Heroines and Hellions: a Limited Edition Urban Fantasy Collection

by Margo Bond Collins

  “I could produce a fake explosion, very noisy, with smoke all around… dialuo!” James yelled, his spell cutting another tengu in two.

  “Sounds great!” I yelled back. “Let’s do this!”

  But, the smoke will be to our disadvantage too,” James replied. “You won’t be able to see much…so, dangerous…”

  “I don’t feel exactly safe, now, Mr Turner,” I snapped, smashing a Shintoist deity statue on a tengu’s head.

  “I can cover Robyn’s back,” William assured him while throwing ghost spells left, right and centre. “She and I will concentrate our fire on the tengus around you, to give you time to perform your spell…”

  “That’s great, Your Grace!” James replied, blowing up three tengus in mid-air.

  “All right child, when I say ‘now’.”

  “Yep!” I said, smashing a tengu’s head into an exhibit filled with ancient Japanese weapons, then collecting a handful of them for my own use. “Ready when you are, Will…”

  “NOW!” His Grace shouted, throwing countless ghost spells at the tengus around James, as I threw knives and daggers at them as well. We killed them all. Or, so I’d thought. An approximately three yard radius around Turner was now tengu-free, allowing him to perform his spell. His ring of power glowed, emitting a strong, radiant red light and he yelled “Diafzeiro!” The noise produced by a dynamite-like explosion followed, making me lose my hearing for a few seconds. There was also a lot of thick, grey smoke, it was impossible to see a thing…

  “I am right here, child,” a reassuring voice said from behind me. I turned and, as always, there he was, having my back, wrapping me in a protective barrier. A tengu’s claw emerged from the smoke and I blithely chopped it off with the one dagger I had left. I could hear growling and shrieking, but every sound felt cushioned, because of my temporary hearing loss. A few seconds later, the smoke cleared and my ears were back to normal. Everything was as we’d planned. Sort of.

  “OK! Where is Turn…” I spied the katana exhibit. “FUCK!”

  The sword was gone. James had manage to take it, as we expected, only…tengus had taken him! A couple of them were carrying him away. He appeared unconscious, the katana strapped to his shoulders.

  “Hank! They took James! And the sword!” I yelled, while fighting a couple of Japanese demons who soon retreated to follow the tengus who had taken James. They all started to leave, heading toward the Japanese rooms’ main exit, since the lamassus were blocking the way they had entered. After all, they had the katana that they had come for, no need to remain. But, they were also taking James, which I couldn’t allow. He was the only one who could help me save Megan. Plus, I now considered him somewhat of a friend, in spite his patronising habit.

  “Will! Going after Turner!” I shouted before jumping on a tengu passing by.

  “Sorry, need a lift.”

  He turned, tried to bite me with his sharp beak. I punched him right in the middle of his monstrous face, then grabbed the long black feathers protruding from his skull and used them as reins to make him go where I wanted. He didn’t like it.

  8

  The Jade Blade

  How had I ended up flying down the British Museum’s stairs on an angry tengu’s back, chasing more angry tengus? Why was my life so messed-up? Why could nothing ever go as planned?

  “Child,” William spoke with concern, floating beside me. “I know you’re not usually inclined to ask for help, still…”

  “KNOCK YOURSELF OUT!” I yelled, jumping off the tengu’s back and onto another, while William blinded my previous mount, making him lose control and crash.

  My new mount hissed and tried to kill me using his black dagger. I blocked it, twisted his claw, got the dagger and stabbed him back. Then jumped onto another one.

  “We should discuss your choice of public transport, child,” Will said, in a no-nonsense voice.

  “Have a better idea?”

  “Actually, I do, my dear,” he calmly replied, blinding my tengu with a thick ball of slime, then wrapping me in a protective barrier.

  “Wait! What are you? Whoa!” I couldn’t finish the sentence since I was suddenly shooting through the air like a bullet, propelled by one of the Duke’s more powerful spells.

  I knocked down every tengu in my way, until I reached the two holding an unconscious James.

  “COWABANGA!” I shouted, knocking into them. They both lost control and crashed into a giant Greek krater, destroying it.

  “THAT WAS MADE IN 500 B.C, YOU JERKS!” I yelled, grabbing James in mid-air as William slowed our movement and wrapped us both in a protective barrier. I grabbed the katana from James’ back and slashed it against the tengus who had destroyed the krater. They both disappeared in a puff of green smoke. We had reached the Ancient Greek department, my favourite, and the tengus were ruining it, damn it! I couldn’t let it happen!

  “Will, take care of James!” I yelled, leaving him in William’s hands as I jumped into battle, clutching the katana which felt incredibly light in my hands.

  The next three minutes were total pandemonium: I was a slashing machine while my ghost used his powers to blind and block the tengus so I could kill them more easily. Hattory Hanzo’s green sword was more effective than I could have wished for against those monsters: Most of the time, I didn’t even need to properly stab them. A superficial cut was enough to turn them into an evanescent cloud of green smoke.

  “And that was the last one…whoa, what a bad smell!” I said, coughing as the last green puff faded, leaving behind a disgusting stench of rancid oranges.

  “Well done, child! That was wonderful!” Will congratulated me. “Unorthodox, as always, but quite impressive indeed!”

  “Thank you Will, at least you can appreciate…”

  “Oooh,” James moaned from where he lay on the museum floor still surrounded by Will’s protective barrier.

  “Mr Turner, you’re awake!” I said, going to him.

  “What just happened?” he continued, slowly sitting up.

  “Oh, nothing special, I’ve just saved your life,” I replied. “It didn’t take much, just jumping from one tengu’s back to another to reach you, then I killed your kidnappers, grabbed the sword and slayed everyone in my way. Another day in the park for me.”

  “Jumping from one back to another?” James repeated, still groggy.

  “We need not get into the particulars now,” William politely interjected.

  “Mr Turner, although my methods may appear a little unorthodox…” I said.

  “A little?” my ghost said.

  “But, I always succeed, as I have managed to stay alive all these years,” I continued, ignoring William’s sarcastic comment. “And, now I’ve saved your own life, today…which proves I’m the perfectly fit for this upcoming mission to foil Okasan.”

  “Look,” James started, massaging his head and slowly getting back on his feet. “I don’t think…”

  “YOU DON’T THINK?” I erupted. “You would dare to try to dismiss me, again? After all I just went through? After saving your own very neck, Mr Turner?”

  James suddenly turned pale and lost his balance. I caught him before he crashed to the floor and helped him sit on the one visitor chair which hadn’t been destroyed during the tengu battle.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, gently touching his arm.

  All of a sudden, I was super-worried for him. He had helped me many times by passing Susy useful information when I was in need. I owed him. And now here he was, unable to stand. Maybe I had failed. Maybe I hadn’t saved his life, after all. Maybe…

  “Oh, God, were you poisoned?” I asked, massaging his arm. “You said tengus are poisonous, did they bite you or…”

  “Don’t worry, Miss Wise, it’s not that,” James reassured me. “Only a mild concussion.”

  James laid his ring of power hand on his head. Only then did I realise he had a bump on his forehead, his dark hair matted with dried blood. I was about to offer to take him to
a doctor, when the ruby on his ring glowed, emitting a warm, reassuring light. The next second, the bump was gone, as was the blood. He looked completely fine, like nothing had even happened.

  “WOW!” was my very profound comment. “I didn’t know you could…heal yourself like that.”

  “Wizards and witches can heal themselves from most wounds or diseases, unless those wounds are caused by dark magic,” he promptly replied, now back to his old self. “Dark magic, on the other hand, is a horse of a total different colour…”

  A deep growl echoed in the wrecked Ancient Greece department.

  “Hank! Harvey! We need to go now!” James jumped off his chair. “Bring the sword!” he ordered me just before rushing upstairs, with William and me following closely behind.

  “Holy crap!” I exclaimed stepping into the Japanese rooms where Hank and Harvey were still fighting. Dead tengus. Yep, those things could regenerate themselves pretty quickly. They just put their parts back together, and were off again. Crazy. A dozen had sprung back to life and were buzzing around the lamassus. Many others were still on the floor, quickly regenerating their severed limbs and healing their deep wounds.

  “Only pure jade can kill the tengus for good,” James explained. “That’s why your katana is called ‘Tengus slayer’. They are only truly dead when they disappear into a green cloud after a slash from that katana.”

  “Finally here, are you?” Hank growled, annoyed. “Would you stop your chit-chatting and help?”

  “Here’s your hero Hank!” James replied, as I slashed my sword through the first tengu attacking us.

  “We need to…”

  “NO ‘we’. You take care of this, I’m heading downstairs to pick up a few things. You’ve proved yourself. Plus, you have His Grace and the lamassus backing you up…I’m off!”

  “But, Mr Turner …” William tried to stop him, but he was already rushing down the stairs.

  “Stop fidgeting girl!” Hank continued, tearing apart another tengu.

  “Fine! Coming guys! Will, just send as many tengus as you can my way and Harvey…”

  “Yes?”

  “You play cricket? Or baseball, yeah?”

  “So, you jumped from one tengu’s back to another to reach James? Clever!” Hank said, caressing his beard with one of his paws.

  “And extremely unorthodox, child!” William interjected, exasperated.

  “Yep, and so cool too!” I grinned.

  It had taken us less than ten minutes to destroy all the resurrected and resurrecting tengus. William had blinded and blocked them, while the lamassus threw them my direction, pitching like champion league baseball players. All I had to do was slash the monsters with the jade katana, using it like a baseball bat. Now that they were all dead, you could say we’d hit a homerun. There was the one downside, the disgusting stench left behind. Fortunately, the huge hole they had created in the wall was still open, although sealed with a powerful protective barrier created by the lamassus’ and Will’s magic, keeping the enemies out, but letting the sweet, fresh air in.

  “’Cool’, child? ‘Cool’?” William rebuffed, sounding a bit out of patience. “Mighty Gods, you have no idea what I’ve been through with this one,” he said to Hank and Harvey, “the older she gets, the more reckless she seems to become, while it should be the opposite, of course, and it is getting more and more difficult to keep her alive and…”

  “Your Grace, Miss Wise can’t be that reckless, or she wouldn’t still be alive” James interrupted him, entering the room with a satisfied smirk on his face and an old leather satchel around his shoulder. “I haven’t thanked you for saving my life,” he continued, standing in front of me, his blue eyes staring into mine. “Thank you,” he said out loud. “Thank you sincerely. Suzy was right about you.”

  “About what? What did she say?” I replied, stuttering and glancing away, embarrassed. There’d always been something unsettling about James’ eyes and the way they looked at me, as if they could see right through me, almost read my mind. That was the first time I experienced the feeling.

  “Mmh…maybe I’ll tell you another day,” he said slyly. “No time now, we need to move.”

  “You’re not going after Okasan!” Harvey begged him. “It’s pure suicide! James. Please, think about it…”

  “I already have, guys. I cannot let this go, something serious is going to happen here. Okasan sent those monsters to steal the tengu’s slayer for a reason: She wants to be sure that no one can stop her or her army.”

  “Please reconsider…”

  “Hank, you want me to reconsider? You know me. You know I’m not going to stay here, when the Wizard Council is not here to help, and a meta-human is preparing to enact a major dark spell right here in London! We don’t know what the consequences could be, we’re facing a super-powerful dark magic mixed with a god’s artefact. It could blow up the whole of London. I have the moral duty to take care of this. Plus, I made Miss Wise a promise,” he turned to me and gave me a long, unreadable look. “And, you know that I always keep my promises. I have a plan, it’s dangerous, but not impossible. Of course, we’re not going to go in empty-handed, we need a few things first: That’s why I need a lift to the Goblin Market. Using a normal transport would be too dangerous: We still have Hanzo’s katana, they could still come back for us, unless…”

  “Another reason to stay here, we can protect you,” Harvey interrupted.

  “…Unless we reach the Market safely,” James continued, ignoring him. “No one is allowed to attack anybody while in there, it’s the law, remember? Fights aren’t good for business. Plus, there are so many supernatural creatures there, that it will be extremely difficult for the tengus to pick up on our aura and track us. Once in the market, we blend in and we’re covered.”

  “What’s this ‘Goblin Market’ you’re talking about?” I interjected, devoured by my usual curiosity. “And, where is it?”

  “It’s a shady place full of scum,” Hank replied. “A good girl like you should stay well-away from it.”

  “I’m not a good girl. I’m a supernatural freak.”

  “I believe you, Miss Wise!” James said, sounding genuinely impressed. “Did you hear her? She’s going to be fine! And His Grace will come to back us up,” he continued, looking first at the lamassus and then William.

  “Goodness Gracious!” Was Will’s response. Which meant he’d come and back us up.

  “Give me a good reason why I should take you to such a dangerous place, and then to venture into an even more dangerous, crazy mission,” Hank said to James very seriously.

  “I have an excellent reason: There is someone trading there, someone I know, who can help us. He may be the difference between me succeeding and me dying. And you want me to succeed, don’t you? If not, you won’t have anyone to play poker with!”

  James and the lamassus exchanged a long, meaningful look. One so intense, that it was more of a fight than a glance. James won.

  “All right mate, I give up,” Hank said, exasperated and defeated at the same time. “I’ll give you a lift. But, you promise me that you will do your part and be smart, be careful.”

  “Thanks!” James erupted. “I knew I could count on you! We’ll keep a low profile and be cautious, I promise! Now, give me a second to clean up this mess,” he continued, his ring of power already glowing. Immediately, the Japanese rooms started fixing themselves: The broken artefacts got back in one piece and flew into their fixed exhibits, the debris cleared from the floor and re-joined the walls and the ceiling. In less than a minute, everything was back as it was before the tengus’ attack. Everything, except the huge crack in the wall and a rather heavy, twenty inch tall Buddha statue made of solid Jade. It must have weighted a couple of stones, at least. It was almost intact, missing an ear and the top of Buddha’s nose.

  “This, we take with us. Could be useful.” James muttered to himself. His ring glowed again, the statue lifted in mid-air and then shot into his rather small satche
l.

  “Sorry, how could that fit into your bag?” I asked, staring at his satchel. “And, isn’t it too heavy, anyway?”

  “This? Absolutely not!” he replied, holding the bag with one hand, to show me how light it was. “This is a Mary Poppins bag, it can contain a lot, without making you feel the weight.”

  “A Mary Poppins bag?”

  “Yes. Maybe you don’t know it, but Pamela Travers was a witch and the inventor of this particular spell. She named it after her most famous character. At the moment, my satchel could contain the whole of the Japanese rooms and probably you too. You’re so short and skinny, that I’m sure you could fit in here…”

  “I AM NOT SHORT!” I vehemently protested. “And skinny…I mean…not that much…”

  “Sure, you’re not, girl,” Harvey tried to reassure me. “No time to discuss this, anyway.”

  “Child, do not be so tragic…” my ghost chuckled, floating beside me in his supportive way. I pretended to not hear him.

  “Mary Poppins bag…there’s always a new one to learn…” I mumbled while climbing onto the lamassu’s body, and pointedly ignoring James’ offer to help me. “And, I’m not that short…and skinny? I have some curves, I’m a girl, after all…”

  “Muttering to yourself is the first sign of madness…” Hank suggested, as I settled myself on his back.

  “Really? I thought I was well-past that!” I smiled, admiring his thick, warm fur. It smelled of cinnamon and felt so good!

  “Are you comfortable, Miss Wise?” James asked, settling in behind me.

  “I am, thanks. Maybe it’s because I’m so short and skinny and…WHOA!”

  Without warning, Hank had taken off, shooting like a cannon ball through the large hole in the wall left behind by the tengus’ invasion.

  9

  The Goblin Market

  “And, here we are,” Hank growled, as we landed in Covent Garden in front of the market gallery.