For the Soul of an Outlaw (Outlaw Shifters Book 5)

by T. S. Joyce

  “Their choice,” Karis called from the jukebox. She gave Trina a cold glare. “We didn’t go into mountain lion territory and attack you. Didn’t try to Change one of you against your will and kill the others. We just defended ourselves.”

  “Settle down, bear,” Trina growled. “I wasn’t blaming you. Didn’t say my people didn’t deserve what hit ’em. Only that it’s hard for those of us who are left. I don’t even like you, but I pray you never feel the hole a demolished Clan leaves behind. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. It’s a fuckin’ miracle Kurt’s still alive.”

  Karis growled audibly and pulled Gunner against her thigh protectively. “Easy,” she said, then pushed a couple buttons on the music player and blared a rock song.

  Trina crossed her arms over her chest and leveled Tenlee with her green eyes. “Are you Kurt’s?”

  Tenlee nodded. “Kurt’s and Gunner’s. I would do anything for them.”

  “What do you want from me?”

  “What’s the word. The crows call it something. Fea…feal…fealty.”

  Trina’s face went comically blank, and then she laughed. Cooper took a seat beside them and set a trio of drinks on the table. Looked and smelled like straight whiskey. This was gonna burn.

  “Fealty,” Trina said, leaning back on two legs of her chair. The table was a whiskey barrel and not very big. She looked over at Cooper like she expected back-up from him, but he only said, “Explain fealty.”

  “Fealty to Kurt. He is friends with the bears, but he isn’t Clan. Trig can’t order him to do anything. He’s too dominant. Or too sick to bond with them maybe. He needs a Clan under him, and you already have some bond to him, right?”

  Cooper swallowed hard and dipped his chin to his chest once.

  “He won’t go for it. I’ve already asked,” Trina said.

  “He will now. I’ve seen how much he hurts. And I won’t be around to take care of Gunner. When he realizes that and figures out Gunner isn’t bonding to Trig as his Alpha, he’ll listen. He has to.”

  Trina frowned. “You won’t be around?”

  Tenlee’s voice would give away how heartbroken she was, so she shook her head as an answer. Karis and Gunner weren’t paying attention. They were on the dance floor shaking their butts to the song. Tenlee took a mental picture. Happy moments. She was collecting them.

  “Yes,” Cooper said.

  “Dad,” Trina warned.

  “I don’t care about the risk.” He flicked his fingers to the hordes of people outside. “That is a tornado coming, and we have no shelter. The crows have each other. The bears have each other. It’s just us, Trina, and you know well as I do, Kurt was always the Alpha who was meant to lead the Darby Clan. Everything just got fucked up before he could take us over properly. We’ll get a good man for an Alpha—”

  “You could be our Alpha—”

  “I’m an old man, Trina! I don’t want to do this alone. I don’t want to hurt over the bonds, and I sure as fuck don’t want to watch you suffer. You’re my daughter. It’s my responsibility to keep you safe, and the best way I can do that is to grow our numbers. If Kurt lives, we both know what he’s capable of. We’ve seen him go to war. Seen him spill blood to protect the people in his care like it’s nothing. He will be one hell of an Alpha for us.”

  “If he lives,” Trina whispered.

  “Yeah. If he lives. Let’s give him that shot. Give Gunner a place with us. It’ll ally us with the bears because of Kurt’s friendship with them. It’s a smart move, Trina, and more than that? It’s the right thing to do. Look at that cub over there.”

  Trina’s gaze dragged to Gunner, who was laughing and spinning circles on the dance floor.

  “His dad is done for without us. He’s an orphan without us.”

  Trina dropped her gaze to the whiskey, and when she lifted her attention again, her pretty eyes were rimmed with moisture. “Okay,” she murmured. “On one condition.”

  “Name it.” She would literally do anything for Kurt and Gunner.

  “Whatever you’re planning on doing? You can’t leave Kurt. If you’re his mate, he won’t be okay without you, and none of this will matter then.”

  It was the only promise she couldn’t make. She couldn’t explain the complicated hole she’d dug for herself or the reasons she needed to leave Kurt. She couldn’t explain she was trying to make life safer for Kurt and Gunner, for Two Claws, and even for Trina and Cooper. They wouldn’t understand until it was done.

  So…she forced a smile, lifted her drink in a toast, and together they downed their whiskey. All she could do was hope that someday they would forgive her broken oath.

  Chapter Twenty

  Tenlee’s hands wouldn’t stop shaking. It was so bad she had trouble holding the cell phone in her hand.

  She sat straddled on Kurt’s Road Glide, eyes on the back door of the precinct. Karis and Gunner were sitting in Colt’s truck waiting with her for the Clan to be released.

  She’d felt something strange in her chest all morning, ever since she’d gotten the call that they would be released from custody. It was a sick feeling. Like a poison in her soul. A darkness she couldn’t get rid of, and she didn’t understand where it was coming from. It made it hard to breath, like she was on the verge of panic. She couldn’t have ridden in the truck with the others if she tried. She would’ve Changed, and it wouldn’t have been a pretty one. Her animal felt half rabid inside of her.

  Any minute now, she would see Kurt’s face.

  Feeling watched, she checked the trees again but didn’t see any crows.

  They hadn’t come around the ranch either, though she and Karis had been paranoid and hovered around Gunner obsessively while they waited for the Clan to be released. She’d never felt so exposed than when she had her Gunner Boy to protect. She’d kept Colt’s old Peacemaker with her at all times as she and Karis had worked from dawn to dusk to keep the ranch going.

  She’d grown to accept and adore Karis before she’d shown the Clan her human side, but working a ranch with someone, protecting a child with someone…well, it changed the make-up of a friendship. And Ava was now sitting in a cage beneath the precinct because she’d Changed in public to protect Tenlee.

  Love.

  She hadn’t known much about it before, only what she’d read in a few books she’d found on a shelf in Momma Crow’s house. Those had told her love was all mushy and perfect and between two people, but the books had gotten it wrong. There were different kinds of love.

  When she looked at Kurt, he was everything. The sun and the stars and the moon and the air she breathed, and she would die for him. But it wasn’t always perfect and easy. Life wasn’t some bright sunshiny day on repeat. It was gritty, and love for her and Kurt meant tackling whatever came, and doing that together.

  And then there was her love for Gunner. Her sweet, tough-as-nails Gunner Boy. He was currently hanging out the window with a shiny blue pinwheel, trying to catch breezes. To anyone watching him, he looked like an innocent human boy, but she’d seen him go fierce and claw at a grown man to protect Tenlee. His smile was medicine for a hard day. She would do anything to keep him safe and make his life happy. She often got emotional around him in this body. She wanted to make happy tears and hug him up all the time. That wasn’t in the books she’d read.

  And then there was her friendships with Colt, Trigger, Karis, and Ava. That love definitely hadn’t been described in the books. That love had surprised her the most. It wasn’t a romantic feeling, but it held the same level of devotion that had grown inside of her for Kurt—devotion that had grown from a tiny seed into a mighty oak.

  These people, and Kurt especially, had changed her from the inside out. From the marrow in her bones to the tips of her fingers. She wasn’t the same squirrel who had run away from a bad situation. She felt empowered. She felt in control of her life. She felt as though she could protect the Clan because they made her brave.

  She blew out a breath and dialed Ramsey’s numbe
r on Kurt’s cell phone.

  “You have some serious balls calling me after what you done, Kurt,” Ramsey snarled out.

  “This ain’t Kurt.”

  There was a breath of silence. “Tenlee?”

  “I go by Ten now.”

  “I’m not calling you a name those assholes gave you.”

  “Fine. It’s the only one I’ll answer to though, so you’re gonna get real tired of me ignoring you. Your choice, though. That’s the beauty of this life, Ramsey. We have choices.”

  “What is this about?”

  “You want me?”

  “Yes,” he muttered. “Yes and no and yes again. I wish I didn’t, but I’m stuck, and I’ll have you the hard way or the easy way.” The devil was in his voice as he ground out, “Another choice.”

  “I have requests.”

  “Denied. Come home or I’ll drag you home.”

  Ten laughed and shook her head. He would never change. She hated him. “I’ll come back willingly and I won’t run again, but you have to take back the death oath on the bears, and you have to give me your word that you’ll never retaliate on them again. You have to forget about them.”

  “Forget about them? Are you serious? Do you realize how many of our people they have killed?”

  “Your people, and you were the one who was dumb enough to send your people after fucking grizzlies and polar bears and cougars. What did you expect, Ramsey? For them to roll over and show you their bellies and die easy so you could get what you wanted? Take accountability for your own actions. Your people died because you failed them as an Alpha.”

  “Stop.”

  “I’ll never love you, I’ll never give you children, I’ll never be comfortable in Red Dead Mayhem—”

  “Stop!”

  “And I will never be easy to be around, but if you’re fine with staying bonded to someone who pines for another man, okay. You don’t understand love. That’s what I’ve learned. When you love someone, you want them to be happy, and Ramsey, you don’t give two shits for my happiness. I learned about real love, and I want Kurt to be okay, and his boy and the Two Claws Clan. So if me sitting in the cage of the crows is what keeps your bloodlust at bay, I’ll throw my life away for—”

  “I said stop!” Ramsey roared.

  “Rule number thirty-something, you don’t get to fuckin’ talk to me like that. I’m not your people. I’m not your Clan. I’m not your MC. I’m rogue, and because of your decision to keep me chained to you, I will always be rogue.”

  “Stubborn woman!”

  “You haven’t even seen stubborn yet! I’m going to spend the rest of my life making you as uncomfortable as you make me. You want to know why? Because you are taking everything from me. I fell in love. Real love. The selfless kind that hurts and is scary but at the same time is the best feeling in the whole world. I have to give that up to protect my people because you only like things that you can’t have. I have to give up my shot at raising…fuck.” She swallowed hard and blinked a few times. “I have to give up my shot at raising a son. I have to give up my friends, and I know me. I’ll obsessively watch their lives from afar for the rest of my days and feel gutted that I’m not a part of their story. These are all. Your. Choices. And if you ever go back on our deal and hurt a single hair on their heads, I’ll douse your fucking Clan in kerosene and light a book of matches. I will poison Red Dead Mayhem from the inside out, Ramsey. I’m not the girl I used to be. I don’t run anymore. Leave them alone for always.” She slammed the heel of her boot onto the asphalt and shook her head hard. God, she couldn’t believe she would have to do this. “Three days. I’ll come to you in three days.”

  “No, if I’m giving into your negotiations, I want you here today.”

  “No deal. I want a chance to say goodbye to my people.”

  His voice was low and dangerous and shook with rage when he said, “Rike said there is a claiming mark on your throat.”

  “And you’ll always have to look at it and know you aren’t my true mate. More choices. Kurt is mine.”

  “No! You’re mine! Always were. Always will be. My crow picked you. You! Little, submissive nothing! I lowered my standards to choose an animal for a mate! I should kill that cougar in front of you and then rip you apart you for your treachery, Tenlee.”

  The doors to the precinct opened and there was Kurt, her light, the man whose memory would get her through the rest of the hard days of her life.

  “My name is Ten. And you already did kill me.”

  She hung up and positioned her mouth into the forced smile that humans used. Because for the next three days, she was determined to give Kurt the best memories that she possibly could.

  They would have to last them a lifetime.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “You coming?” Trig asked quietly.

  Ava and Colt had already been let out of their cell across the room. If it could be called a cell. Really, the two cells under the precinct were cages built for shifters like them. Not many people knew about them, but according to Officer Hamilton, that was all a-changin’. Kurt had always thought it was the crows who would get shifters busted to the public, and he was kind of right. If they hadn’t gone after Ten, shifters would’ve remained in hiding longer.

  God, he hoped she and Gunner were okay.

  Officer Hamilton led Colt and Ava toward a set of stairs on the back wall, but Kurt was lacking motivation to drag his aching body through the precinct.

  “Kurt?” Trig asked, waiting for him at the open door.

  Everything hurt. Wouldn’t be long now. “Will you watch after them when I’m gone?” he asked the Alpha of Two Claws.

  Trig’s mouth set in a grim line, and he sighed. There was no use saying “I won’t have to because you’ll be around for a long time.” Trig could tell how sick he was. He’d been trapped in this cage with him for three days, trying not to Change and kill Kurt. Predator shifters didn’t like to be around other injured or weak monsters.

  Trig nodded. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

  Kurt chuckled. “I’m gonna die in a barn.”

  “It’s a nice barn, though,” Trig joked.

  Good, he was glad they could joke about this, but Trig’s eyes stopped dancing and he went all serious again. “You know I’m grateful for all the sacrifices you made for us.”

  “Shiiit. You know I’d do it again.”

  “Ava’s here because of you. And Tenlee and Gunner. You carried a ton of weight on your shoulders to make other people’s lives easier. You’re the best man I know, Kurt. One of my best friends.”

  “Eh, stop bein’ all mushy.” Kurt grunted as he forced himself upward. “You know what your dad would say if he was watching us right now?”

  Trig laughed and led the way out. “He’d probably say something like, ‘Y’all park your motorcycles in the garage until you earn ’em again. Until then you can ride pink tricycles and I’ll even put glittery streamers on the handlebars for you.’ And then he’d say, ‘Now stop lookin’ like you want to hug away your feelings and muck out them stalls.’”

  Kurt laughed low because, really, Trig had nailed the impression of his late father. Mr. Massey had been one tough sonofabitch. “Yeah, he wasn’t much for mushy moments. He would find us something to do to put some hair on our chests again.”

  “Yep, and Colt would be sittin’ up on the porch drinkin’ a beer and giving us shit, talkin’ about how he was my dad’s favorite until Dad booted his ass to the barn and made him get to work, too.”

  “Well, I would’ve been the favorite, clearly,” Colt said from the bottom of the stairs. “I always minded what he said.”

  “Bullshit,” Kurt said. “I only knew him a few years, and I saw y’all pop off at each other more times than I could count.”

  “Cussing at me was a sign of affection.” Colt shot Kurt his middle finger and followed Ava up the stairs.

  “You know,” Officer Hamilton said from in front of them. “You should really take
this more seriously. There’s news coverage all over the world showing a girl turning into a Polar Bear and chasing a bunch of motorcycles down the street.”

  “Correction,” Ava said from behind the officer. “I chased a Suburban full of assholes down the street.”

  “And you killed three men.”

  “Correction, there were three dead crows that were obviously dead when we got there,” Colt said.

  Kurt snorted and shook his head. He was pretty sure the cops in this town all knew them by name. How many nights had he spent down here with Trig and Colt when they were in that MC? A dozen? Two-dozen? The cops all knew about shifters in this town. “Look,” he called up to Officer Hamilton as Kurt scaled the top stair, “you all took these jobs to protect the outside world from finding out about us. You failed just as much as we did by protecting them crows too much.”

  “We fuckin’ told y’all to stay away from Red Dead Mayhem the last time you were arrested!”

  “In my defense, I wasn’t arrested that time,” Ava said smartly. “I didn’t hear your directions.”

  Colt snorted and Trigger laughed, and Kurt was pretty sure she was going to be just as outlaw as the rest of them. God, he wished he could live long enough to see the hell they were going to raise. “I wasn’t arrested that time either,” Kurt backed her up. “Y’all need to send us memos or something.”

  “Yeah, a list of laws you don’t want us to break for a while,” Ava muttered.

  “All of them! Avoid breaking all of them! Avoid murder and mayhem and fighting and property damage and eating other ranchers’ livestock!”

  “That’s a lot of rules, Tim,” Ava said.

  “My name is Harold.”

  Oooh, it hurt to laugh.