by Nancy Barone
‘I just can’t wait to get started,’ I called back. The start of a completely different life for us.
14
The Bucket List
On the flight home Ben was sick three times, poor soul, and I was about to collapse from exhaustion as I kept waking up from my uncomfortable, constrained position to check on Ben. Chloe had several naps this time, sleeping like an angel, and Alice snored practically all the way home, the lucky cow. I guessed the security of that kind of money coming her way induced her into a deep, serene sleep.
As I was finishing off a delicious cup of coffee, Chloe opened her eyes and looked up at me. I swear she looked like when she was three. ‘Are you okay, darling?’ I asked.
She stretched and nodded.
‘You had a good time with Jess, didn’t you?’
‘Yeah. She’s really cool. I didn’t know a blind person could be that cool.’
I bit my lip to keep from retorting with a moral lesson. It was a miracle she had even told me that much. If not towards me, I noticed that LA had mellowed Chloe slightly. She didn’t snort as much. I only hoped it would last.
‘Do you think she’s a happy girl?’ I asked and she looked at me cagily.
‘She’d be happier if she could see,’ she retorted.
‘I didn’t mean that, Chloe.’
‘Yeah, well, I’m not going to share her secrets with you.’
Here we go again. ‘Ah, so you really are that close. I’m glad.’
‘Whatever,’ she said and turned away to go to sleep again. And that was the end of that. If Luke had had a tough time raising Jess on his own, I realised that my battle was still an ongoing one, and would be for a very long time.
By the time we landed in Heathrow I could barely keep my eyes open, and when Alice, who was as fresh as a daisy, offered to help us get our bags to the train, I almost wept with relief.
It was still, what with transfers and all, another eight hours to our front door, and I was dreading it, because, let’s face it, I wouldn’t be able to sleep this leg of the journey either while having to keep an eye on the children. In a city like London, a mother’s work was never done.
If I was an absolute wreck now, I could imagine what I would be like by the time I got these two home. All I wanted to do was pass out, but it was up to me to get them home safe.
As we were spilling out of Arrivals, me holding Ben upright, along with three holdalls around my neck and my clothes pulled every which way but the right way along with my hair, Alice stopped in her tracks.
‘Oh my bloody God!’ she swore.
‘What? What did you forget?’
But she just looked ahead and I followed the direction of her gaze. It took me a while to recognise him, with his dark mop of curls shortened and clean-shaven face. I was so shocked I didn’t even have the strength to speak at a normal volume, and it came out as a croaked whisper. ‘Jack…? What are you doing here?’
The kids suddenly recovered and clung to him as he in turn enveloped them in his arms. ‘Hey, you guys! Did you have a good time?’
‘Awesome!’ Ben cried and Chloe laughed. ‘That’s what they say in LA, and they say it, like, all the time!’
His eyes met mine, almost apologetically, his long dark lashes fanning his tanned cheeks. ‘I figured you’d be exhausted so I thought I’d meet you. Huge congratulations again, by the way.’
I moved to hug him, but I was weighed down by all the bags hanging from me. ‘You’re my hero,’ I gushed. ‘I can’t believe you did this!’
‘I can,’ Alice said, jangling her keys, in a hurry to get home herself now, seeing as the ballast had been passed to him. ‘So as you’re in excellent hands, I’ll just let you get on with it. Congratulations again, doll, and I’ll call you tomorrow. Kids, it’s been… interesting. I didn’t think I’d like you so much.’
Chloe and Ben laughed and waved as she tottered off, then turned again. ‘Don’t forget you need to update your website now!’
Website? It was the last thing on my mind.
‘Right,’ Jack said, lifting all of my bags from around my neck. ‘Let’s get you three home. You must be knackered to the bone!’
‘Not too bad,’ I said and then yawned. ‘I still can’t believe you’re here! I thought I was hallucinating!’
He slid me a happy grin. ‘The exit’s this way.’
This was so Jack, going all the way for other people. Everyone in town loved him to bits, and it wasn’t hard to see why. He was completely selfless. I simply didn’t understand that silly cow who had dumped him.
Once we were in his SUV, it started to rain. ‘Welcome back to Kernow summers,’ he quipped, then turned to Chloe in the back seat. ‘Honey, there’s a basket in the back with drinks and snacks. Would you mind?’
‘Ooh, thanks, Jack!’ she cried, twisting to retrieve the bounty.
‘And there’s hot coffee for you and some baps and muffins and stuff,’ he said to me.
‘Coffee’s fine, thanks, Jack. You’ve thought of everything. If you knew how to cook you’d be perfect marriage material.’
Again, he slanted me a funny look. He looked so different, without his beard, and there were dimples I never even knew existed.
‘You look… amazing,’ I said in earnest and his eyes swung to mine in a shy grin before they went back to the road.
‘So do you. But then, you always do.’
‘Liar,’ I chuckled as I took two travel mugs from Chloe and rested them in the receptacles and stretched out luxuriously. This might not be a BMW convertible, but it was roomy and solid and just as comfortable, if not more. It was already home.
‘Chloe, Ben, mind you don’t spill anything,’ I cautioned. I wasn’t that deliriously exhausted that I’d forgotten my manners.
But I did fall asleep, and when I came to, I knew I’d slept because I had that funny taste in my mouth. Inside the vehicle, it had become quiet as Chloe and Ben had finally fallen asleep too.
‘Sorry, I passed out,’ I said, rubbing my eyes. ‘I’m not much in the way of company, am I?’
‘You’re fine,’ Jack whispered.
I stifled a yawn. ‘You don’t need to whisper, they’re out for the count.’
‘Seems so,’ he agreed.
The rain was coming down in sheets now, but his driving was steady, without the bursts of energy of Luke’s sports car, so I lay happy in the knowledge we would get home safe and dry with Jack.
It was like being inside an unbreakable cocoon – warm, safe and quiet. I pictured having to face the same journey with Lottie The Shitty Car and suddenly shivered in horror. She’d have abandoned us on the A30 without a second thought.
‘Cold?’ he said softly, reaching for the heating. ‘There are a couple of throws in the back.’
I shook my head dreamily. ‘I’m fine, thank you, Jack. It was so kind of you to drive to the airport just so we wouldn’t have to take a train.’
‘I’m glad to do it. Emma wanted to come, too, but she had to work.’
‘Did you and Emma have a good time the other night?’ I asked. ‘I so wanted to be there with you guys.’
He cleared his throat. ‘Nina, there’s something you should know—’
The Cornwall county border sign flashed by and our beautiful green hills and hedgerows came into view.
‘Oh, how I’ve missed Cornwall!’ I cried under my breath.
‘Well, it wasn’t the same without you. Even Alf has had a few bad moments.’
‘No! What happened?’
‘He went out and got lost. Hugh the postman found him on the coastal path at Soapy Cove.’
‘Oh my God, he could have—’ I didn’t even want to finish the thought.
‘So the Ice Cream Ladies have stepped up to the plate as usual, keeping his business open while he recovers.’
‘Will… he?’ I asked.
Jack shrugged his shoulders. ‘He seems fine again now. It just comes and goes, you know?’
‘I’ll go see
him tomorrow morning. I’m so sorry!’
‘See what happens the minute you leave us, Nina? Everything just falls apart.’
‘Well, luckily, I won’t be going anywhere.’
He turned to me. ‘You’re not going back to Los Angeles? To write the script?’
‘Me? No, Luke O’Hara will be coming here.’
‘Really? A Hollywood star in our midst? That should be interesting.’
‘And at my dining room table, to boot.’
‘You’ll do a proper job.’
‘You think?’
‘I know.’
‘What did you want to tell me just now?’
His eyes lost their twinkle and his mouth clamped shut. ‘It’ll keep.’
When we got in, loaded with our bags, Emma and Chanel were there with a Welcome Back, Hollywood! banner.
‘It’s so good to see you,’ Emma cried. ‘My best friend, the scriptwriter!’
I hugged her back, catching a glimpse of Jack beaming at her, while Chloe dragged Chanel upstairs to tell her all about her adventure and Minnie and Callie were yapping for all they were worth as they jumped and licked our faces.
‘Hello, my beauties!’ I cooed as Ben sank to his knees and let them lick him.
Compared to Luke’s place, the house seemed dreary, and the furniture dark, but it was my home, my safe place.
‘Sit yourselves down, I’ll be ten minutes with dinner. Jack, would you crack the wine open please?’ I said as I pulled out the freezer bag that I had prepared for this very evening: cannoli, parmesan eggplant, rosemary-baked potatoes with caramelised onion and carrots and a tiramisu to top it all off.
‘Ah, I’d love to, Nina, but can it wait until tomorrow evening?’ Jack said regretfully. ‘I have an early meeting with some organic distributors in Bude in the morning.’
I stopped, eyeing Emma who was looking over Chloe’s gifts to Chanel, and pulled him closer to me, using the fridge freezer door to screen us. ‘You have to. Why do you think I made sure I was back today of all days?’
He blinked. ‘Why, what’s today?’
‘The thirteenth of July?’
And then it dawned on him. ‘Shit. Sorry, I completely forgot.’
‘No worries. We just need to keep her from getting too drunk again. That’s when she reaches the stage of self-pity.’
‘Right – let me make a call, then.’
‘Thanks, Jack. You are the best friend a woman could ever have.’
He raised his eyebrows critically. ‘Not sure if that would be read as a compliment by most men.’
‘Of course it’s a compliment. Now go make your call and get that bottle open. Chloe? Come and set the table please!’
As promised, exactly ten minutes later we were all seated around a table full of food and laughter, and Emma, despite her mind alighting on that bad memory every once in a while, was determined to celebrate my good news like the great friend that she was, pushing her own woes aside.
‘Is it okay if Chanel stays the night?’ Emma asked. ‘She’s missed Chloe.’
‘Of course!’
‘Thanks,’ she said, then hissed, ‘I need a break!’
After dinner, the girls absconded to Chloe’s room while Ben – wide awake and wired yet delirious with jet lag – migrated to the dining room to watch his science documentaries on TV.
It was late, and we were all tired for our own reasons, but the pleasure of being with one another after an entire week, and sharing the good and the bad moments beat everything else.
‘This is nice,’ Emma slurred, and after a while of companionable silence, fell asleep against Jack’s shoulder.
He shot me a glance. ‘I daren’t move.’
‘Poor Em, it gets her every year. She’s been through a lot.’
‘So have you,’ Jack whispered.
‘We all have. Even you, with your own divorce.’
He made to shrug, but sat still under Emma’s body.
‘Do… you still think of Clarissa?’ I ventured.
Jack looked at his feet that were propped up on the coffee table before him.
‘Only when I hear someone say her name. Otherwise, I have completely erased her from my memory.’
‘And are you happy, Jack?’
He slanted me a lazy, tired look, but there was a smile on his lips. ‘Happier than I’ve been in a long time, Nina. You?’
‘I’m definitely working on it.’
‘I don’t know why she left you, but I do know that it was her loss, in any case, Jack,’ I said and truly meant it.
What kind of idiot would dump Jack? He was kind, intelligent, and quite frankly, very easy on the eye, with his dark hair and dark eyes. He was a jeans and T-shirt kind of bloke who worked hard for a living, using both his muscles and his brain, and his appeal to all the women in the village was his sexy smile and his easy-going attitude and manliness. And the funny part was that he wasn’t even aware of the effect he had on them. His was a power that he kept banked under years of self-control. He was never loud, never angry, never overly silly.
He gave a light toss of his head because he couldn’t shrug. ‘She hated the countryside – all the mud in the winter, the harvest with all these damn apples and pumpkins that needed harvesting.’
‘Uh, duh?’ I said and he rolled his eyes.
‘In any case, when something’s not meant to be, it’s wiser to just let it go,’ he said.
Emma stirred in her sleep, muttered something, and we both waited for her to settle again.
‘Apart from her wedding anniversary today, is Em okay?’ I asked.
His eyes swung to mine from above the rim of his glass.
‘What do you mean?’
‘She seems… odd. Like she has a secret. Has she got a new man or something?’
He swallowed and put his glass down, making sure not to jostle her. ‘Seems all right to me. Maybe she’s just working too hard.’
I took a sip of my wine. ‘Well, hopefully we’re looking at sunny days ahead.’
‘To sunny days, then, Nina,’ he whispered.
‘To sunny days, Jack,’ I whispered back.
Emma stretched, yawned and opened her eyes. ‘Oh, God… how long have I been out?’ she asked.
‘Not long enough to sleep it off,’ Jack answered with his usual sarcasm.
‘Yeah, yeah,’ she said. ‘Play the indifference card, you two. Don’t think I don’t know why you had me over tonight even if you only just got back home. And you with your business meeting tomorrow. You guys are the best.’
I patted her knee, and Jack, who was against anything that could be described as gushy or cheesy, gave her head a light shove sideways as he always did in similar moments. Jack eyed me, knowing what was next.
‘O’ course I have Adam to thank. If he hadn’ta left me, I’da never moved to Penworth Ford and met you lot,’ she slurred. ‘And if I’da never met him, I’d a never fallen in love with him and had his baby,’ she said, her voice cracking now.
I hugged her. ‘It’s all right, Em, it’s all right.’
‘And if I’da never had his baby, I’da never put on the baby weight, and he’d never lost interest in me,’ she sniffled as the tears came.
‘Em,’ Jack said. ‘It’s not your fault. He lost interest in you because he’s a wanker – you know that. And you’re better off without him.’
She was now sobbing, and I hated her husband for what he’d done to her. I wondered how long it would take her to recover.
‘Would you have left me, Jack?’ she sniffled. ‘Just because I’d gained a few baby pounds?’
‘I told you – he’s just a wanker.’
She snuggled up to him, and I could see the fragile curve of her back. ‘You would never leave me, would you, Jack?’ she wheedled, moving in to kiss his cheek.
He rolled his eyes. ‘Of course not.’
‘No, you wouldn’t Jack, and you know why? Because you,’ she said poking him in the chest, ‘are one of the good
ones. You’re good-lookin’, rich, and sexy as hell. By the way, Nina, did I ever tell you that Jack has a huge—’
He stood up, catching her as she slid off his lap.
‘All right, all right, Missy, you’ve had too much tonight. Let’s get you next door,’ he said, propping her up in his arms like she weighed absolutely nothing.
‘Give her a couple of aspirin,’ I said. ‘That usually makes her feel better.’
‘I know,’ he said.
Emma looked at me through her dazed drunkenness as if she was seeing me for the first time. ‘You’re so prettyyyy,’ she said. ‘Isn’t she pretty, Jack?’
‘Absolutely,’ he said, rolling his eyes.
‘And she’s so kind.’ She turned around to look at me over Jack’s shoulder. ‘You deserve good things to happen to you, Nina. And I’m a horrible person…’
‘That’s enough now,’ he said, whisking her through the front door as I held it open for them.
‘Night, Hollywood,’ she called, suddenly happy again, waving, then turned to look at Jack. ‘Oh, look, my ride’s here! Hi, lover boy!’
‘Okay then, see you tomorrow, Jack. Thanks so much and good luck with your distributors tomorrow,’ I said as I waved them off.
‘Thanks, Nina. Welcome back. Don’t worry about her. I’m proper proud of you.’ And with that, he disappeared into the night.
Poor Emma. She, too, had been through a lot. But at least she had us now. With a sigh, I loaded the washing machine with our darks and sat at the dining room table where my encrypted-against-beady-little-eyes Bucket List was still pinned to my cork board the way I’d left it a week ago:
Guru was Ben’s operation
Miracle meant Write next book
Filter meant Filter Phil out of my blood system
Soldi was Italian for money
De-royalise had nothing to do with my royalties, but rather getting Chloe off her throne where I was concerned.
And now, sitting where I always sat, Los Angeles once again seemed as far as it always had been and that a whole lifetime had already gone by, and that I had never left at all. My daisies were still flowering nicely, and Minnie and Callie settled again into our evening routine. Only one big thing had changed, and in a moment of indulgence towards myself, and just for the fun of it, I added to my list, Get a big fat Hollywood movie deal. And with immense satisfaction, crossed it off my list.