placed them on his chest. He didn’t seem to mind I was getting his sweater wet. “So tell me what’s on your mind.”

  I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell him that I was worried he was still keeping me at such a distance. He’d feel pressured, cornered into either giving me more or cutting and running, and I knew exactly which of those he’d pick if it came down to that. Maybe it made me a coward, but I just couldn’t lose him… not yet. Hopefully not at all.

  So, instead, I brought up another topic I’d been hesitant to bring up, but less so than the state of our relationship. It was the lesser of two evils.

  “I was just wondering…” I trailed off and lowered my eyes to where my hands rested on his chest. I played with the cotton there as I forced the words out. “We haven’t talked about it, and it’s only two days away, but… I was wondering if you and Sophia would like to come to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving?”

  The shutters slammed down over his face. His entire body froze, freezing mine right along with it. Oh God, I shouldn’t have asked. I really, really shouldn’t have asked.

  “I can’t.”

  My heart sank, but I did my best to mask that by smiling, wide and fake. “Oh… yeah! Totally. I mean, I get it,” I began to ramble, pushing back and putting pressure on his arms around me. He didn’t let go. “It’s last minute and you’re probably going to be with your folks, and we’re still, like. New. Whatever. It’s whatever. Just forget I even asked. I shouldn’t have asked.”

  Damn it, I was not going to cry. But he wouldn’t let me go.

  “Lilly—”

  “I mean, it was presumptuous, right?”

  “Lil—”

  “Seriously. It is. We’re only dating. It’s not like I’m your girlfriend.”

  “Can I talk, please?”

  But I was on a roll. “Who does that? Who asks the guy she’s just dating to meet her parents on Thanksgiving?” I let out a slightly hysterical laugh, and kept trying to get him to release me. “It’s ridiculous! I’m ridiculous.”

  “Damn it, Lilly. Just—”

  “I should probably finish these dishes and get home. If you�
��ll just…”

  I trailed off and pointed at his arms. He loosened one, but held firm with the other. And the arm that released me came up so his hand could cover my mouth.

  “Baby. Stop.” I’d been mumbling against his palm, but the moment his clipped command left his lips, I shut up. I couldn’t read his expression, and at that very moment I really needed to know what he was thinking. Had I screwed up epically? Had I pushed too far? Was he going to end us?

  I was expecting the absolute worst, so what he said next shocked me. “Sophia’s going to Seattle for Thanksgiving, and I’m on shift at the department.” He held my eyes for a beat before finally lowering his hand from my mouth. “That’s what I was trying to say. But you went on your rant and wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise.”

  “Sorry,” I mumbled before pulling my lips between my teeth and biting down to keep my word-vomit at bay.

  Quinn’s grin returned as he tucked some of my hair behind my ear. “Christ, you’re cute always, but even cuter when you’re rambling.”

  My face went hot, but I ignored my blush in order to ask, “So, you’re not going to have Sophia for Thanksgiving?”

  The humor dissipated from his face. “No.”

  I was suddenly terribly sad for him. “Is this something that happens every year?”

  His thunderous expression told me all I needed to know, but he still vocalized his response. “No, it’s not. Her grandparents on her mom’s side called and requested they have her for the holiday. I didn’t feel like I could say no.”

  I rested my hands on either side of his neck, hating how upset he seemed at the thought of not being with his daughter on such an important day. “Of course you could say no! Or maybe they could come here instead. You’re her father, Quinn. All the decisions are yours.”