by Penny Jordan
Nicola stared at him, her shock showing in her eyes.
‘You love me? But you can’t. You never said... You didn’t—’
‘I didn’t what?’ he asked her softly. ‘I didn’t show you how much you mean to me, how much I love you? Do you honestly believe that—do you honestly think that if I didn’t love you I would have...?’
He stopped speaking, shaking his head as he said bitingly, ‘I promised myself I wouldn’t do this, that I wouldn’t pressurise you...that I wouldn’t beg...that I’d let you— Oh, God, I’m behaving like the worst kind of fool...and worse. Nicki, I’m sorry. I never intended—I suppose it’s just the strain of loving you...wanting you...of being terrified that if I let you walk out of here you’ll be walking out of my life and that you’ll never, ever walk back into it. I let you go once...lost you once. Maybe then I didn’t know quite what I was losing, but I know now. Nicki, if you don’t care...if you feel you’re never going to be able to care, then for God’s sake say so. Don’t let me make an even bigger fool of myself than I already have. If you don’t love me...’
She made a tiny anguished sound that checked his words and made him look at her, anxiously searching her face, hungrily absorbing the information he could see in her eyes, and then more slowly studying her again, both his hands cupping her face as he watched her, saw the love in her eyes, registered and recognised it.
‘You love me?’
Nicola nodded her head, unable to speak, unable to believe this was actually happening.
‘You love me...you really love me!’
He was covering her face with tiny exultant kisses as he spoke, his body trembling a little as he lowered himself on to the bed, reaching for her beneath the bedclothes, holding her against him as his mouth caressed hers, slowly, possessively, and then far more fiercely, compelling her to respond to him, to cling to him, while he told her over and over again how much he loved her.
Later, a long time later, when they had both finally come down to earth, they talked in soft-voiced murmurs, exchanging confidences, making plans, promises.
‘I never meant to cause you so much pain,’ Matt told her as he held Nicola in his arms. ‘I feel so guilty about that...about not taking the time to reassure you before I left for New York that nothing had happened between us. I had no idea it would traumatise you so much. I only meant to give you a fright, to make you stop and think about what you were doing, about the risks you were running.’
‘It wasn’t your fault,’ Nicola reassured him lovingly. ‘If Jonathon hadn’t—’
Matt put his fingers across her lips. ‘Shush. He’s the last person I want to talk about right now.’
‘But if it hadn’t been for him, this might never have happened,’ Nicola pointed out teasingly.
Matt shook his head.
‘Sooner or later this would have happened,’ he told her firmly. ‘Maybe not as quickly nor as intensely, but I’d started loving you long before last night. I wanted to get closer to you, but every time I tried you seemed to reject me. I thought it was because of Gordon...’
‘I was afraid,’ Nicola admitted. ‘Afraid of responding to you because of what had happened, because I felt so guilty...so ashamed.’
Matt turned her round in his arms, cupping her face as he told her seriously, ‘Even if we had made love that night, even if that night—or any night—had happened with someone else, it wouldn’t make any difference to the way I feel about you. You were a child, Nicola, that was all—barely aware of what you were doing, what you were inviting... I knew that all you wanted to do was to make Jonathon jealous.’
‘Not entirely,’ Nicola told him, flushing slightly. ‘That was what I originally wanted to do, but when you were dancing with me...’ She stopped and looked up at him. ‘I wanted you then, Matt, and I think it was knowing that I wanted you that helped to convince me that we had been lovers. I think that deep down somewhere I wanted us to have been lovers.’
When he kissed her she wrapped her arms around him, holding on to him tightly, trembling a little when he told her how much he loved her, how much he wanted her not just for now but for the rest of their lives.
‘I’ve waited a long time to find you,’ he told her lovingly. ‘And now that I have found you, I don’t want to wait any longer. Will you marry me, Nicki?’
When she nodded her head, he kissed her again, and this time it was she who initiated their lovemaking, touching him with loving, knowing hands, exulting in his response to her.
* * *
‘WELL, NOW, Mrs Hunt, I think we should drink a toast to the person who made all this possible, don’t you?’
Less than an hour ago they had arrived at their honeymoon villa on the small French Caribbean island. Outside the sun was setting in a ball of orange fire. Inside the villa the air conditioning hummed. The girl who had greeted them on their arrival, explaining that there was a meal for them in the fridge, had gone, and they were on their own.
As she took the glass of champagne Matt was handing her, Nicola laughed teasingly at him.
‘Jonathon,’ she guessed, giving him a deliberately provocative little pout.
‘Jonathon,’ Matt agreed with a grin, putting down his glass and holding out his arms to her, telling her, ‘It goes dark very early here, doesn’t it...?’
‘Very,’ Nicola agreed, straight-faced. ‘In fact, it’s so dark already, it might almost be bedtime...’
‘You took the words right out of my mouth,’ Matt told her, nibbling on her earlobe.
‘But what about our supper?’ Nicola pretended to protest as he picked her up.
‘Later,’ Matt told her. ‘Much, much later. Right now I’ve got far more important things on my mind than food.’
‘Much more important,’ Nicola agreed softly. ‘Much, much more important.’
ISBN: 978-1-4592-8406-7
Past Passion
Copyright © 1991 by Penny Jordan
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