by Dyanne Davis
And Simon had reminded her what had gone wrong. Tommy Strong had gone wrong. She’d loved him with every breath. And she hated Simon at the moment for reminding her of her loss.
Janice studied Simon, wishing she didn’t always have to worry about protecting herself. “Simon, I don’t like what you did.”
“I know.”
“Don’t do it again.”
“Are you going to talk to me?” He was talking softly, not promising her anything but willing to listen. “Every time that I asked you about the men in your life you never answered me. I wanted to know. I can deal with your not loving me.” He paused and swallowed the lie. “But the one thing I can’t take is finding out later that you’re carrying a torch for another man. And the only man in your past I could find was Tommy Strong.”
“What did you think I was going to do? Fall into his arms?”
“I didn’t know.”
She shook her head slowly and walked to him. “What I had with him was twelve years ago. It’s over.”
“Everyone that…every report said you were madly in love with him. No one knows what happened, no one. Even Mr. Strong wouldn’t open up about your relationship.”
She eyed him now with more than curiosity. It was with an anger that burnt from her core and through her. “You had someone question him about me?”
“He didn’t know. He thought it was a woman interested in him.”
Janice closed her eyes tight against the thought of Simon’s paid investigator discussing her with the man who’d broken her heart. “What did he tell this plant that you sent in?”
“About the same as you’ve told me, nothing. He told her that his private affairs were just that, his private affairs. I’ve never seen two people more close-mouthed about a twelve-year dead relationship. If it’s over and long buried, why can’t either of you talk about it?”
“Maybe it’s not that we can’t. Maybe we just don’t want to. Did you ever think about that?” She decided to try another tactic. “Simon, I’ve never asked you about the women in your life.”
That’s because you don’t give a damn, he thought, but to her he said, “You never had to. My entire life has been written up in the papers. Every time I’ve so much as smiled at a woman the world has known.”
“I don’t believe everything that I read, you should know that.”
“Why haven’t you ever asked me if I’ve been in love?”
“What difference would it make? If you said yes, should I be upset or jealous that you don’t love me? And if you said no, what do you think I should do then? Try and make you love me?”
Simon put his left thumb into his mouth and bit down on it as he studied Janice. Surely she couldn’t be that blind or that naïve. Then again, the way they were forever snapping at each other, why should she think he gave a damn?
“Did he break your heart?”
“What difference does it make?”
“Maybe all the difference in the world, maybe none. Most of the time bitterness and anger come from unrequited love. Is that what happened between you and Mr. Strong? Was your love unrequited? Baby, did he spurn you?” He wanted to add, “The way you spurn me,” but stopped.
“If you’re asking if he broke up with me, you could say it was a mutual thing.”
“I understand he left town.”
“I didn’t know that was a crime.”
“Your friends all thought that was strange, as close as the two of you were.”
“If they were really my friends, they wouldn’t have talked to your people, now would they?”
“Did they get it right? Did he leave town and leave you?”
“He left town,” Janice admitted. “But he returned and I left for good,” she added.
“Did you leave before he returned or after?”
Simon really was giving her a terrible headache with all of his incessant questions. She didn’t want to remember any of it. He had no right to dredge up her past. “I don’t see how this is helping anything.”
“I told you, I want to know what I’m up against.”
“Simon, it hasn’t bothered you for three years. Why now?”
“We’re getting married.”
“If it’s making you this crazy, why do you want to go through with the marriage?”
“Honestly,” he tipped her chin with his finger, “I don’t know. I must be a glutton for punishment. I have women throwing themselves at me all day, every day. I don’t have to put up with your abuse if I don’t want to, and if I were you, Janice, I would be careful. Someday I might choose not to.”
They stared at each other, this time without either of them glaring. Simon had struck a nerve. He knew that when he threatened to leave she would clam up. For all her big talk, he knew she didn’t want him to leave. He served a need in her life, the same as she served one in his. And now he wanted to know what need he served for her.
Admittedly they were good in bed together, but Simon had never thought that his prowess couldn’t be matched. And he wasn’t crazy enough to think that Janice couldn’t have any man she crooked her little finger at, and God help them, if she smiled at one, they would be a goner.
He knew there was something specific that kept her in his bed and even though he harped on the fact that he knew it was his money, Simon knew that wasn’t all of it.
Sure, she enjoyed the power but he had sensed more than that for the past couple of years. She would never admit it, but he’d seen her eyes light up more than once when he unexpectedly showed up somewhere that she happened to be. He would watch her in fascination as a metamorphosis took place and she consciously distanced herself from him.
The first time she’d done it, the act had taken him by surprise. His heart had jumped for joy, knowing that she was happy that he’d shown up for a signing unannounced. But when he had been about to greet her, her brown eyes had slid over him and she’d barely spoken, as though he didn’t matter.
After the third time he’d watched carefully and seen her struggling to wipe the smile from her face, to take the stars from her eyes, and she’d almost not made it. She’d smiled warmly at him and grinned before going back to behaving as though he were just another who wanted her autograph.
It was then he’d known she cared for him and then that he’d become aware that she neither wanted to care about him nor wanted him to care about her. He’d noticed her pattern on those times. Those would be the nights she’d be like a block of ice in bed, as though she had to pound it home to herself and to him that he meant less than nothing to her. The trouble with that was that he didn’t believe her and because he didn’t believe her, he’d fallen deeper.
For more than two years Simon had tried different ways to make Janice break, to drop the charade, but nothing worked, not jewelry, not sweet talk, not fighting. And always she presented him with the same false front she presented to the world. The thing was, he knew it was fake. When she screamed out and held him close, he knew she gave a damn.
Sometimes when he’d wake to find her hands stroking him softly, he knew she was where she wanted to be and he’d lie there pretending to sleep. When she knew he was awake, she would stop. Then he would take over and make love to her. On those mornings they would make love with such exquisite sweetness that it took his breath away. During those times it had been hard for Simon to keep his words to himself.
“I’ve made my choice,” Simon said softly. “As evil as you are, I still want to marry you.”
“Then let it drop. Either you want to marry me or you don’t,” she snapped and walked away from him, leaving him to wonder if things would change once they were married. Would she continue to pretend she didn’t care? Or would she finally crack that hard shell and let him in? And if she didn’t, would he keep pretending as well?
Simon was sure of only one thing: He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life in a loveless marriage. He’d meant it when he told Janice that he never planned to divorce. He wanted a family and he wanted
it with Janice. But he also wanted love.
He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “This is getting really old,” he said, “and I’m tired. Let’s call a truce for just a few hours. We can continue snapping at each other later.” He held out his hand to her. “What do you say?”
For a long moment Janice stood looking at Simon, not wanting to fight, not wanting to give in either. She feared showing him she was weak more than she feared anything. Still, she didn’t want to fight and definitely not about Tommy.
She could have ended his questions and just told him that she’d broken up with Tommy because she found that he didn’t love her, at least not as much as she’d loved him. She could have told Simon that when she’d needed Tommy the most, he hadn’t been there for her. And she could tell him that she’d sworn to never turn power over her heart to anyone else.
Janice sighed and stuck out her hand. “I’m also tired,” she replied, forcing herself to look at Simon. She saw the pain in his gaze, something she’d seen a little more often in the past months and a tiny pin prick of conscience seized her.
“Tommy was once important in my life. He’s not anymore. You didn’t have to give him a million dollars as bait to find that out. What were you doing exactly, Simon, paying him to tell you all my dirty little secrets or ensuring that he would never be tempted to touch me?”
She watched as his eyes crinkled and he smiled. “I’m not sure.”
“Since I haven’t seen him in all these years, why would you think I’d see him in the future?”
Again he shrugged. “I don’t know. I just wanted to see your eyes when you saw him.”
“Did you get your answers?”
“I’m not sure. You hate him and he hates you, that much is obvious. But I don’t know why after so much time your emotions would be that strong. It makes me wonder if your love was equally as strong.” He held her gaze and she trembled slightly.
“Its ancient history, Simon, let it stay buried. We have a truce, let’s enjoy that.” She smiled, knowing the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes but doing it anyway. “I think we can think of better things to do.” She cocked her head a little. “Don’t you?”
“Are you serious?” Simon asked, his suspicions rising but his libido rising faster. Janice had never allowed him to make love to her again after she’d taken her shower. In the shower, yes, but once she was out and had dressed, that was it until later.
Simon could feel the grin claiming his face. He’d never refused loving when Janice was in the mood, and he sure as hell wasn’t about to start now. He reached for her outstretched arm and pulled her close, then frowned at the mess she’d made in the room.
“You’re going to have to pay for this,” he informed her. “Your mess, you take care of it.”
“Don’t worry, I never expected you to cover the cost.” She grinned back at him. “Well, maybe I did but I don’t need you to. By the way, how are my investments doing?”
“As long as I’m managing your money you don’t have to worry about it. Leave that worry to me. I’ll do what I need to do when I need to do it. That’s my promise to you.”
Janice didn’t know why, but Simon’s promise had sounded a bit like a threat. She decided to ignore it. She was going to be on Jay Leno. That thought alone had definitely put her in the mood to make love. Well, that and the fact that she wanted to push Tommy out of Simon’s mind. She wanted to make him stop digging. She sank into the bed, accepting her fiancée’s probing tongue and fingers and held him tight to her. This was her life now. This was what she wanted.
* * *
Waking from a pleasant dream Janice remembered the wonderful surprise Simon had arranged. Jay Leno. She rolled toward Simon’s side of the bed, finding it empty. Then she peeped around the room looking for him, blinking when she spotted him sitting at the desk appearing deep in thought. “Good morning,” she said.
“Good morning, baby.”
“You okay?” she asked, getting up and heading for the shower. A quick glance in Simon’s direction made Janice pause. He looked tired and worried. She watched him for a moment, then walked over to him. “What’s the matter?” she asked.
Shrugging his shoulders, he gave her a half smile. “I’m worried about some of my recent moves,” Simon answered. Then he held her gaze. “I’m just a little tense, no big deal.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it.
“Don’t worry, Simon, you always come out on top.”
“I hope so, this is very important to me.” That was the truth. He sighed when Janice moved behind him and began massaging his shoulders. Her fingers were so gentle and loving that he trembled at her touch.
“I’m sorry, Simon, that I was so evil to you.”
“Are you trying to get me to pay for your little hissy fit?”
“No, baby, you just seem so…I’m not sure…depressed, and that’s not like you. Seeing you like this makes me worry about you.”
Simon turned catching her hand in his. “You worry about me?”
“Of course I do, Simon.”
She gave him a smile that touched his core, then turned him around and continued her massage. Every stroke of her fingers told him what she wouldn’t say with words. She loved him. There were the private moments between them that had cemented their relationships. Sure they fought, but in the still of the night they talked without the barriers between them, without Janice trying to protect herself from getting hurt.
Simon gave a sigh of pleasure as Janice worked the kinks from his body. For a moment he wished it could always be like this between them when she was vulnerable. Maybe when he found out the reason for her hurt it would happen. He glanced at his watch. “It’s getting late. Don’t you need to get ready for the show?”
“Not just yet,” Janice said, and continued kneading Simon’s shoulders. “I’m not done with you. You need me.” She dropped a kiss onto the crown of his head. “You’re more important to me than being on Jay Leno. You’re still tense,” she said. “When you’re relaxed then we’ll worry about my getting dressed.”
She was killing him. How was he ever going to relax with her sweet hands trailing heat to every cell? He took her ministrations until he couldn’t stand it any more, then pulled her into his lap and kissed the smile that lingered at the corner of her lips. “Thanks,” he murmured, gazing at her.
“For what? You’re behaving as though this is the first time I’ve given you a massage.”
“It’s the first time you’ve given me one when you’ve been angry with me.”
“I’m not angry with you any longer. Besides, you needed it.” She held his gaze. “Sometimes even for me, Simon, there are more important things than fighting.”
Her look spoke volumes, making him wish he could live without knowing who and what had hurt her so deeply, without hearing her say the words, I love you. He wished it but he wanted it desperately.
“You’re right, I did need it.” Lust quickly took over as heat pooled in his groin. “There’s something I need even more. Do you still have time?”
“I’ll make time,” Janice answered, tilting her head back for Simon to kiss her throat.
Hallelujah, Simon thought, as he ravished her throat with his kisses. How the hell could he not want to hear ‘I love you’ from her sweet lips? He moved upward, plundering her mouth with his tongue. Maybe it would be for the best if his bringing Tommy Strong back into her life would finally make her acknowledge her feelings. She moaned and he swallowed it. Oh hell yes, she was worth fighting for.
Chapter Five
Janice stood at the doorway leading to the set of Déjà Vu. Simon had gone all out and had her booked on every show that aired. She’d already been on four morning news shows and found it exhilarating even though most people had wanted to know about Simon and how much he’d influenced her rise to fame.
It wasn’t as though any of the questions had come as a surprise. She’d known that would be the basis of the questions and she’d toughened her already toug
h skin to take it. The main thing was keeping her face out there, making it, showing Tommy Strong that she was everything she’d promised not to be, a full-blown diva bitch.
Janice almost grinned at the thought, not knowing why she’d thought of that, but knowing it had something to do with her seeing Tommy in her mind blown up into bits and pieces. It seemed that every word he’d ever spoken to her was now flooding back, every touch, every caress, every taste.
In the three years she’d been with Simon she’d never once thought of another man’s hand on her body until last night and as she’d screamed out to Simon to give her more, she became aware that he knew her desire wasn’t all about him. Neither of them had mentioned it. In fact, they’d both been unusually quiet the entire morning. That was one reason Janice had made love to him after massaging him. She needed his touch to keep her grounded. She’d meant it when she’d told him he was important to her. He was. Still, in many ways she longed to keep things as they were between them. Changing things meant one thing: She would eventually get hurt.
She liked things the way that they were. Uncomplicated. She’d never thought about her marrying Simon as being a complication until last night. Now she understood that he wanted more than he’d let on. He wanted a traditional marriage, yet he knew she wasn’t the person to give him that. So why was he pushing? She also didn’t understand the hurt she saw creep into his eyes from time to time.
They had an understanding. They had always had an understanding. Neither of them was in the relationship for love. Still, she wondered where Simon’s pain came from. Surely it couldn’t be from her. He didn’t love her or care enough for anything she did to hurt him.
She shivered. He’d hurt her by bringing Tommy Strong back into her life. She’d once loved Tommy Strong so fiercely that he took her soul with him when he left her. She’d forgotten all of that, forgotten how much he’d hurt her and forgotten why she’d turned stone cold. And now she feared a thaw. She didn’t want it. Her life was just fine the way that it was. She didn’t want to love, not Simon, not anyone. Not if it meant she would be hurt again.