by Mia Archer
In short, she looked absolutely perfect. And all I could think about was how the hell was I going to get the hell out of here, and fast? I couldn't believe I'd actually let myself become a one night stand for a member of Sleepwalker, and my knee jerk reaction was to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible.
Was it stupid? Maybe, but I was still slightly buzzed, dealing with one hell of a hangover, dealing with some pretty damn confusing emotions, and generally not thinking straight.
I glanced around the room. I looked down at myself. No clothes. A blush crossed my face at that. Why would I be in clothes? I'd only just had the full groupie experience with one of the most famous rock goddesses in the world. I'd fallen asleep right next to her. Preferred attire for that sort of social engagement was the birthday suit, after all.
I frantically looked around the room for any sign of my clothes. I saw a slightly darker spot along one side of the wall. I thought she'd maybe tossed my clothes over that direction earlier. I couldn't really remember. Everything was sort of a lust fueled haze that ran together in my memory, and I figured one lump of potential clothes was as good as another when I was already stumbling around blindly in the back of a tour bus where, oh did I mention? I'd just had a one night stand with the lead singer from the most famous girl band of a decade ago. A band that I despised. I’d acted no better than a common groupie throwing myself at Ivy!
How had I let myself get into this situation? Damn it, damn it, damn it!
I fumbled at the dark pile on the floor, desperately hoping it wasn't her clothes. And a smile played across my face as I thought back to how much fun it had been getting Ivy out of those clothes. I shook myself. I needed to stop thinking like that. I needed to get the hell out of here. I'd had my walk on the wild side, but I was not a groupie for some rock star!
Okay, so maybe I totally was a groupie for some rock star. Accidentally. No matter how I tried to slice it, what I'd just done was groupie behavior. Still, I was going to get out of here before she could gloat over her conquest. I was going to get out of here before she could do something worse than that like profess her undying love for me which I wasn't equipped to deal with right now.
Not that there was anything about our time together that made me think she was the type to do anything like gloat over a conquest or profess her undying love after one night together.
I stopped and turned back to look at her again. I thought back to meeting her in the diner. I thought to how she'd been while we were backstage together. And I felt a warmth rising inside me.
A dangerous warmth. A warmth that made me want to ignore my phone and climb back into bed. Into the rock star fantasy I'd lived for just one night. A rock star fantasy that was so dangerous precisely because it was that: a fantasy.
No matter how nice, no matter how hot she was, the truth was plain. She was a star, and she was constantly traveling from city to city where girls who were a hell of a lot hotter than me would be throwing themselves at her. There was no chance for something long-term, and that's not what I needed in my life right now anyways. I needed to remember that.
The night had been fun, but I needed to get out of here before she woke up and things got really complicated.
Because I'd realized something in that moment while I was looking at her. While I was thinking back to all the fun we'd had. To that moment we'd shared in the diner. Nothing in our time together had made her seem like the love'em and leave'em type even though I didn't see how she couldn't be given who she was and what she did.
No, she seemed very sincere, very real with her emotions and how she was feeling even if there was more than a little bit of booze involved which made it questionable to begin with. And that scared me. I was terrified that she might want a relationship, and I didn't think that was something I could handle. Not with her.
I finished slipping my clothes on. I must've looked a sight but I didn't care. It was too dark to see in a mirror anyways. I moved to the door leading out into the bus and prayed there wouldn't be any security people waiting on the other side.
Before I left I did turn to look at her one final time. I stared at her gorgeous body. I stared at her beautiful face. And I felt a profound ache in the pit of my stomach. I felt a fire burning in between my legs.
I shook my head. This was dangerous standing here and staring at her like this. It made me think dangerous thoughts. The kind of thoughts that would have me crawling back into bed with her and waking up in the morning to see where things went. I turned and quietly made my way out.
I hated myself for doing it, but it had to be done.
The lights were out in the living area. I started towards the door from memory and immediately banged my ankle against something. It was hard not to curse, and then I realized I was an idiot. I still had my phone with me! I definitely wasn't thinking straight.
I flicked the screen on and ignored the missed calls from Alice. I made my way to the door. I finally saw my first security guard when I stepped out. The same one from earlier having a quiet but heated argument with somebody. Somebody who was waving a phone in the guard’s face and looking particularly hostile.
I smiled as the glow from the phone passed across her face. That was an angry whispering face that I recognized. Alice. Her eyes fell on me as the door opened and she rushed around the guard, pushing him to the side and ignoring his protests. Alice wrapped me in a hug.
"Alice! What's going on here?"
"I was so worried! You disappeared and then you weren't answering any of my phone calls and they said she went in there with a girl but I couldn't go in there to try and find you and…"
Her breath was coming in quick gasps and I realized she seemed like she was on the verge of bursting into tears. Damn! That definitely wasn't the reaction I'd been expecting. Not that I'd been expecting to see Alice at all when I stepped off the bus.
"What happened with Gareth?"
Alice sighed. "It was fun," she said. "But let's just say that after we finished having that fun he was more interested in drinking and playing video games than hanging out with me."
I felt a pang of guilt as she said that. The way she was sighing made it clear she would've loved it very much if Gareth did want to cuddle up with her. Maybe fall asleep together. Maybe sit and talk about things. Exactly what I'd gotten from Ivy, and here I was running away from it like a stupid idiot.
"What about you? You slut!" Alice said.
I shrugged. "More or less the same thing."
The lie caused another pang of guilt to run through me, but whatever. Let her think what she was going to think. Given her recent experience she probably wouldn't have too much trouble imagining that I'd had a love'em and leave'em one night affair with Ivy in much the same way that she'd enjoyed her time with her guy.
That would be a lot easier to deal with than the inevitable questioning that would follow from telling her that I had a brief glimpse of something very special developing between me and Ivy and now I was sneaking away in the night like a coward rather than confronting it.
No, she wouldn't like that at all. I’d never hear the end of it.
The lie was easier.
Alice hooked her elbow in my own and pulled me away. She gave a pointed dirty look to the guard who'd refused to let her into Ivy's trailer, though it's not like I could blame the guy. That was his job, after all. He shrugged and went back to his ebook when it looked like we weren’t going to try and get back in.
"Come on Jessica," Alice said. "Let's get out of here. Away from these rock star users!"
I was surprised at the heat in Alice's voice. From the way she'd been talking on the way over here, hell from the way she talked about the band over the years, it seemed like a one night stand with her favorite member of the group wouldn't be entirely unwelcome. Only now the way she was reacting made me think that maybe there was a little bit more to her rock star fantasy then a wham bam thank you ma'am one night stand.
Interesting. Very interesting.
And
that just made me feel all the more guilty that I'd achieved the dream and now I was leaving it behind. Yeah, I definitely needed to never tell Alice about that. On the bright side, if Alice was this pissed off then there was a good chance I was never going to have to hear her lecturing me about Sleepwalker ever again.
Silver linings and all that.
15: The Morning After
Light. Buzzing. Confusion.
I opened my eyes and immediately regretted the decision. The sunlight streaming in through that huge back window definitely wasn’t good for a girl nursing a hangover. Usually I closed the blinds the night before so I wouldn’t have this problem, I tended to run a pretty vampiric schedule so good blinds were a must on the bus, but they only worked if I wasn’t distracted.
Distractions. I smiled as I thought about the delicious distraction that kept me from adjusting the blinds the night before. Yeah, that had felt good falling asleep with Jessica in my arms.
I’d never done that before. Like, ever. A definite first for a girl I brought back to the place where the magic happened. I hoped it would be the first of many occasions where I’d fall asleep with her in my arms.
Last night was a very real and concrete demonstration of something I’d suspected for a long time: getting off was getting off, but making love to someone you cared about was something else entirely.
It made me all the more jealous of Emma and Talia and what they had, but now that I had Jessica I was hopeful that things might blossom into what those girls had.
My stomach rumbled. Food. Breakfast. I should get food. I didn’t have anything to cook on the bus even though it came with a fully furnished kitchen. All I really needed was a microwave, but when we bought the thing it had been one of those deals where it would’ve been more expensive to get something custom that didn’t have the cookie cutter option of a full kitchen. Still, it would be a good idea to get something for Jessica.
Odd. I didn’t feel her in my arms where she’d been last night when we went to sleep. Then again I suppose it would be weird to expect her to spend the whole night wrapped naked in my arms even if that would’ve been a pleasant experience to wake up to. I’d settle for waking up next to her naked. Or even if she’d woken up in the middle of the night and decided to put some clothes on. She was beautiful no matter what.
I rolled over and moved my hand out across the bed expecting to feel her glorious curves at any moment, but nothing. I blinked and sat up.
The bed was empty. Well, I was here, but there was definitely no Jessica. Just rumpled sheets where she’d been last night.
Damn.
I moved over to the foot of the bed on the off chance she’d rolled off in the middle of the night. She’d had a bit to drink, after all, as had I. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d heard of someone falling off the bed in a drunken stupor even if she hadn’t been all that drunk.
No Jessica. Also none of her clothes. I was pretty sure I’d tossed them down to the foot of the bed the night before when we were having our fun. Fun that brought a smile to my face as I thought back on it. That really had been one of the best nights of my life.
Even if it wasn’t exactly shaping up to be one of the best mornings after.
What the hell was going on here? I was experiencing all sorts of firsts with this girl. The first time I’d found myself interested in someone who was dressed up to go to one of our concerts. The first time I’d felt something other than a little bit of old fashioned lust when I pulled a girl on stage. The first time I’d been interested in what a girl had to say as much as I was interested in how hot she was.
Apparently the first time I’d been stood up and left high and dry after a one night stand. Talk about one hell of an odd reversal there. I was used to being the one who did the ditching. I thought back to all the times I bailed early in the morning and left behind a note along with breakfast and an autographed picture talking about what a great time I had the night before.
I felt like a bitch even thinking about that. I felt like I was getting everything I deserved and then some as payback.
Of course there was still a small sliver of hope. There was still the chance that Jessica would be waiting for me on the other side of the bedroom door instead of a metaphorical karmic note and autographed picture that was payback for all the asshole things I’d done to my fans over the years.
I pulled on my miniskirt and shirt from the night before. I could shower later. If Jessica really was gone then I needed to get the ball rolling on a couple of things before I even thought about showering or breakfast.
And if she was here, well the shower in the bus was small, but one thing I’d made sure of when I bought this thing was that it would be more than enough to accommodate two people showering at the same time.
I had different priorities back then.
The only problem? It looked like I was going to be doing a one woman shower after all. I glanced through the living area and even on the floor around the couch on the off chance she’d stumbled out here in the middle of the night and passed out, again it wouldn’t be the first time something like that happened, only there was no sign of her.
The bus was completely empty. Just like it had been for most of this damn tour.
Fuck.
I popped my head out the front door. I heard some cheers and blinked in the morning light. I couldn’t believe it. Looking over at the chain link fence separating the buses from the rest of the world there were actually a few girls standing there with their phones in hand trying to take pictures. There was even a tent in one spot making it clear they’d stayed the night.
Damn. Talk about crazy. Not that I was too worried. It’s not like a camera on a phone was going to get much of a picture. For that matter it’s not like it would be the first time a picture of me stepping out of the bus hungover made the rounds on the Internet. I had no shame to hide from the world at this point.
Well, I’d never been naked on the Internet, but other than that.
“Morning Ivy,” Jake said.
“Morning yourself Jake,” I replied.
Jake was usually the one guarding my bus through the night, though I was probably catching him near the end of his shift. It was a pretty sweet gig for him too. Mostly that meant sitting outside the front door reading a book or maybe playing a video game on his phone to break up the boredom. Not that I minded him breaking up the monotony. I figured it had to be a pretty boring job keeping back all the women who didn’t storm the chain link fences like in the old days.
Jake had earned his pay back then. I figured the least I owed him now was reading on the job. It was also nice having someone out there to keep an eye on things. I was particularly glad this morning that he was out there waiting. That meant he would’ve been there through the night when Jessica made her exit.
“You didn’t happen to see a lady come through here the night before, did you?” I asked.
Jake chuckled, a deep bass rumble, and shook his head. “You talking about the hellcat that came over here demanding to get into your bus in the middle of the night, or the one who stepped off your bus and ran off with the first one? You pulling in girls with girlfriends again? Been awhile since I saw that.”
“No, nothing like that,” I said.
“You sure about that?” Jake asked, fixing me with a firm stare. “Because I don’t particularly like dealing with the jealous girlfriends. They fight harder than the drunks.”
“Don’t worry. The other girl was straight. She probably spent a half hour with Gareth then came to get her friend,” I said.
“A half hour? That’d be a new record for him,” Jake said. “I can understand why she’d be so pissed off. Not that the one you were with looked too happy when she stepped out.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. Damn it. She was gone. And all I had was a phone number. Then again if she really didn’t want to talk to me it’s not like having a phone number was going to do a hell of a lot to get her attention. She could ig
nore me all she wanted and I’d be screwed.
Or I wouldn’t be screwed. Not like last night, at least. Damn it.
“I don’t suppose they said anything?”
I could at least hope that maybe she had work in the morning or something like that. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she hadn’t bailed because she was freaking out about who I was. She’d seemed a little skittish for most of the night last night, and I could only assume that’s what ultimately chased her away.
Jake shook his head and chuckled again. “You sure you want to hear the things they were saying?”
I sank down against the steps, not even caring that those women on the other side of the chain link fence were still standing there snapping away. Let them snap away. I did close my knees just a bit, though. I put the miniskirt on but hadn’t bothered with underwear. Best not to give anyone out there with a telephoto lens something to share with the Internet.
Talk about ironic. Here I was surrounded by women who would love a chance to get with me and the one woman in the world I wanted was the one who was running as far and as fast as possible.
Damn it.
“Goddamn Gareth,” I muttered.
“What’d he do this time?”
“He might have just screwed me out of the girl of my dreams because he just had to screw her best friend.”
“Sounds like something he’d do. Not that he can help it. Getting mad at Gareth for screwing a fan is like getting mad at a fish for swimming. Time was you were like that too, I remember.”
Jake laughed again. Even I snorted at that one. It wasn’t one of his better cheesy jokes, but it was up there. And with the way I was feeling I would latch onto anything to provide a little bit of comic relief in what was starting to look like a pretty goddamn bleak situation.
I glanced over to Jake. I seemed to recall Jake being a man who could get things done once upon a time, even if he had settled into a life of reading and enjoying a nice easy gig.
“Jake, what would you say if I said I needed some help?”
He held his hands up. One of them had his trusty ereader still there from where he’d been flipping digital pages the night before.