Victoria didn’t have much to say so a simple “hi” would have to suffice.
There were a few other things that she thought she would like to say to him but it wasn’t the time or the place. His statuesque appearance in front of her made her think twice about what she would say. Maybe it was his adorable British accent or the way he looked at her like she wasn’t broken, but there was something different about him. And for the first time in months Victoria was interested in getting to know someone other than her elite circle of friends. Someone who hadn’t known her before the event. Someone who only knew the Victoria with a bright pink streak in her hair who lived in a quaint little apartment outside of New York City. This was the new to her and this guy smiled at her like he was actually glad to see her, not because he felt sorry for her. She wasn’t used to this type of attention.
As Brighton walked away to take his seat in a folding chair across the room Victoria looked around at the other people sitting in the circle. It wasn’t like the movies, they weren’t only on folding chairs in a dark room with only one light above them. Some people were seated at desks and the group consisted of adults and students alike. Victoria even recognized one of her new female professors. She had heard rumors around campus that this was her first semester back after her husband had died in a tragic car accident a year before. Victoria felt a sudden kinship to her as she now knew she wasn’t the only one who had lost someone so close to her so quickly. It made her feel slightly more comfortable and she nodded to the older woman as her eyes scanned the crowd. On the other side of her was a young Asian girl with long dark beautiful hair. She held tissues in her hands and clearly the death of her loved one was still fresh. Victoria didn’t envy how that girl was feeling. She had been in that dark place and was happy to finally be out of it. There were a few other students but none that Victoria recognized from around campus, but she had only been there a week. There was an older gentleman who Victoria had seen around campus a few times, but she didn’t know if he was a professor or student. Her concentration was only broken when Brighton clapped his hands together to start group.
“Greetings! Wonderful to see everyone here this afternoon. As you can see, we’ve brought on a few new people to our group. I would like to welcome Victoria and her friend Kate.”
So he was smart enough not to say that Kate was her grief counselor. That was nice of him at least.
“Who would like to begin this evening? I would like to remind you all that anything said in the circle does not leave the circle. This is a safe zone, and you can talk about anything you would like.”
At first no one spoke and Victoria’s hands began to sweat as she realized that some of the eyes were on her. She was sure they wanted to know why she was there and who she had lost, but the words were stuck in her throat like cotton. They made her want to choke on the air and collapse on the floor. Maybe then they would understand how bad the pain still was. But the older female professor finally broke the silence of the group.
“It’s been over a year now since I lost my husband Jack. My two children are taking it well, but the other day my son asked why his daddy hasn’t come to any of his soccer games.” Her voice became raspier, “I didn’t know what to tell him. I thought he understood that his daddy wasn’t coming back, but sometimes it’s just so hard for small children to grasp.”
The older man who Victoria had recognized from around campus spoke up, “Sometimes it’s hardest for the children. Out of sight out of mind is not really true once they pass age four. It’s very difficult to understand why he left. And why you’re still here. Many times children struggle with this, but as he gets older it would be wise to continue the conversation about his father. Don’t allow him to forget him. But explain to him that he is here, in spirit. He’ll always be with him.”
Victoria was astonished at the calmness with which the man spoke. She realized that he probably was a professor on campus, maybe a psychologist even.
The woman shook her head allowing her red hair to fall into her face. Someone passed her a tissue which she used to wipe the tears from underneath her glasses. Victoria felt sorry for her and for her children. It was the first time she had felt compassion for someone else since Levi had left her.
It gave her a surge of confidence that she hadn’t expected. “My name is Victoria.” She looked back at Kate knowing that this is exactly what she had hoped for. A chance to let go. It was time; this was the right thing to do. “My name is Victoria and three months ago I lost the man I love.”
She looked around to see their faces not in shock and horror as it usually was when people heard her story but they had a look of sadness and understanding. Here they understood. They had been through similar situations to Victoria’s and they knew how she felt. They knew that she didn’t want them to look at her like she was any different. She wanted them to do exactly what they were doing, just listen without any judgment. As her eyes settled on Brighton he leaned back in his chair looking slightly defeated as he listened to her story. “We were walking down the street back from the club when a man tried to rob me. Levi attempted to stop him and he was shot and killed.” She took a deep breath as the tears began to run down her face. “It was the worst moment of my entire life. I survived, barely. I tried to take my own life.” She ran her fingers over the scars once more to remind her how lucky she was. “But my friend Kate,” she motioned to the beautiful blonde behind her, “she found me and saved me. But she also taught me how to save myself. She and Levi both saved me, before I could save myself. I’m here today because of both of them. But it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt me every second of every day that Levi isn’t here with me.” The tears began to run more steadily and her breath was becoming raspy, “I miss him so much.” She said through tears. Someone passed her a tissue and she felt just like the woman with two children. For so long she had felt so lost and alone but now she finally had the support of people who understood her. It was putting air back into her lungs. For the first time in months she could truly breathe.
Brighton sat up straighter and began to talk, “We’re so glad you decided to join us today Victoria. I know I am.” He looked right into her eyes when he said it, but she just nodded as she dabbed her eyes. There was something about the way he said it made her think twice about Brighton. Something that made her want to talk to him more. Tell him more of her story. She realized that sometimes support from strangers was the best that you could get.
13
The semester moved on swiftly and it surprised Victoria how quickly fall break came. The holidays were just around the corner and although she is fitting in nicely with her grief counseling group, she hadn’t really made many friends outside of it. She could tell that Kate was starting to worry. But sticking with her routine of getting things done at school and then coming home and taking care of the house had made things easy, almost simple. She was learning to cook and she liked taking care of the chores around the apartment. She wasn’t sure she was ready to let go of the past completely yet.
Her last class before break was Advanced Writing. She was listening to the professor give their assignment for break when she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. She thought it was odd because typically no one called her during class. She pulled the phone out of her back pocket but she didn’t recognize the number. Assuming it was just telemarketer’s phone call, she ignored it. Then five minutes later her phone started buzzing again so she stepped out of class to answer it.
“Hello?” She said hesitantly.
“Hi Victoria, it’s Brighton.”
“Brighton?” Why would he be calling? How did he get her number?
“Yeah hey, I was wondering if you’d be interested in getting some grub sometime.”
Victoria furrowed her brow thinking hard about whether or not an invitation for coffee with Brighton was someone she was interested in. Was he attractive? Sure. Was she ready to put herself back out there and make new friends? The thought gave her the chills.
“I’m not sure Brighton. I mean, I’m just starting to get into a routine. Hanging out with someone new isn’t really where my mind is now.”
“Kate said you’d say that.”
Damn it. Kate, of course. “Kate told you that?”
He laughed, “She didn’t tell you she gave me your number?”
“No, but that’s kind of her thing.”
“Passing your number out to guys?”
“No, getting involved.”
“She’s brilliant you know.”
Victoria thought for a moment. She did know that, Kate had saved her life. Probably more than once. And if spending time with an adorable British guy was the next step in Kate’s journey for her, then she’d take it.
“Well, if she’s so brilliant, I guess we should take her advice.”
She could almost feel his smile from over the phone line. “Perfect.”
“When do you want to go?”
His answer was simple, “Today.”
“My class ends at two, how about around three o’clock?”
“Smashing. Three o’clock it is, at Grounds.”
She ended the call and stared at her phone’s blank screen. When had she become so brave?
After class Victoria slowly placed all of her books into her messenger bag. The professor, an older man with graying hair, approached her slowly. “I just wanted to say I’m really impressed with the amount of effort you’ve been putting in. You have a real talent.”
Victoria stopped, “Umm, thank you.”
“Have you ever considered writing as a profession?”
She stared at him blankly, “No.”
“Well Victoria, I just wanted to mention it. Not many of my students have your abilities when it comes to the written word. I don’t know what your plans are post-graduation, but something a little bit more creative might be in store for you. Have a nice break.”
He grabbed his tattered brown briefcase and left the classroom without another word. Victoria sat down slowly contemplating her future. It was the first time anyone had mentioned what to do after college to her since her conversation with Levi at the restaurant only a few months before. She chewed on her lower lip as she thought about her future plans.
She walked like a zombie considering her goals in life and found herself standing in front of Grounds, the coffee shop on campus. She peered into the window and saw Brighton sitting in a comfortable leather chair near an empty fireplace. She heard the chime of the bell above her head as she moved slowly into the aroma filled shop. The barista who stood behind the counter was reading the newspaper, but hopped to attention at the sound of the bell and offered her any number of drinks. She waved the young freshman off and turned to go sit with Brighton.
When he noticed her arrival he stood in a very gentleman like way.
“Nice to see you.”
She nodded, “Same to you. I was surprised you called.”
He blushed slightly before sitting back down, “Yeah, well, I’m not one for subtleties. I just thought it would be nice to get together sometime. And I know that you’re graduating soon.”
She sat down on a floral loveseat next to him. It felt hard under her, like it was new. “In December. I only had a couple classes to finish when I arrived here.”
“Right--you said that at the meeting . How do you feel about Wadsworth?”
She shrugged. “It’s nice, I mean the campus is really beautiful and the people all seem friendly.” Not that she had made many friends.
“Any thoughts as to what you’ll do after university?”
She paused and there was a moment of awkward silence between them. “Actually, I have been thinking about that the whole way here. But I honestly don’t know. I have a roommate now but she’s getting pretty serious with her boyfriend and I think I’m going have to find my own place soon. And a job.”
He put his foot up to rest on his opposing knee, “I’ve been thinking the same thing. When my mum and I moved over here from London I thought I would want to move back after school, but instead I’m finding I want to stay. But I don’t really know where to go.”
“Isn’t that weird?”
“What?”
“That we come to this time in our lives when we’ve already experienced so much but we still have so much more to do. Sometimes I find it all confusing.”
“A bit.” He smiled at her. “But confusing can be an adventure as well.”
She returned the gesture, “I like adventures.”
“Really? You don’t seem the type.”
She was interested in his assessment of her, “Oh, and what type is that?”
He rested his hands on the arm of the chair and looked away for a moment. “I don’t know, shy, maybe a bit creative. But you seem like you like to stay safe in your own small world; adventurous certainly isn’t something I would use to describe you. Am I right?”
She thought for a moment because she wasn’t quite sure herself. “I guess for the most part. I used to be a planner. I wanted to know everything that was going to happen. Every move set out in front of me. But now I’ve learned to just kind of go with life; it’ll take you to some strange places. Places you think you can never come back from, but you do. Life brought me here.” She used her hands to gesture around her.
“So it did.”
Now that she had answered some of his questions she had her own. “How about you? What brought you here?”
He reached over and took the white mug between his hands taking a long drink before speaking. “My mum and dad divorced when I was about thirteen. She got an offer in the States for a job and she took it. I came with her. For a while I wanted to live with my dad but he traveled a lot and it just didn’t make sense. You could say I’ve had a pretty normal American upbringing.”
“Do you have a good relationship with your dad now?”
He took another sip, “I guess. I only see him maybe once a year, either he travels over here or I go there. He’s remarried now and has a daughter. It’s not really my place to interfere with their family.”
“But it’s your family too. Just because he’s not around all the time doesn’t mean he’s abandoning you.” It was only the second time she had spoken frankly since before Levi’s death. It was one of the things about her personality she thought she had lost. But instead Brighton had brought it out of her in only a few minutes. What was so magnetic about him that made her feel like herself?
“That was remarkably honest.” He remarked.
“I know,” she said watching him closely. Surprisingly he didn’t appear offended.
“I’m going to get a refill. Can I get you anything?”
She nodded, “Yeah, sure, some tea would be great.”
When he stood he bumped into her messenger bag revealing a notebook of poetry she had been working on for her class. “Bugger, I’m sorry.”
She quickly moved to stuff the book back in her bag, “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” When she moved to pick up the book he also leaned down to retrieve it and their hands touched for a moment. She paused and retracted while he picked up the notebook to hand back to her. It was open and the poem on top was about the New England colors of fall.
She watched his eyes scan the page. Green pools of reflection of her inner most thoughts. “This is really great you know.” He sat down slowly in the leather chair putting down his mug. She watched emotions crossed his face as he read.
When his finger moved to turn the page he stopped himself, “May I?”
She simply nodded, unsure of what to say. She knew the next poem in the book was about her scars and she wasn’t sure how he would take the dark thoughts she penned on the page. She had gone over that poem a million times. She shocked herself allowing him to continue to read while she sat there in silence as he made his way through the notebook. When he finally reached a blank page he sat back looking at her in awe.
“These are bloody incredible. You should get someone to look at them.”
/> She was shocked, “Really? I mean, it’s just way I feel sometimes. Not like I’ve had any formal training.”
He smiled at her while handing the book back to her, “Sometimes you don’t need training. What’s inside you is what’s most important.”
It was what was inside her. He was exactly right. Maybe Brighton and her professor knew her better than she knew herself. Maybe this was her true calling after all.
14
By the time Claire and Victoria got to the party on the beach it was already in full swing. Sunset had just fallen around them and there was already a huge bonfire in the middle of a group of people that Victoria recognized from high school. She had told Brighton to meet her at the beach. It didn’t matter how old you were, it was still awkward when a guy met your parents for the first time. And she wasn’t quite sure how they would react since she hadn’t brought anyone home in so long.
The music was pumping through speakers attached to someone’s car and no one even really seemed to notice Victoria and Claire’s presence. It wasn’t how she envisioned coming home but she appreciated that no one questioned her about Levi or what she was doing now. She called her sister to tell her that she was going to the party but Fallon was away for the weekend with her husband Drew. Fallon had mentioned that things were tense between the two of them and Victoria guessed that this was supposed to be some type of romantic rekindling of their love. She didn’t really care. She didn’t want to see her sister hurt but at the same time she knew that Drew was not a catch.
“You want a beer?” Claire yelled over the music.
“Yeah, let’s find the keg.”
A guy they didn’t recognize filled up their solo cups. “I’m Quinn,” he said shaking their hands. “I’m here with Trey.”
Unexpected, but it made sense. Victoria looked over her shoulder to see the party boy from high school dressed in Calvin Klein but not talking to his usual group of girls. Instead he raised a single hand waving to her. They never really been friends but it was a nice gesture and she appreciated it.
Stealing Promises Page 9