Victoria stood up off the cot and pulled the blanket around her. “I'm going home now,” she said.
She began to walk towards the automatic double doors they had brought her in when the doctor put his hand on her shoulder.
“Victoria, I'm afraid you can't do that. I would really prefer that your parents take you home. We need to make sure you're all right.”
Victoria looked at him with steely gaze. “I'm not all right.” She turned and continued to walk away.
Two security guards began to move in around her.
“Miss, you're going to need to come with us.”
She felt the hands try to lead her back towards the doctor but she resisted. Then the security guards had to make a move and they grabbed her upper arms and picked the screaming, kicking girl up off the floor to put her on a cot and get her under control.
Victoria yelled, “Where is he? Where is my Levi? Do you know where he is? I want to be with him! You can't keep me here!”
She sobbed and sobbed until she felt a strong stab in her thigh. They were giving her something. She hoped it would kill her.
6
When Victoria awoke she heard angry voices coming from what seemed like very far away. The voices were muffled, but she could tell that at least one was different from others.
“You mean to tell me he was shot, right in front of her?” Her mother sounded exhausted. Victoria had no idea what time it was, but she was sure it was late.
A man's voice was next, one that Victoria didn't recognize. She strained her body to hear, but she couldn't will her eyes open to see who this new person was.
“Yes. She's very fragile at the moment, we had to give her a sedative to get her into a room. She thrashed hard about an hour after that. She has a nice bruise on her arm from hitting one of the trays. Eventually we had to strap her down. Besides her hearing being damaged, she checks out pretty good. If she feels good enough when she wakes up, we’ll release her to you and you can take her home. But I want to warn you, her life is going to be different now. She may be different now, you're going to have to accept that and help her through it.”
Victoria heard her mother's voice again, it sounded like she was crying. “Yes, of course. Thank you, doctor.”
Victoria didn't hear much after that except footsteps sounding like they were walking away, or maybe towards her, she couldn't quite tell. But she felt someone hold her hand, maybe her mother or her father. Then she heard another voice she recognized, it was Tyne.
“They told us he died saving her. That he was trying to protect her when the guy shot him.” Her voice sounded flat, monotone. Perhaps she felt as hopeless as Victoria did, that there was nothing left.
Victoria could make out her sister’s voice next. “We're so sorry for your loss. Levi was like part of the family … we all loved him. And we have him to thank for her being here. We'll make sure she knows that, I promise.”
Her voice was so smooth and calm. Fallon had always been sort of serene during difficult situations; this one was clearly no different. Victoria’s eyelids didn’t feel so heavy anymore; she began to open them to take in her surroundings. She slowly looked back and forth, not making any motions to let her family know that she was awake yet. She needed a moment to take everything in, the straps on her arms and legs, her family surrounding her, and Tyne crying silently in the corner while Fallon held her hand. It was an image Victoria never expected to see in her life. She and Levi had been complete, invincible. Nothing like this was ever supposed to happen in Cape Haven, the sleepy little town near the shore. Yet it was here at the Cape that Victoria felt her life was over.
Victoria’s doctors allowed her to go home shortly after she regained consciousness. She'd seemed to calm down some and although she was still in shock they said they felt it would be better if she rested at home to recover.
However, Victoria didn’t recover. The first night was the worst. She curled up into a ball on her bed in her childhood home and sobbed and retched until there was nothing left in her system but bile. She continued to vomit the bile in a bucket near her bed until there was absolutely nothing in her system and yet she cried for several more hours. As she cried the salt dried on her face and her eyes became crusty when there was no more water in her system to release. Her life was over; Levi was no longer with her. He had died protecting her, it was her fault he was dead. If she had just given up her purse, none of this would've happened. She wanted nothing to do with this lifestyle anymore, her family and her friends. She could hear the annoying ding of her cell phone go off every few minutes or so and she was sure that her friends were checking in on her, but she didn't care. They didn't understand. They didn't love Levi like she did, and now no one would ever understand how she felt about him. Eventually her phone stopped buzzing constantly. Victoria assumed it was dead. Levi was dead. Everything seemed wrong in her world.
Victoria didn't move for what felt like years. She would close her eyes for a while, thinking about ways she could end her life. It was like she was living in a dreamlike state, but it was all a nightmare. She thought about the prescription pills she knew her mother had in her dresser, or the kitchen knives downstairs. But neither of those seemed like strong alternatives. She should be forced to live, to live with the fact that he had died because of her. She knew her guilt would eventually kill her anyway, so she should try to survive as long as she could in order to feel the pain that she knew she deserved.
Her parents and her sister came to check on her, but she still didn't move. She thought she even heard Claire’s voice at one point. She refused to eat. She wasn’t even getting up to use the bathroom anymore, she was just defecating in her bed. The once happy and excited young woman had become nothing more than a soulless creature.
Three days passed and Victoria still hadn’t emerged from her bed. She heard Fallon walk in to check on her again.
“Victoria?” She felt Fallon shake her leg but she didn’t move. “Victoria, come on. You have to get up. You haven’t gotten out of bed in three days. Mom and Dad are really worried. I’m worried. Victoria? Are you listening?” She could hear her sister start to get frantic. Soon she would begin to waste away, that was her plan. She felt Fallon climb on top of her but she just shied away even more. Fallon began to whisper in her ear.
“Victoria, you need to get up. We love you! Come on, Victoria, get up, please,” she pleaded. “Mom and Dad are going to bring someone in to talk to you if you don’t get up soon.”
Fallon had been right because on Wednesday morning a fabulously dressed woman entered Victoria’s bedroom. She had on dark jeans and red heels. Her top was white with red vertical stripes. Victoria only noticed her after she had been there for about fifteen minutes. Everyone else had made their move in the first few minutes of entering the room, so she knew this person wasn’t someone she knew. She lifted her head from her tear stained pillow to look at the woman. It took a few moments for her eyes to adjust. She felt like she hadn’t seen anything in days. Just her blankets and pillows. Images of Levi being shot and killed filled her nightmares. She couldn’t shake the image of him in the body bag. She knew she never would.
“Hello, Victoria.” The woman’s voice was soft and smooth, like butter. Victoria felt like she could trust this voice.
She looked up at the woman’s face. She was beautiful with stunningly bright blonde hair framing her light face. Glowing blue eyes peeked from under a heavily made up lid. This lady took good care of herself. For the first time since the shooting Victoria thought about someone else besides Levi and she couldn’t figure out why.
Victoria scanned the woman once more to make sure she was real. There was a very good chance she was losing her mind. Or she had died and this woman was an angel. She finally decided it was safe to converse with the beautiful creature. She hadn’t spoken to anyone in a long time. It seemed like a lifetime ago that Levi left her, but it also seemed as though only mere minutes had passed.
“Can I sit down?”
The blonde sat at the edge of the bed before Victoria had managed a response, but she would've said yes anyway. It was almost as if this woman commanded her attention and anything she wanted she would get. “I'm Kate. Your bedspread is pretty.”
It seemed like such a mundane thing to talk about when all that Victoria could think about was Levi, and this woman wanted to talk about her bedspread? Maybe she really was going crazy.
The woman felt the bedspread with her fingers, she didn't seem much older than Fallon and that made Victoria feel more relaxed. Almost as if she wouldn’t judge her because they were kind of close in age. Victoria knew she didn't look like a normal human being, all curled up in her bed in the same bloodied clothes they had brought her home from the hospital in. As she looked around her now she realized she even had the blanket that the technicians had put around her when the ambulance arrived. It smelled like a hospital in her bed. Hospitals were now a bad thing, they were where people died.
“Why are you in my room?” It seemed like a simple question to Victoria, but she knew it was a loaded one. Her voice felt like sandpaper coming up her throat. It didn’t sound much better. But she had to know. There is a complete stranger sitting on the edge of her bed, petting her bedspread like it was a freaking puppy. She knew who this woman was, and she wasn't happy about it.
The woman's head snapped up with recognition in her blue eyes and said, “I think you know why I'm here Victoria. I’m going to help you. My name is Kate.”
“I don't need your help,” she said coolly.
“Oh well, I mean of course you don’t, considering everything. Clearly you spend all of your days in bed smelling like a pig and forgetting to eat. I apologize for intruding on your alone time.” Kate stood up and started to flounce out of the room, but Victoria wasn't going to let her get away that easily.
Victoria shot out of bed and noticed her body ached in disagreement. She would have to deal with her body later, for now all she wanted was Kate’s head on a platter. She had no right to come in here and treat her this way.
“Hey! You just walked into my room and tried to change my life. If you came here to talk, then talk. And don't talk about my bedspread, because we both know that's not why you're here.” She started to lose her sense of stability and her breath was becoming more rapid. “If you want to talk about Levi then say it. Because I can't ... I can't do it.” Victoria broke down and began to cry again, crumbling onto the floor. Kate rushed over to help her, putting her one arm across her back and moving it in slow circles.
“Victoria, it's okay, you can talk about Levi. Actually, I'd like to know about him. I heard that he saved your life.”
Victoria pulled both of her hands away from her eyes for just a moment to look at Kate's earnest face. “He was my life,” she said and then continued to cry.
7
It took hours for Kate to convince Victoria that she needed a shower. But finally she agreed to do it. It felt like months, or maybe years, since the last time she felt the warm water rush down her back. Victoria had just finished showering and dressed in the pajamas laid out for her. She arrived downstairs to find her parents sitting at the kitchen table. Kate was speaking, commanding their attention as she had Victoria’s. It was impressive to watch. “I think you were right to bring someone in, her grief process is just beginning. This is going to be a long evolution. I invite any feedback you can give me on the relationship. But I want you to understand that Victoria may never be fully healed, she will always have the scars from that night.”
Victoria wasn't surprised. She had heard her parents and Fallon mumbling about bringing in a “professional” a few times when they came in to check on her. She felt like they talked about it days ago, but maybe it was just yesterday? Time didn't seem to make a lot of sense anymore. Not much made sense to Victoria anymore.
“How do you think you, as a grief counselor, can help her through this?” Victoria's dad had always been skeptical about psychologists; it didn't shock her that he was questioning Kate’s credentials.
She clasped her hands together on the table and took a deep breath. It must be hard for people to be constantly questioning your profession. Kate obviously chose this; people don’t just want to hang around with people who are depressed, not usually anyway.
“I've been working in grief counseling for six years now. My brother died when I was twelve, and my grief counselor was the only person who got me through it. I've helped a lot of people, but every case is different. This isn't an exact science and I can't promise you amazing results for your daughter. I want her to have good results. I want her to be able to return to her normal life. But only when she's ready.”
Victoria could tell her parents were impressed, they were almost stunned into silence. It took her father almost five minutes before he responded, “I understand. We appreciate any help you can give us, or rather give her.”
Kate nodded at him. “I'll start tomorrow with intensive therapy. I want you to understand that things may get worse before they get better. The homework for the family for tonight is I want you to frame a picture of Levi for Victoria. Just a picture of him, not her. Do you think you can do that?”
Victoria had never heard her parents getting homework before. She could only imagine their faces as they looked at the young woman in front of them who seemed to have their world in her hands.
She heard her mother's voice say, “Yes, I think we can do that. We'll see you tomorrow, Kate.”
Victoria rushed into the downstairs powder room before she was caught snooping in on the conversation. In the small room she looked around, almost as if she'd never been there before. Were the walls always this blue? Did the counter always have this weird sandy feel? She felt her mind slipping away from her. There was an empty glass on the counter and she slowly filled it with water before bringing it to her lips. This wasn’t really living, was it?
###
The next morning Victoria hid under her covers. She knew it was only a matter time before Kate would come find her. So she would bask in the time she had to hide away from other people while she could. The sheets smelled so much better, her mother must’ve changed them while she was in the shower. She wrapped herself in them like a cocoon. They enveloped her. But nothing could keep the nightmares away.
The shot. The blood on her hands. Levi taking his last breaths. And then … darkness. Always darkness. Victoria was now living in a dark world. Levi had taken all of his light with him.
Victoria smelled the strong scent of hot tea before she climbed out from under the covers. She knew who would be standing there, and she was ready to fight for her sadness.
“Good morning, Victoria,” Kate said in a particularly annoying, cheery voice.
“It’s not. You’re supposed to understand me. Does it look like it’s a good morning?” No morning would ever be good again. Why couldn’t Kate see that?
“I do understand you, Victoria. I understand that you’re in a really horrible place. I know that this isn’t the real you.”
Victoria interrupted, what she was sure was a well-thought-out speech. “The real me is the me with Levi. If you find her, let me know.” Victoria pulled the covers back over her head and breathed in the sweet smell of laundry detergent. She could live like this for the rest of her life, who said that she couldn’t?
All of a sudden, blaring light hit Victoria from every angle. It was the first time she’d seen the sun in days. Her skin was turning a strange opalescent color and reflected grossly against the natural sunlight.
“What the hell?”
Kate stood near the open window with the tea in her hand, smiling. How she had managed to remove the comforter and open the blinds at the same time didn’t seem possible to Victoria. It angered her even more. She just wanted to punch this lady, or scratch her eyes out.
“Victoria, natural sunlight is good for the grieving process. I can tell none of my peace and love crap is going to help you. And so instead I’ve decided I’m just going
to give it to you straight. What I do is for you, and it’s good for you, I promise. I’m a trained professional and I’m here to help you. Now, I know you’re going through a really horrible time right now, but that doesn’t allow you to be angry at someone you just met. Besides, all your paleness was freaking me out.”
Victoria knew that most of this was just an act, Kate could be flexible. But it didn’t stop Victoria from hating her even more. If she was going to be here to try to “save” Victoria then she should at least be herself.
“You know what, Kate? If you’re going to be here and do this with me, which by the way I don’t need, you better be real. I’m not some child you can tell what to do. I’m an adult. And considering your own paleness, I know that you don’t care that my tan is fading.”
Kate smiled with the corner of her mouth as she looked over the frail person in the bed. “Victoria, you’re right. But it seems to me that anger is the only way to get you out of your bed. And my job is to get you out of that bed and back into your life.”
Victoria was shocked by her honesty. It took a second for it to register in her ears, everything just sounded like static lately. But once she was sure that what she was hearing was correct, it stung her like a bee. She sunk herself back into the bed and pulled her knees up to her chin while she sobbed.
“What if I can’t do that? What if I can’t live without him?” She expected Kate to come over to her as she’d done yesterday and stroked her like a child, but instead Kate remained by the window and watched as Victoria cried. The sobs shook her to the core just as they’d done the first and second day, and she cried until there were no more tears left.
A long time had passed before Victoria realized that Kate was sitting on the floor next to her bed. Her head was right beside Victoria’s and she stared at her carefully. They were so close that their foreheads were almost touching. With both faces laying sideways on their arms they almost looked like mirror images of each other. One was older and more refined, and the other looking like what remained of a drained individual.
Stealing Promises Page 5