“I want us to figure it out together. I should have stayed and listened to you, instead of running away yet again. I swear that I’ll never do that again. I love you.”
“I didn’t think I’d ever hear you say that again. I love you too, Babe.” He leans over and places a gentle kiss on my lips, careful not to hurt me.
“When I woke up and saw that you were here, deep down, I was really happy.”
“There’s no where else I would be. Now go to sleep.”
“Demanding as ever. What about you? Where are you gonna sleep?”
“This chair pulls out into something that resembles a bed.”
I giggle but have to stop because it hurts. “You can go and come back in the morning.”
“You’re in pain?” He stands up presses the call button for the nurse. “I’m staying here.” There’s no point in arguing with him. I know he’s not going anywhere and I really don’t want him to. Having him here makes me feel like I’m protected. The night nurse comes in and gives me some pain medication while Victor gets his makeshift bed ready. I’m able to sleep peacefully with the knowledge that this nightmare is coming to an end and when tomorrow comes, Victor and I will be together.
The doctor comes to release me from the hospital not long after breakfast. I’ve never been so happy to go home and Victor says he’s just happy that he can sleep in a bed again. He knew that it would be too hard for me to get into his Range Rover with my bruised ribs so he had Alex drop my car off at the hospital last night. That’s the thing about Victor, he’s always thinking ahead, doing his best to make things easier for me. It’s one of the many reasons that I love him.
When we get home, everyone is there waiting for me. Even Rob makes an appearance. Victor helps me walk inside, pouting because I refuse to let him carry me in. The smell of food engulfs my senses as we walk into the house and I know that my dad has been cooking. I make the rounds, saying hello and hugging everyone until Victor freaks out and makes me sit on the couch. Before I met Victor, I was alone most of the time. I kept to myself often and rarely had guests over to my house, with the exception of Jordan. Seeing everyone here, laughing, talking, eating and getting along, warms me up inside. I realize that meeting Victor brought me back to life, brought the real me back to my family, not the woman who I was pretending to be. It feels good to let go of all of the armor that I used to protect my heart for so long, to let myself be free to love the people around me and let them love me in return.
Right now, I feel like the possibilities for my future with Victor are limitless. I’m no longer worried about what could happen or how I could get hurt. None of it matters anymore and nothing hurts quite as much as not having him around. That’s why I’ve decided to give myself over to him completely, not just pieces of me, the pieces I let him see while hiding the dark parts away. I’ve decided that in order to love and be loved fully, I have to give him everything.
Once everyone leaves for the night and Victor has bullied me into letting him carry me upstairs to bed, I decide that it’s time for me to let him hear the truth of what has kept me broken for so long. I’m sitting up in bed, watching him strip off his clothes until he’s left in only a pair of boxers. He gets on the bed, sitting directly in front of me. “What’s wrong? You look like you’re worried about something,” he says, stroking my cheek.
I look at him wondering where to begin. “I’m ready for you to hear it, everything that happened with Brian.”
“I thought you told everything to Detective Andrews, Babe. I was right there.”
I shake my head. “No, I know, I mean before that. The reason I didn’t want to date anymore.”
He breathes in, understanding what I’m saying. “I wanna hear it, Love, I do. But not if it’s gonna upset you, I don’t want you to feel obligated.”
“I want you to know. If we’re gonna be together, I think it’s important for you to know. Besides, you’ve already heard most of it.”
He nods and gives me an encouraging smile. “Okay.”
“Brian took advantage of my loneliness, the emptiness I was feeling after losing my mom. He fed off of that, and in the beginning he was good to me. He was sweet and understanding. When things started to go bad between us, I tried to break up with him. He was gone once, disappeared for a couple of days, not picking up his phone, off doing God knows what. So I packed up all of his shit, put it in garbage bags and left it outside of our apartment. When he finally came back he was so outraged to find what I’d done.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “That’s when he started hitting me.” I open my eyes to gauge the reaction on Victor’s face. He’s angry but controlled. “It was like a switch that just clicked in him, and from then on, I felt like he was always hitting me but I was just too scared to leave. I stopped hanging around my friends and family. Especially Dad. He was a cop so I couldn’t let on that something wasn’t right.”
“How long did this go on?”
“I don’t know, almost a year I guess.”
“Brian knew that I was miserable, and I think he thought that I would eventually go to Dad and ask for help. That’s when he asked me to marry him. He promised that he would get help and that he wouldn’t hurt me anymore. You have to understand that I was living in fear. It’s the only reason I said yes. I thought that it would motivate him to get help, and after we got engaged, it got a little bit better. He stopped hitting me but I think that was more because he was gone all the time.”
I swallow and let out a shaky breath, tears running freely down my cheeks now. When I think of what I lost, what Brian took from me, it makes it hard to keep talking.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to keep going.”
“No, I want to.” Victor strokes my cheek again, encouraging me to go on. “A few months after we got engaged, I found out that I was pregnant.”
I hear his intake of breath to my confession. His eyes are full of questions. “Ellie.” I think he must know what I’m gonna say next and I lose it. I can’t hold back the uncontrollable sobs. Victor takes me in his arms, gently stroking my back and letting me cry. “Shhh, it’s okay, Love. It’s gonna be okay.” Slowly he lowers us, until we’re lying down face to face. “You don’t have to say anything else,” he says softly, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.
I shake my head. “I want to.” He nods his head, allowing me a moment to continue. “Brian never knew about the baby. A few days later, I found out about the other girl and like I told you before, we confronted him. The truth is, after I found out that he’d cheated, I was kind of happy. It gave me the push that I needed. When I got home, I decided that I was gonna leave and go to Dad and tell him everything that was going on. I knew that he would protect me and the baby.”
“That makes sense,” he says, giving me a sympathetic smile.
I nod in agreement. “But I didn’t get that far. I remember coming home and running upstairs, I got out my luggage and started throwing my clothes in, trying to move as fast as I could in case he came back. Well, of course, once the other girl found out about me, she wanted nothing to do with Brian either. She broke up with him and he was furious. He came back to me, and when he did, he found me packing up my shit. He went crazy, said that I didn’t get to walk away from him now that I ruined what he had going on. He picked up my suitcase and threw it across the room.”
He sighs, I can see the realization in his eyes. “Fuck, Baby,” he says softly, his eyes getting wet.
“No, it’s not the same thing. When you did that, deep down I knew you wouldn’t hurt me. I ran out of habit not out of fear.”
“It’s no excuse.”
“Stop, you’re nothing like him, you’re everything that he’s not.” He closes his eyes, letting the information sink in, trying to calm himself down. When he finally opens them, I know he’s ready to hear the rest. “I tried to run away from him, but he caught me and he hit me, just like this last time. He got me on the ground and kicked me a bunch of times. I tried
to shield my stomach with my hands. I remember lying there praying that the baby would be okay. Eventually, I passed out. When I finally woke up, I was on the floor, alone.” I swallow and try to fight back the new stream of tears. “I was sore everywhere and when I was finally able to stand, I saw that I was bleeding and I knew. I knew the baby was gone. I tried to clean myself up the best I could. I took a shower and finally I called Jordan. I was terrified that she wouldn’t pick up, because I hadn’t talked to her in so long. I’d cut everyone off, but she didn’t let me down, she answered the phone and when I told her I needed her she came right away.”
“She loves you.”
“And I love her. When she saw me, she lost it, said that she knew something was off. She got me out of there and took me home with her. She took care of me. I made her promise not to call my family but she didn’t give a shit what I wanted at that point. She called Dad. He went to her house and when he saw me, I thought he was gonna have a heart attack. We fought and fought, he tried to get me to press charges on Brian but I just wanted it to be over. I think a part of me was scared of what he would do to me. Eventually, Dad gave up trying to convince me to press charges but Brian never bothered me again until now. I know Dad had something to do with that, although I’m not sure what he did. I went home with Dad, moved in with him, and once I got better, I changed everything about myself. I changed my wardrobe, made myself more conservative, dyed my blonde hair back to its original color and I put up the wall. I didn’t let myself get close to anyone. I cleared all the debt left behind from abandoning my apartment with Brian and my credit cards. I started saving up money and eventually I bought my little house. I started over.”
“I’m so sorry you went through that. If I could take it all away, I would. Make it so that it never happened.”
“Then I never would have met you, and you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Ditto.”
“You and Jordan are the only ones that know about the baby. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell anyone else about that, but I wanted you to know why.” I blink away a few stray tears. “Why I was how I was when I met you. He took something from me. A dream of something amazing and because of that, I was never able to look forward to the future. I could never let myself believe that anything good could last.”
“I get it. I know that I can never replace the baby that he took from you, Love, but I’ll give you a family if that’s what you want. It’s what I want.”
I smile at him, my heart swelling with love for him. “I want it too.”
He reaches over me and pulls an envelope from the nightstand. “I was gonna give this to you before you left Miami.”
He hands me the envelope and helps me to sit up. I open the envelope and pull out the papers, unfold them and begin to read. I let out a gasp and I look up to meet his gaze. “This is the deed to the house in Miami, my name is on here.”
“It’s your house now. It’s what I was talking to the realtor about that day. I knew, I knew that you were having a hard time believing that we would last. I figured that if I gave you the house, you’d finally let yourself believe. I wanted it to be an engagement gift.”
“What?” I question, barely audible, my heart pumping loudly in my chest.
He chuckles and opens his hand up to reveal a ring. I cover my mouth and nose with my hands and shake my head in disbelief. “I was planning on giving this to you that night, before all hell broke loose.” Fresh tears spring to my eyes as I stare at the most perfect ring I’ve ever seen. It is platinum with a band of smaller diamonds accenting a larger round cut diamond that appears to be at least two carats. “Ellie?” he calls softly. I look up at him. “Will you do me the honor of being my wife? I promise that I’ll make you happier than you could ever dream of. I promise that I’ll give you a house full of love, kids, dogs, whatever the hell you want. I don’t care as long as you’re mine.”
I giggle, looking at the situation, me in a t-shirt covered in bandages and bruises, him in nothing but boxers, and even still it’s the most perfect proposal. I wouldn’t change a thing. I nod my head in acceptance. “Yes, I’ll marry you. There’s nothing that I want more than to be yours.”
He gives me his knee melting smile, sliding the ring on my finger, and kissing me. I close my eyes, committing the moment to memory. The moment where he managed to turn the darkest part of me to light.
Victor’s farewell tour has been record breaking. Almost every show has been sold out. In most cities, tickets sold out so fast that we had to add second shows to accommodate the demand. The plan was for Victor to go ahead of me, with the tour starting out in Mexico City, then making his way through Latin America where I was to meet him in Brazil. Three days before he was scheduled to leave, I decided that I didn’t want to be away from my fiancé, so I quit my job. Victor was thrilled and, if I’m being honest with myself, so was I. I was never happy with my work. It was just something that I did to pay the bills. I had planned to cash out some of my savings to help me get by until the tour was over but Victor wouldn’t hear of it. He said that I had quit to be with him and it was his responsibility to take care of me. I wasn’t altogether comfortable with living off of his money so we decided that I would come on the road with him as his personal assistant. Ultimately, my job is that of a glorified girlfriend, doing all the stuff I would do anyway like making sure he gets up on time, making sure that he eats and is ready to go to the venues on time for sound checks. He actually pays me for this and Alex was thrilled that he didn’t have to do it anymore, since he is now managing Victor.
Last night we arrived in Spain. Victor has a concert tomorrow in Barcelona and in two days we’ll be in Madrid. After Spain, we fly back to the states where we get a week off then we’re off to Miami, Texas, Las Vegas, Los Angeles and will end the tour with two shows in New York at Madison Square Garden. Victor said he wanted to save the best for last. I think a part of him is sad that it’s all coming to an end but he says that he’s certain that this is what he wants. Once the tour finally comes to a close, Victor, Alex and I will be looking at properties in New Jersey that we can convert into a recording studio. They will handle the creative side and I’ll be managing the business aspect. The penthouse in New York was finally sold and Victor is officially moved into my little cottage with me. We’re still trying to decide between expanding it or looking for a new house altogether.
Victor’s mother has been making strides to try and get back in his good graces. She’s apologized to me more times than I care to count and I believe that she truly is sorry. I think that eventually Victor will be ready to move on and accept her apologies, though I’m not exactly sure when that’ll be. I don’t try to sway him either way. It’s his decision to make and I’ll support whatever he decides.
As for our wedding plans, we’ve decided to fly our family and friends down to Miami when the dust from the tour settles, where we’ll get married at our, no wait, MY house, overlooking the bay. As I sit outside in a bathrobe, admiring the view on the balcony of our hotel suite in Spain, I think back over the events of the last several months. I think of how one man helped a broken woman learn how to give and receive love again. It really is a gift I’ll never be able to fully repay but I know that I’ll spend the rest of my life trying. I get up and go inside, where Victor is splayed out on the bed taking a nap. Seeing him lying there, naked from the waist up does something delicious to my insides. I make my way over to the bed, crawl on top and straddle him. Lowering my head, a smile on my mouth, I lick, then kiss his neck. Moving down, I lick and kiss the top of his chest. That’s about as far as I get before I’m on my back, pinned down, hands over my head. I love it when he does that. His eyes turn liquid, making other parts of me turn liquid in return. “You wanna play?” he whispers, gently biting my earlobe.
“I wanna play,” I respond, bucking my hips up.
“You’re overdressed.” He lets go of my wrists and grabs the sash of my robe, opening up and pushi
ng it off my shoulders, leaving me naked. “Much better.” He begins a slow stream of steady kisses starting with my lips and heading south, making stops along the way and paying particular attention to my breasts. Tugging, sucking and licking each one until I’m whimpering from the sensations he’s eliciting. He begins his travels again, leaving a trail of kisses down my stomach, on my hips, and finally ending the journey with a kiss just above the most sensitive part of my body. “Are you mine?” he questions, with a gleam in his eyes.
I respond immediately. “Always.” He gives me a wicked grin and spreads my legs with his hands. Within moments, his mouth is on me, ravaging me in the most delicious kind of way. He circles his tongue around my clit, but avoids touching it as long as possible. The sensations drive me crazy. I grab his hair in my hands and gently pull, trying to direct him to the spot where he’s most needed. He chuckles, but takes the hint, finally stroking me there with his tongue causing an intense orgasm to spread through me.
He moves back up until we’re face to face, Victor looking very pleased with himself. “Should we keep playing?”
“I never start a game I can’t finish.” I want to return the favor but before I can so much as move, my hands are pinned over my head again and Victor’s inside of me. I gasp at the feel of him, lost to the sensation. He withdraws, making me moan at the loss of him, and just as quickly he’s back, moving inside of me in an intoxicating rhythm. I love this game. “I’m gonna come again,” I say, feeling it come over me again, the familiar build up starting in my stomach and expanding with every thrust.
Translation of Love Page 21