Jace shook his head in disbelief. How could she be so matter-of-fact? “Fuckin’ sick bastard. Didn’t anyone try to stop him?”
“I didn’t need anyone to stop him. I stopped him.” She patted his cheek. “Trust me, it was better that way. Now you have to tell me why you think you need pain.”
He sat in silence for several minutes. If he told her, she would no longer be able to accept him. She’d be like all the others who thought he was a freak.
But she sat there in silent support, and he felt his wall of protection crumble.
“Nine years ago…” He stared at his clasped hands, his stomach roiling. He shouldn’t tell her. He closed his eyes and whispered, “I killed my father.”
Chapter 28
Aggie took a deep breath, her mind unable to comprehend what Jace had told her. He’d killed his father? As in murdered him?
The bus shuddered and sputtered as it drew to a halt. “Food!” someone yelled. A clamor of voices and footsteps moved toward the bus exit.
“Are you ready to go eat?” he said.
“I… You’re just going to leave it at that? You aren’t going to explain why or how or—”
“Aggie, I can’t change what I did. I can’t take it back. I can’t make amends. All I can do is cope—the only way I know how.”
Her heart ached for him. Whatever he’d done in his past, she didn’t care. She knew he was a good man. She took his hand and squeezed. “I want to help you. How can I help?”
His gaze drifted to the ceiling, the pain in his eyes so absolute, she felt it deep in her chest, in her throat, and behind her eyes.
“Hurt me, Aggie. Just hurt me.”
She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him, wanting to reach him, but he remained stiff in her embrace. If he would just submit to her and admit what he really needed, they could make progress, but until he opened up and accepted the love she could give him, they’d go nowhere.
She kissed his cheek and stood. “Get some clothes on. Let’s get you something to eat.”
He stared at his hands again, a muscle flexing repeatedly in his jaw as he worked at burying his pain. After a moment, he nodded, slipped into some clothes, and headed for the door.
As they walked toward the exit, Aggie took his left hand in hers and refused to let go as he tried to shake it off.
“I won’t make you hold my hand in front of the guys, but when they’re not around, you’re holding it.” She poked him in the ribs. “Got it?”
He chuckled. God, she loved it when he laughed. She wanted him to laugh hard and often. She hoped she could give him that.
“Got it.” He wrapped his left arm around her shoulders and linked the fingers of his other hand with hers inside his sling. She turned her head to grin at him, and he surprised her by kissing her.
What started as an affectionate brush of his lips soon deepened into something that made her ache. She leaned on him for support, blaming the alcohol she’d consumed earlier for the sudden weakness in her legs.
“Isn’t that the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen, Jon?” Eric said from just inside the door. He took off his motorcycle helmet and set it down on the driver’s seat. “Little man has a girlfriend.”
“If by sweetest you mean the most nauseating, then I’d have to agree,” Jon, acting as Eric’s shadow, said.
Aggie extended an arm in their direction and gave them the finger.
“Did you see that, Eric? She propositioned us,” Jon said.
“All right!” Eric clapped his hands. “You bang her. I’ll watch.”
Jace eased away, his eyes drifting open slowly. “Did you hear something, Aggie? Sounded like a couple of pussies crying for something they’ll never have.”
“Or be able to handle.” She slapped Jace’s ass hard and then squeezed until his breath caught with excitement. “There’s a paddle in the bedroom with your name on it, sugar.”
“She scares the hell out of me,” Jon whispered.
“Me too,” Eric agreed.
“What do you have to be scared of? My favorite whip was stolen, you wimps.”
Jace squeezed Aggie’s shoulder consolingly. “Don’t worry, baby, we’ll get you a new one.”
Her eyes widened with eagerness. “With a thorn?”
Jace grinned. “Oh yeah. Definitely one with a thorn.”
They continued past Eric and Jon on their way out of the bus.
“And can I get a new crop? And a flail?”
“Anything you want, as long as you promise to break them all in on me.”
“Aww, can’t I hit them?” She nodded over her shoulder at Eric and Jon. “Just a little bit? I’ll clean off their blood when I’m finished. I wouldn’t want to spread their diseases.”
“I’ll think about it.” As soon as they exited the bus, Jace burst into laughter. “Did you see their faces?”
Not really. She’d been too busy looking at the smile on his.
Chapter 29
Jace’s eyes flipped open, his heart still thumping with terror. He hadn’t had that nightmare about his mother’s death in years. Now it haunted him regularly.
A hand stroked his belly in the darkness. “You okay?” Aggie murmured groggily.
“Yeah.”
“You’ve been moaning in your sleep.”
“Nightmares. I probably shouldn’t eat a twelve-ounce steak right before bed.”
She cuddled closer and rested her head on his shoulder. Pain snaked through his chest as the weight of her head disturbed one of his slowly healing wounds. He kept all protest to himself. He wanted her there to remind him that he deserved it. The pain.
“Tell me about it.”
“You don’t want to hear it.”
“Was it about killing your father?”
He hesitated. He should have never told her about his father in the first place. “No, it was about my mother’s death.”
“How old were you?”
“Nine.”
“That’s the same age I was when Grams passed away. How did your mother die?”
“We were in a head-on car accident. I was in the backseat when it happened. Wasn’t injured. She lived for a day. Broken back. Multiple internal injuries. Her face was pulverized.”
“I’m sorry, baby.”
Thinking about it made his stomach clench with disgust. Not with his mother. With himself. “I was afraid of her—afraid of my own mother. Just because of the way she looked. So I never said good-bye. My father never forgave me for surviving the crash.”
She took his hand and squeezed it. “That’s horrible. No wonder you have nightmares about it.”
“I haven’t for a long time though. I thought I’d finally buried it for good. It must’ve been that hospital stay that brought it all back.” Or you. He pulled his hand from hers and rolled onto his side, dislodging her from his shoulder.
She snuggled against his back, her arm stealing around his waist. “Thank you for sharing yourself with me. I know it’s hard for you.”
He snorted. “Are you this caring and understanding with everyone?”
“No. As a rule, I hate men.” She chuckled. “You’re just lucky I latched onto you, I guess.”
“Enjoying your little pity party?”
Her breath caught. “Wow, Jace. That was hurtful.”
He didn’t like the breathless quality of her voice. He didn’t want to hurt her. He wanted her to hurt him. He turned to face her and cupped her cheek in the darkness, feeling the wetness of her tears against his fingertips. His heart squeezed. He’d made her cry?
“Do you really think the reason I’m here is because I pity you?” she asked.
Of course that was why she was there. Why else would she be? “Don’t you?”
Her hand covered his upon her cheek. “I sympathize, Jace. I want to take your pain and replace it with laughter, but that’s not pity.”
“I don’t want you to take my pain, Aggie. I need it.”
“Why? Because you feel gu
ilty about your mom? About whatever you did to your father?”
“I do feel guilty, but that’s not why I need it.”
“Then why? Help me understand, Jace. You know I’ll hurt you physically as long as you need it, but I want to know why.”
“It’s what I deserve. And sometimes I think even pain is too good for me.”
She kissed him tenderly. “You’re wrong. You don’t deserve pain. You deserve to be happy.”
“I’m happy enough. I have my music.”
“Yes, I’m glad you have something important to you. And you have…” She hesitated. “…me.”
His heart skipped a beat. “I’m not sure what to do about that actually.”
“Do you like me?”
“Very much.”
“Then just go with it.”
“Go with it?” This conversation was getting entirely too serious and high-pressure. He took a deep breath. “Does going with it involve you tying me up and doing things to me against my will?”
“Maybe.”
He pushed her onto her back and covered her body with his.
“Awesome.”
Before he could kiss her, she asked, “Will you tell me about your father?”
“Sorry, I can’t, but you can tell me about yours.”
She hesitated.
He kissed her chin, her jaw.
“I never met him,” she whispered, as if the words frightened her.
“Never?”
“No. He seduced my mom, knocked her up. As soon as he found out she was pregnant, he split.”
Jace released a huff of air. “Lucky you.”
“You didn’t have a good relationship with your father? Is that why you killed him?”
He kissed her gently, hoping to distract her. He didn’t like to think about his father, much less talk about him. As his lips caressed her jaw and throat, she melted beneath him. So receptive. So wonderful. So understanding and accepting. He knew he’d never find another woman like her. Knew she’d be gone as soon as she figured out what kind of man she’d mixed herself up with. He wished he was worthy of her. He also wished he wasn’t so physically weak and tired. The spirit was willing. The body wanted to curl into the fetal position and pass out from exhaustion.
“You’re tired,” she murmured.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been a good lover to you lately.”
“Not true.”
He yawned. “I’ll make it up to you when I’m back on my feet.”
“I have no doubt that you will.”
“Anything you want to do, I’m game. I promise.”
His body sank into hers as his strength waned.
She chuckled. Just before he drifted back to sleep, he heard her murmur, “You don’t want to promise that, sugar. I have some pretty unusual tastes.”
Chapter 30
Aggie searched the medicine cabinet for some aspirin. She needed to remember that drinking wasn’t a contest. Especially when in competition with big guys like Sedric Lionheart.
“Will you hurry up in there?” Jon said from the corridor.
She swallowed several painkillers and slid the bathroom door open. “All yours.”
“About time. Tell me something, Aggie, why do you and your little boyfriend get the bed while I’m stuck sleeping on the hard sofa?”
“Jace is injured. He needs a comfortable place to recover.”
“You two should have stayed in LA. I don’t even know why he’s here. Doesn’t he get it? I’m back. There’s no way in hell I’ll ever let him take my place again.”
Aggie crossed her arms over her chest. “I thought you were the spare.”
“You thought wrong. I’m the original. He’s a bad copy. A fake. A wannabe.”
Aggie was certain Jace’s position in the band was secure. At least she hoped it was. If he lost his music because he’d gotten himself shot trying to protect her, she’d never forgive herself.
“Where did you get this hideous necklace?” Jon lifted the heart-shaped pendant from between her breasts. “Did Jace pick it out for you?”
“My mother gave it to me,” she said, snatching it out of his hand. “Don’t touch things that don’t belong to you.”
“I’ll touch anything I damn well please.”
She didn’t expect him to grab her. Kiss her. Ugh! Arms pinned to her sides, she struggled for release. Why was he so strong? A hand appeared from the top curtained bunk behind Jon and grabbed him by the collar. “Let go of her, dipshit,” Eric said.
As soon as Jon released her arms, she slapped him across the face.
Jon covered the red handprint on his cheek with one hand. “You fuckin’ bitch.” He lunged toward her.
Eric jerked Jon’s collar, and he stumbled backward. “You deserved that. Leave her alone.”
“What? Do you need to protect your new best friend’s little whore?”
Eric shoved him, and he stumbled into Aggie. “I should have never suggested you stand in for Jace. Why don’t you just go home?”
Damn, Jace needed to hear this. He probably wouldn’t believe her if she told him.
Jon burst into laughter. “Good one, Eric.” He swaggered into the bathroom and slid the door shut with more force than necessary.
Eric muttered under his breath, punched his pillow a couple of times, and turned to face the wall in his bunk. Aggie approached him and poked him in the back.
“Trying to sleep here,” he grumbled.
“Thank you,” she whispered loudly.
He peeked at her over his shoulder and grinned. “No problem.” He scooted over in his bunk. “Room for you up here, if you’d like to offer a more personal thank you.”
“Hmm,” she murmured. “As soon as I get a new whip, I’ll be sure to show you my gratitude.”
He chuckled. “If you didn’t scare the shit out of me, I might take you up on that offer, gorgeous.” He turned back to face the wall and pulled his covers up to his chin.
She drank a large glass of water from the kitchen sink. Her head throbbed like Eric’s bass drum. Jon exited the bathroom. As he passed her, he lifted his fist as if to hit her and then laughed when she flinched.
“You ain’t so tough.”
If he didn’t quit fucking with her, she was going to show him tough. “Would you like me to kick your ass in front of your friends? I’d be more than happy to oblige.”
“Whatever.” He wandered back to the couch, and when he laid down made a big, pissy show of its lack of comfort.
She hoped Jace recovered soon so they could get rid of this ass, if for no other reason. She liked the other guys in the band and was even growing attached to Eric, who she hadn’t understood at first. Jon? She wondered whether anyone would care if she accidently threw him out of the bus and over a bridge.
***
Even crossing the Canadian border was an adventure with Sinners. Aggie couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed so hard.
Eric marched up and down the bus aisle like a British soldier, using a drumstick as a baton as he sang at the top of his lungs. “O Canada! O Canada! How friggin’ cold are thee!”
“Sit down, Eric,” Sed demanded.
“O Canada! O Canada! A population of twenty-three!”
“Eric! I said sit.”
Aggie clutched her abdomen to keep her spleen from rupturing in her hysterics.
“O Canada! O Canada! At least you have some trees!”
“Eric!” Sed tackled him into a captain’s chair. “Wait until we’re across the border. Do you want us to get searched again?”
“Trey always enjoys the body cavity search,” Eric said.
Aggie tumbled off the couch, still laughing. She lay on the floor on her back, holding her midsection with both hands as she tried to catch her breath. “Stop. Stop, I’m gonna throw up.”
“Now look what you did to Aggie, Eric,” Brian said with a grin. “She’s damaged goods.”
“She looks healthy to me,” Trey murmured, looking down
at her from his perch on the arm of the sofa. “Mmmmm, incredibly healthy. Of course, I could be mistaken. We could go play doctor for a couple hours. I’ll examine you thoroughly to make sure.”
“Help me up.” She extended her hand in the air, and Jace knocked Trey’s hand out of the way to help her to her feet. She forced herself not to hug him when she noticed the twinges of jealousy sparking in his deep brown eyes just before he lowered his gaze to the floor. She knew he didn’t like public displays of affection, but it was so hard to keep her hands to herself. The guys always seemed to be around. “Do you need your bandages changed?” she asked hopefully. If she got him alone in the bedroom, she could smother him with affection without repercussions.
“Not right now.”
“And…” Dave called from the driver’s seat. “They want to search us. Everyone get your passports and step off the bus.”
“Shit,” Sed grumbled and slapped Eric on the back of the head.
“You don’t really think they want to search the bus because I was making fun of their national anthem, do you?”
“No, I just like to hit you. They want to search the bus because they assume if we’re rock musicians, we must be on illegal drugs.”
“I fuckin’ love Canada,” Eric said. “I can’t wait until they reinstate the draft so I have a legitimate reason to move here.”
“Border patrol,” a uniformed officer announced as he stepped on the bus. “Anything to declare?”
“I declare that this sucks,” Trey said, shuffling past him.
“Hey,” Eric said to the officer and pointed at Trey. “I saw that guy shove something up his ass.”
Hot Ticket: Sinners on Tour (The Sinners on Tour) Page 19