by Emily March
“I wouldn’t let you play. You were little and it was a rough and tumble game. But you and I would sit on the front stoop and there were always ladybugs flying around.” She let out a long sigh. “I miss those days.”
Both Ali and Caitlin turned at the sound in the doorway. Mac stood there pulling on his jacket. “I finished your fence, Cait. Want to come see it?”
“I do!” She walked toward her father and saw his gaze glide over the bulletin board. His smile was bittersweet. “Sometimes it’s hard to believe that spring will ever come.”
“I know,” Caitlin agreed. “They are forecasting six inches of snow before morning and even more during the next few days. The extended forecast looks pretty hairy too.”
Ali glanced toward the window. “I know. I’m worried the weather will interfere with Stephen’s ski trip.”
Caitlin’s eldest brother lived in Dallas now with his wife and three children. He and a group of old college friends had a ski trip to Wolf Creek scheduled for the first week of March. He intended to visit Eternity Springs for a few days afterward before heading home. Mom had started planning her menus already, giddy at the thought of having all three of her children under the same roof for a time.
“Don’t fret, Alison,” Mac called over his shoulder as he led them toward the front hall. “Stephen won’t let the weather prevent this trip home. He’d hire a dogsled team to get over Sinner’s Prayer Pass for a pan of your lasagna.”
“It’s true, Mom. Stephen won’t—oh!” Caitlin spied the short, white picket fence attached to the hallway walls. She clapped like a child. “Oh my gosh. That’s perfect!” Then she shook a finger, saying, “Wait a minute.” She dashed into the kitchen and returned a moment later carrying a Spiderman backpack. She hung it over one of the pickets, stepped back, and clapped again. “Totally perfect. Can’t you just see all the little backpacks lined up on the fence?”
Ali nodded. “I can. This was a darling idea, Cait.”
“Wait until you see the nursery now that the furniture’s in. It’s my favorite room in the house.”
“Show me, show me,” Ali said with a smile.
Mac held up a hand, palm out. “I’ll wait for another time, if you don’t mind, sweetheart. I have a few errands I need to run before the stores close.”
“No problem.” She went up on her toes and kissed her father on the cheek. “Thanks for all the help, Dad. I truly do appreciate it.”
“Glad to be of service.” He returned his daughter’s kiss. “Anything else for my Daddy-do list?”
“No. I think that does it. I have a few final touches to do myself, but Gingerbread House will be ready to open its doors on schedule next week.”
“In that case, I’ll see you two later.” He strolled out the door.
Caitlin watched her father leave with a combination of tenderness and concern. “He’s been in a good mood lately.”
“Yes, he has. He’s had fun helping you around here.”
“His muscles don’t seem to be giving him much trouble?”
Ali glanced after her husband. “He hasn’t complained. I don’t bring it up. He’s enjoying life. That’s what matters.”
Caitlin couldn’t argue with that. She didn’t have time. The past few weeks had flown by as she’d readied Gingerbread House for its opening. The work had been a godsend, especially after she’d learned that Josh had developed pneumonia. It had taken all of her willpower not to rush over to his house with chicken soup. Maternal instinct proved difficult to ignore.
Lori had talked her down from the soup pot, and the pinecone telegraph—as Celeste sometimes called town gossip—kept Caitlin up-to-date on Josh’s condition. She understood he was improving, so much so that she’d spent Valentine’s Day in reluctant expectation. After all, she’d slept with the man for months. It wouldn’t have hurt him to send a friendly card. She hadn’t heard a word from him, and she’d taken the card she’d purchased for him and tossed it in the garbage. A real shame, considering the price of greeting cards these days.
“Are you going to show me the nursery?” Ali asked, tugging Caitlin’s attention back to the present.
“Yes, I’m sorry.” Caitlin led the way upstairs to where two former bedrooms were now one big room. Six white dressers sat next to six white Jenny Lind cribs. Caitlin planned to give parents the option to decorate their baby’s individual area if they so desired. If not, the nursery worker would choose between a variety of themes Caitlin had on hand.
“It’s lovely, honey,” her mother said. She sat in one of three oversized rockers. “These chairs are fabulous. Good choice.”
“You’re the one who suggested them. Everything is wired, of course, so that parents can check in on their little ones whenever they wish.”
“It’s homey, peaceful, and pretty—I love the dotted Swiss window curtains.”
“I want parents to consider us more as nannies than a daycare facility.”
“I expect you’ll pull that off.” Ali glanced around the room. “Didn’t you put an entrance to the secret room in here?”
“No. We changed that. My insurance guy said we’d be better off having only one doorway that I can keep padlocked. Liability issues. I still plan to use it as a storeroom, but I think it’s best the kiddos don’t know it exists.”
“That’s probably a good idea.” Giving her daughter a sidelong glance, Ali added, “Speaking of good ideas … a little birdie told me that Josh—”
“Mom, please,” Caitlin interrupted. “I don’t want to hear about Josh Tarkington today. I’m in a good mood and I’d like to stay that way. Say, have you seen the glass mobile Cicero made me for the sunroom? It’s fabulous.”
“All right,” Ali said with a sigh. “I guess you’ll talk to me when you’re ready. No, I haven’t seen the mobile.”
“Come see it while the sun is still shining. It’s almost like having a disco ball hanging from the ceiling.”
Moments later, they stood in the sunroom gazing upward where colors danced all over the room. Ali smiled with delight. “You’re right. It’s wonderful. The children are going to love it.”
“I think so too.”
“You’re building something special here, Caitlin. Eternity Springs will be a better place because of it. Dad and I are proud of you.”
Her mother’s words warmed Caitlin. She kept her voice light as she asked, “Still think I should have stayed in New York?”
“No, and I should have known better.” Ali linked elbows with Caitlin. “You are the most project-oriented person I’ve ever known. Once you set you set a goal, you don’t give up until you achieve it.”
Movement outside the window caught Caitlin’s gaze. Josh was leaving his house and walking toward the automotive center. “I don’t know, Mom. There is such a thing as lost causes.”
“Nonsense. You know what Celeste would say about that, don’t you? ‘To risk all for a lost cause is the way great victories are achieved.’”
The heater kicked on and stirred the air. The mobile pieces moved and clinked together, sounding just a little like bells.
* * *
Josh paced his living room like a caged lion. Finally, he grabbed his wallet and went hunting for his keys. He hadn’t used them in so long, he didn’t know where to look. He wasn’t sure where he’d go once he found them.
He hadn’t had a dealer in years. He could fly somewhere. Load up. Shoot up. He’d be free of this all-consuming yearning. But that would take hours and hours. Gunnison? He could probably score something in Gunnison. Might take him a little while to track down a source, but there would be one. Sources were everywhere.
Except for Eternity Springs. Eternity Springs wasn’t like any other place in the world. It was truly a place out of time.
Josh found his keys hanging on a key rack in his mudroom. Where did that come from? Caitlin, of course. He found her little touches all over the house.
He slipped the keys into his pocket, pulled on his coat, and stepped out
into the winter afternoon. Though the sun was shining, clouds rolled in from the west. Looked like it might snow before long. Driving might be a bear.
He just wished it wasn’t so damn far to Gunnison. Halfway to his garage and the bay where he left his car, he glanced across the street and his feet slowed. Maybe he could ask Harriet for a pill. Just one. That wouldn’t be so bad, would it?
Yeah, it would. It’s a slippery slope. Best not go there at all.
He walked on to the garage. There, he climbed into his car and started the engine, giving it some time to warm up. It was the first time he’d been behind the wheel in a long time. It felt good. Never mind that his hands shook like a palsied old man’s.
He pulled out onto the street and drove at a snail’s pace through town. While approaching the stop sign at First and Spruce, his gaze fell upon Murphy’s Bar and Grill. Without making a conscious decision to do so, he pulled over and parked, then went inside.
Shannon Garrett stood behind the carved wooden bar drying pint glasses. She smiled at him in surprise. “Josh, this is a nice surprise. You haven’t been in since before the accident. You’re feeling better?”
“Yeah.”
“Here for a burger?”
He hesitated. A burger wouldn’t hurt. “Yes. A cheeseburger, please.”
“Something to drink?”
He sucked in a deep breath. “The Macallan. A double.”
“Coming up.” She offered him a brilliant smile and added, “Take any seat you’d like.”
He sat at the end of the bar away from where she was working, which should indicate that he didn’t want to make small talk. She poured a glass of water and set it on a coaster in front of him. “Do you want me to put in your order now or would you like your burger to arrive after you’ve finished your drink?”
“Why don’t you wait on it.”
A moment later, Shannon set a double scotch in front of him. Josh touched the glass, stared at the amber liquid inside, but didn’t immediately lift it. He remembered being twelve years old … and drunk.
Hey kid. Aren’t you a pretty boy? Whatcha hiding in those pants? Let’s see it. C’mon. Don’t be shy. Look. I’m not shy. Want to touch it? C’mon. Touch me.
He remembered being seven and watching a drunk.
Hey kid. Damn, you’re a good-lookin’ kid. You look just like me. Damn sure a Trammel. Camera loves you. Bet the booze will too. It’s our curse, you know.
He remembered sitting in a circle surrounded by others with hollow eyes and the slumped shoulders of the hopeless.
I hate it here. I don’t want to be here. I don’t belong here.
Josh ran his index finger around the lip of his glass. He still didn’t pick it up.
Go ahead. You’ll love it. It’s the best high ever. Tons better than booze or grass. Here. Give me your arm. I’ll show you how. Don’t worry. It’s a clean needle.
“What the hell are you doing, son?”
Mac Timberlake swooped in and grabbed the glass out of Josh’s hand. He set it out of Josh’s reach and signaled for Shannon to come get it.
“What the hell are you doing, old man?” Josh fired back, leaning past Caitlin’s father and reaching for his drink.
“Saving your ass, apparently.”
“You can’t—”
“Shut up,” Mac interrupted. “Shannon, don’t serve him. He’s still on medicine. Drug interactions. Guess the idiot just forgot. Bring us some food, would you, please? I don’t care what. Something fast.”
With a curious look from one man to the other, Shannon said, “He ordered a cheeseburger.”
“That’ll work. Make it two.” Taking Josh’s forearm in a firm grip and with a little more force than necessary to deal with a man with healing ribs, Mac hauled him to his feet. “Let’s get a table.”
Josh yanked out of the older man’s grip and considered marching out the door, but he couldn’t make himself do it. He was hungry for news of Caitlin. Sullenly, he followed Mac to an isolated corner table.
Once they were seated, Mac scowled angrily and asked, “What the hell? You trying to kill yourself, J. B.?”
J. B. “She told you.”
“She knows? Huh. That’s a surprise. She never let on. I didn’t think you’d told her.”
“I didn’t. She figured it out herself.”
“Ah…” Mac nodded as if a puzzle piece had just fallen into place. “No wonder she left you. You lied to her. That’s one of her big taboos.”
Josh knew he should keep his mouth shut, but he felt compelled to defend himself. “I didn’t lie to her. I am Paul and Cindy Christopher’s son. They are my family. I am Joshua Tarkington—I changed my name legally.”
“So I understand.”
That took Josh aback. He hadn’t shared that particular fact with Caitlin. “How do you know?”
“Before the accident in December, I hired a private investigator to check you out.”
Josh’s eyes rounded in surprise. Guess he should have anticipated that. “What did you expect to learn? That I was a thief? An ex-con? A father of five who’d deserted my family?”
“I didn’t know what to expect.” Mac shrugged. “My little girl was starry-eyed over you, and all I knew about you was that you’d come out of the Oklahoma foster care system. I had concerns.”
“I’ll just bet you did,” Josh muttered. “So why haven’t you outted me to the entire town?”
“I considered it.” Mac paused when he saw Shannon approaching with two glasses of ice and a pitcher of water.
“Burgers will be right out,” she informed them as she filled the glasses.
“Thanks, Shannon.” Mac smiled up at their hostess, and when she walked away, he sipped his water and said, “Look, I didn’t like you because you reminded me of myself. Did Caitlin ever tell you that I came out of the Oklahoma foster system too?”
Josh looked at him in surprise. “She never mentioned that.”
“I don’t go around bragging about it, believe me. My mother was a bitch on wheels. Drug and alcohol abuser. A grifter. She’d steal the wimple off a nun whether she had use for it or not. More than once, she abandoned me in flea trap of a motel, and it’s but by the grace of God that I didn’t follow in her footsteps. It could have gone the other way just as easily. So when you caught Caitlin’s attention, it worried me. I looked at you and I saw myself. I wasn’t very nice to you.”
“Really?” Josh drawled. “I hadn’t noticed.”
Mac grinned. “Smart-ass.”
Josh was just grumpy enough to press it. “Weren’t you a federal judge once upon a time? I thought judges waited for evidence before they reached a verdict.”
“I’m a father first. That means I automatically don’t like any hairy-legged boy who comes sniffing after my little girl. That’s probably never going to change because no guy will ever be good enough for her.”
Shannon delivered two platters piled high with burgers and fries to the table, and Mac waited to say more until they’d both consumed half their meal. The cheeseburger tasted surprisingly good to Josh, and the meal, together with the company, managed to distract him from the clawing need that had sent him from his house in search of relief.
Feeling more mellow than he had all day, he decided to offer Mac Timberlake a gift. “Don’t worry. I know I’m not good enough for her. That’s why we’re not together anymore.”
Mac ate half a fry in one bite, chewed thoughtfully, then said, “That’s pasture poo.”
“Excuse me?”
“BS. You’re not together anymore because you’re trying hard to make the same mistake I almost made. They say girls look for men like their father to marry. I’d hoped Cait would choose better than that, but the girl has always been hard-headed.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Marry! I’ve never said anything about marriage!”
“That’s because you’re being an idiot. You’re letting your past control your future without any acknowledgment of the person you’ve become in th
e present.” Mac popped the rest of his fry into his mouth. “I did the same damn thing. I let fear rule my actions and emotions and almost ruined my relationship with the love of my life. Be smarter than me. Life is short, Tarkington. Too damn short. Don’t waste it by living in the past.”
Mac took his napkin from his lap and wiped his mouth, then removed his wallet from his pocket and pulled out a twenty. “I heard what I wanted to hear from you today. You’re Tarkington, not Mr. Movie Star. That’s good.”
He tossed the bill onto to the table. “I understand you gave Caitlin some fancy jewelry. That’s a nice start, but you can do better.”
Better than the Sokolov emeralds? “Um … I’m wealthy, but I’m not stupid rich.”
“Just stupid,” Mac muttered, making a disgusted roll of his eyes. “Caitlin gave you something infinitely more valuable than diamonds and emeralds, Tarkington. My daughter gave you the most valuable gift in existence. She gave you her heart. Treasure it. Cherish it. Be worthy of it.”
Despair rose within Josh. “But that’s just it. I’m not. I never will be. I’m … I have…” He gritted his teeth and at Caitlin’s father. “I’m not whole.”
“Hell, pup. None of us are whole. You gotta slap on a bandage and keep on going.”
“You don’t understand.”
Mac’s voice softened. “You’d be surprised at what I understand. My PI created a thorough file.”
He knows. Josh shut his eyes as shame washed over him. “I’m surprised you haven’t shot me.”
“Why? Seems to me that you had plenty of help getting into that dark world. That wasn’t your fault. It shows character that you had the balls to get out.”
“You’re never out. Not really. You take it day to day, so you’re never really out.”
“Maybe so. But you have something—someone—to keep you looking forward to the next day.” Mac rose to leave, but stopped beside Josh and put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t give up, son. You have friends here. You have family. You have people who love you. A fine, fabulous woman who loves you. You don’t have to do this alone. Let us help you.” He gave Josh’s shoulder a squeeze, then departed.