by Dyanne Davis
“Do you want to know what she’s been asking me lately?” Simon dropped his voice, the pain in his chest burning him like hot coals. “She’s been asking me if I thought I owned her, telling me that she wasn’t my slave. She’s the one who owns me. Tell me she hasn’t treated me like her slave for the past three years. I’ve gone along with her nonsense because I love her, because at any moment I thought there was a chance she’d come to her senses and stop talking crazy. And your advice to me is to tell her. Do you really think I’m going to tell her now?”
“Do you think she knows?”
“No, but I do think our friend has been putting ideas into her head.”
“Simon, maybe if you gave him—”
“Please don’t say more money. The fool tore up a check for a million dollars and you can bet by now he’s told Janice. Who do you think will look like the good guy in her eyes, and who the villain?”
“She’s marrying you.”
“That doesn’t matter, we’re not married yet. Besides, she has a past with him, and I can’t get her to open up about it.”
“Is that why you brought him back into the picture, into her life?”
“I just wanted to make sure what she felt for him was dead.”
“And is it?”
“I don’t know. It seemed so initially, but it looks now as if something has been awakened.”
“And you think now is a good time to leave her alone?”
“Are you saying I can’t trust my fiancée?”
“I’m saying you’re asking for trouble leaving her alone with a man who’s out to destroy you, a man with whom she had a long term relationship.”
“I don’t believe she’ll cheat on me, I trust her. I know she loves me, regardless of what she says, and I know she knows just how important fidelity is to me.”
“What if you’re wrong?”
“If I am, now’s the time to find out, only I don’t think I am.” Simon was suddenly tired. “Listen, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I just want you to know if Janice calls anytime, day or night, make sure she knows I left a way for her to come to me.”
“When are you coming back?”
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“On who gives first.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Sure you do,” Simon teased. “If my beautiful fiancée does as I want and gives in, she will come to me and who knows if I will ever come back. But if she doesn’t, then when I can’t stand being without her I will return home.”
“Good luck.” Harold offered.
“Thanks, I have a feeling I’m going to need it.”
Chapter Fourteen
Amazed, Janice sat at the end of the bed eying the more than two dozen boxes stacked neatly along one wall, all addressed to her. She pulled one African American oriented magazine after another from the boxes, knowing that Simon had made this happen.
She curled on the bed, wondering where he was, why he hadn’t followed her up the stairs to finish the fight. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry but she didn’t know if she would. Simon wanted something from her that she no longer wanted to give. He wanted one hundred percent of her. She was willing to give him seventy-five. She feared she’d lose herself if she gave more.
She’d loved Tommy so much that when he’d abandoned her she’d lost her soul and herself in the process. She could not give Simon that power over her. She knew he loved her and she loved him. Janice wanted to have what they’d agreed on three years before: an uncomplicated relationship. It was Simon who worried her. When she admitted that she loved him, how long would it take before he stopped loving her, before he also broke her heart? Janice flipped the magazine on the bed angrily. Simon was the one who’d changed everything, she thought. She’d stuck to the original plans.
Damn, she thought as she leaned over and picked up another magazine. What a mess. Though she hadn’t told Simon she loved him she knew he already knew. The only thing standing between them was her unwillingness to confess her love for fear of being hurt again.
* * *
Simon came quietly into the bedroom and stood watching as Janice rifled through the boxes. God, how he loved her.
He knew he was about to gamble with his future, but he had hope. She brought her eyes upward. He waited, maybe for a thank you, maybe for an apology. When she remained silent, he began to move around the room.
Her eyes followed him and he sighed, wanting to do something to make her crack, make her act as though she were alive, as though she gave a damn. He opened a drawer and slammed it with so much force that he thought it would splinter. Then he turned to face her. He wished for a moment that his assistant had had to go to his bedroom to pack his bag; then Janice would know just how serious he was. But the majority of his clothes were in a downstairs bedroom since she used every spare inch of space for her clothing.
“This won’t happen again,” he said quietly, refusing to yell. “I will not come last on your list. I don’t care if you think I’m trying to own you. I’m warning you.” He saw her eyes change from the soft misty brown, saw when she began glaring but he didngive a damn. He was going to continue.
“This game we’ve been playing, the two of us.” He used his fingers to make a see-sawing motion between the two of them. “It’s over. I’m not going to continue substituting fighting for the things that I want.”
She opened her mouth and he held up a hand. “Don’t say anything or I might say something I’ll regret.”
Simon was surprised that Janice did as he demanded and didn’t talk. He saw her eyes go to the books. He didn’t want her gratitude, not for something that was easily accomplished with one phone call.
He pointed at the magazines. “Don’t let that be an influence on your feelings. It wasn’t done to make you feel something that you don’t.”
With that he went into the bathroom just to give her time to say something that might stop him from leaving. But she didn’t. She watched as he left their room and his heart broke thinking that even if she knew what he was about to do she still might not do anything, that she would let him walk out.
Three hours later when he was in the sky flying away from her, he realized that Janice didn’t know that he had left town, let alone the country. Since she’d not bothered to come down, she’d not seen his bags loaded into the limo. He wondered how many days it would be before she noticed that he’d left his cell phone on the vanity in the bathroom. How many days would it take before she noticed he wasn’t in the bed?
Simon closed his eyes and sighed, not knowing what he was going to do if things didn’t work out the way that he wanted.
There was one thing he wouldn’t tolerate and he’d meant it from the moment he’d first uttered it. He would not stand for infidelity. He’d grown up with it. Both of his parents had engaged in it, all of his parents’ friends had. And many of their relatives had had battles with illegitimate children. Luckily his father and mother had not brought any illegitimate children into the world.
Simon had vowed that he would never bring children into the world until he was married and that he’d never stray from his marriage bed. He meant it and he hoped to God that Janice had meant it when she agreed to it. As much as it would hurt him, if she slept with Tommy Strong or anyone else, he would leave her and he wouldn’t look back. It would hurt like hell, but he would do it.
* * *
Janice waited in bed for Simon to return. She’d thought his leaving in a huff was a bluff. When she heard the limo drive off, she thought he would return shortly. She was surprised when the limo returned without him and hour after hour ticked by. Simon had never stayed away without telling her. When she found his cell phone in the bathroom, relief flooded her body. He was trying to make her beg, she was sure of it.
As much as she didn’t want Simon to have the upper hand, her curiosity finally got the better of her and she went downstairs looking for him. She wanted to ask the staff whe
re Simon was but felt embarrassed that they would have that knowledge when she didn’t. Left with no other choice, she finally crawled back into bed, only to toss and turn because of her worry about Simon.
Janice was angry with Simon for making her worry and angry with herself for not somehow knowing that he was planning on leaving. If anything happened to him…What if his idea wasn’t to make her beg? What if he was abandoning her just like…Shivering, she blinked away the thought, refusing to allow her mind to take that turn. She couldn’t remember ever worrying about Simon. She’d never had to. She thought of the pain she’d caused him, how angry he’d been when they arrived home, and she hoped that he was not doing anything foolish.
Then the one thought that had been lingering at the back of her mind pushed its way forward with a mighty whoosh. Panic filled her at the thought that he might be with another woman. She’d never thought of herself as jealous or possessive, but she didn’t want Simon with another woman no matter their relationship.
She’d foolishly allowed her past to intrude on her present. She regretted that she’d allowed Tommy’s kiss. She’d made Simon a promise and even if it was only a kiss, he wouldn’t like it. It was heavy on her conscience as she finally drifted off to sleep.
* * *
The next day Janice ignored Tommy’s pleas that she needed to stay longer, that they had more work to do. At four p.m. she called a taxi and left. She was home before five but Simon wasn’t. She ignored the calls to dinner and went to bed wondering again where he was.
After a week of this she was angry. She knew that Simon staying away was deliberate. He was probably trying to teach her a lesson, one of the consequences he’d mentioned. Well, he could go to hell, she thought angrily as she climbed into the empty bed alone.
This was the second time that a man had abandoned her. She’d asked for an uncomplicated relationship so that she wouldn’t hurt. Only she wasn’t supposed to care either, but she did. She had no idea what to do about the situation.
After nine days Janice couldn’t take the not knowing anymore. She missed Simon in bed beside her, she missed him there for her to fight with and she missed the making up. They had never ended a fight without making love. Even though she’d been the one to call for no emotions, she was drowning in them. If her missing him was one of the consequences, then Simon was right. She’d played with fire and she’d gotten burned.
Before she could talk herself out of it Janice picked up the phone and dialed Harold. If anyone knew where Simon was he would.
“Harold, I just wanted to check on my stocks.” she began when he answered her call.
“Oh, they’re doing nicely,” he answered her, his voice friendly but not giving away anything.
“So how are you?” she asked, stalling.
“I’m fine and you?” he asked politely.
“I’m fine.”
“Was there anything else?”
She couldn’t keep him on the line without a reason, and she couldn’t bring herself to ask where Simon was. She had the feeling that Harold didn’t fully approve of their relationship.
“No, Harold, that’s all I wanted,” she lied.
She lay across the bed caressing Simon’s pillow. The fight rolled through her mind and she tried unsuccessfully to make Simon’s leaving his fault, but it wasn’t and she knew it. She tried hard to remember his words to her and didn’t know if he’d told her he was leaving her. She should have listened more closely.
Dialing the phone again she did what she had to do. “Harold,” she said the moment the phone was answered. “I know this might sound strange to you but I’m afraid that I don’t know where Simon is. He’s been gone for nine days,” she said quietly.
Harold laughed. Janice wasn’t sure she’d ever heard him laugh.
“I was wondering which of you would crack first,” Harold laughed again. “Oh, never mind. Janice, did you ever think of just phoning Simon? His cell phone will work anywhere, you know.”
“Simon and I had a fight more than a week ago. He left his phone at home and I don’t know how to get in touch with him. Do you have a number where I can reach him?”
“You can go to him if you’d like. He left instructions that if you called me that I was to tell you the jet was fueled and ready. Should I make arrangements for you?”
Stunned, Janice didn’t know what to say.
“Janice, would you like for me to alert the pilot?”
“No thank you, Harold. For right now I just want to talk to Simon.”
Wasting no time in dialing the number once Harold had given it to her, she held her breath and released it in relief when Simon answered.
“Simon, I miss you,” she said.
“It took you nine days to miss me?”
“No, it took me nine days before I wanted to admit to you how much I miss you. Please come home.”
“Why Janice? Give me one good reason why I should.”
“I need you,” she replied.
Simon sighed. She hadn’t said she loved him but needing him was pretty damn close.
“When are you coming home?” Janice asked, her voice soft and unsure, her words faltering.
“I don’t know.” And he didn’t despite the fact that she’d made the first move. She’d called and still he didn’t know what he was going to do. “I’ll talk to you later,” he said, disconnecting the call.
* * *
“Janice, this isn’t a job, this is a commitment. You can’t punch out every day at four. Sometimes you need to stay longer.”
She was tired of Tommy’s picking at her nerves the way a child picked at a scab. For ten days he’d needled her and she was annoyed with it.
“Look, Tommy, I have a life. We’ve been all over New Jersey, New York and Pennsylvania. I’ve done everything you’ve asked. I’ve stood on so many street corners that people have wondered if I was begging or hooking. And I’ve walked more miles than I have in my entire life.”
“And I was right there with you. So were many others.”
“I have a fiancé who requires my time.”
“Right,” he answered. “Tell me, where has your fiancé been? It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve heard you mention him. And he hasn’t called you once. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you haven’t called him.” Tommy smiled. “But I have noticed that you don’t dare leave here a minute after four.” He laughed aloud. “And you don’t think Simon Kohl owns you.”
Janice wanted to slap the cocky grin from his face but she resisted the temptation. She knew he was baiting her, trying to get her to stay, and she wondered for a moment why she didn’t. She had stayed the day she was to set a date for her wedding and now that Simon had taken off without a word to her she was doing what she’d promised. Only he didn’t know it; he wasn’t home.
“Tommy, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Janice answered instead and left.
On the ride home she thought over the mistakes she’d made in the last few weeks and hoped for a chance to rectify as many of them as she could. She might not be able to say the words ‘I love you,’ but she could start showing Simon that she did, if he ever returned.
She said a prayer and opened the door to the mansion. It was getting harder each day to not know if Simon were ever coming back. She started to walk up the stairs, heard a voice and ran back down.
“Simon!” Shocked relief washed over her as she stood staring at him. She wanted to run to him, in fact started to, then caught herself and stopped. He was staring at her with a strange look on his face. She wondered if he was still angry, where he’d been. Most importantly, did he still love her?
Simon smiled slightly, relieved to be home and find that his fiancée was not spending her nights with Tommy. He stood by the bookcase in the library, his heart thudding in his chest. He knew Janice had been getting home before five everyday. Though his staff loved her, they were aware who paid their salaries.
He saw the look in her eyes—the sheer joy. He had seen her start t
o run to him, then catch herself and stop. But she had been unable to make the joy of seeing him leave her eyes. Please come to me, he thought while he looked at her. I’m home.
“Hi,” she said and turned away.
“Hello yourself,” he answered, not going near her, though he inhaled her scent deep into his lungs. He wanted her so badly that he ached with the wanting, but he would not be the one to give in, not this time. He knew she had questions and he would not provide the answers unless she asked.
She didn’t.
“You’re home early, aren’t you?”
“I’ve been trying to come home early,” Janice answered.
It seemed forever that they stood there, each waiting for the other to crack. The mutual longing took over as they became increasingly aware of each other. The air crackled with their heat, with their energy, and with their need.
“Simon, I’m glad you’re home.”
“Baby,” Simon whispered. He opened his arms, saw her eyes light with golden brown fire and planted himself solidly.
Janice didn’t want to give him power over her but when he opened his arms to her she found herself running to him. Tears spilled down her cheeks and she couldn’t stop those either. She wrapped her arms around Simon so tightly that that she heard him laughing, pleading with her that he couldn’t breathe.
“Why did you leave me?” she cried, “I thought you weren’t coming back. I was going crazy with worry.” The words had come unbidden out of her mouth. What the hell was happening to her? She couldn’t seem to stop herself. “I missed you,” she sobbed, surprising Simon as well as herself.
“Why did you wait so long to call?” Simon asked, kissing her lips, her eyes, and her ears. “Why didn’t you pick up the phone?”
Janice trembled in his arms. His hands were all over her, trailing liquid fire.