by Rebecca Dash
The way he spoke her name with passion caused her knees to tremble.
“You’re a brave soul,” she said.
“Exceedingly so when there is something I want.”
“And what is it you want?”
“Your acquaintance.”
“Then why did you disappear so quickly when we met.”
“Your footman was searching the crowd for you,” he said.
“What of it?”
“At whose request did he search?”
“Why does that matter?”
“It matters to know whether you are trouble or not.”
“What am I right now?” she said.
“Trouble that found me in a library, of all places. The kind I may not walk away from a second time.”
“You are very direct.”
“And you are a long way from Cambridge.”
“London has become a favorite place of mine. So much to see and explore. It has bigger libraries than Cambridge and many books to choose from.”
“What kind of books are worth the trip?” he said. “Any particular ones?”
“My favorite is First Impression, written by Jane Austen. I find it to be candid but sweet at heart. It deals with the misjudgments that often occur at the beginning of an acquaintance, and how those misjudgments can change as individuals learn more about each other.”
“You have quite a knowledge of her, don’t you?”
“Not really. Her writing just inspires me. She is a talented woman by nature, and I wish to be like her someday since I have a shared passion for writing novels and poems.”
“I am certain you will.”
“How could you be?” she said.
“Through perseverance and motivation, one can reach the star of their dreams.”
“That is a lovely thought. Is it from a book?”
“Maybe one for you to write.”
“I can tell you love them.”
“Yes, I spend a lot of time at this library,” he said. “I find it soothing to read. It takes you away from your troubles. I often tried to convince the men of my infantry company to take up reading, but mostly, their only concern was getting through the day.”
“You are a man of such wisdom.”
“I am a man with a worthy pastime. That is all. I will leave wisdom to others.”
“How can you say that is all? It is impressive that you disregard your own safety to serve our country. I salute you, Mr. Lockmond.”
“I used to serve our country. I am in London, serving my family now. Regrettably, my older brother has passed away.”
“Were you close?”
“We were brothers. You are always close, even when you are not. He had no children, so it falls to me to take on his title now.”
“And what title is that?”
“I am not even comfortable being called by it yet. I fully expected to spend my entire life as Mr. Lockmond.”
“It is a fine name, but I would like to know what it should be. Are you a Your Grace or a my lord?”
He laughed. “Quite the latter. I have become the Earl of Ashencrest.”
“Then I am honored by your company, Lord Ashencrest.”
His face turned a light red. He wasn’t used to the title yet, and hearing Emily say it in that way had humbled him in a manner he wouldn’t have imagined possible. Just before he parted his lips to speak, a voice rung out nearby.
It was in the tone of a whisper, but loud enough to be heard. “Miss Brookes.”
“Someone is calling you,” said Ashencrest.
“It is just Cuthbert.”
His eyebrows furrowed. “So there is someone who misses you again.”
“Nobody misses me.”
“In a crowd, in a library, everywhere you go. Who is it, Miss Brookes?”
“No one. Can we not just enjoy each other’s company while we have the chance?”
“Is that what we’re doing?”
“I do not know what we’re doing.”
“Then tell me who Cuthbert is so we may find out.”
The tone of his voice had changed, becoming more demanding. She sensed his growing curiosity, as if jealousy had crept in and driven him forward, into asking such a question. One that there could be no good answer to.
Emily looked away when she said it. “Cuthbert is my fiance’s footman.”
“Of course. You are engaged.”
“Yes, if you must make me tell the truth.”
“I rather fancy it sometimes.”
“I am engaged to the Duke of Humbershire. He is a cold man who takes little interest in me. He is thirty years my senior.”
“That is a large age difference. And a stony description. What made you get engaged to him?”
A sigh escaped her lips. “I am getting older and have no potential suitors. My parents want the best life for me.”
“All parents want that.”
“Yes, there is only good in their intentions. I hold no ill will toward them. But they have pushed me into a relationship with a man whose fortune and social status I do not crave, no matter how hard I try to.”
“You can only be yourself. Only want what you want.”
“I wish that were not so. What I want is to marry someone of my choosing, out of love, not money.”
“That is asking a lot these days.”
“Is it?” Her eyes pleaded with him.
“Well, I think your parents know what is best. I hope you and your future husband live a merry life, full of joy and peace.”
Out of nowhere, Cuthbert came into view. “Miss Brookes, it seems you have disappeared once more.”
“Pardon me?”
Cuthbert was turned away from Lord Ashencrest as he spoke. When he glanced at the man, he had a colder look in his eye than Emily had ever seen.
“I was just wondering if you wanted to see the Duke of Humbershire today,” he said.
“We were not supposed to meet. As far as I know, he wished for me to go into London by myself and do as I like.”
“That is what he wanted, but I thought you may have had a change of heart…” Cuthbert spoke these last words clearly to be sure they were understood. “About seeing your fiance.”
Lord Ashencrest had his arms crossed by then. He moved one hand up to massage the bridge of his nose.
Emily realized what was going on and her face grew stern. “If I have a change of heart, you will be the first to know, Cuthbert. But until that time, you should go back and wait for me at the coach.”
“Yes, Miss Brookes, but if you want to be home before dark, we should leave soon. The trip takes several hours.”
“Very well. Wait at the coach. I shall follow when I am done talking to my friend.”
The footman bowed to her, but ignored Lord Ashencrest. He left the library, only glancing back at them once. He shook his head as he got outside.
Emily turned her gaze to Ashencrest, looking into his eyes as if to speak her yearning to be with him for much longer than she ought to.
“Pure trouble,” he said.
“My heart delights in your presence.”
“But there are others who delight in yours.”
“If I could make everything easier, I would. But this is all we have. I shall attend the Bartholomew Fair. Be there if you wish to see me again.”
“But your fiance shall be there with you.”
“He will not. His Grace is a man who finds no joy in crowds, loud voices, or even pleasant company. Such an event as the fair will not be of any interest. He prefers quiet time alone.”
“That is an unfortunate thing for a young woman to deal with. It sounds like your fiance has decided not to live at all.”
Lord Ashencrest walked away from her.
“Will you be there?” said Emily.
“I have not decided yet.”
“Then decide, sir.”
He turned back around. “Why must you make it difficult for me to leave?”
“Because th
ese things were not meant to be easy.”
“What things? We have only just met.”
“And yet my heart fluttered when I saw you here today. If yours did not, then we won’t waste each other’s time. It is far too precious, and I have none left for that.”
“Is that all you need to know about the wisdom of entering into things we cannot take back? Whether your heart flutters?”
“No. I need to know if yours did as well.”
Lord Ashencrest let out a breath as if all the air had been taken from him. His body was still tense. He was silent.
“Very well then,” said Emily.
She turned and walked away, headed for the front door and the footman waiting outside it. Lord Ashencrest watched her, controlling himself until she was right at the door. It was all he could do to wait that long. Before she disappeared into London again, and walked out of his life, Ashencrest called her name. He looked at her differently then, as if he wanted her more than anything else, and his will had been worn down.
“If I were your fiance, I would never leave your side,” he said.
She wished to reply, to say something gloriously romantic, as if it came out of one of the novels she read about love. But words failed her then. And Cuthbert’s snooping had prompted her to make haste. Emily smiled as she walked off.
Chapter 6
Days ticked by, and then weeks. The Duke of Humbershire was slowly giving Emily hints he might have feelings for her, but was still sullen and brooding whenever they would meet. Perhaps he could never change who he was at his age. Her mother had shared news about the duke’s plan to have a grand wedding. It worried Emily. In spite of her best attempts to love him, her heart belonged to someone else.
Looking in the mirror, Emily practiced holding her posture in a regal manner and smiling most alluringly, but her hand was shaking enough to ruin it. She had to try hard just to steady herself. The day of the Bartholomew Fair had finally arrived. Emily didn’t realize it was possible to long for and dread an event in equal measure. She had put on quite a few pieces of jewelry to impress Lord Ashencrest though the thought kept her agitated. She was torn between him and her fiance as well as her responsibility to her parents. A proper lady would stay faithful to her future husband. Wasn’t that the girl they raised?
Unable to keep herself still, Emily unfastened her jewelry and decided to attend the fair without the adornment of her precious stones which she inherited from her mother.
“What shall I do?” she said to her reflection, then turned away from it and walked to the window. The garden she used to paint for hours was right beneath her. Emily pushed the double windows open and breathed in fresh air. At least the garden still made her happy, even if it would never be in the same way again. A blue bird with a yellow breast landed on the windowsill.
“How are you, little friend?” said Emily.
It began singing and the pleasant sound soothed her to the core.
“I am not myself lately. I have not painted in over a month and cannot even decide whether to put jewelry on anymore. There is a certain gentleman who I am trying to be sure notices me, but it’s not right. I am engaged, and it’s a terrible thing to be treacherous to one’s betrothed. A proper young lady ought to conduct herself accordingly, but it is difficult when I know I will marry the man of my fate. It is destiny. I can feel it in my heart. So, what else can I do but be a horrible woman? The wedding has already been postponed. Should I cancel it altogether? My parents’ hearts shall tear to pieces. I cannot let that happen.”
“Emily…” Her sister’s voice echoed from downstairs.
“I’ll be there, Helena. Just give me a second.”
She waited for the blue bird to finish its song. It would be rude to leave before the grand finale. Emily smiled and waved as it flew away, then closed her window. She stood there for another moment before leaving.
Mrs. Brookes was occupied in the kitchen, preparing luncheon before her husband came back home.
“You must promise me you two will be very careful,” she said.
“If you continue to worry like this, you will shrivel up with wrinkles,” said Helena.
Her mother’s lips only turned up at the remark. “Both my daughters will have helped me earn every one.”
“There is nothing that can go wrong today. We will only have fun at the fair.”
“A lot can go wrong among a crowd of people. They are from all levels of society. Who knows what sort of miscreants you will come across.”
“I cannot help it if my beloved sister wants to go. If you were so worried, her duke could have taken her.”
“The Duke of Humbershire is a particular kind of man.”
“Particularly odd,” said Emily as she walked into the kitchen.
“That is no way to talk about your fiance.”
“Then I will not talk about him. I will just leave with my sister and enjoy the spectacle in London.”
Emily pulled Helena out the door. Her sister’s private coach was waiting. It wasn’t as big and fancy as the duke’s but Emily enjoyed it just fine. In fact, she liked it better that there was no footman ready to follow her around everywhere. That made her nervous.
Mrs. Brookes came outside and waved as the coachman cracked the reins and they moved.
“Take care of our Emily,” she called out.
“I will give my life for her when the highwaymen approach,” Helena called back out the window.
Their mother slapped at the air to dismiss it and then went back inside.
“Why do you torture her so?” said Emily.
“Because she tortures me.”
“Mother worries about us sometimes.”
“More about you.”
“You are married and doing well. I am still a problem for her.”
“Not for long. Your duke will take excellent care of you.”
Emily silently nodded her head.
“What reason did he give you for not wanting to attend the fair?” said Helena. “It seems like just the sort of thing that couples do when they are courting.”
Emily watched the countryside pass. She never told him. He didn’t know. They discussed nothing about it. Those were all good reasons. Even if she had invited him, the duke would not have wanted to attend something like the Bartholomew Fair. There are too many people and it is too loud. That was another good reason. But Emily kept the best reason of all to herself.
“His Grace is not much for courting,” she finally said.
And the countryside rolled on.
***
Emily’s eyes got wide. “This is amazing.”
There were more people than she had ever seen in one place before at the Bartholomew Fair. The sound of a lively violin and flute swirled around them as musicians played. A man walked across a wire high overhead. Puppets argued with each other in a booth. She couldn’t decide where to look first.
They strolled through, trying to take it all in. Vendors were spread around, calling potential customers over. Emily couldn’t resist looking at some cloth, even though she held little hope of ever finding the perfect kind again. Someone was juggling. It distracted her. Children gathered around clowns putting on a show. There was a joyful ambiance. Emily scanned the crowd, seeking a familiar face.
“Do you see anything you like yet?” said Helena.
“Pardon?” She felt as if she had just been caught.
“Does anything attract you here?” That didn’t make it better.
“Everything is fascinating.”
“You never expressed an interest in the fair before. What changed your mind?”
“Seeing London opened my eyes to possibilities. I thought it would be such a waste of life to spend all of it so close to home. Especially since I am soon to be married. I may never have the chance to do this again since my fiance is stricter than a lion.”
“It is too early to be so harsh. The Duke of Humbershire may not be a bad fellow once you get to know him.”
> “I think I know him well enough to tell,” said Emily.
“I should hope you do not really feel that way. The marriage will be tiresome if you do.”
“The engagement is tiresome.”
“So why be engaged?”
“It makes our parents quite happy.”
“Perhaps his fortune will be the thing to comfort you for the rest of your life. Isn’t that what you wish for?”
Emily fixed her gaze on a colorful group of acrobats somersaulting through the air. “I do not desire money. Fondness for it is the root of all evil. I wish to marry a man out of love, not responsibility. But I suppose I might learn to love him should he change and become more of a gentle person.”
“Oh dear.”
They stopped in front of the puppets. One was hitting the other by then. It seemed like a very unpleasant thing for two, smiling marionettes to do.
“I cannot decide if this is supposed to be art or barbarism,” said Helena.
“Certainly not art. But short of barbarism. Puppets are incapable.”
“They can be as cruel as people can.”
“The crowd laughs when they are.”
“Does that make it better?”
“Only if we aspire to never be a puppet.”
Emily turned away from the show. She didn’t know why. It was entertaining enough. Lord Ashencrest walked toward them. Their eyes met, and a shiver went down her spine. He looked anxious, so she waved to soothe him.
Helena glanced at her sister. “Who have you found?”
“The man who saved me from being trampled flat under a horse.”
“The one you told me about? But why is he here?”
“Maybe to save me again.” A giddy smile reddened her cheeks.
Ashencrest tipped his hat. “Miss Brookes, I was wondering how I would find you in this. I should have known to follow the sounds of violence.”
“Yes, I inspire rage in horses and puppets wherever I go. Very few people though.”
Helena raised an eyebrow as she frowned at them. “I am not entirely sure about that.”
“She is my elder sister.” Emily spoke fast. “She is shy and hardly speaks.”
“I can see the resemblance,” said Ashencrest. “It is sometimes more charming to be mysterious.”
Helena crossed her arms. “This day has been quite mysterious so far.”