by C. C. Morian
“I thought about that. If he were some stranger, or if we had just started dating, I might even be able to live with that. But he knows me. He knows how this would affect me. He knows how serious I take things. Maybe I responded late, took too long to see how this all bothered him. We’ve been married for years, I would have tried just about anything if he had just come to me and said something. Even an ultimatum would have been understandable.” Lisa felt herself torn between anger and tears. “And you know the worse part? It sounds so stupid. But when I came home in that outfit, I felt so good, and he didn’t even look at me. It’s like his mind had already gone to someone else.”
“Or he’s got a guilty conscience.”
“That thought has occurred to me.”
“Do you think you can just talk to him?”
“I don’t know. I’d like to think I could. But what if I’m wrong? What if I accuse him, or even just ask him, and I’m wrong? Or worse, if he lies to my face, and then I don’t know whether to believe him or not.”
“Maybe he’s just having a rough time about something else,” said Lori. “This is something you have to be sure about. Maybe you could just ask him about that, stuff in general, like Hey Dave, you seem a little down, something I can help with? Kind of ease into it.”
“I guess so.”
“Even if Dave says it’s nothing, it might snap him out of it. He might be pawing at you in the bedroom in no time.”
“That’s the problem,” said Lisa. “I’m not sure if I can have sex with him now, thinking about this, about him maybe having slept with someone else. I’d be thinking about that the whole time. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want me now, he can’t bring himself to do it with two women, he’s moved on.”
“He’s a guy, remember,” said Lori. “I’ve had men lovers and women lovers. You’re thinking like a woman. Most guys wouldn’t give that a second thought. Sorry, but it’s true.”
“I know,” said Lisa. “And that’s even worse. It means he might just be too tired to have sex with me, this other bitch wore him out. She’s satisfied him. I don’t think I’ve ever done that. Shit, I’m going to cry.”
And she did, and once again Lori put her arm around her, pulling her in, and Lori’s embrace felt better than any hug Lisa had ever got from Dave. There was nothing sensual about it, it was just warm and protective.
“You’ve got to find out for sure,” said Lori. “Then you can do what you need to do.”
“A divorce,” said Lisa.
“Yes. But first you need to get your revenge.”
Lisa sniffled, turning to her friend. “Like what?”
“Hmm. That depends on how mad you are.”
“I’m pretty mad already, and I don’t even know for sure. I’m mad just because he hasn’t given me a chance, and I know this is dumb, but I’m mad for him not noticing my outfit, that I was trying.”
“All good reasons. But guys like Dave, he might not even realize what he’s losing, especially if he thinks he’s got another woman to take care of him. He might just blame it on you. If it were me, I’d make sure he got what he deserved.”
“What would you do?”
“If I was absolutely sure he had cheated, I’d hit him back where it hurts. It’s all about the sex, right? At least for him. Fight fire with fire.”
“I don’t understand.”
The waitress came by with the food and the mimosas. Lori waited until she had left before replying. “You told me he complained about your sex life. Offer to spice it up, see how he reacts.”
“I kind of did that, I practically attacked him in bed one night, then the new outfit.”
Lori shook her head. “Remember the range of sexual possibilities we talked about. Your head is still in one corner. You need to expand a bit.”
“Such as?”
“Offer him a threesome.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Tell him it will be a surprise. Only the surprise will be on him.”
“I don’t understand.”
“It’s simple. I’ll explain it to you.” And Lori did, whispering into Lisa’s ear, in great detail, until Lisa began to blush, then squirm, and then, when Jamal was mentioned, to grow incredibly, unbelievably, hot.
Lisa stayed out most of the afternoon. After leaving the restaurant, many mimosas later, she didn’t dare go home. She’d lose it in front of Dave, for sure, although whether she’d be crying or yelling she wasn’t sure.
A year ago, a month ago, a week ago, Lisa wouldn’t even have been able to listen to what Lori had proposed, she would have been too embarrassed. But after what had happened, she could even consider it, and maybe even see herself doing it.
It was wild. Crazy. Wicked.
Thrilling.
It was like nothing Lisa had ever imagined. Like the clothes at the chic boutique, it didn’t seem like her. And yet, something had changed, it was as if Dave’s infidelity, if it were really true, had opened her mind to a whole new world of possibilities, had given her a different kind of strength, of female power.
Back at the house, there was a note from Dave, he was playing basketball, which he usually did on Sunday. But this week the note said, “May eat out with the guys.” That wasn’t common, most of the guys he played ball with were married, they’d be having Sunday dinner with their families.
Lisa didn’t know what made her do it, but she ran up to the bedroom, yanking open the dresser drawer. She counted the condoms.
Four.
She had a moment of panic, had she forgotten the count? Hadn’t it been five? Could she have forgotten something so important?
No. It had been five.
The bastard. He didn’t even care if she found out. Or he was throwing it in her face.
Lisa carefully put the condom box back like nothing had happened. Dave thought he knew her. He was about to find out how wrong he was.
That night, Lisa pretended she was sleeping when Dave came to bed. It wasn’t hard, her emotions were so cold right now, she didn’t think her body would respond to any stimulus, she was almost catatonic.
But as soon as she heard the deep breathing of his sleep, Lisa quietly slipped out of bed. Dave’s jeans were thrown over the chair, his usual idea of hanging something up. Lisa glanced at his still sleeping form, and then, hating herself for what she was about to do, gingerly reached into the pocket of his jeans and fished out his cell phone. She stepped outside the bedroom, leaving the door just ajar, and bent over the phone.
She’d never done anything like this in her life, snooping at something private. Even married people had the right to some privacy, maybe even a few little secrets. As long as they didn’t hurt the other person. . .
The phone was password protected. Dave knew almost nothing about electronics, Lisa had set up his phone for him, so she typed in the password she had created, their names, LisaDave. Surprisingly, it didn’t work. She tried it again.
He had changed his password.
Okay, she’d done that on her own phone, just good security, but. . .
It took her a few attempts, but she figured it out. It was his birthday, which was a stupid password but probably the only one he’d remember, he sometimes forgot hers. As well as their anniversary.
Her fingers shaking, she scrolled through the texts.
Most where innocuous, some were dumb, but probably so were hers. Nothing that jumped out at her right away, some of the contacts she didn’t recognize, numbers and not names, people probably not in his regular contact list. Wait. . .
She scrolled back. What was this?
Did you think about my offer?
Dave’s reply was: Sounds good, but not now.
Lisa didn’t recognize the number, although it was in his contacts under the name PlanB. The message exchange had occurred over a month ago.
Plan B? Something innocent, a code for some gift Dave was buying her, or something he wanted to buy for himself that he didn’t want her to know about?
&nb
sp; Or did it mean Dave’s Plan B, another woman, someone to replace Lisa?
Lisa glanced through the crack in the bedroom door, Dave was still sleeping. She quickly scanned for other messages back and forth from PlanB. A few weeks ago, Dave received one that said, Still available. And another, a day later, In case ur not getting it. Ha Ha. Get it?
Some bitch was offering Dave sex. And he must have told her he wasn’t getting ‘it’ at home. She was joking about it. Joking about Lisa.
Dave had replied, Need to meet to discuss.
The next day came the following exchange:
PlanB: Glad we got the preliminaries out of the way.
Dave: Just what I needed.
A few days later, Dave texted, Been thinking about ur offer, ready to move on it.
Lisa looked at the date code. It was the day she had first sensed the lavender.
All her doubts were swept away. These messages, by themselves, might mean nothing. But combined with Dave’s change in attitude, the lavender perfume, and the missing condom, it could only mean one thing: Dave was not only thinking of cheating, he was cheating. And more than once.
One time, if he was drunk, maybe, maybe, she could forgive. If the woman had come on to him, something unexpected. But this had been thought out, planned. And repeated.
Lisa slumped against the wall, her fingers hovering over the contact screen, only a cartoon icon depicting the other woman, Dave’s Plan B. Lisa’s first thought was to call her up, tell her she knew what was going on, realizing she’d sound like a shrew. Her second thought was to send a text using Dave’s phone, something like, Changed my mind, because ur no good. Or I love my wife, it’s over.
Realized immediately how useless that would be. Those needed to be Dave’s thoughts, not hers.
Thump. Thump. Thump. It took Lisa a moment to realize the sound was her head banging against the wall, the pain not even registering.
It was one thing to suspect, another to know. She felt. . .less sad, and way more angry. Dave hadn’t talked to her about it, he had another woman he had started to fool around with, he had barely hesitated before pulling the trigger, all because Lisa’s wasn’t putting out for him.
If the messages had been filled with protestations of love, if Dave had found someone else, fallen out of love with her, that would have been so terrible, bringing her only an overwhelming sadness. But this—this was calculated deceit.
Fuck him.
Lisa went back into the bedroom, slipping the phone back in Dave’s jeans, not really caring if he woke now. But he was still fast asleep. She got back into bed, as far from him as she could be, curled into the corner, and, surprisingly, fell fast asleep.
The next day at the office Lisa forced herself to get some work done, losing herself in emails and reports and phone calls. After lunch she closed the office door and began working it out. She had steeled herself, her tears long since over, at least for today. She was sure there would be more, but she wasn’t one to spend too much time looking back. Time to look forward, to next week, next year.
But right now, time to look ahead to tonight.
Lisa was surprised she didn’t care who it was Dave was cheating with. The other woman was nothing to her. She didn’t deserve a minute of Lisa’s time, she wasn’t worth Lisa’s emotion.
Dave, on the other hand, would feel the brunt of all her anger.
Lisa left the office early, so she’d get home well before Dave. At the house she again pulled on her running clothes, two runs in two days, like she was back in college. No, no looking back. Instead, this would be part of her new life.
She ran and ran, losing track of time, not thinking, just letting it all wash over her, just feeling. With each breath she took in new energy, new life. With each exhale she let go the past, and the sadness. What was left was strength, and resolve.
Back at the house Lisa reached into the closet for something to put on after she took a shower, seeing all her clothes, all his clothes, their life together organized into neat hangers on a rod. With a fury she started pulling clothes out and throwing them on the bed, not his stuff, but hers, any garment she associated with Dave, a dress she had bought for his sister’s wedding, a sweater from his mother, ugly as sin, a ball cap he had bought for her on vacation in Florida. Faster and faster, not even bothering to walk the few steps to the bed, just tossing hangers and clothes out of the closet door onto the bedroom floor, the dress she had worn the night she met Dave, she had saved that, and still remembered. A bunch of tee shirts, from trips together. In a frenzy now, almost to the back of the walk-in closet. . .
Where her wedding dress was stored, wrapped in a protective sheath of plastic. Lisa stared at it, stunned, of course it would be there, a reminder of everything, if only her marriage could have been protected by a simple plastic bag.
Consumed as she was with clearing out the memories of her life, she couldn’t bring herself to add the dress to the pile.
She left it there, numbly going back to the bedroom, gathering up all the clothes, stuffing them into plastic bags, then dragging them to the garage, where they went in the trunk of her car.
She didn’t even bother to shower and change, but drove straight to the dump.
When Lisa got home she put on some music, pounding, road trip music, as far from something romantic as she could think of. She poured some wine, sipping it, she didn’t need or want to be buzzed.
Just before she expected Dave to come home, she sent Lori a text. I’m certain. I’m doing it.
Her own Plan B.
By the time Dave got home Lisa had a dinner waiting for him. All during the meal she chatted like nothing had happened, like nothing was going to happen. She laughed in all the right places, asked him questions about work. They watched TV together, her on the couch, him in his usual chair.
The perfect, boring, married couple.
Later, in bed, Lisa curled up next to him, trying not to cringe. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what we talked about,” she said. “I know you’ve been unhappy.”
She felt him stiffen. “I’m better now,” he said.
I bet you are, Lisa thought. “No really. You were right, I’ve been too—stiff, too limited. I want to do something really special, get us on a different path.”
“You mean more sex?” He didn’t sound very interested.
“Well, that too, but something else, like a jumpstart. Something to force me out of my way of thinking.”
Dave turned partway over to her, even in the dark she could sense his sudden interest. “Like what? I know you are pretty—conservative.”
“Well. . .” Lisa dragged the word out. “I’ve been talking to my friend Lori.”
“The lesbian?”
“Yes, that’s the right Lori. But she’s not just a lesbian—she still loves men. Anyway, we had a few interesting chats. You know I’m kind of uptight about sex, it was a little easier talking to another woman, especially one so—well, let’s just say that Lori has had a whole world of experiences I never even contemplated.”
Now Dave was facing her, curious. “Really.”
“Really. Anyway, she opened my eyes a bit to how—limited I’ve been in my thinking. Just like what you were saying. Now before you get all worked up, I don’t think I could do half the things she’s done, and she tells me there are even more possibilities than that. But I’ve come to see how a little—exploration—might be something that I’d be willing to do. Under the right circumstances, of course.”
“What kind of exploration?”
“Well. . .” Again Lisa let it hang. “Now that I’m talking to you, I’m kind of embarrassed to say it, I don’t want you to take it the wrong way.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I wouldn’t want you to think that you weren’t all that I needed, that I was doing something because I was unhappy with our sex life, with you.” Like you are with me, you bastard, she thought.
The irony of it was lost on Dave, he was so caught u
p in what she was implying. “I wouldn’t think that, I mean, you are talking about something for us, right?”
“I guess so. Okay. Promise me you won’t laugh.”
“I promise.”
Lisa leaned into his neck, whispering in his ear. “Lori suggested I try, I mean that we try—a threesome.” It sounded dirty, just saying it.
“What?”
“You heard me,” Lisa faked a giggle. “Don’t make me say it again.”
“A threesome? You wouldn’t dare.”
“I would. You know how I am once I make up my mind. But you’d have to promise to participate.”
“That’s an easy promise. If it’s really what you want to do.”
“Do you think it would excite you?”
Dave took her hand and guided it to his cock. Obviously the promise of the threesome had overwhelmed his satisfaction with his other woman, at least for the time being. Lisa didn’t want to touch him, but she had to, it would spoil everything if she refused him now.
“Seems like you are already thinking about it,” she cooed, feeling his erection. And she knew exactly what Dave was thinking, Lisa with Lori, both of them having sex with him, maybe with each other, every man’s dream. . .
“Wow, I never thought you’d ever even consider something like that,” said Dave, his voice full of awe.
“I guess you can say I was kind of driven to it,” Lisa admitted. “The whole idea of how it might play out, I have to say, it’s a rush.”
Dave was grinding her hand into his crotch, and she let him, still safely outside his underwear. “I’ll say,” he said.
“Are you absolutely sure you won’t think less of me?” Lisa asked.
“No, of course not.”
“And I might be pretty nervous. We’ll have to go slow, and—and do it my way, okay?”
Dave was using her fingers to rub himself harder now, and Lisa freed his cock, stroking it, right now not even thinking it was his, her mind somewhere else, with someone else.