by Ryan Casey
Riley’s stomach sank. Melissa was speaking about exactly the thing Riley had been thinking about. The thing that terrified him more than anything.
“How certain can you be?” Melissa asked.
Cody shrugged and shook his head slowly. “You saw it happen yourself. You saw the monitor. You saw the brain activity.”
“But if they’re rotten. If they’re… if they’re dead. Then how are they still awake in there?”
Cody shook his head. “I wish I knew. None of us know, not really. But it’s real. It looks… it looks like the parasite works in a much more literal way than we first thought. It doesn’t just use the body of the host. It maintains awareness in the mind of the host, too. Because some brain activity keeps a person going, and the parasites need people to keep going if they are to survive.”
“So it isn’t just some flu then?” Anna asked.
“No. It has characteristics of a flu in its ability to transform over time. Its ability to mutate. But it is far, far more complex than influenza. It’s a parasite. It turns its hosts, quite literally, into zombies. Then it uses the host’s motor functions in order to get the one thing that feeds it and keeps it alive.”
“Blood,” Riley said.
Cody nodded. “It also explains the blood moon phenomenon we witnessed at the Manchester Living Zone. Something happened that day which changed the parasites. Something in the tidal and gravitational forces which drew the parasites to the surface, like worms in a rainstorm. We don’t know how it happened. We don’t know what was behind the phenomenon. And we don’t know why some people showed increased motor abilities and levels of consciousness at that time, and where they’ve gone since. But we do fear it’ll happen again. And if it does… well. It could kill us off completely.”
They were silent, then. Riley listened to the light rain falling outside, the smell of the undead still strong in his nostrils. He knew where this conversation was going. He knew exactly what they were going to get on to. He just hoped that the rest of the group trusted Cody enough now he’d been straight up and honest with them.
“You told us there was a place,” Anna said. “You told us you could take us to this place. Even with everything you know. Why?”
Cody cleared his throat and sighed. “I told you because I hoped that, maybe, just maybe, you could find a home there. That you could get away from this place, whether you agree with the ethics behind the creation of the new world or not. And I guess I still hope that’s the case.”
More silence followed. Riley looked around the table. He saw the expressions on the faces of those around him flickering in the candlelight. He saw them questioning, wondering whether what Cody had suggested was the right move, or whether there was a better option.
“It’s a risk,” Riley said.
Cody nodded. “Of course. But it’s not as great a risk as staying here. Because staying here leaves you with no hope whatsoever. Staying here means that you will die in this world, someday or other. But at least by trying to change things, you might give yourself a chance of survival.”
“And what about you?” Melissa asked. “What will you do when you get back?”
Cody half-smiled. He shrugged. “I guess I’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Are you with me?”
Riley paused. He looked at Anna. Then he looked at Melissa, then at Ricky, as they all looked back at each other.
He didn’t want it to be his decision alone.
He wanted them to all be united in their choice.
He—
“I’m in.”
He looked to his left and saw it was Anna who had spoken.
Cody smiled.
“I don’t see any point staying here when there’s no hope of anything better. I say we give it a shot. And to hell with it if we fail. To hell with it if this Gareth prick turns us away. We certainly aren’t going to get anywhere by staying put here.”
Cody nodded. He looked at Ricky, then.
Ricky glanced at Melissa. They shared a moment between them, just for a few seconds, silent but saying so much. Then they both looked back ahead and nodded. “We’re in.”
And then Cody turned to Riley.
Riley felt the weight of a decision on his shoulders. He liked this place. He liked the life he’d had here. And he didn’t want to go walking off into the dangerous wild where there were no guarantees of salvation, not again. Especially not a place that seemed serious about its detest for the infection, and those who had come into contact with it.
But what choice did he have?
Wasn’t it worth taking a gamble if it meant the rewards could be so great?
Riley looked around at the rest of his people.
He took a long, deep breath and sat upright.
Then he looked at Cody and he nodded his head.
“I’m in.”
CHAPTER TWO
When the following morning came, Riley lay back against his pillow and wished he could have another few hours.
He couldn’t shake the overwhelming sense of dread building in his body.
He got up, though, because that’s what he had to do. He looked outside the window at the beautiful day, a warmth to the air offering so much promise and so much hope.
But at the same time, there was a reluctance inside Riley. He didn’t want to leave this place.
It wasn’t a reluctance that was without purpose. After all, Riley had been on journeys before. He’d travelled to places in search of hope, all of them sparked by people he had trusted.
And every time he’d been on those journeys, he had lost something. Either someone else, or another sense of his innate humanity. All of it had been chipped away at for so long.
“Are you okay?” Anna asked.
It was a few hours later when they were both standing in the kitchen. Kesha was in Anna’s arms, speaking gibberish as usual. Kesha, not Anna. Riley would miss those gibberish stories when Kesha learned to speak. They comforted him, somewhat. Reminded him that the power of innocence was still strong in this world.
Riley cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah. Just… just didn’t sleep great.”
“Bullshit.”
“What?”
“I said ‘bullshit.’”
“You shouldn’t swear in front of—”
“You don’t want to leave, do you?”
Riley thought about arguing with Anna. After all, he didn’t want her accusing him of anything.
But he couldn’t argue, because Anna had hit the nail on the head.
Riley sighed. “I just… The times I’ve travelled in the past. The times when things have seemed so good. The times I’ve taken a gamble. I’ve always lost. Always.”
Anna shook her head. She walked over to Riley so that they were standing just inches away from one another. He looked into her beautiful eye, and she looked back at him. They were close. But something was still stopping them stepping even closer. A wedge between them. An unspoken tension.
“And what about this living zone you told me about?” Anna said.
Riley frowned. He remembered what the Manchester Living Zone looked like when it fell. He remembered the crowds of the dead. The smell of blood in the air. The taste of death, and the loss of all hope. “What about it?”
“Well, I know it fell, in the end. But wasn’t it somewhere hopeful for a while? Wasn’t it somewhere you were safe? Where you were secure?”
“But it fell. It still fell.”
“Riley, things are changing all the time. The world is changing constantly. One day, a country is at war. The next, it’s at peace, and its peaceful neighbour is at war. There’s no permanent safety. All this infection has done is remind us of that. But life is about doing the best and making the most of what we have. It’s about embracing the chaos and saying ‘fuck it’. So what’s holding you back? What’s holding you back?”
When Anna said those words, he remembered the Manchester Living Zone in a different light. He remembered the sounds of laughter w
hen he’d first got there. He remembered the pub, the markets, and how normal and ordinary seeing those places had made him feel. He remembered the celebrations, the concerts and the ballroom dances. And all of it reminded him that, even though there were dead at the gates, the world could still go on. It could still find a way.
But then he felt all his hope breaking down because the real reason for his reluctance came to the surface, raw and unwavering. “I promised I’d keep Chloë safe,” he said, voice breaking, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I promised I’d keep her safe.”
Anna walked over and wrapped her arms around him. Together, they stood there, Kesha between them. Together, they cried.
“Chloë would want you to keep on going. She’d want you to keep on fighting. For Kesha. Okay? For Kesha.”
Riley looked at Kesha’s eyes, so big and beautiful and so hopeful. He looked at her cheeky little smile. And he saw Chloë within her. The spirit of Chloë, living on inside her.
Then he looked at Anna, and this time, as their eyes made contact, he found himself being drawn closer to her, as if by magnet.
He saw her moving towards him, too.
And then he felt his lips against hers.
The moment in which they kissed felt like it lasted forever. And Riley felt reluctance. He’d fallen for her before and he’d lost her. And then he’d fallen for Jordanna, and he’d lost her too.
But despite all the resistance inside him, it was that other voice he heard. Anna’s voice. It was telling him that things changed all the time. To make the most of what they had.
That’s exactly what he was doing.
When they pulled away, they looked at each other, and everything felt different.
“That was nice,” Anna said.
Riley tilted his head. “Heh. It was alright. Had better.”
Anna kicked him in the balls, making him wince.
“Whoa,” Riley said. “Never the balls. Never the balls.”
“And never criticise a woman’s kiss. Never.”
“Touché.”
They smiled together, laughed together.
Then they walked down the stairs together, all ready to leave, all prepared.
They stepped out of the house—the place that had held such happy memories, that had given them such peace and comfort for so long—and they stood with Melissa, Carly, Ricky and Cody, together.
They looked back. Riley spared a few seconds to reflect on his memories of this cottage. To remember what hope it had brought him. What security it had provided him.
“We’re doing the right thing,” Anna said. “For Kesha. For everyone.”
Riley wanted to believe her.
He really did.
So for once, instead of resisting that desire, he allowed himself to believe in her.
Then, together, they walked away from the cottage, down the winding woodland road and into the unknown.
If only he knew what was ahead.
CHAPTER THREE
Three hours of walking and Riley felt like he’d been on this journey for an absolute lifetime already.
It was a gorgeous spring day to look at, that was for sure. But the air was thick and humid, which made walking a little unpleasant. They’d stopped at a stream a few miles back to gather some fresh water. They still had some leftover meat from the rabbits they’d caught, and with a portable stove and the skills of wilderness survival they’d developed between them, things were looking optimistic.
Riley always knew to be at his most cautious, his most wary, when things were looking optimistic.
The road had transformed from a country lane into something more open. Riley could see right the way down it. He’d heard Cody talk of how long a journey they had to go on. One hundred miles, apparently. It wasn’t going to be easy. There were going to be hitches along the way. But, fingers crossed, they could cover that distance in four days—accounting for a few impromptu stops along the way.
Riley was walking alongside Melissa. Honestly, in the six months of sharing his life with these people, Melissa was the person he’d bonded with the least. Not because of anything against her, exactly. Even if he did have his reservations, seeing as she had set Kane free back when they’d been staying at their old camp. She’d more than made up for that, saving his life and killing Kane before he could finish torturing and murdering Riley, an act that had left Riley two fingers short on his left hand.
But they’d just not connected, somehow. Riley had been so caught up in Kesha and Anna that he hadn’t taken the time to really bond with the rest of the people around him.
“How’re you finding everything, anyway?” Riley asked.
Melissa frowned. She had a scar on her forehead, which protruded violently when she pulled this expression. “How am I finding everything? What’s that supposed to mean?”
Riley scratched the back of his neck, glancing ahead at Ricky and Anna; at Carly and Kesha. “You know. How’s things?”
Melissa snorted, like she was bemused by Riley’s line of questioning.
“The small talk that bad?” Riley asked.
Melissa nodded. “Yeah. It really was.”
“Next thing you know I’ll be asking you about the weather.”
“It is a nice day, by the way.”
Riley smiled. They walked on together in silence. He didn’t know a lot about Melissa. He knew she had some demons. But he wasn’t confident or comfortable enough confronting her about them, or asking her whether she wanted to open up about them.
He’d seen the scars on her wrists. He’d seen old scars, and he’d seen fresh scars.
But a person’s privacy was a person’s privacy, wasn’t it?
Wasn’t it?
He didn’t really think before he let out his next few words. “You know, I used to self-harm.”
Melissa slowed down. Her face flushed. She glanced at Riley then looked away. “And you’re telling me because…”
Fuck it. In too deep to back out now. “I’ve seen your wrists, Melissa. I’ve seen in the blood in the bathroom at night. I know you cut yourself.”
“Ssh.”
“It’s okay. Really. I think… I think most people know anyway.”
Damn. He immediately felt shitty about saying that. It was way hammier and clunkier than he’d intended.
“That’s not exactly what I meant,” he said.
“I should hope not.”
“I just… I just want you to know that when I was in a rough patch, I denied it. I mean, my son. My girlfriend Alison just took off and headed over to Australia with him. It wasn’t her fault. It was me. I wasn’t committed or connected enough to either of them. I was going nowhere. But after they’d gone… I started drinking at first. Then when I got numb to that, I started smoking pot. And after that… Yeah, I had to find some new ways to ease the pain.”
Recognition in Melissa’s eyes. Understanding. Denial.
“But eventually it got to a point where even self-harming wasn’t relieving enough pain. I tried all the other bullshit methods. Meditation. CBT. All that crap. But it wasn’t enough. I needed a release. So I…”
He swallowed a lump in his throat and stopped.
“I drove a car into a wall at sixty miles an hour. I should’ve died. But life wouldn’t even honour me that much. I escaped completely fucking unscathed apart from a few broken bones and some short term memory loss. And I sometimes wonder whether I’m still in a coma. Or whether everything that followed that accident is just hell. Maybe that’s what this is. Maybe this is hell. But I… I just want to make sure you don’t feel like you have to visit that own personal hell too.”
Melissa’s eyes were fully in contact with Riley’s now. She was full of tears. And Riley half-expected her to slap him or something, shooting him right down.
She did quite the opposite.
“I’ve tried to take my life seven times,” Melissa said. “Pills. Cutting my arms. Even tried to hang myself. But I… I always back out, right at the end. It
’s like I don’t have the guts.”
“You do have guts. If you didn’t have guts, you wouldn’t still be here. Because staying alive is the hard option nowadays. No doubt about that.”
Melissa nodded and wiped her eyes. “I’m trying to get better. I’m trying to cut back, in my own way. I just… I worry that if we do get to safety and if we find somewhere good, it won’t be the solution to everything. Because that’s why I haven’t harmed as much in this world. I’ve been focused. We’ve all been so focused on surviving because there’s something always out there, hunting us down. But when that goes away, when everything goes back to normal again… what is there to distract us then?”
They held eye contact. And for a moment, Riley thought he felt the impact of exactly what Melissa was saying.
Then he heard Ricky swearing. “Shit.”
He turned around.
Anna had stopped. Ricky had stopped. Carly and Kesha had stopped.
And now he and Melissa had stopped.
He didn’t have to ask “what is it?”
He didn’t have to query a thing.
He could see it right in front of him.
There was a wall of zombies blocking the road ahead.
Hundreds of them.
And they were all looking in the group’s direction.
All groaning.
CHAPTER FOUR
Riley stared at the wall of the dead ahead of him and he knew they were going to have to make a choice.
There were so many of them cooking in the sunlight that he could smell them from here. He could taste the rot in the air, feel the humidity as their rotting mass got closer and closer.
And make no mistake about it. “Mass” was an understatement where this crowd was concerned.
“What’re we going to do?”
Riley looked to his right and he saw that it was Cody who had asked the question. Cody was looking on, concern in his eyes. And that hit Riley hard. This was supposed to be a journey and a mission led by Cody. And now Cody was asking him what he thought.
He was asking Riley to make a decision that could make or break their lives and plans completely.
It was all in his hands now.