by Joya Ryan
Natalie’s gaze flashed to East, and he glanced down.
“The other night? Yes, it was fine.” That was stretching the truth. The moment she’d had East buried inside her, that had been more than fine. That had been perfect. “Drinks with Match.com guy” had been as disastrous as all her other attempts. Will from Charlotte hadn’t stopped droning about…what had he even been talking about? Mergers or something. She hadn’t known it was possible to be that bored. Especially after the intense excitement she felt whenever she was with East.
Her mother smiled brightly, and East looked up from his plate to hit her with a steely stare. She couldn’t read his expression. Was that…anger? Excitement?
“Well, tell us about this mystery man. Was he a gentleman?” Lemon-Anne placed extra emphasis on that last word. Nobody but a true Southern gentleman would be good enough for a St. Clair girl, of course.
Natalie didn’t know what to do, but her mother was pressing for details, and she wasn’t about to admit to yet another failure in front of her family and the man she couldn’t stop picturing naked. So she fudged a little.
“He can be. He can also be downright dirty.” Natalie shot a quick look at East.
Her mother blinked several times, and East bit his lip to keep from smiling. The sparkle in his eye told her that he knew she was talking about him now. She felt a fizz of happiness inside.
“Oh, does he work with his hands?” her mother asked in a naive tone. Natalie had to bite back her own laugh. She didn’t dare look at East.
“Um, yes, you could say that,” Natalie replied, as thoughts of East’s hands and what they could do arose unbidden from her memory. “He’s very skilled. He can do things with sugar that you just wouldn’t believe.”
East coughed abruptly and grabbed his glass of water.
“Oh, so he’s a baker, too? Hmm, well, that’s, um…that’s nice, dear.” Lemon-Anne was clearly not very pleased with the idea of her precious daughter dating someone who wasn’t Beaufort aristocracy, but Natalie assumed that having a date at all was better than nothing in her mother’s eyes.
“Will he be available for the wedding?” Her mom continued, oblivious to the electricity arcing across the table between Natalie and East. “I was hoping you might have found someone a bit more, ah, deserving, but if he’s willing to show up, then we’ll make it work.”
Ouch. Willing to show up? That snapped her out of her inside joke with Easton.
“Is that how pathetic I am, Mom? I need a date so badly I can just—”
“Don’t get dramatic, I’m simply saying that your options are limited, and beggars can’t be choosers.”
Her entire heart kicked into her throat like every single word her mother just uttered had its own foot.
She’d heard that turn of phrase several times, but it had never cut as bad as right then. Maybe because East was witness to it. Maybe because she was tired. Maybe because deep down, she was getting scolded like a little girl in front of the one man she wanted to look at her like a true woman. The earlier fizz of happiness was replaced with the acid bite of her mother’s words.
“I totally agree,” East cut in with a nasty tone, and hit her mother with a glare. “Beggars can’t be choosers. Good thing Natalie is far from a beggar. If anything, she’s not choosy enough.”
Her mother gave a kind smile. “You and Matt have always been so sweet. Just like you should be. Looking out for her. Tell me, Easton,” her mother said, fully turning her attention to him, “how’s everything coming with the wedding? Matt and Bridget are due back tomorrow, correct?”
While East addressed the question, drawing attention from Natalie’s dating life, she took the chance to excuse herself and leave the table.
“Forgive me,” Natalie said, and scooted her chair, “I just need a minute.”
A minute to collect herself. Her mother nodded absently, but East kept his gaze on her as she rose from the table and left the dining room. She went up to the third floor bathroom because she needed two flights of stairs to get her mind right.
She leaned over the sink and looked in the mirror, then took a deep breath. She had to let this go. Let it roll off her back like she always had. Or had she? She knew her mother loved her, deep down, but she also had those crazy St. Clair expectations that Natalie could never meet. And for some reason, tonight they were harder to stomach than usual. Maybe because she did want more. Maybe because she didn’t want East to see her as pathetic. She shook her head and reminded herself that she shouldn’t be thinking of him anyway.
She thought, instead, of her options. Thought of Connecticut and Leslie’s offer. Maybe she was just getting too tired of fighting to stay in Beaufort. Fighting her mother. All of it. Yes, she loved her shop, but maybe this circle of self-doubt and exhaustion needed to end. Maybe she needed a big change.
First, though, she had to get through dinner, then Matt’s wedding.
With a final breath, she prepared herself to go back down. She opened the door and—
“Holy hell!” she gasped. East was standing right outside. “You gave me a heart attack!” she whispered harshly.
But he stood still, a look of raw hurt and rage on his face. “Are you okay?” he asked.
She frowned. “Yeah. Why?”
“Because of what your mom said. It wasn’t right, darlin’.”
“Oh, that’s normal. Come on, you know that.”
He nodded. “I do. I’ve heard her say shit like that for a long time, but tonight…” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Natalie. I should have said something sooner.”
“What are you talking about? I’m fine. This is just my mom being herself, and we all know I’m not a Southern belle, and that’s okay.”
“It is okay. The way you are is better than okay.”
She looked at him for a long moment. “Thank you.”
He nodded, cupped her hips, and gently pulled her close. It was a move she was getting used to—comforting. And just when she thought he’d kiss her, he bypassed her mouth and drew her in for a hug. He wrapped his big, strong arms around her and held her, tight and perfect. Something in the way he clung to her made her want to…
Cry.
She was losing it. He made her feel safe. Seen. And here he was, offering solace after a shitty moment, just like—
Like he loved her.
But he didn’t. She knew he couldn’t.
And she couldn’t do this anymore.
She pulled away. East’s face looked hurt, as though she might as well have slapped him.
“I’m really fine,” she said. “We’d better get back.”
“Natalie, wait.”
But she didn’t. She took the stairs as fast as she could. The dinner table might be a death trap with her mother waiting, but East was a soul trap, and her heart was on the line.
Losing her pride was one thing. Losing her heart to East was another.
Chapter Thirteen
Natalie came to sit next to Matt at the bar at Honey’s.
“Hey, sis,” he said, and gave her a hug as she sat down. Chloe was behind the bar and came over to serve them.
“Glad you’re back,” Chloe said, and poured Matt a drink.
“Thanks. Yep, I hope you don’t mind, the whole Connecticut crew is in town and I’ve talked up Honey’s.”
Chloe smiled and then poured Natalie a drink, too. “Well, I think the wedding this weekend is the talk of the town. You two holler if you need anything else.”
“Thanks, Chloe,” Natalie said to her friend as she waddled her adorable pregnant behind away.
“Mom has been grilling me about all the details.” Natalie gave her brother a playful nudge. “Your friends and I have money going on when she’s going to bring up grandkids. My bet is on the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night.”
“Don’t think she’ll even wait for after the wedding, huh?” Matt asked.
“Nope. Come on, you know Mom.”
“Yeah.” Matt took a sip of his bee
r. “Which is why I wanted to chat with you tonight. Just the two of us.”
That sounded serious. Natalie’s stomach knotted as she tried to figure out what her big brother had to say. But before he could get much out, the familiar ding of the door caught just enough of Natalie’s attention for her to realize it was Easton.
Small town.
More than that, though, she was happy to see him. Not annoyed. Not nervous. Just happy. She thought of how he’d hugged her last night and wondered if she could get another one of those tonight, depending on the way this cryptic conversation of her brother’s was about to go.
“Hey, there’s my best man,” Matt called. East headed over.
“Hope I’m not interrupting?” he asked before taking a seat next to Matt. Not next to her. Not that she could blame him. It was just a bar stool, right? And they were a secret. Or maybe they weren’t even that.
“Nope. I just have to chat with Nat real quick, but it’s nothing you can’t hear. You’re family.”
Something in East’s gaze sparked at that word, and a flash of pain crossed his face. Then he gave a tight smile.
“So, Sis, I know Mom has this whole thing about you having a date tomorrow night. And you’re right, I know how she can be, so I wanted to check in with you and see how you’re doing on that?”
Natalie blinked a few times. “Are you asking how that makes me feel, or asking if I have a date?”
Matt blushed, and he looked embarrassed. “Both, I guess. You know I care about you. But, uh, do you have a date? A prospect at least? I just want Mom off your back because she can be tough to handle.”
“And you know that’s an understatement,” she said and took a sip of her beer.
“So…” Matt pushed, and East glanced at Natalie as if awaiting her answer as well.
There was something in his eyes that she couldn’t deny. Not tonight. She might have denied it last night when he’d hugged her like he cared. Or the few nights ago when he’d made love to her like he’d cared, and spoken to her like he’d cared.
Maybe because he does care.
Once again, East was looking at her and she felt seen. And in that moment, it was clear.
“There is someone I like that I’d go to the wedding with,” she said, looking directly at East. His mouth dropped a little, and she nodded in reassurance.
Yep, I’m looking at you, tough guy.
She returned her gaze to Matt. “But it’s complicated.”
“You like him?” Matt asked. As if it were that simple.
“Yes.”
“Then just go with him. At this point, Natalie, I don’t want to deal with Mom when I’m trying to get married. You like the guy, take him, call it good.”
“Again, not that simple, Matt.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know if he wants to go with me.”
“Then he’s an idiot,” East said, and her eyes snapped to his.
“You think so?” she asked.
He nodded. “Absolutely.”
She smiled, but Matt was still on his line of questioning, and no matter how they went about this, it was still a delicate matter. She couldn’t blurt out everything now, but the way East was looking at her, she knew he was on her team, and somehow, this would work. They’d make it work.
“Great,” Matt agreed, still obviously thinking they were talking about some mystery man. “Then ask him, bring him, and all is well, and I can get married, and we can both take a break from dealing with Mom.”
She nodded. “Okay. I just may do that.” She took one more sip and glanced at East, then at her brother. “I’ve got to get going. Big day of baking tomorrow before the rehearsal.”
“Love ya, sis,” Matt said.
Natalie caught East’s eyes as she slid off the stool. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She made sure her voice spoke the promise she felt.
He nodded. It was funny—they both were on the same page and still in their secret world at the same time. But she was confident that tomorrow night, she’d finally go after the one man that made her feel like more. And deep down, she hoped that he’d help her work out the details.
“See you tomorrow,” he confirmed.
“Thanks again for all your help,” Matt said to East.
East watched Natalie walk out. His heart was thumping in his chest, but he felt strangely calm. This was going to happen. Everything was going to hit the fan tomorrow night, but he and Natalie, together, were going to come out of the closet.
And he was excited and terrified. Because the thought of her leaving or hurting was too much. He loved Matt and the St. Clairs, but he loved Natalie, too. Only that love was shifting.
A hollow ache pulsed in his chest. He was, and had been, violating Matt’s trust this whole time. He’d like to think it was for Natalie, so that he could be with her, but in the end, he felt awful about lying to his best friend.
“Happy to help,” East said. “You’re my best friend, Matt.”
His buddy looked at him and elbowed his arm. “I know. And you’re mine. You getting sappy on me?”
“Something in the air, I guess.”
“I guess. With the way Natalie was just talking, I’m hoping this guy she likes isn’t a total asshole.”
East glanced away. “You talk like she can’t make up her own mind. She’s not a kid anymore, you know.”
Matt gave him a look he couldn’t quite place. “It’s not that. She’s just…vulnerable. You know that. Falling for the wrong guy? He wouldn’t just break her heart. He’d break her completely.”
“She’s stronger than you think,” East said.
“Sure, but come on. She’s dating all these guys, no real winners, and suddenly she likes one of them? You know she didn’t think this through. Dating is one thing, but liking him is another.”
“So she can’t win?” East asked. “You and Lemon-Anne wanted her to find a date, she has, but now, even though you haven’t even met him yet, he’s not good enough?”
Matt leaned in, and his voice got low. “Bridget was talking with Michelle the other day. I guess Natalie isn’t as discreet as she thinks. Apparently this guy she’s been seeing has been kind of a secret, and she’s hung up on him. I guess he even hurt her feelings or something, and she tried to stay away but he wouldn’t let her.” Matt shook his head. “I don’t know. Bridget just told me about it. But this guy doesn’t sound good if he’s already fucking with her head.”
A stab to the kidney would have felt better than what Matt had just said. But he wasn’t exactly wrong. At any point, East could have handled the situation with Natalie differently. Could have claimed her, or better, could have left her alone. Instead, he’d played with her. Fought with her. Fucked her. Worse, he’d fucked with her mind.
He wanted to crawl into a hole.
He wasn’t just trash compared to Natalie, he was just plain trash in general.
“Hey, speaking of dating,” Matt said. “Bridesmaids are in town.”
East just chugged his beer. His buddy would never see him as more than a ladies’ man with no staying power. Hell, that’s probably all he was, judging from the shitty way he’d treated Natalie. She deserved better than that. She’d even said so before: he made her crazy.
Of course, Matt had no idea how close to home he was hitting. Granted, East had hit everything close to home when he’d pursued Natalie. He’d known from the beginning that he wasn’t good enough for her. Known he wasn’t on the same level as the St. Clairs. They’d done him a favor, taken him in, made him family. Even now, Matt was talking to him with total trust. And he’d turned around and just fucked everything up.
It was time to stop.
Stop making shitty decisions. Stop running from reality. Because reality was, he was a player without a committed bone in his body. That’s what his own best friend saw, too.
“Something in the air,” he muttered to himself after finishing his beer.
“Well, I’m glad you feel that way becau
se…” Matt trailed off and East followed his eyes. Bridget and three women walked in. The bridesmaids, he guessed.
“The tall blonde is Bridget’s sister Kelly, and we’ve told her all about you.”
Kelly’s eyes were fastened on him, and East knew exactly what was happening. He was being set up. He wanted to be angry with Matt, but the truth was he was almost grateful. He’d set out to keep his eye on Natalie and make sure she didn’t get hurt, and here he was, being the guy who’d end up hurting her more than anyone. He couldn’t keep fucking with her when deep down he knew it could never be more. He didn’t even know how to love a woman like Natalie. He was trash. He might as well let Natalie see him for who he really was.
Chapter Fourteen
“I want you. And I don’t care who knows,” Natalie said out loud. She was finally speaking the truth about how she felt about East. “We’ve been together the past couple of weeks, and I’m not sorry. In fact, I want more. And I want everyone to know that you annoy me, but I love…” She trailed off and closed her eyes as she let the truth sink in. The truth she’d known all along. “I love you, East. You make me feel alive. Seen. And you drive me insane. But I’d rather be crazy with you than normal and boring without you.”
Natalie smiled and fluttered her eyes.
Now if only she could say that to East in person, instead of to the rearview mirror of her car as she sat in the parking lot of the hotel where Matt and Bridget were going to get married tomorrow.
“You can do this,” she said to her reflection. “Get your butt in there, and tell him how you feel, and tell Matt what’s been going on.”
Honestly, she was worried about her older brother finding out about her and East, but she cared too much about East to let that stand in their way any longer. It was time to come clean and face Matt, even if he got furious. And he likely would. But he’d understand. Eventually. East was a good man. The man she wanted. It would all be okay.