by Kaylea Cross
Braxton met her eyes again, dumbfounded. Over four years. She hadn’t been with anyone in over four fucking years? It was unthinkable. “Why not?”
She averted her gaze and eased off him, looking embarrassed as she slid to the seat a few feet away from him. “I’m nervous, I guess. Self-conscious about my leg. But mostly…” That beautiful brown stare lifted to meet his.
He watched her, waiting. Sensing that whatever came next could change everything between them.
“Mostly it’s because I don’t want to be with anyone but you.”
He exhaled in a rush and reached for her again, pulling her into his arms to crush her to his chest, burying his face in her soft, scented hair. “Jesus, Tal.” He closed his eyes, reeling from her admission and being able to hold her like this after dying to for so long. She wanted him even though he was wrong for her. Even though he wasn’t near good enough for her. “You’re killing me.”
She sat up and looked him in the eye, hands on his shoulders. “Where do we go from here?”
Nowhere. They should go nowhere except out of this hot tub and upstairs to eat. And then they should stay the hell away from each other before they went past the point of no return.
He’d sooner have all his limbs ripped off than never hold her or kiss her again.
The unfamiliar stirrings of fear tingled in his gut. Something he’d never experienced even on the battlefield while under fire.
There was no way he could stay away from her now. Not after she’d laid herself bare to him moments ago. But he didn’t want to hurt her. Couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing her and having her reject him. Not Tala. It would kill him.
He swallowed, anxiety burning in his belly. He wanted to be what she needed. Wanted to make this work somehow, but… “What if I can’t give you what you want?” He was staying in the military. Wouldn’t be with her for long stretches. She’d leave him for it eventually. And he would never recover.
Her smile was soft, the look in her eyes even softer. “And what if you can?” She shook her head at him, her expression tender with a hint of exasperation. “Life is short, Brax, and I’ve already waited four years for you. I’d rather risk it and find out firsthand than spend the rest of my life without you and wondering what might have been. But I’m done with waiting, and done with settling for less than I deserve. So if you want me, you need to step up and be willing to put me first.”
A wave of cold shot through him at her words, every reason for his previous breakups playing in his head. You’re never there for me. Your unit always comes first with you. You’re emotionally unavailable. You can’t give me what I need. You don’t know how to love someone.
Tala shrugged when he didn’t answer, the motion stiff, shoulders tense. “Sorry to be so blunt. But that’s what I need.”
He nodded, anxiety forming a lead weight in his chest, even as he understood. His mind warned him to back away. Now. That if he really loved her, he would protect her from the pain he would inevitably cause her, no matter how hard he tried to avoid it.
She dipped her head down to kiss him. A light, quick brush of her lips. Before he could process it, she eased back to wave a hand at him. “Now turn around so I can get out and go inside to change for dinner.”
He didn’t want to, but he did, for her, the hunger inside him battling with his deepest fear.
Losing Tala.
He’d almost lost her that day in Afghanistan. Now he faced losing her for an entirely different reason, and it might already be too late.
Past experience had taught him that’s exactly what was going to happen, no matter how hard he fought to stop it.
Chapter Ten
She didn’t know what the hell to do.
Lost in thought, Tala pulled the down-filled jacket over her Lycra racing suit, then tugged her toque over her hair, her thick braid trailing down the center of her back. The conversation in the hot tub the other night hadn’t gone well. At all.
The way he’d kissed her had all but melted her bones, but when she’d leveled with him about her expectations and what she wanted, he’d frozen up. At first, she’d regretted opening her mouth, but since then she’d decided it was a good thing she’d told him everything up front. If he couldn’t handle what she wanted, then best she find that out now, before things went any further.
At least he’d accepted the symbolic olive branch she’d offered him by agreeing to go out on the trails with her today. She was looking forward to skiing in simulated competition conditions, but also nervous. They would be alone again, and she wasn’t sure what to expect from him now.
It had been two days since he’d kissed her, stunning her with that volcanic heat he’d hidden from her for so long. Two days since he’d held her and told her with that tortured look in his eyes that she deserved better than him. That something was missing inside him.
Bullshit. And it broke her heart that he seemed to believe it.
He’d withdrawn from her after getting out of the hot tub, keeping a careful distance even through dinner afterward, and she hadn’t wanted to alert the others to what was going on by forcing her presence on him.
But he’d watched her. Throughout the meal and everyone relaxing together in front of the fire after with a drink and goodies, she’d felt his eyes on her. And every time she met his gaze, the longing there set her heart pounding and her body on fire.
She’d been in knots ever since, dying for more of what he’d shown her, imagining them naked together. Him using that sensual mouth and strong hands all over her, and finally ease this all-consuming need he’d created inside her.
Yesterday he’d been busy with Mason and Tate working on things for their business, and she’d spent the day with Rylee and Nina, driving down to Missoula to hit a spa for massages and facials. They’d gone to a movie after, and then stopped for dinner before driving back to Rifle Creek.
By the time they’d arrived home it had been late, and Braxton was back at Avery and Mason’s place. He’d been on her mind all day, as she slowly drove herself crazy wondering what was going on in his head and what he planned to do about them.
She’d thought about texting him, not wanting to give him the chance to keep pulling away. But in the end, she’d left it alone. She wasn’t going to chase after him. She’d made it clear how she felt about him. The next move had to be his.
Just as she was climbing into bed last night, he’d texted her, setting off butterflies in her stomach. Have a good time?
Great. How was your day?
Good. Everything seems to be coming together.
But no word about whether or not he was leaning toward leaving the military to work with them full time. Got plans tomorrow?
No. But I miss you.
Just that simple admission had dissolved her irritation and turned her heart over. She knew it hadn’t been easy for him to tell her, even via text. She needed to see him in person. I miss you too. Want to go skiing in the backcountry for a while tomorrow? Tate told me about some good cross-country trails. I want to do some shooting too.
I’m in. What time?
Eleven.
That was fifteen minutes from now, and she was anxious to get going.
She wanted him to put his inner baggage aside and seize this chance before it was too late. He was being pulled away overseas again far too soon as it was. Every day they had together was precious. Was he really going to waste the remaining time they had left here together?
“You picking up Brax on the way?”
She glanced toward the garage door where Rylee stood. “Yeah. Would you mind pouring my tea into the thermoses on the counter?”
“Sure.” She turned away.
“You’re the best daughter.”
Rylee shot her a grin. “I know.”
Tala returned to organizing their gear. Her biathlon equipment, but also Braxton’s skiing stuff and emergency gear. Going into the backcountry required emergency supplies and provisions, just in case.
> Along with the nerves in her belly, anticipation coiled, warm and fluttery. Her gut told her that today would either make them or break them. She hoped he’d seriously thought about what she’d said, and decided to give them a chance.
“Here’s your tea. Nina and I made up some sandwiches with the leftover turkey, and she put some bars and cookies in there as well. Don’t want you guys having to subsist just on those nasty protein bars you always take with you.”
“You guys are awesome.” She took the sealed plastic bags from her and packed them into the backpack Braxton would be carrying on the trails.
Opening the garage door, she carried her equipment and the backpack to Tate’s truck and set everything in the bed. A cold gust of wind tugged at her. She glanced up at the sky, noted the dark gray clouds moving in. The predicted storm was supposed to hit tonight, bringing a foot or more of snow here, and even more higher up in the mountains.
When she turned back to get Braxton’s equipment, Tate was already there, carrying it out for her. He set it in the truck bed and paused to sweep his gaze over her. “Tell me you’ve got more layers than that with you.”
She grinned at his concern. “Of course I do, it’s all rolled up tight in the backpack.”
He gave a terse nod. “Good. And your spotter GPS?”
“Yes, Dad,” she teased.
The corners of his lips curved. “Just looking out for you.” He glanced up to study the sky. “Storm’s moving in. I’ll keep an eye on the weather report and let you guys know if anything changes. And be aware of your surroundings out there, just in case. That gang member I told you about still hasn’t been located, and he was last seen by one of the construction workers heading into the mountains not far from our building site.”
She’d told Tate about the footprints they’d seen. He’d sent officers up to search the area that night, but they hadn’t found anything. “We will, and don’t worry, we’ll be back long before the storm starts. Planning to be here by seven at the latest, but hopefully sooner, because after a day on the hill I’m always starving, and Nina’s an awesome cook.”
“Yeah, she is.” He glanced into the truck bed, and she could almost hear him taking inventory in his head. “You got everything you need?”
“Yep. Except this.” She held out her arms expectantly.
He grinned and pulled her into a hug. Tate hugs were the best—with the exception of the ones from Rylee and Braxton. All different, and each savored for various reasons. “Have fun, and be gentle with Brax. He’s on holiday.”
She laughed and hugged him back, wishing she could talk to him about the way things stood between her and Braxton. Maybe she would tomorrow, depending on what happened today. “I will.”
“Love you.” He kissed the top of her head and released her.
“Love you too.” He was such a softie inside, especially with his family. She loved that the most about him.
Turning, she found Nina and Rylee standing together in the doorway leading from the garage into the mudroom. “Bye,” she called out when they waved to her. “Love you guys. See you in a while.”
Her heart drummed faster as she neared Avery and Mason’s place. She didn’t want things to be strained or awkward between them.
Anxiety twisted her insides. She wanted Braxton. Had wanted him and no one else for four long years now, but it seemed like he was determined to keep walls up between them. It was making her crazy.
As soon as she pulled into the driveway, the front door opened and Braxton came out. Just the sight of him made her breath catch. He walked toward the truck with a full ruck over one broad shoulder.
Mason stepped out onto the front porch, folding his arms over his chest as he nodded at her in greeting. “Have him back by dark, okay?” he called out to her.
She smirked. “You gave him a curfew?”
“It’s his own fault. Don’t be late, son,” he said to Braxton, who rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, don’t wait up, warden.” He opened the passenger door and climbed in, his gaze colliding with hers as he reached in to set the ruck on the backseat. “Hi.”
“Hi,” she said, her stomach muscles tensing. She couldn’t get a read on him. Had no idea what was going on in his head. “You didn’t need to bring anything.”
“Just some extra food and survival gear. Thought I’d leave it with the snowmobiles so we’ve got everything in one place if we need it.”
“Good idea.” She backed out of the driveway, aiming for a light mood. “Oh, Mason’s still there, waving at us. Wave back.”
They waved at him as she drove away, only to stop when the front door of the house on the right suddenly flew open and two figures popped out. The gray-haired lady in front waved her down as she rushed to the front gate.
Tala pulled over and stopped next to it, and Braxton rolled down his window. “Pat,” he said as the woman rushed for the truck. “Everything okay?”
“Oh, yes,” she panted, breathless in her haste to reach them. “I just wanted to make sure we caught you to give you this on your way out. You can’t ski on empty stomachs, can you?”
Braxton accepted the bag. “That’s so nice of you, thanks.”
She beamed at him. “Not at all. Thank you, for clearing our steps and walkway earlier.”
“It’s no problem. Mason and I will be over in the morning to clear them again for you after the storm clears up.”
“That would be lovely.” Her gaze cut to Tala, more than a little curiosity there. “You two have fun now.” She stepped back and rushed up the walkway to stand with her sister on the top of the front steps, waving.
“You cleared their walkway, huh?” Tala said with a smile, waving at the sisters with him before pulling away.
“They were out there trying to do it themselves,” he said in a tone that said he found that completely unacceptable. “What was I gonna do, stand back and let them?”
She shook her head, a fond smile in place. “Just another reason why I love you, Brax.”
As soon as she said it, she wished she could take it back. She’d meant it in a friendly way, not a romantic one, but the way his face froze made her curse herself. “I meant, just another thing I admire about you,” she said, wanting to smack herself.
Rather than answer, he opened the bag and peered inside it. “Want a muffin?”
“Sure.” Anything to cover the awkwardness and keep her mouth busy so she couldn’t put her foot in it again. “What kind are they?”
“Looks like cranberry and oatmeal. Smells like maybe some orange in them too.”
“Yum. Hand it over.”
He did, and it was still warm from the oven. Fragrant and delicious. And eating them took up the first few minutes of the drive and allowed her nerves to settle again. She wiped her hands on the paper napkin he gave her, then put it in the cup holder next to her. “So, what area do you want to hit?”
He pulled a map out of his jacket pocket. “Tate told me which trails he thought would be best. I’ve plotted a route out for us.”
“Perfect.”
She played it cool on the way to the building site, even though unease ground in the pit of her stomach. She’d made it clear that she wanted him. If he wanted her in return, how could he not act on it? How could he pretend they were nothing more than friends after the way he’d kissed her?
They talked about their upcoming adventure for the rest of the drive to the Rifle Creek Tactical site, both of them avoiding anything personal. By the time they arrived, Tala was ready to burst. She needed to expend some of the pressure inside her before she exploded.
She parked beside a newly built shed that housed the company’s recreational vehicles. Together they unloaded their gear and packed everything onto two snowmobiles inside.
She turned on the spotter GPS so Tate could track them, tucked it away in the backpack, then tugged on her gloves and turned toward him. “Ready?”
He was already standing beside his snowmobile, tall and strong and
gorgeous. “Ready. I’ll take point.” He straddled his vehicle, fired it up, and drove it out of the shed.
Tala followed, anticipation and excitement curling inside her. This was going to be a great day. She could feel it.
A light wind blew in their faces as they headed up the trail that led away from the building site and up the mountain. The heavy, overcast sky made it easy to see where they were going with no sun to blind them.
The fresh scents of the winter forest surrounded them as she rode after Braxton, sharp evergreen and crisp fallen snow. There was no one else around. It was just the two of them, and she couldn’t wait to spend the next few hours alone with him. Building on the bond they shared. Showing him he had nothing to be afraid of when it came to a relationship with her.
He took them up to a ridge high above the building site and finally pulled underneath a rock overhang, parking his vehicle near the wall of the enclosure. He swung a long leg across the seat as he stood, watching her as she pulled up beside him and cut the engine. “All good?”
“Yes. Looking forward to slapping the boards on.” She stood and unzipped her jacket.
As she stripped it off, he stilled. When she glanced over, she found him staring at her, his dark gaze sweeping over the length of her body with a heated look that made her toes curl in her ski boot. A delicious shiver sped through her that had nothing to do with the cold.
Touch me, she willed him. Just touch me.
But he didn’t move. “You’re not gonna wear a jacket out there?” he asked, his eyes doing another pass over her body-hugging Lycra suit. He wasn’t even trying to be subtle about it now.
She’d definitely made the right choice in wearing it today. “Nope. I’ll put it in your ruck, but I want to simulate competition conditions as much as possible.” With the added bonus that he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off her in this. She was calling it a win.
Tala liked to win. While she refused to chase Braxton, now that she knew he wanted her, she wasn’t above using every weapon in her arsenal to break his control.