Losing Faith (Surfers Way)

by Jennifer Ryder

  Phew.

  My shoulders drop and I exhale with relief. “Yeah, it is good to have him back. So no talk of special pizzas?” I raise an eyebrow at Dad, hoping like anything that he didn’t say what I think he was going to.

  “Oh, we talked all about the pizza,” Quade says with a nod. His Adam’s apple bobs up and down as he turns to my father. “Message received loud and clear, sir.”

  “Good, good,” Dad says, and walks towards the front door. “Ciao,” he calls out and waves. Quade waves back and then lets out a heavy breath.

  “You’re looking a bit pale,” I tell Quade as I pat his cheeks now Dad is out of sight.

  “My balls are that frightened right now. They’re trying to escape up my throat.”

  I giggle and run my hands up his chest, swooping over his pecs to rest on his rounded shoulders. “Maybe they just need a little attention, that’s all,” I whisper in what I hope is a husky voice, and not just me sounding like I have crumbs caught in my throat.

  He groans and looks over to the front of the house, smiling once his eyes meet mine. “You think it’s a good idea tempting me with stuff like that when your dad is watching us through the gap in the curtains?”

  As I look over, the curtains swish shut. Huh.

  “See? Not even watching anymore.” I run my hands back down his chest and slide them around his waist to link my fingers behind his back. “So do I get rewarded for good driving?”

  “Like a reward for not knocking my teeth out?”

  “How about for saving your life yesterday? That ’roo could’ve jumped through the windshield and tried to scratch your eyes out in an attempt to escape.” I’ve totally heard of that happening. “Today was pretty much smooth sailing.” Even though one of my three-point turns ended up being five. Okay, seven.

  “Tell you what. With every lesson you improve, we can try a new position, or you get to choose exactly how you wanna do it.”

  I tighten my arms around him. “Isn’t that kind of beneficial to you?” Not that I mind.

  “Nope,” he says with a shake of his head. “I’m being totally selfless. It’s all about you and making you a better driver. Practice makes perfect.”

  I smile but a part of me is a little disappointed. He still hasn’t brought up my birthday. He mustn’t have remembered. Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe it’s a sign.

  “Are you doing anything tonight?” I ask him.

  He rubs at the back of his neck. “Reports,” he says on an exhale.

  I pout, exactly like a spoilt brat who’s just been told she can’t play with her favourite toy. “Oh, reports,” I mumble.

  He pulls me into his arms and kisses my forehead. “What are you doing tonight?” he asks.

  “Nothing much,” I say with a shrug. A pang of guilt hits me right in the chest. My mother wouldn’t appreciate what I just said. She’s probably been cooking all day and cleaning up the good china, which only gets brought out on special occasions. I’m a horrible daughter.

  Quade drops his arms to his sides and fishes his keys out of the pocket in his shorts. “I was thinking in the morning you and I could go for an early swim and then hang out naked at my place all day. Whadya say?”

  “I say hell yes, and can it be tomorrow already?”

  Quade chuckles and ventures down the driveway towards his car parked on the street. “Don’t wish the day away, princess. Every day is a gift.”

  My heart swells in my chest as I take in his beautiful words. How right he is.

  “See you in the morning,” he says with a wave as his truck pulls away from the curb.

  I swipe the tear leaking from my eye and make my way inside the house. I’m so frickin’ emotional today.

  “Are you home, Mum?” I call out, my words echoing in the entry.

  There’s not a balloon or a streamer in sight as I walk through the living area. When I reach the kitchen I’m surprised when I see it’s as clean as ever.

  Mum walks into the kitchen, looking pretty relaxed for someone who worked today.

  “We’re not having dinner here I gather?”

  “No, sweet. Thought we’d go out. Your father needs a night off from the cooking. I’d take over but you know what a control freak he is when it comes to the kitchen.”

  “Ha, yes. Very true.” It’s about the only thing my parents argue over.

  “We’ve got an hour before we leave, so why don’t you go and have a nice bath or something?”

  I don’t miss the cheeky smile that tickles at her lips. I can’t remember how long it’s been since I had a good soak in the tub, but there’s a reason for that. Too busy to put an order in.

  “I haven’t got any oils,” I tell her with a huff. “It’s all good. I’ll just go take a hot shower and chillax in front of the TV with Charlie until it’s time to go.”

  Mum opens the door to the pantry and pulls out a large white paper bag with silver ribbon handles. She sets it down on the bench.

  “For you, precious girl,” she says softly.

  When I pry the bag open and spot the Sapphire Scents logo, I squeal.

  “Now you have oils,” she says. “Go draw yourself a tub and relax.”

  I open the bag and pull out soy candles, scented oils, bath salts and satchels to stash with my clothes.

  “Mum, this would’ve cost a fortune. Thank you.” I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her tight. When Mum’s upper body starts to jerk, I know. I lean back and stare into my Mum’s hazel eyes which are glistening with tears.

  “It’s my pleasure. Truthfully I didn’t know what else to get you, particularly when I’m trying not to make a big deal about my baby girl turning twenty-one. Especially when I’m so proud of her.”

  She sniffs and tucks my hair behind my ear. That’s when I lose it. I bury my head in the crook of her neck, and let it all out, blubbering into her shirt and holding her tight.

  “You’re allowed to be happy today. To mark this milestone, Lacey,” she whispers in my ear.

  My heart sinks. “Isn’t that selfish, though?”

  “Not at all, and you’re being silly to even think that. You know in your heart that Faith wouldn’t want you to be upset like this, dwelling on the past. She’d want you to live it up.”

  The front door slams shut. The sounds of a pair of feet trudging through the house grow louder.

  “What’s all dis?” Dad says, rushing over.

  “We’re fine, Enzo. Just having a moment,” Mum says and sighs.

  “Let your old man get in on some lovin’,” he says, wrapping his arms around me so I’m trapped in a loving parent sandwich. I’m a lucky girl.

  “Keep looking ahead, Peppi,” he says and kisses my temple. “That’s what you need to do.”

  “Love you both,” I mumble, kissing them both on their cheeks. No more tears today. Mum’s right. Faith wouldn’t want that.

  After the best bath ever, I slip my new yellow dress over my jelly-like body and hop into the back seat of my parents’ car.

  “Where are we going for dinner?” I ask as we all fasten our seatbelts. “Thai? Chinese? What?”

  “You’ll see when we get there,” Mum says with a smile that’s so wide I’m suspicious.

  “Please, come on. You know I hate surprises. Just tell me now.”

  “The salt of patience seasons everyting,” my father chimes, as he has a thousand times before.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  I prepare myself for a drive out of town, but within four minutes the car is parked in the gravel car park at Runaway Beach.

  “Is this a diversion?” I ask. My parents look at each other and then get out of the car. Okay then.

  Mum reaches for my hand once I close the door behind me. She links her fingers in mine and pulls me in the direction of two brown paper bags with candles glowing inside, set a metre apart.

  As we walk around the bend in the track, the candles trail out to the beach, a beautiful indication of what is to come.

  �
�Who did all this?” I ask. My parents were home all afternoon.

  “My lips are sealed,” Mum says. We stop where the track meets the white sand of my favourite beach on earth. Runaway Beach will always be in my heart.

  The candles move into a single row, leading to a small white marquee set up near the rocks, where it will be sheltered from the southerly breeze.

  Beneath the portable gazebo, which is littered with fairy lights underneath, is a long trestle table with a series of large bowls covered in cling wrap, with plates and cutlery to the side. Seven camping chairs are set up in a semi-circle.

  Aunt Cat is frocked up in a long floral dress, a change from seeing her in black clothes in the shop. She blows me a kiss with her painted red lips and walks over to me, the wind blowing her short brown curls to the side. “’Appy birthday, beautiful,” she says in a sing-song voice.

  “Love you, Auntie Cat.” I wrap my arms around her shoulders and press my forehead against hers. She’s the only one in the family who shares my short stature. Her brown eyes, the same intense colour as mine, shine with love. I still need to properly thank her for covering me the night of Quade and mine’s first date.

  Something that smells incredible sizzles on the barbeque to the side with a proud Uncle Marco standing behind it, equipped with a set of steel tongs and a ridiculous “Kiss the Cook” apron on.

  Lily stands beside him in jeans and a black T-shirt with “I like you, but if zombies chase us, I’m tripping you” written across her chest in bright green. God I love this girl’s wardrobe.

  “What are you doing here, Lil?” I ask. Did Mum and Dad twist her arm to get her here?

  “Someone said there was cake. My sweet tooth led me the rest of the way,” she says with a wink.

  My heart does this little fluttery thing that reminds me yet again that I should celebrate today. I wrap my arms around Lily. She whispers “happy birthday”. I whisper back “thank you” in her ear.

  “Course,” she says, with a squeeze of her arms around my waist. “Thanks to you and your awesome family for making me feel so welcome here.”

  “Happy birthday, beautiful girl,” Uncle Marco says with a nod, turning snags on the smoking hotplate.

  I unwrap my arms from Lily’s shoulders and lean in and give Uncle Marco a kiss on the cheek.

  “Thank you for all being here. It’s a beautiful surprise,” I say, looking around at the smiling faces of the beautiful people in my life, grateful for their support. The problem is there’s one person missing, and it’s my stupidity that got in the way of inviting him. Maybe it’s not too late. Maybe I can call him and see if he can pop in, even if it’s for a quick break in between doing his reports.

  I do a quick head count. There are six of us, and seven chairs. Hmm.

  “There’s an extra chair,” I blurt out, searching out the faces surrounding me.

  Dad shakes his head. “Can’t get anyting past you, Peppi.”

  Uncle Marco chuckles and juts his chin towards me. “Detective Lacey. Always full of questions.”

  My hands move to my hips. They wouldn’t have lugged an extra seat down here for nothing. “Well, who’s the chair for?” I probe.

  All eyes turn back up the candlelit path. My heart thumps at the sight of him. He didn’t forget. He’s here. Did Mum organise this?

  Sparklers are ablaze on top of a grand cake on a platter. In measured steps, Quade walks towards us.

  Someone pokes me in the side, but I can’t draw my eyes from him. “Looks like Mr Fun is here,” Lily whisper-yells.

  The voices around me start singing “Happy Birthday”. A nervous giggle bubbles up my throat. By the time Quade reaches me, I’m laughing and covering my mouth.

  If this man wasn’t carrying a cake, I’d throw myself at him and kiss him like no one was watching.

  He sets the cake down on the table beside me, as the “hip-hips” start.

  With puffed up cheeks I blow and blow, but there’s no way the sparklers are blowing out.

  “How on earth am I supposed to blow them out?” I ask, holding my open palms to the sky and laughing.

  “Hooray!” everyone cheers. The sparks fade, revealing the silver “21” on a small plaque in the middle of the cake. Mum pours champagne into small plastic glasses and hands them around to everyone, including me.

  “A toast,” my father says, holding his glass of bubbles out in front of him. “Dey say dat age and glasses of wine should never be counted. Today, my daughter is twenty-one and I am so proud of every one of dose years dat she ’as been in dis world.” He raises his glass, and we all follow. “To my darling, Peppi.”

  “To Peppi!” everyone calls out and then sips. I take a mouthful of the almost clear bubbles, the sweetness zinging on my tongue.

  Quade smooths his hand across the small of my back, drawing me into his side. “Happy birthday, Lace,” he says in my ear. The sweetest of kisses lands on my temple. I’m left wanting more. A soft sigh leaves my lips.

  “I thought you had reports to do?” I ask Quade, raising my eyebrows.

  “Don’t interrogate the poor boy,” Mum whines.

  “I did have stuff to do, but I worked through last night and got it sorted. I’d never miss this.” He kisses me on the lips this time and I close my eyes for a brief moment, wishing we were alone. How long has he known about tonight?

  “Enough of the PDAs, guys,” Lily says and tuts.

  I pull myself from his hold and mouth thank you to him.

  “Dinner’s ready,” Uncle Marco calls out, placing a tray with a selection of grilled meats on the table.

  With the soft rolling of the waves behind us and the cool breeze drifting in and out, I sit amongst the people most dear to me and a certain girl who’s wedging her way into my heart. We eat, we laugh, and we rejoice in the miracle of birthdays, and family.

  Best birthday ever.

  ---

  Quade and I dawdle hand in hand down by the water until we’re well out of earshot of everyone. It’s the first chance we’ve had to be alone tonight. Finally. I swear Uncle Marco and Dad nearly chewed both Quade’s ears off. It was lucky that Aunt Cat fell asleep after a few wines because otherwise Quade would have had her questions to deal with, too.

  I rub my hand over my bloated belly. “I feel like I swallowed a chocolate brick.”

  Quade chuckles. “Damn your mother makes good cake.”

  “Sure does,” I say, and stop in my tracks. I take both of his hands in mine and look up into his eyes, which reflect the moonlit water behind me. “Listen, Quade, I should have—”

  “I know why you didn’t mention your birthday,” he blurts out.

  He does?

  He nods. “I know why you’re playing it down. Don’t do it, Lace.”

  “It’s hard,” I admit.

  “Hey, I know it is.” His deep voice soothes me.

  I hang my head, staring at our linked fingers. “I’m sorry. It was stupid of me not to bring it up. You’re my boyfriend. We’re supposed to talk to each other about stuff.”

  Quade releases one hand and tips my chin upward with his thumb and forefinger. My eyes meet his. “Don’t be sorry, Lace. I just want you to live your life, love it even. You deserve to. It’s your right. Don’t hold back on account of me or what happened or anything else. All that matters is now, us, and what lies ahead.”

  Thumpity, thump, thump, booms my heart.

  “I dreamt about us last night,” I admit. If only Mum had let it get to its sexy conclusion. “It was the day before the bonfire when you had me bailed up in your kitchen.”

  Quade leans in, his lips to my ear. “You’re as stubborn now as you were back then.” He draws in a sharp breath through his nose. “Damn, you smell incredible.”

  My insides turn to goop. Can we be alone already?

  “I bathed in the oils of angels for an hour before coming here.” Thinking of you.

  “Hmm,” he groans, rolling his hips against my stomach.

  “
Are you thinking about me naked in the tub?” I ask, as the bulge in his pants makes its presence known. Ay yai yai.

  “I’m thinking about us in a tub.”

  Goosebumps rage over my skin with the thought of his naked body and mine gliding against each other in the water. Sounds like a dream. “Hmm.” My turn to groan now. “I love the thought of that.”

  He runs his fingers across the bare skin of my shoulders, tugging at the thin straps. “I love you in this dress.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper.

  “I’ve got great memories of this dress.”

  I can’t help but laugh, because I do too. “Oh yeah? Which moment of our disastrous first date?”

  “The moment it dropped to a pile at your feet.”

  How is it that he can be sweet yet dirty at the same time? Gah …

  “I’ll be sure to re-create the scene for you later. In fact, I was kinda hoping you might stay at my place tonight?” I rub my hips against his body. Please don’t turn me down. I need you so bad.

  “Whatever the birthday girl wants. And in case you were wondering, my plans for tomorrow still stand.”

  Ah, the naked-fest. Bring it on …

  I grip the back of his shirt, fisting it in my hands. “You better believe the plans are still going ahead. I wasn’t letting you out of it for anything. What do you think I was thinking about that whole time in the tub today?”

  The soldier standing strong in his shorts presses harder against my stomach. “You want me to get you naked on this beach, Lace?” he whispers in a gravelly voice.

  As tempting as that is …

  “Um, I don’t think—”

  “’Cause with talk like that you’re tempting a man with a loaded gun. Who, by the way, is running out of patience. We need to properly observe this special occasion.”

  A soft giggle escapes my throat. I stand on my tippy-toes and kiss his sweet lips. I do have a lot to be thankful for … man with a loaded gun included.

  “I don’t know what part you played in this evening, but thank you for being here. For being back in my life. For … I don’t know, giving me hope.”

  Quade kisses me with a sincerity and a fiery passion that robs me of my breath and renders my legs useless. The taste of rich chocolate lingers on my tongue even after his lips have left mine.