“Yeah, but he’s working on a new album and that usually means another tour will follow, maybe not as big as this last one, but you know how it works.”
“Not necessarily, big names like him can tour whenever and people will come to see them. They don’t need a tour to support an album.”
“True, but . . . I just don’t know. And for all we know, this is nothing. It should be nothing.”
“Jilly, I haven’t seen your eyes so alive as I have tonight. You have to admit, it’s pretty cool that he’s been thinking about you. And I know you’ve been thinking about him. You haven’t had a second date with anyone since your divorce, which tells me this guy has affected you more than you’ve let on. I think that’s worth exploring.”
“I can’t do another Danny.” My eyes welled up with tears and so did hers.
“It’s going to be okay, Jillian.”
“I know. I am okay.”
“You are. I just want you to be happy.”
“Me too.” For the most part, I was happy. And after my divorce I was a big believer in not placing my happiness in anyone’s hands but my own. My problem was I was drawn to Cole in a way I had never experienced. I had hoped I would come here tonight and I would see it was really the alcohol and fear, but I hadn’t had a drop to drink since that night and coming tonight only intensified those feelings. His touch, his gaze, only made me want to have more, but his past and his job made me want to run, not walk, to the nearest exit.
We settled in as the house lights lowered. There wasn’t an opening act tonight, it was all Cole. You could feel the electricity in the crowd; one of Nashville’s greats had come home and the crowd was ready to welcome him. The music started before the stage lights went on, at first it was a solid, steady beat of the drums, next the keyboard, then a guitar. The crowd was going crazy. They knew any moment the man they had paid a hefty price to see was going to appear. And appear he did, but he was in the crowd at the back of the main floor. Collectively, the crowd turned and he began singing the song that made him famous, “Mississippi Nights.” Fans were clamoring for him, but he had security not far behind. Everyone was on their feet and there we would all stay.
He looked so smooth walking down, touching hands and singing like a legend. His voice sounded like seduction. I couldn’t help but think he had probably used it to his advantage on plenty of occasions. I was refusing to fall for it. Even when he walked past me and brushed my hand and gave me a wink. Darn cowboy.
When he made it on the stage, the lights exploded and the crowd really went wild. It was deafening. That kind of energy lasted all night.
After the first set, he introduced his band and proudly showed off his son. They looked like twins born twenty-three years apart. They were even the same height, six-foot-three. Tall and handsome, with lady-killer eyes.
I was happy to see he wasn’t drinking moonshine anymore after the first song. That used to be his trademark. They would pass around a bottle and get lit. The last time I saw him in concert, I was dating Danny, and Cole fell off the stage. Little did I know at the time, Danny would do the same thing a time or two in Vegas from being drunk or high.
Cole sounded amazing sober.
The sixth set rolled around and it was show time for Call. Her poise impressed me.
On cue the band quieted. Cole stood front and center on the stage. “Ladies and gentleman, I have a special treat for you tonight. One of Nashville’s hidden talents is going to grace the stage and probably make you wonder what I’m doing up here instead of her. Let’s give it up for Call, y’all.”
The crowd gave a nice round of applause, but I think some were confused. Call wasn’t a household name, though she should be, and I don’t think many remembered her second place finish on Nashville Has Talent. But it didn’t take long for them to figure out that she was amazing.
Call kissed Beck before she headed up the center stage stairs. Cole held out his hand to her and helped her up. The music began and they sang the most beautiful ballad, “That’s What I Get For Loving You.” It’s a haunting tune about love lost and trying to move on. Their voices melted together like chocolate. It was pure magic.
I spent my time looking between Beck and Call. I had never seen a man look so in love or in awe. I wanted someone to look at me like that and mean it forever. I wanted to be that man’s priority. I didn’t need to be his whole world, I just wanted to know that his world wouldn’t be the same without me and we wouldn’t let any force tear us apart. I needed someone I could trust. When Danny and I got married, and he took my hand from my dad, I whispered in his ear, “I trust you.” I had hoped he felt the weight of what I was telling him. It was more than loving him. I was placing my heart, body, and soul in his hands. I thought he got that. I was wrong.
By the end of the song I had tears in my eyes. Tears of joy for my friend, and a few drops for all that was lost.
The crowd treated them to a thunder of applause.
Cole kissed Call on the cheek before they both turned to the crowd.
“What did I tell y’all? I don’t think this will be the last we hear from this gorgeous lady. Let’s give her another round of applause.”
The crowd obliged as she made her way down to Beck’s open arms. He drew her in and held tight.
From then on, the crowd rushed the stage and I was no longer in Cole’s line of sight. It was probably a good thing. I knew what made artists tick and where their focus was and needed to be. It was an amazing concert.
During the encore, Randy came and escorted us to a door located at stage right. We all filed through. I squeezed Call’s hand as we made it back to Cole’s dressing room. She was still buzzing like a bee from her five minutes of fame. I was shaking, too, but out of nerves. My logical side was begging to leave, but something deep inside of me was begging to stay. The battle seemed to rage in my stomach; it was rolling and full of knots.
I was just about to tell Call and Beck we should leave when a flurry of activity hit us right outside his dressing room. There were people everywhere. All to take care of this one man. Someone was handing him water, someone else a towel. I watched as he stripped off his shirt and without missing a beat, he was handed a clean, dry one. There were too many people blocking my way, so I didn’t get a good look at what I knew to be a heavenly chest. I felt invisible; it was a feeling I knew well.
My friends were lost in each other after such an emotionally charged evening, making me feel more alone. But I reminded myself I was in charge of my life and I wasn’t ever going to feel invisible again unless I wanted to. I knew my way around the Ryman, so I slipped away unnoticed. I felt empowered walking away.
I got lost in the crowd and filed out the door into the perfect spring night. It was cool, but it felt just right against my skin. I took a deep breath and let it out.
I guess my escape hadn’t completely gone unnoticed—my phone vibrated in my small handbag.
“Hello.”
“Where are you?” Call’s voice was loud and clear even amongst the background noise.
“I’m fine. I’m going to catch a cab home.”
“The heck you are, Jillian Jones. Come back in here.”
“I’m not coming back. Tell Cole how great the show was and thank him for me. Would you please?”
“Jillian, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. In fact, I feel good. I’ll see you later.” I hung up and didn’t look back. At least not for several seconds.
Chapter Six
That was that. Sayonara, Cole Pendleton. So what if he was still keeping me up at night, or if my best friend thought I needed to see a mental health professional? I did what I had to do. Sure, in some fantasy world, I would have loved if it had turned out different, but I lived in the real world. I liked my nine-to-five job and the quiet life.
I spent the next day gardening. It normally helped me relax, plus getting a little dirty once in a while was good for the soul, or at least that’s what my mom always used to say when w
e complained about helping her when we were growing up. I knelt in my flower bed and dug with a vengeance. I had a variety of impatiens and bucopa to plant. Then I was going to try my hand with container gardening on my back porch. I thought I might get ambitious and make my own salsa, so I bought the necessary plants to grow what I needed, along with strawberries, because who didn’t love strawberries in the summer? Besides, I needed a project—anything to keep my mind off Cole Pendleton.
It didn’t help that Call had texted and called me a hundred times since last night. First she was worried, then she asked if Cole could have my number—absolutely not—then she wanted to come over. No. Next, she tried to convince me to give Cole a shot, then she was back to being worried, and now I thought she was just frustrated with me. She mentioned Cole had wanted to come after me.
I sat up, stretched my back, and obsessed over that thought. I wiped my brow and sighed. I didn’t need him to chase after me. Want, yes. But last night made me realize how much I didn’t miss that life. I looked around my sweet backyard and took in the fruit trees and flowering bushes, even the built-in fire pit in my stone patio. All things that made me happy and gave me a sense of belonging. In Vegas, I was cooped up in a hotel suite. Before that, it was a tour bus. I liked coming home to my house every night and sleeping in my own bed. I enjoyed the domesticated life. I even liked going to work every day. I loved my job. I found great satisfaction from supporting myself.
I strategically placed the delicate flowers into the upturned soil. I tackled the garden containers on the back porch next. The front porch also got some love with hanging baskets and a cascade of flower-filled baskets down my front porch steps. I was tired and sun-kissed when it was all said and done, but I felt accomplished. I felt like I took a step forward. Little by little I was erasing my life with Danny and making the one I wanted, the one I had thought we would have together.
I wanted to share my life with someone, actually several someones. I wanted to see little people running around my yard and chase after them. I wanted someone to sit with on the front porch, drink sweet tea, and talk about our day. I wanted things a life with Cole Pendleton wouldn’t make possible. Who cared if when he touched me I felt it inside out, or if he made me smile? I never wanted to see another red carpet or awards show. I never wanted to feel invisible or alone in a relationship. People like Cole and Danny, their careers loomed large, it encompassed your whole life. I couldn’t be consumed by that again.
That night consisted of brownies and Netflix. Followed by another restless night.
How could a man I barely know so overwhelm my senses and thoughts? I kept picturing him holding my hand or kissing my cheek, or worse, my lips. And his voice. That let-me-be-your-world voice. He was amazing. He deserved every award and number one song that ever came his way. I imagined the private concerts he would give me and how they would involve a lot of silent periods. Those would be my favorite.
I woke the next morning and ran my fingers through my hair. I needed to run. I got ready and headed over to The Warner Parks to utilize their cross country trails.
Call texted before I left the house. You, me, dinner tonight. I’ll even let you cook.
I smiled at my phone. Of course she would. I was the better cook. See you at six.
She sent back a thumbs up emoji.
The drive took no time at all. Before I knew it, I was enjoying Mother Nature. It was the perfect ending to April. I took in all the green and new life. I had hated living in the desert amongst the lights and noise. I felt rejuvenated even if sleep was hard to come by lately. I gave up trying not to think about Cole. I thought maybe I would get him out of my system quicker if I quit fighting it.
I wondered if he liked to run, I knew he was in shape because there were a million pictures of him online and some of them shirtless. He made forties look amazing. Then I wondered if he wanted more children and how it would be to date a man with an adult child, or any child for that matter. I had never done that. Not that I would be now, but like I said, I couldn’t get him off my mind, so I let my mind have free reign. I bet my parents would like him. But they would probably be worried about his past and his profession. I had a feeling he could charm just about anyone, though, me included, which was why I left Friday night.
The more I ran on the scenic path, the more I wished he was there to share it with me, so I could ask him to tell me all about himself. I wanted to hear him call me Doc. I wanted to feel his lips on my skin. I wanted to laugh and smile with him, and maybe sneak off the trail and get a little lost with him or lost in him. Why did he have to be who he was? Why couldn’t he just be some regular guy I met at Starbucks who asked for my number?
These thoughts pushed me to run harder and faster than I normally did. I was drenched in sweat at the end, and no closer to kicking him out of my head.
I moved on to working on a quilt for my niece’s fourth birthday at the end of May. We actually shared birthdays. I called us twinners. Sometimes I felt so old. The quilt was a simple block pattern made out of her favorite colors, red, pink, and white. She requested a big blanket for her bed that was extra squishy. If I wasn’t a mom, at least I could be the favorite aunt.
I turned on the radio in my sewing room and I swear at least five of his songs came on. I didn’t bother turning the station. But it did have an effect on me. I had to undo several stitches because of daydreaming about him personally serenading me.
In between working on the top layer of the quilt, I put dinner in the oven. We were going to have roasted garlic chicken with crisp rosemary potatoes. I really was a good friend. But really, Call was the best friend.
One of the things I loved about having dinner with Call was that we ate right out of the pan. She sat across from me at my small kitchen table with worry in her eyes.
“I’m fine, you know?”
She raised her eyebrow along with her fork. “Are you really?”
“I am. I admit I wish things could be different, but they can’t, and I’ve come to terms with it.”
“And why can’t they?”
“I can’t go back to that life.” I waved my hand around. “This is my life.”
“I think Cole would fit well here.”
I half scoffed, half snorted. “Really? You saw the spread in Southern Living magazine about his home here in Nashville. I think five of my houses would make up one of his. And did you see the property? And you saw how it was Friday night. I don’t want to feel like I’m in the way or I don’t belong again.”
She reached across and grabbed my hand. “Had you stuck around for a second more, you would have seen that you were the first person he came looking for. He was beyond disappointed that you bailed. He considered using his tour bus to come find you.”
I grinned at the thought. And you knew he was a true country singer for having his tour bus there even though he lived in Nashville. I knew a lot of artists who felt so at home on their buses, they did the same thing. “Thanks for talking him out of it.”
“I’m not sure I should have.”
“Call, you understand why it would be a bad idea, right?”
“Yes and no. I understand your hesitation, given his past and even his job, but the more I got to know him Friday night, the more I think he’s perfect for you.”
I held up my hand. “Hold up there. What do you mean, the more you got to know him?”
Her grin spelled mischief. “He invited Charles and me to have dinner with him on his bus. Pretty swanky bus. The couch is comfortable and fits two nicely, FYI.”
“Stop it.”
“I’m serious. I wanted to make out with Charles, but it never worked out. So if you get the chance to, let me know how it goes.”
I laughed at her and rolled my eyes. “Not happening.”
“I don’t know. He seems pretty determined to get to know you and make you like him.”
“I do like him. That’s the problem.”
“I really think you should give him a chance. He’
s nothing like Danny. He never once talked about himself. And he served us. The guy makes an amazing grilled chicken salad.”
“He made you dinner?”
“Yeah, and he was so sincere when he talked about you. He wanted me to make sure you made it home safely. He asked what he could do to make you feel more comfortable around him.”
“And what did you say?”
“I told him to consider quitting his job.” She grinned.
“Like that’s going to happen.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. I think he would consider it if you said ‘hey, I want you, let’s give it a whirl.’”
“Why? He hardly knows me. Besides, that would only cause problems in the long run.”
She tilted her head. “What do you mean, why? You’re kind of awesome and he gets that.”
I rolled my eyes. “We’ve known each other all of four hours. He doesn’t know anything about me.”
“He talks like he’s known you all his life. He even remembered your parents’ and siblings’ names. And that you love rainbow chip frosting. I think it’s hilarious you told him that.”
I smiled at the memory. “He did his best to keep my mind off the turbulence we experienced that night by asking me a ton of random questions.”
“And kissing you.”
“I kissed him, he just kept kissing me back . . . for a really long time.”
She arched her eyebrow. “How long?”
“I don’t know. A half hour, maybe more.”
“No wonder this guy can’t stop thinking about you.” She placed her hand on her heart. “I’ve seriously never been prouder of you.”
“Stop it. Remember, alcohol was involved.”
“Not on his end. He says he’s never had such a strong connection with someone so quickly.” She winked. “No wonder with all that lip-locking action.”
I threw my napkin at her.
She caught it and laughed. “But, seriously, he really wants the chance to get to know you. To see if there is something there.”
“There shouldn’t be.”
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