She couldn’t let him believe he was the only one on the edge, terrified to fall. Walking up behind him, she wrapped her arms around his waist as he slipped the key into the lock. “You’re the one I love. The only one. That’s the way it’s always been, and I’m afraid that’s the way it’ll always be.”
He dropped his head as his hand covered hers. “Thank God. You don’t know what it did to me, thinking you may have fallen in love with—”
She spun him around, stealing his words with a kiss. She didn’t want to think or talk about old lovers. This was their time.
* * *
Jaxon set a glass of wine in front of Sela, hoping her willingness to drink meant she’d decided to spend the night. He had wanted to continue kissing her all the way down the hall to his bedroom, shedding clothes as they went, but she told him they needed to slow down. He didn’t want to slow down. He wanted to make up for all the nights he’d woken up missing her, reaching for her, crying inside because she wasn’t there.
“Thank you.” She reached for the glass and eased back into the cushions. She ran a fingertip around the edge of the glass, her eyes hooded as she watched him watching her. “It’s been a long time since we’ve… been together.” She licked her lips as she waited for him to respond.
He understood now. She wanted to take their time, let the anticipation build until the explosion rattled the windows. “Yes.” He coated his dry throat with bourbon. “Too long.”
“Tell me what you’ve been up to, Jax. Have there been a lot of women since me?” She kicked off her high heels, settling her feet in his lap.
“You’re not seriously asking me to talk about that, are you?” At the moment, he couldn’t remember the name of a single woman he’d had sex with since Sela. He hadn’t been celibate, but none of his experiences had been memorable.
“Why not?” She sipped her wine as though they had all the time in the world to talk. “You know about me and Sheldon. Has there been anyone special for you in the past year?”
He knew it was cruel, but he decided to bait her. Maybe then she’d stop playing games. “There was this one girl.” He hid his grin behind his glass when he saw her body tense. “She was great.”
“What happened?” she asked, narrowing her eyes. “Why didn’t it work out?”
“We still see each other now and then.” He drained his glass before setting it on the table.
“Is that so?” She sat up straighter as she clenched the fragile crystal stem so hard he expected it to snap in two. “When was the last time y’all saw each other?”
Jaxon tried to hide his amusement, dipping his head. “It’s been a while.”
“Define a while,” she said, her teeth clenched. “Are we talking days, weeks, months?”
He looked up, treating her to a grin. “You’re jealous.”
“No, I’m not,” she said, throwing back the rest of the wine before thrusting the glass at him. “I remember how much you like sex. I imagine there have been dozens of women since me.” Her lips thinned. “Since you’re not denying it, I guess I’m right.”
He brought her hand to his lips. “Does any of this really matter? Who cares what happened while we were apart or even before we broke up? Let’s forget about that and start over from today. Do you think you can do that?”
She seemed to consider his question. “What about what happened since we reconnected? I’m still angry that you think you had the right to ask Joe to let me go. I liked working there. Those people were my friends, and I—”
“I’m sorry. If I’d known how much it would hurt you, I would have found another way to spend time with you. That just seemed like my best option at the time.”
“You didn’t even care that I had a boyfriend, did you?”
He looked at her a long time. “If I’d just met you and found out you had someone else, I probably would have backed off, but you were mine long before you were his.”
“I’m not a possession,” she reminded him, her eyes darkening with annoyance. “You keep forgetting that.”
“No, you’re not.” He looked at her left ring finger, thinking he’d give anything to see it adorned with his engagement ring. “You’re a strong-willed, intelligent woman who knows exactly what and who she wants. The question is, do you want me?”
She looked at their joined hands in quiet contemplation.
“That’s really the only question that matters, isn’t it? Do you or do you not want me in your life?”
“I do.”
Jaxon felt the burden of worry lift as he heard the two little words he’d been hoping to hear. “Then where do we go from here?”
She lifted her finger, beckoning him closer. When he slid over, invading her personal space, she said, “I want to start over. We’ve both made mistakes, and I know we’ll make more in the future, but as long as you can promise me something—”
“Anything,” he said quickly, not waiting to hear her response. “Anything. Just tell me.”
“Promise me that you’ll respect me enough to let me make my own decisions about my life.”
“You have my word.”
“Promise me that you won’t try to shut me out again. If you have a problem, you’ll let me try to help you.”
“I swear.” Jaxon had already suspected those would be her conditions, and he was confident he could meet them.
“There’s one more thing,” she said, looking uneasy. “I want to go to one or two of your therapy sessions with you.”
Okay, he hadn’t seen that one coming. “Why?”
“Because I want us to have a healthy relationship, and we can’t do that unless we learn to communicate openly and honestly. That means no more lies. No more secrets.”
“Okay, I’ll tell Dr. Masters to expect you for our next session.”
She squeezed his hand, a smile brightening her face. “Thank you. Oh, and one more thing—”
“You said the therapy was the last thing.” He tried to tamp down his frustration. He just wanted her to tell him they were officially a couple again so they could celebrate… and bring a few of his fantasies to life.
“It’s about your mother.”
“What about her?”
“I’d like to come with you the next time you go visit her.”
He tried, unsuccessfully, to repress his sigh. “She doesn’t even know me anymore, baby. She won’t remember you.”
“That’s okay. I just want to make her a promise.”
“What kind of promise?” He was uneasy. He couldn’t imagine why Sela felt she owed his mother anything.
“I want to promise her I’ll take good care of you, that I love you, and I’ll never leave you.” She smiled through her tears. “No matter how much you piss me off, I’m here to stay this time, Jax.”
He crushed her to his chest as he buried his face in her hair. “God, I love you. Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For giving me another chance to love you.”
Chapter Fifteen
Sela insisted Jaxon sit on a chair in the corner of his bedroom while she peeled off her clothes. She knew it killed him to keep his hands to himself, but that carnal look in his eye as he watched her strip to the sexy music she’d selected only aroused her more.
He wrapped his hands around the wood chair. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”
“Sssh,” she said, bringing her finger to her lips. “I promise I’ll make the wait worth it.” She turned her back to him while she reached behind her to unfasten her turquoise silk bra. Tossing it on the ground, she slowly turned around as she slid her hands over her ribcage.
He looked torn between awe and exasperation. “Why are you doing this? I’ve been waiting a whole year to make love to you again. Don’t make me wait another second.”
She loved the power that came with pushing a powerhouse like Jaxon to the limit of his control. She’d pay for it later in the ferocity of his love making, but that was the kind of retribution
she looked forward to. “Patience, my love.” She hooked her thumbs into the string of her thong to glide it over her hips.
Jaxon sucked in a breath, hissing as he released it. “Enough.”
“Not nearly.” She skimmed her curves, letting her eyes drift closed as she caressed her body. There was nothing sexier than watching a hot guy salivate, and that’s what she would find when she opened her eyes. Score.
“You’re making me crazy,” he said, sounding furious.
“I know.” She let her hand drift between her legs as his eyes widened. “That’s the idea.”
“You’re going to be so sorry.”
“Maybe,” she acknowledged, lifting a shoulder. She let out a low moan as her fingers came away with the proof of her arousal. “But I’m so willing to take that chance.”
“Get. Over. Here. Now.”
She loved that Jaxon was aggressive when he had to be, strong-willed, and determined. It turned her on, and he knew it. “Why?”
“Come here, and I’ll show you.”
“Should I be scared?” she asked, sinking her teeth into her lower lip as she moved closer.
“Very.”
She knew he would never hurt her, which was why she closed the distance between them. He grabbed her waist, bringing himself to eye level with her breasts. She expected him to devour her. Instead he savored, taking his time teasing her, until she was the one begging for mercy.
“Jax, please.”
He looked at her with a mischievous grin. “Please what?”
“You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?” She threaded her hands through his hair and tugged just hard enough to make his eyes widen. “You’re going to make me beg you to make love to me?”
All hint of his amusement disappeared as he whispered, “I’m the one who should be on my knees, thanking God you’re here with me.”
She was touched by his show of emotion. It had been fun and games, each of them taunting the other for a desired effect, but this was different. Jaxon was reminding her that this wasn’t about the sex. It was about the connection they’d made when their eyes first locked at a crowded bar. It was about the months they’d spent building that connection and the months they wasted trying to pretend it didn’t exist. It was about the years before them and the dreams they would realize together.
“I love you,” she said, pulling him to his feet.
“And I love you, beautiful.” He kissed her, again and again. “More than anything.”
Sela didn’t expect to get so emotional, but she’d been waiting for so long to hear the man of her dreams tell her he loved her. “I didn’t think I’d ever hear you say those words.” She dipped her head to hide her tears. “I’d given up hope.”
He wrapped his hands around her neck, lifting her face to his. “Long after you were gone, you were still the reason I got out of bed most mornings.” He kissed her cheek. “I kept telling myself I couldn’t let it end that way. I had to make things right. I had to get you back.”
She ran her hands over his bare chest. “I’m so glad you didn’t give up. There was a time when we were together that I thought I had enough faith for both of us, but when it came down to it, I thought all hope was lost and you were the one who kept believing. You were the one who wouldn’t let go.” It was still difficult for Sela to believe the man who’d sworn off love and commitment was the same one who’d kept their love alive. “You’ve made me believe in happy endings, Jax.” She brushed her lips across his.
“We haven’t even begun to write the last chapter of our story, baby.” He smiled. “I see a big house on a big piece of property in the county with that swing and treehouse you wanted.”
“I can’t believe you remembered that.”
He tapped his temple. “I catalogued every dream you every told me. I think subconsciously I knew, even then, I couldn’t rest until I’d made them all come true.”
“I don’t deserve this,” she said, fighting back tears. “No one deserves to be this happy.”
He chuckled. “Honey, I’ve spent years being miserable. Steal happiness where you can. Don’t waste time questioning it. You do deserve it. We deserve it.”
Just like that, an interlude that had started out frenzied and passionate, with a race to the finish line, turned into a leisurely stroll. They knew they had all the time in the world.
Jaxon led her to the bed and pulled back the plush white duvet before he laid her down on top of him. He kissed her neck at a leisurely pace, gliding his mouth over her shoulders and the swell of her breasts before returning his attention to her mouth. Sela was ready to crawl out of her skin, and Jaxon knew it.
“Protection?” she asked, reaching for the drawer he’d always kept it.
“Are you still on the pill?” he murmured as he kissed her neck.
“Yeah, why?”
Jaxon was the one who’d asked her to go on the pill, but he had still insisted on using condoms. According to him, it was better to be safe than sorry. An unplanned pregnancy was the last thing he wanted or needed to complicate his life. It hurt Sela to hear him say their baby would be unwanted, but she’d tried not to take it personally. He wasn’t ready for kids. That was his prerogative.
“Let’s skip the condom then.” He grabbed her shoulders, urging her to look at him. “That is, if you’re okay with that? I’ve used protection ever since… And every time before we were together. I’ve never had sex without a condom, but if you’re not—”
She kissed him into submission, responding without words. Without waiting for Jaxon to ask, she opened for him. She guided him inside her slowly and gently as she savored every moment.
“God, I needed this,” he mumbled, closing his eyes as she sank down on him. “I needed you.”
She had forced herself to forget how good it had been, convincing herself it wasn’t fair to compare other lovers with Jaxon. He was in a class by himself, which he proved by he grabbing her hips and guiding her to an explosive orgasm in record time.
“Wow,” she said breathlessly as she collapsed on his chest. “I can’t believe you just did that.”
Without a word, he flipped her on her back and prepared to wow her all over again. “It’s never been like this for me.” He made love to her slowly, captivating her as he moved. “I knew I loved you before, and it scared the hell out of me.”
Sela gripped his biceps, torn between wanting to hear every sweet word and getting lost in the ecstasy. “Why?”
“I knew admitting that I loved you meant forever.”
She didn’t know how he could think straight, much less talk. She felt as if the top of her head was about to blast off.
“And I didn’t think I could do forever.”
“Hmmm…” Sela should say something. This had the potential to be a life-altering moment, but with her entire body tingling, every muscle tensing, she was surprised she hadn’t stroked out.
Jaxon gripped her waist, stroking her until she screamed his name.
Covering her body with his as her heart pounded frantically against his hard chest, he whispered, “Are you with me now?”
Sela should be embarrassed that her excitement had taken precedence over everything else, but it had been a long time since she’d had a lover like him. A year to be precise. “Yes.” She kissed his neck as she wrapped her arms and legs around him. She couldn’t get enough of him.
“I was talking about forever.” He moaned, obviously trying not to let her lips distract him.
Clenching him hard, she said, “Right. Forever. What about it?”
“I’m not scared anymore. I want you. Forever.”
Sela couldn’t think about that now. The riot of sensations moving through her body demanded her undivided attention. “Can we talk about this later?” She gave him a taste of the way he’d made her feel earlier as she put all of her focus on what she knew would please him.
“Oh God…” He groaned. “That feels amazing, baby.”
Amazing. That wa
s exactly the word Sela would have used to describe it. Simply amazing.
* * *
Jaxon was carrying a breakfast tray into his bedroom the next morning when he heard Sela arguing with her mother.
“I don’t care how you feel about it, Mother. Jaxon and I are back together. I’m in love with him, so if you want to have a relationship with me, you’ll have to figure out how to accept him.”
Jaxon hated causing a rift between Sela and her parents, but she was right. Her parents had to come to terms with it because he wasn’t going anywhere.
She cast him a guilty glance when she spotted him. “I’d love to be there to welcome my sister and her new husband back from their honeymoon, but I’m not coming unless Jaxon is welcome as well.” She sighed at her mother’s response. “Those are my terms. Take it or leave it. Fine, we’ll see you at four.”
Jaxon set the tray of pancakes, fruit, and coffee on his night table before he poured her a cup.
“I’m sorry you had to hear that, honey.”
“It’s okay.” He handed her the coffee with a smile. “It’s no secret your parents hate me. Thank you for standing your ground with her though. It meant a lot.” He watched her take a tentative sip of the coffee he’d cooled with a drop of milk. “But I can’t come with you today. This is a family occasion. It’s Kiki and Chad’s day. My being there would only ruin it for them.”
“Kiki and Chad already had their day. Besides, nothing would make my sister happier than to see us there together.”
“You’ve talked to her about us?” He was surprised. He didn’t think Sela would want to burden her sister with her problems while she was on her honeymoon. “When?”
“The night you proposed to me.”
He thought of the ring that had been burning a hole in his wallet ever since Sela refused to accept it. He was dying for her to wear it, but he couldn’t rush it. “Did you tell her I asked you to marry me?”
“I did.” She took another sip. “She thought I was crazy to turn you down.”
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